


Dog Star

by spanglemaker9



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-06 10:18:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 112,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spanglemaker9/pseuds/spanglemaker9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One choice is made and everything changes. Paths diverge, lead astray, and still lead home. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Collide

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks to the incomparable arfalcon for beta'ing and friendship. And thanks to MsTalullahBelle and JLPinNYC for early pre-reading.
> 
> Disclaimer-I'll only post this once; it applies for all subsequent chapters: Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and plot that may appear in this story. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Not now:_

 

He looked down just as she looked up. The air between them crackled and snapped. His hand, resting just next to hers on the shelf, curled into a fist as he resisted reaching out to touch. He wanted to touch. He could feel the heat of her, shimmering into the space between them, the heavy perfume of her, swirling into his head, making him feel drunk. Her dark eyes were bottomless in the dimly lit room. He could see a tiny sheen of moisture on her perfectly shaped upper lip. He wanted to trace it with his fingertip, or maybe his tongue…

 

*0*0*

 

 

_Now:_

 

Decades of experience had taught Alice that her visions had a definite ebb and flow. Some days, depending on the tenor of events around her and the lives of those close to her, they came fast and furious. Other days when nothing much changed or happened—and there were many of those days when one lived forever—her mind was almost peaceful.

 

The first day back from winter break at Forks High should not have been a busy day. The family had lived in Forks for several years. The “kids” had been students at Forks for the last two of those years. Everyone in the family was at peace, relaxed after a quiet holiday spent at home. They had at least another two years before they started to think about moving on. No problems, no big projects, no changes on the horizon. That cold, overcast Monday morning should have been a quiet one in Alice’s head. But it wasn’t.

 

In the cold dark of the pre-dawn hours, scattered visions began to flash through her mind.

 

After so many years spent examining her visions, and trying to make sense of them, Alice was adept at telling one kind from another. They varied in intensity, duration, almost in flavor. Minor ones involving those she was closest to came through as sharp as a film, and just as precise. That was why, when Carlisle made a decision to shut down his computer and go home, Alice could tell Esme exactly when he would walk in the door, down to the second. She was bonded to Carlisle and the vision was a simple one, not prone to much outside influence.

 

Things grew fuzzier when dealing with those not as close to her, and she rarely got a vision about someone she didn’t know at all, thank God. That would hardly be practical. Her head was filled to overflowing as it was.

 

The visions also changed in feel when they were just a mere suggestion of what could happen, when too much time and too many decisions, big and small, lay between now and then. They were like photographs. The snapshots of Carlisle leaving the office at the end of the day, or of Rosalie choosing her red sweater instead of the green one, were crystal clear and hyper-saturated in color. The others—the hints and future possibilities—were like underdeveloped Polaroids, with washed out color and obscured details. No amount of squinting would bring them into focus until they were ready.

 

Alice expended a lot of mental energy turning these pale visions around in her head, trying to make sense of them, making one connect with another. Like putting together a complicated puzzle of the sky, every piece nothing but blue, with no clues to tell you how they were supposed to fit together. Her family relied far too much on those ambiguous snapshots. Edward had been inside her head and seen them for himself, and he always tried to mitigate their expectations, pointing out that her visions were imperfect at best. But the lure of future knowledge was strong, and Alice often succumbed to it herself. Alice was very good at puzzles.

 

Her head was full of those pale, overexposed future shots that morning. Some things she recognized, others were an absolute mystery.

 

_Edward._

 

_Edward smiling, just for a second._ Except not the way he usually smiled. This was soft and there was something in his eyes she’d never seen before. But there was nothing else, just Edward’s smile and happy eyes, which—while pleasant—wasn’t terribly helpful.

 

_Emmett deciding to take the Jeep this morning instead of the Jag._ An easy one. That meant she and Jasper would ride with him instead of cramming into the Volvo with Edward.

 

_The black night sky, so full of pinprick stars. And snow. So much snow._ Alice recognized that one immediately.It was Alaska, where they’d lived before they came to Forks.

_Dark hair. A girl…woman._ Carmen maybe? The lack of detail frustrated her no end.

 

_Rain and bright green, but not Forks. Brick buildings. And a city, nearby._ But so faint, so far off into the future, or maybe it would never happen at all.

 

_Tanya in the snow, her pale skin shimmering under the aurora borealis. The air was so clear._ This was sharper because Alice knew Tanya and knew she was in Denali. Tanya wasn’t alone and Alice wanted to turn her head and see the rest, but that’s not how it worked. She could only see the lit-up night sky reflecting off of Tanya’s diamond skin.

 

_Dark hair and warm skin._ That could be half the senior class of Forks High alone.

 

_Edward, alone in the snow._

 

“Alice.”

 

Alice blinked, focusing on the real Edward in front of her, not the hazy possible-future one in her head.

 

Edward was still staring at her. She could feel him gently nudging at the edges of her consciousness, trying to peek in at what had her so distracted, but he was also trying not to be pushy about it. She let him see the more mundane stuff. It’s not like it made any difference  anyway. But she obscured the rest with her mental diversionary tactics. Decades of living with Edward coupled with the almost limitless abilities of her mind had made Alice an expert at concealing any thoughts she didn’t want him to see.

 

“Are you coming in with us?” he asked, hooking a thumb towards the low brick bulk of the high school behind him.

 

“Of course,” she smiled brightly, then looked back over her shoulder for Jasper. Edward sighed, more for expression than need, and turned to go in. She looked at Edward, retreating alone towards the school. He was tall and straight, with the long, carelessly elegant stride typical of their kind. His untamed hair looked dull rust under the heavy gray sky. He had a prop backpack slung over one shoulder and his eyes were studiously focused on the ground. Alice watched as the teenaged females of Forks High surreptitiously held their collective breath as he passed, marveling at his beauty. Edward was, as always, uninterested.

 

They were losing him. He’d never been exactly cheerful, even when she and Jasper first joined the family. But as the decades slipped past and Edward stayed his exact same, perfectly alone, seventeen-year-old self, he seemed to live more and more in his own head. Alice couldn’t imagine how hard it must be for him, having the thoughts of the world constantly thrust at him. And he willingly chose to live with the family, surrounded by humans, when it would be so much easier for him to go it alone as a nomad like so many of their kind. Alice was afraid that soon he would choose that path and their family would fracture around him.

  
The repetitive grind of their long immortal lives and his own loneliness—even when surrounded by loved ones—seemed to be driving him further away from them and into himself. Alice didn’t know what to do about it. She just kept scanning her sky-blue puzzle pieces, looking for the key to Edward’s happiness.

 

Snippets of visions, more useless fractured images, continued to flash in her mind all morning. Her eyes stayed unfocused as she stared into the middle distance, hoping to make some sense of something.

 

In their shared English class, Jasper kept glancing over at his wife in concern. He might not be able to read her mind like Edward, but he could read her mood. The rapid-fire visions, some clear, some faint, some ordinary, some tantalizingly unfamiliar, were making Alice increasingly unsettled. Change hovered around the corner. She could almost taste it. Events were shuffling and falling into place. They could unfurl into some sort of wholly new pathway. Alice kept straining, trying to decipher what the visions were telling her.

 

_Dark hair._ Carmen again? If only she would turn around so her face was visible. From the back, it could be Carmen. She didn’t know who else it would be.

 

_Mrs. Cope, the office secretary, scowling at a card in her hand. “No, that won’t work. I’ll have to change it. I’ll send her a note at lunch.”_ Change what? And did it matter?

 

_Lauren Mallory, raising her hand in a classroom. “Mr. Banner? It’s so hot in here.” And Banner replying that the thermostat was broken. He’d see what he could do._

_Edward running so fast through the woods._ No help at all. Edward always ran fast.

 

_Tanya in the snow…._

 

Alice nearly growled in frustration. All these visions of Edward and Denali had her worried but her mind kept getting cluttered up with meaningless background noise from an ordinary day in high school.

 

“Alice?” Jasper said, laying a hand on her arm to rouse her. Alice blinked once. The room was empty. English class was over. “What is it?”

 

Alice shook her head. “I hardly know. I can’t tell. Something. But there’s so much interference… I keep seeing all these things that don’t seem to matter.”

 

“C’mon, it’s lunch. The others will worry.”

 

He took her bag and tugged on her arm to pull her to her feet. Alice squinted as the visions swirled and refused to resolve.

 

 

*0*0*

 

Shelley Cope sent a student aide to the cafeteria to find the new girl and tell her to come to the office.

 

“So sorry, dear. I don’t know where my head was. Your French class meets at sixth period, which of course conflicts with your Biology class. So I’ve moved you into fourth period Biology, right after lunch. You’ll lose your Study Hall, but it’s not as if you need it with those grades.”

 

*0*0*

 

Mr. Banner finished his sandwich early in the teacher’s lounge, and ran into Carter, the custodian, on the way back to his classroom. “Carter, it’s hot as the blazes in my classroom today. Stupid heating system doesn’t work at all or it goes into overdrive. Any chance I could get a fan in there for the afternoon?”

 

Carter adjusted his baseball cap and scratched his forehead. “Not a problem. I got one in the storage closet right outside your class. I’ll go get it set up right now.”

 

*0*0*

 

Rose and Emmett had left lunch early for their next class together, Sociology. Edward left shortly afterwards for his. Alice kissed Jasper goodbye just outside the lunchroom before he left for AP American History. Alice continued on to Spanish class.

 

She was already settled and was opening her notebook to get out her pointless homework (being fluent in Spanish as well as seven other languages) when her puzzle pieces suddenly started to slot into place with chilling clarity.

 

_Dark hair. Blowing in a breeze._ Not Carmen. Someone unknown.

 

_And then….the scent._

 

Even through the vision of someone else’s future, the scent, the illusion of it sliding through her nasal passages and down her throat, nearly brought her to her knees. It was unreal. It was luscious and intoxicating. It was forbidden.

 

_Edward. His hands curling into claws. The table underneath his fingertips crushing into woodpulp._

_Oh, God._

Alice’s mouth opened to call to Jasper and she was half-way to her feet before she remembered herself. School. Humans all around. Class underway. Can’t run for help.

 

She unfocused her eyes and let the rapid-fire visions continue to sort, interlock, and set into clarity. They fell into place, one after another, creating a path into the future. Edward’s path.

 

If Alice still had a functioning heart, it would be pounding and her pulse would be racing. All she could do was strain to see into the near future to determine what would happen next.

 

It was clear to her that all of this was happening just moments after she could see it. It had the immediate, raw feel of events very close at hand. Every time she pushed forward, trying to see ten minutes, even five, into the future, everything fractured and went hazy. Too many possible outcomes. Too many unknowns. Too soon to tell. Alice sat helplessly, letting it unfurl in front of her only seconds before it actually happened.

 

_The fan catches her scent and carries it straight to Edward. Edward is floored. His eyes, already dark, go pitch black. His mouth fills with venom._

_Mr. Banner hands her a textbook and points her towards the back, to the empty seat next to Edward._

 

Oh, God! Alice thought, I should have taken that class with him. He’s alone!

 

_She sits, casting a quick glance over at Edward through her hair._

 

_The scent floods his system, fogs his brain. His hands dig into the table in an effort to hold his animal body still. The instinct rages. Every dead nerve urges him to do it, to take her, to bite, to drink and drain._

_He bites nearly clean through the inside of his cheek over and over, desperately grinding his teeth together, fighting, resisting._

_She shifts in her chair and a fresh wave hits him. A growl percolates in his chest, swallowed down with the flood of venom. He’s almost choking on it, slick, sweet and burning._

Alice moaned softly in sympathy.

 

If anybody could resist, Alice told herself, it was Edward. After Carlisle, he had the strongest willpower of any of them. Alice closed her eyes and took several unnecessary deep breaths, trying to convince herself that what she was witnessing was only a near-miss, not a tragedy in the making.

 

For a moment, everything was quiet in her head. Just the same image, vibrating in its clarity, of Edward, gripping, not breathing, holding so still, trying so hard to resist.

 

Alice let out her breath. He could do this. She was sure of it.

 

She started to relax, already figuring out how fast she could get to him after class, and where she could take him to recover, when a fresh new horror flashed into her consciousness.

 

_Edward is on his feet, moving with lightning speed. The necks of the two students in front of him are snapped before the girl even blinks. Two blinks later and six more high school students are dead. She’s shaking her head, confused by the bodies slumping off of stools all around her, confused by the sickening cracking sounds, because Edward is moving almost too fast for her to see. She can only see glimpses of a dark form and feel the air rush around her as he sweeps through the classroom, killing them all. Banner is facing the board and turns back just in time to register the carnage where his class once was before his neck snaps under Edward’s hand._

 

Alice gasped and shot to her feet. Jasper. She had to get to Jasper. Emmett and Rose were closer, though. Maybe the three of them could handle him. Oh, God, was she too late? Had he already started? She could never get to him in time. He was going to kill them all.

 

“Miss Cullen,” Mrs. Goff said, examining her over her glasses from the front of the room. “Is there a problem?”

 

Alice stood stock-still, eyes wide, staring at the air, but only seeing the horror in her mind. Her classmates observed her with a mild curiosity. Crazy Alice Cullen, acting crazy. Now there’s a newsflash. Alice was deaf to their giggles and whispers, she could only hear the rustle of notebook paper as it settled to the floor all around Edward’s feet.

 

_He finally stops, only seconds before he started. They’re all dead. Twenty five students and one teacher, lying in heaps, necks bent at odd angles, eyes staring into space. Edward turns back to look at her… at the girl. She sits as still as stone at her desk, trying to make sense of what’s just happened, what’s still happening. Fear hasn’t even occurred to her yet. Her human brain can’t comprehend the events quickly enough to trigger fear._

_That’s why she just watches Edward as he stalks towards her, every inch the predator they like to pretend they’re not. There is nothing human about him now. He’s beautiful and terrible and feral. With the nuisance of witnesses disposed of, he can take his time and let the burn of her blood fill him with anticipation. He licks his lips. His lip rolls back over his bright white teeth. She just watches, unaware that this is her last moment._

_His hand comes out to grip her neck, pulling her to her feet. Her stool falls backwards with a clatter as her feet kick and she finally feels alarm, panic, even. Her hands scrabble ineffectually at his arm. Her fingernails bend back on his hard skin. She’s fighting, but it’s far too late. He turns her body with a twist of his wrist, pulling her back to his chest, curling himself over her, the instinctive, protective hunch of the predator over its prey.  The smell of her blood fogs his mind, overwhelming his senses. His mouth is on her neck. It’s so thick he can almost taste it, the line between the senses blurred by the intensity of the sensation. She whimpers as she feels the scrape of his teeth as his jaw opens and he angles his mouth over her artery. Already he’s imagining the hot liquid rush in his mouth, the unimaginable ecstasy to come…_

 

“Edward…” Alice whispered. “Oh, Edward.”

 

She blinked as it froze. It all froze. Then it shifted. The feel of the vision changed, the colors bled out. Not reality anymore. Now it took on the quality of thought, or fantasy. Edward’s fantasy that was almost his future.

 

Another vision bloomed and took over.

 

_Edward still sitting next to her, still hanging on to the table, still grinding his teeth. The girl, safe and unaware, reading her textbook._

“Miss Cullen…Alice… what seems to be the problem?” Mrs. Goff asked again.

 

“The nurse,” Alice muttered, hardly audible. “I need the nurse.”

 

“She needs the psych ward,” one of her classmates whispered to his friend behind her. There was a ripple of soft laughter, but Alice was unaware.

 

Mrs. Goff responded quickly, fishing the hall pass out of her desk and handing it to Alice. She chalked up the frisson of unease she felt to her teacher’s instincts about a student in distress, but really, it was her primitive human instincts warning her that this thing in front of her was not like her, not a human girl… it was a danger. And getting the danger away was the best course of action. Either way, Alice took the pass and hurried to the door, telling herself to go slow, to look human.

 

She moved faster in the hall since there were no eyes to witness her preternatural speed. She stopped outside of Jasper’s history classroom and finally let her distress and panic loose, hoping Jasper would feel it inside and understand.

 

“Help,” she whispered into the empty hallway, knowing he would hear her. “It’s Edward.”

 

Alice immediately heard the scrape of his chair on the floor and the low cadence of his voice as he asked his teacher for the hall pass. It took only seconds, but to Alice, it felt like years. Once outside, she took his hand and pulled him after her down the hall, towards Mr. Banner’s biology room.

 

“What is it?” Jasper whispered.

 

“Oh, God, Jasper, the smell. The new girl is in his class and her blood… he’s going crazy. He almost did it. He almost killed them all to get to her.”

 

“Damn,” Jasper muttered under his breath, thinking—not for the first time—that they were making a mistake in their attempts to live so close to humans. This was all so much easier up in Denali, with nothing but woods for miles upon miles.

 

As they sped towards Edward’s class, Jasper fired off a text to Emmett.

 

_Edward’s biology class. Now._

 

Just seconds later, Rose texted back.

 

_We can’t both leave class. Emmett is coming._

 

They stopped just outside the class, both listening to every breath and heartbeat inside, looking for any signs of distress. Alice refocused on the vision. It was the same, Edward fighting to hang onto himself. Emmett arrived just moments later and in one whispered exchange too fast for human ears to catch, Jasper filled him in on the situation.

 

“What should we do?” Alice asked.

 

“What do you see?” Jasper pushed her.

 

Alice shook her head. “The same thing. He’s fighting it. It’s so hard for him, but he’s resisting.”

 

Jasper gave a tight nod as he ran tactics and angles in his mind. “We can’t get him out without a scene. Keep watching. We don’t go in unless we hear him move.”

 

Alice laced her fingers together. She looked away from Jasper and pushed her way back into her visions, as far into the future as she could go before it got fuzzy. It wasn’t far, a few minutes at best. Everything still hovered on a knife-edge. It could still go so horribly wrong.

 

She gasped as a new one reared up in front of her, immediate and clear.

 

_The bell rings and Edward turns to the girl, smiling and suave. “I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself,” he says, turning on the full seductive power their kind can wield when they choose to. “I’m Edward. And you’re Bella?”_

_The girl nods, curious as to how he knows her name and flattered that he might have been asking about her._

_“What’s your next class?” The charming deadly animal Edward has become murmurs to her._

_She blushes and he nearly growls out loud as her scent blooms in full, but the dazzling smile never falters._

_“Phys Ed,” she says, fully under his spell already._

_Edward’s predatory grin grows, but all the girl feels is attraction, not fear. “I’m headed that way myself,” he says. “I’ll walk you there.”_

_He slides off his stool and gestures for her to walk ahead of them, like a perfect gentleman. Outside, he gently closes a hand around her elbow. “This way is shorter.”_

_She smiles and follows him without question around the corner of the building, where no students ever go. No classmates are dead in this future, but Bella will be, once Edward’s mask of seduction falls away and he drags her into the woods. He waits until they’re alone and no one will hear her, but he still crushes her chest in his arms, her lung is still punctured by a broken rib, she still breaks two fingers trying fruitlessly to fight him off, he still rips her throat out with his teeth, draining her dry._

“He’s going to try and get her into the woods after class,” Alice murmured, straining to see if the vision is even still there or if Edward has already changed his mind and decided to do it differently.

 

“Well, he’ll have to come through here and we’ll stop him,” Emmett said, moving closer to the door.  Jasper was glad he was there because it might take both of them to deal with Edward if he was really so far gone.

 

Alice tried to see ahead. The class was almost over. She could only see Edward and the girl walking towards the woods to her doom.

 

Then the image wavered and dissolved. For a moment, there was nothing, then just phantoms of everything she’d already seen, all the other ways he had planned on killing her.

_He reaches out to snatch her back as she starts to walk away from their table, burying his teeth in the back of her neck._

_He’s luring her to the woods. “Just come with me.”_

_He’s tackling her in the hallway like a lion, heedless of the crowds of teenagers between classes, her blood splattering their horrified faces as they watch him attack her._

None of the visions would stick. He decided, yet pulled himself back from the edge over and over.

 

Then they heard a stool scrape back across the floor and rapid footsteps. Edward’s footsteps in the still-seated class. Without a word, Jasper and Emmett moved to flank the door. The final bell rang, and the door was already opening under Edward’s hand. His fingers left imprints in the metal handle.

 

Before he got all the way through, Jasper was on one arm and Emmett was on the other and they moved him as fast as they could down the hall towards the nearby emergency exit. Even though the small part of Edward’s still-rational brain was grateful that they were there to help, to restrain him, the animal he’d just reverted to bristled instinctively at their touch. He growled and his teeth snapped as he tried to wrestle himself free to get back to the blood behind him that he couldn’t live without. Emmett and Jasper gritted their teeth in grim determination and tightened their hold on his arms, hauling their brother forward and away from his own ruin.

 

No one else in Banner’s class had even stood all the way up when the four of them shoved through the doors and outside. Once they were free of the building and witnessing human eyes, they took off at full speed, dragging Edward between them, Alice following close behind, in case he broke free. They didn’t stop until they were two miles away, high up on the side of a nearby mountain.

 

*0*0*

 

Back in Mr. Banner’s biology classroom, Bella Swan remained at her table, staring at the door through which Edward Cullen had just vanished.

 

What was _that_ about?

 

She’d tried so hard to be cool. She’d already spotted Edward at lunch when he came in with his brothers and sisters. It would have been impossible to miss a boy so unbelievably gorgeous. She’d never seen somebody so beautiful in real life. Not even in the movies, for that matter. Then she’d been told who he was by that girl, Jessica. She’d also been told very decidedly not to even bother because Edward Cullen _never_ dated high school girls. That was fine because Bella had no intention of _bothering_ about him at all. There was clearly no point. She just couldn’t stop looking at him. But she could hardly blame herself. Who could look away from that face?

 

When the teacher had handed her a textbook and pointed towards the empty chair next to him, she’s hoped to at least make a decent impression. His good looks made her feel all flustered but she’d hoped to just stay calm and not make a total fool out of herself. At least they could be friendly if they were going to be sharing a table all semester. Friendly would be nice. Then that stupid fan caught her hair and blew it all over her face. She even got a strand stuck in her mouth and had to fish it out with her fingertip. Gross.

  
Not her most elegant moment, but it didn’t account for what came next. When she got settled and looked over at him, ready to open her mouth to at least say “hi,” he was glaring back at her with such hatred and disgust that it made her flush with embarrassment. She abandoned any plans of speaking to him and cut her eyes back to her book, praying he’d just forget she was even there.

 

She spent the next fifty minutes of class going over every single move she’d made in this room, trying to figure out what she’d done to piss him off already. She even tried to think about before class, out in the hall. Did she say something that he could have overheard and misunderstood? Could she have unwittingly offended this unbelievably handsome boy on her very first day of school?

 

It would have been hard to say something offensive though, when she’d hardly said anything at all. She hadn’t had any conversations on her way to class because she didn’t know anyone. There was nothing at all to explain why he was looking at her with such undisguised contempt. And there was no doubt that he was. He kept it up all through class.

 

How awful would this year be if the best-looking boy in school decided to shun her from the outset? Bella was frustrated almost to tears at the unfairness of it all. What did she ever do to him?

 

It was undoubtedly clear that he _hated_ her, which was a new and unsettling sensation for Bella. Nobody hated her. She was entirely too innocuous to hate. Most of the time, people ignored her. Maybe not here so much, but that was just because it was such a small school and she was new. They’d get over it soon enough and she’d go back to fading into the wallpaper like she did back in Phoenix.

 

As sad as that prospect sounded, right then she felt like she’d prefer it if Edward Cullen found her invisible. It would be better by far than the open hostility he seemed to have for her from the instant he laid eyes on her.

 

As it turned out, Bella never really faded into obscurity at Forks High the way she had back in her big high school in Phoenix. And she didn’t need to worry about the bad impression she just made on Edward Cullen either. By the next day, it wouldn’t matter at all, because he would be gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Schism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon betas and seriously, she's amazing. I'd have flounced myself by now if not for her.

Jasper and Emmett finally stopped in the middle of a shadowy clearing littered with rotting trees. Neither of them tried to hold onto Edward when he yanked his arms free and charged away to the far side of the clearing. He gripped the wet, lichen-covered tree, his fingers digging so deeply into the bark that huge gouges would be left behind. He pressed his forehead to the trunk, eyes closed. His shoulders heaved as he sucked cold damp air into his empty lungs and forced it back out, trying  to clear the burning scent from his head. He could still smell it. He could still taste it on the back of his tongue. It left a cramp of hunger in his stomach that was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. And the burn… God how his throat burned for it.

 

For a long time, Alice, Emmett and Jasper stood motionless on the far side of the clearing just watching him, tense, waiting for him to make a dash back down the mountain. But Edward didn’t try. He didn’t move at all.

 

With a whisper of shifting branches and not a single twig snapped underfoot, Rose arrived. She joined the silent vigil. She wasn’t sure what had just happened, but she was astute enough to know it was major and that Edward was in real distress.

 

Alice was the one to break the silence.

 

“Edward, what _was_ that? I could smell it through the vision…”

 

“Stop, Alice,” Edward hissed through gritted teeth. Even talking about it would trigger the memory of it, and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from going back down there to carry out the horrifying things he’d been imagining for the last hour.

 

“I think I know,” Emmett said at length. Edward caught a flicker of Emmett’s memories, ones he usually kept locked up tight. Emmett never felt particularly guilty about the slip, the human he’d killed decades ago. Unlike Edward, he wasn’t one to torment himself over something. And to Emmett’s thinking, what happened was unavoidable. Once he’d smelled that woman’s blood, no part of his conscious mind had anything to do with the events that came next. He was amazed that Edward had the willpower to fight against it at all, never mind manage to resist it entirely. Amazed and impressed.

 

_Nobody but you, brother. No one else could have resisted a singer._

“A what?” Edward asked.

 

“A singer. That’s what that was. Carlisle told me about it. Some of them have blood that some of us just can’t resist.”

 

Edward shook his head. “That stuff is just old Romanian legend.”

 

“Happened to me.”

 

Emmett thought about the woman again, unremarkable in every way in her faded dress and sagging apron, her hair in an untidy bun, her face lined by years and hard work. The sheets she was hanging on the line to dry snapped in the wind like sails and they carried her luscious, intoxicating, unearthly scent, straight to Emmett where he stood. The rest was over in less than a minute.

 

Edward picked up his head and opened his eyes as Emmett’s memories played out between them.

 

“If that’s what happened to you back there, it’s a miracle you got out at all.”

 

Edward blinked, processing that. It wasn’t just an aberration. It wasn’t _him_ reacting in an unheard of way to some random human. It was _her_ —that girl and her unique smell, sent straight from hell to damn him further. Which meant that it wasn’t a one-time thing. As long as she lived and pumped that blood through her veins, this could happen to him again. It _would_ happen to him again, every time he came near her.

 

“I have to leave,” Edward said, his voice low and ragged.

 

“What?” Alice startled.

 

“I need to get out of here. Away from her.”

 

“Edward, come on—“

 

“I need to get out of here before something awful happens.”

 

“You can handle this, Edward,” Alice said as she moved across the clearing towards him. He turned sharply and the look on his face brought her up short.

 

“Alice, you _saw_!” he shouted. “You saw what I was about to do. I wasn’t imagining it, or wondering about it. I was _planning_ it. Over and over, in all kinds of ways.”

 

“But you didn’t _do_ it,” Alice pressed.

 

“Just barely. You have no idea how close it was. If she’d exhaled at the wrong moment, shifted half an inch closer, I would have snapped. And it would have ruined us all.”

 

Emmett rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Edward, that’s a little dramatic. It would have been an unfortunate situation, but we’d hardly be ruined.” He stretched his arms out at his sides. “Look at us. We don’t ruin easily.”

 

Edward narrowed his eyes at him. “Do you have any idea who she is? She’s Chief Swan’s daughter. The Chief of Police. She’s not just some girl.”

 

Emmett threw a salacious smirk at Edward in spite of the gravity of the situation. “You seem to know an awful lot about the new human girl.”

 

Edward looked incredulous. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Em.”

 

“Emmett,” Rosalie said quietly, a gentle reprimand. “Leave him alone. Edward knows best.”

 

Alice rounded on her, eyes wide with disbelief. “Rose! You can’t be serious.”

 

“What? It’s Edward’s call. If he feels it’s too dangerous while she’s here then maybe he’s right.”

 

“But—“

 

“I’m going, Alice,” Edward cut her off. “It’s for the best.”

 

“For how long?” Alice would be crying if she still had the ability. She loved all her family, and of course, Jasper was the center of her world, but there was no denying the special connection she had with Edward, the result of their unique and related abilities.

 

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I just… I need to clear my head first. Then I’ll figure it out.

 

There was a long tense pause while they each thought through the situation and no one said anything. Rose, of course, was the one to break the silence with a practical consideration.

 

“I’ll go get your car.”

 

Edward nodded tightly.

 

“Should I bring it back to the house?”

  
“No, I’ll meet you out on the 101.”

 

“You’re not even going home first, Edward?” Alice said. “You won’t say goodbye to Carlisle and Esme?”

 

Edward flinched at her hurt tone. “It’s not forever, Alice. I just need to go. I’ll call them and explain. They’ll understand.”

 

Truthfully, Edward didn’t want to see Carlisle. Carlisle would want to talk. And talk, and _talk_. He’d be reasoned, analytical, philosophical. And what Edward had just experienced defied reason and all philosophy. Edward had come face to face with his own utter lack of humanity and right now he had no patience for the illusion of it. All the words in all the books in Carlisle’s vast library had nothing to say that could make sense of this.

 

Alice’s face was a mask of misery, but she nodded. Edward tossed his car keys in a high arc across the clearing and Rose plucked them out of the air without looking at him or breaking her stride. 

 

“Wait.” Jasper’s voice—the first word he’d spoken since they got to the clearing—stopped them all. “That was a pretty intense reaction you had, Edward. Are you sure she didn’t… _notice_ anything?”

 

Edward shook his head. “I have no idea. I wasn’t exactly in my right mind, if you know what I mean.”

 

Jasper scowled at him. “Well, what was she thinking?”

 

Edward blinked. “I’m…um…” Their kind were rarely speechless, but Edward suddenly had nothing he could say.

 

He shook his head, trying desperately to recall what was happening in the fog of his bloodlust. He remembered stray thoughts from the students around him, the usual morass of hormone -addled moping and low-grade academic stress. He fought to remember the girl next to him. Not her blood— _her_. He could see the swing of her long dark hair obscuring most of her face. He could see the pale curve of her cheek as she rested her chin on her fist. He could see the slope of her narrow shoulders as she leaned over her textbook. He could even remember the dark shadowy sweep of her lowered lashes. But he couldn’t remember hearing a single thought in her head.

 

“I…I couldn’t hear her,” he muttered.

 

Jasper narrowed his eyes. “You mean she didn’t say anything?”

 

“No, I mean I couldn’t hear her thoughts. There was… nothing.”

 

Jasper’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as Emmett whistled through his teeth.

 

“Well, well, well,” Emmett drawled. “This just got a whole lot more interesting.”

 

Rose huffed. “So what? He was pretty distracted. We don’t know if she saw anything or if she noticed Edward’s freak-out.”

 

Jasper turned to Alice. “Ally? Do you see anything?”

 

Alice looked away at a blank space between trees and tried to focus on the girl, on Bella Swan. But she didn’t know her, and outside of this afternoon’s close-call, she had no real connection to any of them. She could see hazy images of the students of Forks High milling around the parking lot at the end of the day, and of Bella leaving the building flanked by Jessica Stanley and Angela Webber. There was nothing more specific than that.

 

She shook her head. “I can’t see much, but nothing big.”

 

Jasper pursed his lips thoughtfully, staring at the ground.

 

“What are you thinking?” Rose pressed him impatiently.  
  


“Maybe we should eliminate the threat, just to be on the safe side.”

 

“What?” Edward snapped, taking half a dozen fast strides towards Jasper. “No way. I just practically tore myself to pieces to avoid killing the girl. There’s no way you’re going to go down there and do it anyway for no good reason.”

 

“But if she talks—“ Rose began.

 

“She won’t,” Alice interjected.

 

“You’re sure?” Rose asked.

 

“I don’t see her talking,” Alice said, sounding far more confident than she was. She quickly muddled her mind to keep Edward from seeing exactly how little she really knew. But in this case, for reasons Alice couldn’t quite understand, she had faith that she was right. Bella Swan wouldn’t say anything to anyone. “Besides, what could she even say? ‘Edward Cullen acted weird in class?’ That’s hardly going to blow our cover.”

 

“Fine,” Rose sighed, “I’m going for the car.” With scarcely a rustle of leaves, she was gone.

 

Alice, having spent a lot of time waiting for disconnected puzzle pieces to connect themselves, had developed a fairly healthy respect for the concept of fate. Because in most instances, those puzzle pieces eventually found their place in her pictures of the future. It was just a matter of time until all the disjointed information finally made sense.

  
This human, Bella Swan, mattered to them in some way. Alice would have to wait to see how.

 

But for now, the most pressing issue was Edward. Edward _leaving_. Exactly the thing she’d so feared, in spite of his assurances that it was just temporary.

 

“Alice…” Edward said in warning, catching the drift of her thoughts.

 

“I can’t help it, Edward. You’re already so alone and now you’re taking off on your own.”

 

“I’m not alone. I have all of you.”

 

“You know what I mean,” Alice said softly, almost voicing what they all worried about. Edward and his utter lack of love. All of his family paired up and happy, content with their partners, and Edward, alone with his piano and his books and his music.

 

“I’m fine,” he said through gritted teeth. He’d been through hell today—the last thing he needed was another family intervention about his lack of steady companionship.

 

 _She’s just worried_ , Jasper mused.

 

 _You’re always so tightly-wound_. That was Emmett.

 

“That’s enough!” he roared. The few birds that still lingered in the nearby trees took off with a flutter of wings at the disruption. “I’m going to meet Rose at the highway. I’ll…” he trailed off, not at all sure how they were leaving things. “I’ll call you soon and let you know where I am.”

 

Alice finally closed the space to him, throwing her arms around his waist. Edward pulled her in close and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. In spite of all the misery of the day and the tension between them, he adored her and always would. She was his sister in every way that really mattered.

 

“I love you,” she whispered into his shirt.

 

“Love you, too. It’ll be okay, Alice. I’ll come home soon. I promise.”

 

“You’d better.”

 

“Take care, Edward,” Jasper said, coming closer to put his hands on Alice’s shoulders, ready to comfort her when Edward left.

 

“I will.”

 

Then he was gone, another quiet rush of air through the woods.

 

 

*0*0*

 

 

 

Edward retrieved his car from Rosalie and he kept driving in the direction it was already pointing—north up Highway 101. His only plan was to get away fast. So he floored the gas and pushed his Volvo to the limits of its mechanical abilities, trying to outrun the horrifying savagery that had momentarily taken him over.

 

Somewhere in the impenetrable wilderness of British Columbia, he realized he was choosing highways on instinct, heading like a homing pigeon back to the last place the Cullens had lived before Forks—the Denali Wilderness. It seemed as good a destination as any other, and there were friends there, so he pressed on.

 

Carlisle seemed relieved when Edward called and said he was going back to Denali. Edward could hear his worry through the phone, just like he’d seen Alice’s concern. They were all so afraid they were going to lose him. He felt guilty for making them worry, but he was at a loss as to how to reassure them. He always told them he was fine, but was he? Edward was no longer sure.

 

Carlisle could sense Edward’s mental fragility and didn’t press for details about what had happened. No doubt Alice had filled him in anyway. He simply promised to clean up the details in Forks and cover Edward’s tracks. They left off discussing when and if the family might join Edward. The call concluded with a promise to speak soon.

 

Edward drove on into the night, increasing his speed once he reached the vast, sparsely-populated expanse of the Yukon Territory. There was no moon and he drove with his unnecessary headlights off, the car windows down. He let the cold night air blow through the car and through his hair, clearing away the confusion.

 

What happened back in the classroom was a kind of bloodlust unlike anything Edward had ever encountered. It obliterated every other sensation and thought. Even his expansive vampire mind had been overcome. It was only now, hours later, when the last wisps of that scent were finally cleansed from his head, that he was finally able to remember everything that had gone on that afternoon. And his kind were generally incapable of forgetting _anything_.

 

Now that he was calmer, he focused on Carlisle’s teachings over the years, all the techniques they used to emphasize their human instincts and suppress their animalistic ones. The girl wasn’t prey; she was a _person_ —someone with a family and a future. That’s what he needed to remember, not the scent of her blood or his fantasies about its taste on his tongue.

 

To that end, he pushed back into his hazy memories of those moments next to her. He tried to remember everything about her, to make her real and living, a unique individual, and not a meal. He grasped at a memory of her as she first walked into the room, his last coherent thought before he hit the wall of her scent. He forced himself to revisit everything about Bella Swan, pressing it into his memory like a leaf in wet clay, where it would leave its mark and never fade, as if that would make him immune to her. As if anything could.

 

But nevertheless, he persisted, cataloguing her height and build and her skin, clear and remarkably fair for a human. He focused on her eyes, large and deep brown, and her hair, thick and dark. He thought about her face, the shape of it and the delicate slopes of her bone structure. With a start, he realized that he found her attractive for a human. She was _pretty_. He hadn’t even noticed when he was fantasizing about ripping her throat out.

 

He felt sick with himself all over again. That pretty, fragile little human girl had almost met her end today, just because she had the bad luck to sit too close to him. _Monster_.

 

When he finished retroactively memorizing everything about Bella Swan’s appearance, he moved on to the random facts about her he’d inadvertently culled from the thoughts of others all morning. She was the daughter of Charlie Swan, Chief of Police. She’d lived in Forks until she was two and her parents divorced. That had come from the thoughts of Angela Webber. She and her mother had lived in Arizona. He’d picked up that from Michael Newton, along with his commentary that she was awfully pale for an Arizona girl.

 

After that, he was out of information about her, because maddeningly, inexplicably, he couldn’t hear her thoughts. He hadn’t even let himself dwell too much on that alarming fact. In a hundred years on earth, he’d never encountered anyone, human or vampire, whose thoughts weren’t open to him. Most of the time—nearly all the time— it was a curse and a burden. Then suddenly, this girl’s mind was closed to him. This same girl whose scent drove him to the brink of homicide. He was half-convinced that it was all related somehow, or that he’d been driven so mad with bloodlust that he wasn’t listening for her thoughts. That _had_ to be it. Because if Bella Swan possessed the one silent mind on earth, in addition to possessing that singular blood…he had no idea what that could mean for either of them.

 

He wanted to ask Carlisle, but once again, he was reluctant to. Carlisle would deconstruct it and examine it like a thorny scientific experiment. He’d talk through it endlessly, forming hypotheses and looking for answers. And what Edward wanted to do most right now was to put it behind him.

 

Sometime in the very early morning, Edward finally neared the Denali compound. It was still pitch dark, but being January, it would stay that way for a while, no matter what the hour. They were into the months of endless night up here.

 

Snow lay heavily, swept up in huge drifts against the house and outbuildings, frosting the trees in thick swags of white. There must have been an epic snowfall to leave that much on the ground, Edward thought as he sunk up to his knees stepping out of the car.

 

But the bad weather had blown through and the night was now clear and dry. The air was almost brittle with cold, although Edward scarcely felt it. He stopped next to his car, listening to the engine tick as it cooled. It was the only sound he could hear for miles out here.

 

Well, that plus the thoughts.

 

They weren’t loud—at least not yet. They were also studiously scrambled, so Tanya must have known it was him. Maybe Alice or Carlisle called ahead to warn her.

_Katerina and Irina are out hunting with Carmen and Eleazar_. Her thought floated to him through the night by way of greeting. So much the better, Edward thought. Fewer minds to listen to right now.

 

The front door of the Denali coven home opened and an elongated rectangle of gold light stretched across the snow towards him. Tanya waited in the doorway for him to acknowledge her. He smiled faintly in her direction and he could see the bright flash of her white teeth in the dark. Her thoughts, so calm and carefully controlled, flared up bright and ecstatic for just a second. He could feel a flicker of her thrill at seeing him for a moment before she shut it down and schooled herself back under control.

 

“Hi, Edward,” she said out loud.

 

“Tanya.” He took a few steps towards her through the snow. “I’m sorry to show up unannounced.”

 

“You never need an invitation here, Edward. You know that,” she chided gently. “And besides, Alice called and told us you were coming.”

 

“Ah.” He gave a rueful smile, imagining that conversation.

 

“She says there’s trouble.”

 

Edward cocked his head to the side, looking up absently at the sky, remembering his long, fraught afternoon and the girl he nearly killed. “Trouble?” Is that what this was? He shrugged. “Perhaps. I just needed a little space to think.”

 

Tanya moved out of the doorway and towards him. She met him at the front of his car, stopping to smile up at him.

 

“You look out of sorts,” she said, mildly accusing.

 

“I _am_ out of sorts. The fact that I just drove twelve straight hours to get here says so.”

 

She spent just one more moment examining his face, her eyes taking in every detail despite the blanketing dark. Then she slid a hand around his elbow.

 

“Come take a walk with me. It’s a nice night.”

 

Edward allowed her to tug him across the wide snowy expanse stretching away from the house and towards the woods.

 

Tanya was right—it was a nice night. Bitterly cold and cloudless. The air was sharp and startlingly clear. Small, intermittent fluttering breezes kicked up the frozen powdery snow on the surface of the pack, making little crystalline eddies of white. This far north, there was hardly a whiff of humanity to disturb them. No car exhaust or fast food or pulsing blood. Just the wind and the trees and the animals who were smart enough to keep their distance.

 

Tanya fell back abruptly into a snow bank, heedless of the cold and wet, which she didn’t really feel anyway. Edward lowered himself to her side with a sigh.

 

“So tell me all about it,” she said.

 

Edward leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees, examining the snow between his feet, his flawless vision noting the tiny differences between every flake. Tanya looked at the elegant curve of his spine and the lovely broad expanse of his shoulders and sang old Russian lullabies to herself so he wouldn’t hear her admiration and become uncomfortable.

 

“Just…” Edward began, “I almost slipped up today. I was seconds from doing it.”

 

“That’s it? We’ve all slipped up, Edward. Well, except for Carlisle and Rosalie. Some of us lived that way for centuries. _You_ lived that way once. Why all this misery?”

 

“I don’t know. It feels different now. We live alongside them, looking exactly like they do—“

 

Tanya gave a small huff of laughter. “Pardon me for saying so, but none of us look exactly like they do. We’re lucky that humans choose not to ask questions they know they won’t be able to satisfactorily answer.”

 

“You know what I mean. They believe we’re human because we want them to. They trust us.”

 

“So?”

 

“So… should they? Is it fair of us to live so close to them when at any moment we could slip up and one of them dies? It feels dishonest of us.”

 

“Any one of them could be hit by a bus, too. None of them is guaranteed safety in this world.”

 

“They know about those risks, though. Bella Swan thought she was going to Biology class. Little did she know that her life almost ended because she had the bad luck to sit down next to me. She thought I was an ordinary high school boy, not an unstoppable killer.”

 

Tanya felt an irrational flutter of jealousy when Edward said her name. There was no reason for it. She was only some human girl—a child, really—that Edward thought of as little more than food. Still, hearing him say any other woman’s name, even in distress, reminded her of how infrequently he’d ever said hers. She feared this nearly-dead human girl had already held his attention longer than she ever had, never mind the reason for it.

 

“Well, you know how I feel about it,” she said brusquely. “There’s a reason we live up here. I like the cities well enough for a while, but it’s uncomfortable to live so close to them for long periods. I don’t like hiding what I am all the time.”

 

Edward threw her a fond little half-smile over his shoulder that would have made her pulse race if she still had one. “No, you’ve never shied away from your true nature, have you?”

 

“Maybe that’s the problem, Edward.”

 

“What is?”

 

“All this repression. Maybe it’s not for you.”

 

“If you’re suggesting that I go back to hunting humans—“ Edward bristled.

 

“Of course not. None of us approves of that as a choice, you know that. I meant the rest. Living among them, pretending all the time… Maybe you’d be happier at a distance, like us. Besides,” she continued with a shrug, “It can’t be easy for you living around the other Cullens all the time.”

 

“Why would you say that?”

 

Tanya met his eyes for a second. “They’re all together. Happy. And you’re—”

 

Edward closed his eyes and sighed. “Not,” he finished for her.

 

Tanya felt truly sorry for him. She was keeping her full thoughts hazy and discreetly concealed from him, but he could pick up on enough to know that. It wasn’t pity, either.

 

And then it was there, one thought sailing through clearly, like an arrow.

 

_I wish I was an option for you. I wish I could make you happy._

 

His eyes flew open. Her bright eyes were locked on his face. Her face was placid, but open and artless. Not over-eager or pressuring, just wistful. As he stared back at her, the corner of her mouth lifted in a small, encouraging smile.

 

_Just try, Edward._

 

He swallowed unnecessarily, but couldn’t bring himself to look away.

 

_You’re unhappy. You’ve tried it their way, now try a new way. Stay here with us._

 

Tanya’s eyes finally shifted, her lashes dipping slightly. _Stay with me. Let me_ try.

 

There was no moon out, but the sky was illuminated by the aurora borealis, glowing and snaking silently over their heads. She had her head tilted back, the dark gold of her hair tumbling down her back, the Northern lights glinting off of her smooth, perfect pale skin.

 

She was so beautiful. All of their kind were, but Edward suspected that Tanya had been stunning even when she was human. She‘d been his friend for decades, always there for him through the long, unchanging years. She wanted him. She always had and he knew it, but she’d never pushed him or made him feel uncomfortable about it. He’d simply heard her thoughts now and then. He’d never commented on it, knowing she’d probably prefer him not to know, since he didn’t reciprocate her feelings.

 

But did he? _Could_ he? There was nothing overtly stirring in his chest, at least nothing that made him think this would be anything like what his siblings had. But did it have to be? Was it always all or nothing? Was there sometimes just “enough”?

 

Could Tanya be “enough” for him? Could she fill the vast empty holes in his life and make his eternity worth enduring? Could she be a friend? A companion?

  
A _lover_?

 

There was nothing in his own head that would give him any answers. He was lost. All he could hear was Tanya’s desire. She wanted him. Could he stay here with her and forge his own new happiness, away from his family of cozy pairs, away from the crush of human life he was eternally shut out of?

 

Suddenly he wanted it to be enough. He wanted this to be his answer: the cold and the night and the vast quiet wilderness and Tanya.

 

Edward still said nothing. He didn’t know what to say. He was too uncertain to give it voice, to definitively say “yes.” So he held his tongue. But he also held still—perfectly still—as Tanya leaned in close to him.

 

He focused on the soft curl of her hair against her cheek, and on the glow of the aurora borealis on her forehead and the tip of her nose. And then she kissed him and he focused on that, singularly. And he kissed her back.

 

Maybe this could be enough.

 

 

*0*0*

 

“Oh.”

 

Alice had been standing at the glass wall in the living room of the house in Forks for hours. She’d watched the winter sun set between the trees and she continued to watch even when darkness obscured nearly everything outside.

 

She watched because she wasn’t seeing glass and woods and sky. She was seeing puzzle pieces, flashing, focusing in sharp only to fade away, endlessly moving and re-orienting themselves.

 

The dark-haired girl, who’d turned out to be Bella Swan, had faded in Alice’s visions all day until now her future was just as hazy as any other Forks High student. She couldn’t help but feel slightly frustrated at that, although she couldn’t say why.

 

The visions of Edward, though—in the dark and in the snow—grew clearer and clearer.

 

Then there was Tanya, and the aurora borealis and her beautiful hair and Edward so close to her and then…

 

“Oh.”

 

“Alice?” Jasper was hovering just behind her, feeling the tremors in his wife’s mood, her confusion, anxiety, and now her sadness.

 

“We’ve lost him,” Alice said.

 

“Who? Edward?”

 

Alice nodded, still not seeing the dark forest in front of her. Instead she saw the cold, dark night and snow and Tanya curling around Edward, his fingers tangling in her hair.

 

“He’s not coming home,” she said, missing him already.

 

She felt worn out from watching her visions all day, but it didn’t matter, because the frantic scrambling in her brain had finally stopped. For better or worse, the pieces finally fit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Just a Girl

At first, Alice was determined to keep an eye on Bella Swan, just in case she proved to be important in some way later. But as the visions of her faded, she seemed to be nothing more than an ordinary high school student with exceptionally tasty blood. Alice turned her attentions toward the more immediate concerns of her family.

 

When it became clear that Edward was staying in Denali for the time being—that he now had a _reason_ to stay in Denali—the rest of the family found themselves at loose ends. They circulated the story that Edward decided to finish high school with their extended family in Alaska and they waited to see what would happen next. They kept up the appearance of school and Carlisle continued his work at the hospital. It was made clear that they _weren’t_ needed—or wanted—in Denali, so they soon dropped the idea of following after Edward.

 

His defection left them all upset and anxious. Self-doubt crept in—the nagging fear that somehow they’d _driven_ him away. Had he been in real need and they’d overlooked it? Had he been on the edge of a crisis all this time and all it took was one upsetting event to break him?

 

Alice took it the hardest. She couldn’t help feeling like she should have seen the events coming, even though Jasper impressed on her that she had a far from perfect record of predicting the future. It didn’t help assuage her guilt, though, and it didn’t keep her from missing him.

 

The “children” quietly finished out the school year at Forks High and when summer came, they headed in different directions. Rose and Emmett left first, on a trip to Africa they swore they’d been planning for some time. Esme declared that she needed to oversee some repairs and renovations to their home outside of Rochester, so she and Carlisle moved back there for the summer.

 

 Alice and Jasper lingered in Forks the longest. But with each of Edward’s phone calls, he sounded farther away, more and more settled in his new life in Denali with Tanya. Everywhere Alice looked in the house in Forks, she saw Edward, his eternally silent, solitary figure always hovering at the edges of their family. When she couldn’t take living with his lonely ghost anymore, she and Jasper left for an extended vacation in Paris. After decades of living together as a family, it was shocking to Alice how easily and quickly it all fell apart.

 

*0*0*

 

 

Bella Swan, for her part, finished out her high school career in greater contentment than she’d ever known before she came to Forks. Her first day might have been odd and upsetting, but then Edward Cullen vanished and their peculiar non-encounter wasn’t an issue anymore.

 

She _might_ have forgotten him entirely if not for his oddly-timed departure. She could never quite shake the feeling, irrational as she knew it to be, that his leaving had something to do with her. It didn’t make sense. She didn’t know him. They never even spoke to each other. There was absolutely nothing she could have done in her twelve hours in Forks to drive him out of the state. It was ridiculous to think it had anything to do with her.

 

_But his eyes…._

 

She could never forget those flat-black, hateful eyes staring at her for the most unsettling hour of her life. His hatred was so plain, and his departure from the class was so abrupt. Then the next day he was _gone_. Her head told her that it was nothing more than a coincidence. He was obviously dealing with something major and she just happened to stumble across his path at the wrong moment. She _knew_ that… but she never quite believed it.

 

But nonetheless, he was gone and his dislike didn’t impact her in the eyes of the rest of the school. His brothers and sisters were still at Forks High, but after Edward left, they became even more withdrawn than they were before, according to Jessica. Outside of a few polite exchanges with the youngest sister, Alice, Bella rarely crossed paths with any of them. By the end of the school year, most people forgot they were still in school.

 

The shine of the new never quite wore off of Bella. She was modestly popular in spite of her natural shyness and made a few friends she considered genuine. The boys of Forks High seemed completely enthralled by her, which she found alternately awkward and amusing. She wasn’t really interested in any of them, but after two and a half years of social invisibility in Phoenix, she felt she owed it to herself to make a stab at being a normal teenager.

 

Mike Newton asked her to the junior prom first, but she was _sure_ she didn’t want to attempt anything with him. Besides, she could tell that Jessica really liked him and even though Jessica wasn’t a close friend, it still felt disloyal. So Bella sucked it up and drew on reserves of maturity she didn’t know she had and was _honest_ with Mike. She didn’t like him that way and never would, she told him. But she softened the blow by pointing him in Jessica’s direction and hinting that he’d find a much more favorable response there. It worked, much to her satisfaction, and he didn’t seem to harbor any resentment toward her for the rejection.

  
Tyler Crowley was the next brave boy to ask her, and this time she couldn’t think of a good reason to say no. So she went to prom with him. She listened to her dad lecture Tyler about the perils of drinking and driving and she posed for excruciatingly awkward photos on her front porch at his side. She wore a dress she liked and a corsage that she didn’t. She ate a mediocre meal at The Lodge and she danced with her date to sappy slow songs. She laughed in the bathroom with her girlfriends and was home by one.

 

A few stilted weeks of courtship from Tyler followed. Bella let him kiss her, mostly because she wanted to say she’d done it. She let him keep kissing her because she wanted to be decent at it. But by the time she started her summer job at Newton’s Outfitters, they’d fizzled, which was a relief to her.

 

Senior year passed the same way. She spent most of her free time applying to colleges and writing essays for scholarships, managing to cover almost all of her tuition and expenses at University of Washington for her efforts. Her mother lobbied hard for University of Florida so she’d be near her in Jacksonville, but when push came to shove, Bella had to admit to herself that she’d actually grown fond of the Pacific Northwest. More specifically, she’d grown fond of her father. He was never demonstrative, but she could tell how happy it made him to have her living with him again and it just didn’t seem fair to leave for Florida so soon. So she chose Seattle and Charlie over Gainesville and Renee.

 

When Angela Webber ended up at UW, she had a friend from high school there—her best friend. Angela’s dorm was only a few blocks from Bella’s, and they often met for meals and study sessions, which helped alleviate the early loneliness and isolation. Bella and Angela had complimentary personalities; neither of them really interested in frat parties, acid trips, keg stands or any of the other debauchery so popular with the rest of the freshman. Like Bella, Angela was serious about school and not overtly social. Like Bella, Angela was something of an old soul.

 

For the first few months of college, she and Angela did their best to try the “college thing.” They tagged along with their dorm-mates to frat parties and drank bad beer out of red Solo cups. Bella allowed one or two frat boy lotharios to corner her in kitchens and press sloppy, beer-soaked kisses against her lips, but she skittered away and left early before anything went further. She had a brief flirtation with a boy in her dorm, but that fizzled as soon as she found out he was a member of the Young Republicans.

 

Sometimes Bella felt like her life had jumped from thirteen to thirty. She would look at the flippant, careless overgrown teenaged boys all around her and wonder how she’d ever find one she could talk to. They seemed to exist on a plane parallel to hers, visible but never intersecting. She’d watch them talk to girls and was equally mystified. The conversations seemed almost like a foreign language.

 

Figuring out how to connect to one of those boys seemed impossible, but she’d wonder why she worried about it, since none of the boys actually interested her. It all came down to wanting someone who was hers alone. Angela was her best friend, but Angela had Ben. One weekend a month, she went to Olympia to visit him at school, and on another weekend every month, he came to Seattle, so Angela disappeared again. Still, if Angela found Ben, who was so very perfect for her, then Bella supposed it was only a matter of time before she found someone. Although as she watched a group of frat boys in backwards baseball caps wrestling on the lawn of her dorm, she doubted it would be happening anytime soon.

 

Finally, loneliness led her to give someone a chance that she’d otherwise have dismissed entirely.

 

By her sophomore year, Bella got serious about her major. Between A.P. credits and her heavy class load freshman year, her General Ed requirements were almost done. With her high G.P.A and a glowing recommendation from her Intro to Lit I professor, she was able to get herself registered in a small seminar on Early American Literature that was usually only for upperclassmen.

 

There were only twenty students in the class and it was far less formal than the massive lectures she was used to. At first, she was too shy and insecure to engage much in the fast-paced discussions the professor encouraged. But after sitting back and listening to her classmates prattle on and on, getting tons of things wrong, she couldn’t hold back anymore. Once she started, she had a lot to say and she quickly became one of the more vocal students in the class.

 

That was the first thing Riley Biers noticed about her. She’d sat at their large round table for the better part of a month, only speaking when spoken to, only answering when asked a direct question. Then one day he was explaining why he felt that Thoreau’s theories on Transcendentalism were false constructs that wouldn’t hold up in the face of day-to-day life when the quiet girl suddenly spoke up and began taking his arguments to pieces.

 

They verbally sparred back and forth for the last forty-five minutes of class, the professor watching in satisfied amusement and the rest of the students too scared to try to interject. At the end of it, Riley was irritated that he’d failed to argue better when contradicted and he was annoyed with the dark-haired girl who so suddenly decided to put him in his place.

 

His irritation grew tenfold when the professor announced the pairings for the group projects and he was lumped in with Bella Swan. Their assigned subject, naturally, was Transcendentalism. There were two other hapless people on their team, but somehow he suspected that it would all come down to him and Bella butting heads at every turn.

 

Bella wasn’t any happier about her assignment. From the start, Riley Biers had struck her as one of those boys she’d been all too happy to leave behind in Phoenix. He was tall and good-looking, with unreal cheekbones and artfully choppy brown hair. He had the long, lithe build of a track star, which he’d been in high school. And although he wasn’t technically in a fraternity, most of his friends were and he reminded her of the loud, indistinguishable boys hanging around outside the frat houses every afternoon. His insights into literature were nothing special, but he was one of the more vocal students in the class. He seemed to think he could make his opinion the right one by arguing it hardest. The part that really annoyed Bella was that it seemed to actually work. He had a charisma and a force of personality that most people couldn’t seem to resist.

 

The first meeting of their group went as badly as they both feared. Riley came with a list of potential research topics and proceeded to launch into an enthusiastic defense of each one, not letting anyone else get a word in. Bella proceeded to take each one apart until they were arguing heatedly about the spirituality of trees as their two terrified classmates looked on in silence.

 

The next meeting was worse.

 

When the group met for the third time, the other two members never showed up.

 

Bella fidgeted with her books and cast another glance at Riley to see what he was doing. He was exactly like he’d been five minutes ago, also studiously examining his books and not her.

 

She glanced at her phone again. Twenty minutes late.

 

She cleared her throat. “Should we…”

 

Riley looked up sharply at her, startled.

 

“…start? I mean, they can catch up when they get here or whatever.”

 

Riley shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Sure. Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

 

“Okay. So we should go over the research assignments again. I think there were some things that still needed to get decided.”

 

Riley nodded but said nothing as he pulled out the print out, the one concrete piece of work they’d been able to produce so far.

 

“There’s still the research on the church response that someone needs to do.”

 

Riley rolled his eyes. “So boring.”

 

“I know. I don’t want it, either.”

 

Riley shrugged. “Give it to Scott. He’s not here, so he can’t argue, right?”

 

Bella finally cracked a smile in response to something Riley had said. “Guess he has that coming.”

 

“Damned right, he does. Besides, you and I already have more assignments than either of them.”

 

“I suppose you’re right.”

 

“As a matter of fact, let me see that.” He pulled the research assignments back out of her hands and quickly scribbled several more topics under both Scott’s and Miranda’s names.

 

“We can’t do that!”

 

“Of course we can. Do you see anybody here stopping us?”

 

“But we’re not being fair.”

 

Riley gave her an incredulous look. “Fair? You and I are in here at nine p.m. on a Friday working on this. _That’s_ what’s not fair.”

 

“I think we drove them away.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The arguing. I think they’re afraid of us or something.”

 

Riley just snorted in dismissal. “Cowards.”

 

Bella smiled in spite of herself. “Okay fine, so the research assignments are finished. We should talk through the Walden part.”

 

He shifted in his seat again, because the last time they’d discussed that section of the project, it had led to a particularly heated argument.   
  


“I think you should take the lead on that section,” Bella said quietly.

 

Riley looked up in disbelief at the top of her head since she refused to look up from her notebook. “Come again?”

 

She finally did look up then. “Your ideas were really different. You should handle that part.”

 

“You hated my ideas.”

 

“I had a chance to read it over again and it was good. Better than I realized at first.”

 

Riley blinked at her a few times. “Did you just pay me a _compliment_ , Bella?”

 

The tops of her cheekbones flushed slightly pink against her pale skin and her eyes widened. “Maybe. Don’t act like you’ve never heard one before.”

 

Riley opened his mouth to say something snarky and sarcastic, but then found himself speechless for a second, suddenly uncomfortably aware of how pretty she was. He’d noticed before, of course, but all of a sudden it seemed to matter.

 

“Um… thanks,” he finally said, with no heat.

 

Bella met his eyes, surprised at his lack of snark. The uneasy awareness Riley was feeling suddenly swelled up in her as well. He was too good-looking, she thought. It was entirely distracting. The awkward, significant _moment_ only lasted for a second, but it felt like hours to both of them. Bella was the first one to look away, focusing on her work. After another second, Riley did the same.

 

Four days later, when Riley entered the classroom for Early American Literature, he paused instead of heading straight for the far side of the table under the window where he usually sat. Bella sat on the near side, facing away from him. She was bent forward over the table reading. One arm was folded up under her body, with her hand curled around the back of her neck. She shifted sideways and her long dark hair slid back, exposing the pale skin where her neck melted into her shoulder. She looked soft and vulnerable, her skin nearly glowing in the late-morning sunlight flooding the room. Her hair was a halo of red where the sun touched it. Her fingers, where they toyed with the ragged corner of her book, were thin and long. Riley stood and catalogued all the things about her that he liked and it was a pretty long list.

 

So instead of crossing around to his usual seat on the other side, he slid into the one next to her. She glanced up in surprise, but then gave him a slightly nervous smile. He smiled back, uncertain how to proceed with her. She wasn’t your typical college girl and so typical college seductions seemed all wrong. At the moment, though, he didn’t have any better ideas.

 

Half way through class, he wanted to ask her about the book she’d mentioned in their study session the previous week. Last week, he would have just gotten her attention by saying her name, or “hey”. This time, without thinking, he reached out and laid his hand on her forearm.

 

When his palm touched her arm, even though it was over the thin knit of her long-sleeve shirt, Bella startled. Then she flushed. She looked up at Riley, who asked his question but didn’t move his hand. She answered, aware only of the weight of his hand on her arm. He left it there for a few more unnecessary seconds, then squeezed slightly before sliding it away.

 

That was when Bella knew for sure that she and Riley were on a path towards _something_. She questioned herself as to how she really felt about him. A week ago, she’d have scoffed and rolled her eyes, but she didn’t want to do either of those things now. She still didn’t know him all that well, but she couldn’t deny that something hormonal had been kicked loose in her where he was concerned, and now it seemed like it had for him, too.

 

Two nights later they had another work session with their group. Scott and Miranda showed this time and now that the animosity between Bella and Riley had ebbed, they actually got work done. Riley sat next to Bella, and an hour into the evening, he stretched his long legs out under the table, letting his thigh settle against hers. She held her breath and her mind went numb, but she didn’t move away.

 

She took her time packing up her books at the end of the night, noticing that Riley seemed to be hanging back, too. Whatever was going on, percolating beneath the surface, she wanted to light a match under it already. Push it to boil over, if it was going to.

 

Scott and Miranda left first and as they exited the library, Riley offered to walk her back to her dorm. Bella nodded wordlessly.

 

On the way there, they chatted about a lot of empty nothing. On campus dining options, the upcoming Thanksgiving break, pre-registration for the next quarter’s classes. Everything except the nervous anticipation bouncing back and forth between them.

 

At her dorm, she paused to say goodbye on the sidewalk just outside the halo of lights by the front door.

  
“Thanks for the company,” Bella said, then she turned her face to look at him and found him standing much closer than she expected. She froze, then swallowed.

 

“Bella?” he asked.  
  


“Yes?”

 

But there was no follow-up question. He just leaned down and kissed her. She held perfectly still and let him. And it was good. So much better than Tyler back in high school, or Adam, the Young Republican in her dorm from freshman year.

 

She’d have assumed that Riley would be aggressive, going in to grope her right away, or urging her to bring him upstairs to her room within moments, pressing an advantage as soon as he sensed one. But he did none of those things. He just cradled her face with one hand and gently, thoroughly, explored her mouth with his.

 

That’s what made her fall. He was too brash, too pretty, too popular for her in many ways. But his gentleness—his is tenderness at just the right moment—that was what stole Bella’s as-yet-untouched heart.

 

By the time they took a break twenty minutes later, she was well on her way to being infatuated with him. When he kissed her cheek, just as sweet and gentle as before, and promised to call her the next day, she most certainly was.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon betas. <3

 

 

“We’re out of milk.”

 

Angela was bent at the waist, her muffled voice coming from the inside of the refrigerator. Engrossed in her book, Bella looked up absently from where she sat at their tiny kitchen table.

 

“Milk?”

 

“Yeah, we’re out. I’m going to Ben’s this weekend, so I won’t be here to drink it, but maybe you want to pick some up if you’re going to be around?”

 

Bella blinked, still half-lost in _Anna Karenina_. “Where would I be?”

 

Angela straightened up and threw a smirk back over her shoulder at Bella. “Oh, I dunno….” She said, rolling her eyes, “Sexing it up at Riley’s place?”

 

Bella looked back down at her book. “Oh. No. He’s working at the paper all weekend.”

 

“Oh, sorry,” Angela’s voice softened immediately. “Are you going to be okay on your own?”

 

“Of course. It’s not the first weekend he’s had to work.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Angela’s voice was devoid of judgment, even though she was silently judging. When Bella started dating Riley last fall, Angela had been thrilled. He seemed ideal. Smart, good-looking, charming. Although Bella was generally very level-headed and not prone to swooning, she’d seemed genuinely smitten by him. She’d had that soft, goofy half-smile on her face all the time and was thoroughly distracted whenever he was around. Maybe Riley wasn’t exactly the kind of guy Angela had envisioned for Bella, but he was certainly a catch. And he’d seemed so into her, too.

 

It made Angela happy because Bella finally _had_ someone. When Angela packed her car once a month to go visit Ben, she didn’t have to worry about Bella home alone all weekend. Riley would be there for her.

 

He was a lot different than Bella in many ways, but he brought out a lighter side of her. He made her laugh. He was driven and ambitious, but he also knew how to have fun, and he made sure Bella had fun with him. Angela thought it was good for her. Bella was too serious by half.

 

But so far, this year had been different. Riley was a senior now and finishing up his journalism degree. He’d always been devoted to the University newspaper, but he started writing for half a dozen websites and blogs over the summer as well. Now that graduation loomed on his horizon, he was more ambitious than ever, constantly networking and planning his future. He aimed high and had his sights set on a job in New York.

 

Bella’s plans were a lot less lofty. She’d declared her major at the end of their sophomore year and was working towards her degree in English, with vague plans to roll it over into a Master’s in teaching. Angela sometimes got the feeling that Riley wanted more for Bella. Like maybe a humble English teacher wasn’t quite impressive enough for him. It was nothing obvious he ever said, just a funny feeling that Angela couldn’t quite shake.

 

Still, Bella seemed…if not blissful, then at least content. So Angela didn’t push. She watched Bella read for another moment before she turned back to the fridge.

 

“Is there anything else we should put on the grocery list? This is our last chance to stock up before classes start for the quarter.”

 

“Thanks, Ang, but I think I’m good. If I really need anything, Jake can take me shopping.”

 

“Jake?”

 

Bella looked up from her book again, blinking. Angela suppressed a smile. When she was really deep into a book like that, she might as well have been at the bottom of the ocean. Bringing her back to reality was nearly impossible.

 

“Oh,” Bella said, her voice and expression hazy. “Did I forget to tell you that? Jake’s coming up this weekend.”

 

“Jake who?”

 

Bella sighed and finally closed her book, resigning herself to joining the land of the living. “Jacob Black. You remember him, right? From Forks?”

 

“Oh, _him_. Family friend, right?” Angela did remember meeting the tall, lanky Native American kid once or twice at Bella’s house during their senior year when he came over with his father. She never got the impression that he and Bella were all that close, although she didn’t miss the way the kid crushed on her.

 

“Yeah, our dads are friends.”

 

“What’s he doing in Seattle?”

 

Bella lifted a shoulder. “He just graduated and he’s got a job interview with some auto body place. I said he could crash here. You don’t mind, do you?”

 

“Of course not.” Angela continued making her packing list for another moment. “Riley doesn’t mind?”

 

“About Jake? Why would he?”

 

Angela shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s a guy. You’ve known him a long time. He’s staying in your place?”

 

Bella laughed. “Staying on the _couch_. And Jake’s just a kid. Well, not really anymore, I guess. But you know what I mean. It’s not like that with Jake.”

_Not for you, maybe._

 

But Angela just smiled and turned back to the kitchen cabinet before changing the subject.

 

“So what’s your first class?”

 

Bella shifted and pulled a folder closer. “Um…. European Literature III at 11:15 on Monday. You?”

 

“Actually, I don’t have my first class until Tuesday.”

 

“Ooh, score!” Bella smiled. “So you get another day with Ben?”

 

Angela smiled in return. “Yeah, good thing, too. His schedule is brutal this semester. I need to soak him up while I still can.”

 

“Enjoy the extra time,” Bella said.

 

Angela grinned. “I plan on it. In lots of creative ways.”

 

Bella tossed a wadded up piece of paper at her. “Perv.”

 

Angela laughed, swatting the paper out of the air and then checked her phone. “Ugh….I have to get going. I’m going to hit terrible traffic if I wait much later. Have a good weekend, Bella.”

 

“You too. Have fun with Ben.”

 

*0*0*

 

 

The days were already shorter, even this early in September. It was the beginning of the creep towards endless night. Edward peered at the fading light outside the windows and wondered how many more truly sunny days they had left in the year before darkness swallowed them until spring.

 

He could hear her thoughts long before Tanya got anywhere near the living room where he stood.

 

_If he’s standing there staring at the damned woods again, I swear I’ll scream._

 

It was only a flash, vivid with unchecked emotion. Nothing she’d ever say out loud. As much as he could, Edward tried to block out thoughts like that. If not for his ability, he’d never be privy to that part of peoples’ minds—the things they thought but would never say. It didn’t seem fair to hear or judge them on it. But he couldn’t always block out or forget what he’d heard. Sometimes thoughts snuck through despite his efforts. And the way his expansive brain worked, once something was heard, it was remembered forever.

 

Edward watched his own reflection in the glass as his face settled into a scowl. This was why. This—his ability, his _curse_ —was why he’d been alone so long. How were any two people supposed to build a relationship when one person’s most private thoughts, all the criticisms and doubts, were laid bare to the other? Impossible.

 

Fast on the heels of Tanya’s brief bout of irritation came another.

 

_God, he’s so lost in his head. Why can’t I ever keep him here with me? Why can’t I make him happy? Why am I not enough?_

 

Immediately, Edward felt miserable. Just when he was ready to throw up his hands in despair and give up on his relationship with Tanya, she’d think something so sweet, so gentle and full of affection and love, that Edward couldn’t do it. She was trying _so hard._ He owed it to her to try, too. It wasn’t her fault he could hear things no one was meant to hear. Tanya’s innermost thoughts weren’t any worse than anyone else’s, and many times, she showed a generosity and consideration that left him dumbfounded.

 

There was a lot about the past three years that he’d enjoyed. It felt good to have a companion. Someone beside him through the endless parade of days. And the _physical_ side…. Edward had been reluctant at first. What Tanya wanted from him flew in the face of everything he thought he knew about himself, every truth he’d held onto for nearly a hundred years, and everything he thought he stood for. But Tanya had walked the earth for a lot longer than he—for centuries, in fact. There had been many men who’d passed through her life. She found Edward’s notions of fidelity and purity to be quaint and completely foreign. She couldn’t imagine abstaining for years, maybe even decades or centuries, waiting for something true and lasting that might never come. In her mind, there was nothing wrong with finding comfort and companionship whenever it appeared. And when Edward took the time to look at it through her eyes, through the veil of her countless memories, he couldn’t really argue.

 

Tanya had never found a mate, that one individual she chose to spend eternity with. But she’d cared for many and deeply loved several. She still had a great deal of fondness for them all. It didn’t seem wrong, only natural. As she argued it to him, what made it so terribly different than the close bond he’d formed with his family? In the end, he realized, it was no different. She offered caring and intimacy. He’d be a fool to refuse it.

 

So when she pursued, he let her catch him. When she pressured, he gave in. And it was good, he couldn’t deny that. Maybe she was right. And Emmett and Jasper and everyone else around him. Maybe he just needed to “lighten up”, relax and enjoy himself. In every way.

  
For a year he did just that. Kate and Irina made themselves scarce, taking long hunting trips deep into the heart of Northern Canada and Carmen and Eleazar went back to Spain for an extended vacation. His own family stayed away and gave them space. He and Tanya fell into a simple existence. There was nothing but hunting and nature and each other. Tanya was good company, lively and optimistic. She drew him out of himself. With her, he found it easy to float through his existence—not always questioning and seeking—just being.

 

In the beginning, during that long, first flush of infatuation, things were simple. Companionable runs in the woods, reading or chess during the evenings, and then long nights filled with each other.

 

The cracks began to show in the second year. As the newness wore off and there were the inevitable moments of dissatisfaction, Edward began to sense the ultimate hopelessness of the situation. If he couldn’t manage more than a year with a partner then what hope was there for forever?

 

Still, every time he was ready to give up and tell Tanya that they should go their separate ways, he’d hear and sense her love and affection for him and he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Maybe he just needed to give it more effort. Maybe with time, he’d eventually stop hearing her unguarded thoughts. Maybe in time she’d stop having them. He wasn’t particularly hopeful about either of those possibilities.

 

She moved up quietly behind him, sliding her hands under his arms, over his ribs, until she held him to her, her chest pressed to his back. He felt her lips against his shoulder.

 

“Hungry?” she murmured.

 

Edward shrugged. “Not particularly. You?”

 

He felt her shake her head behind him. With so much wilderness so close at hand, hunting was plentiful and easy. In Alaska, there was hardly ever a reason to put off feeding. The bloodlust was as close as it could be to absent without drinking human blood. His eyes were the lightest, clearest gold that they’d ever been.

 

“Not hungry,” Tanya whispered. His mind was flooded with her torrid thoughts that she made no effort to keep from him. In fact, she was pushing them on him. Vivid images of her hands on his body, his hands in her hair, her mouth on him…

 

Edward closed his eyes and drew in a lungful of air. His body responded to the imagery without any input from his brain. This was what they always did. They deflected the problem, the intrinsic conflict, in favor of this, which was easy.

 

Then Tanya’s hands slid down to mirror her thoughts and he stopped questioning. He thought too much anyway. Everyone told him that. So Edward didn’t think at all. He just did what their kind did best. He went on instinct and let himself be the animal he usually kept at bay. After all, Tanya loved the animal.

 

*0*0*

 

 

 

 

“Hello, Alice,” Edward said as he opened his phone.

 

As usual, Alice launched into the conversation mid-stream, as if they’d already been talking for an hour when it had been more than three weeks since they’d spoken.

 

“So Esme’s been in New York ordering furniture, but she’s getting here this afternoon to help me decorate and then we’ll be all set up. The place has an amazing view, Edward. She took forever to find it, but it was so worth the effort. Just wait till you see it. Jasper wasn’t going to go with me, but he’s been looking at the catalogue and I think he’s changing his mind.”

 

“Alice, I’m in Alaska. I have no idea what you’re thinking so you need to include more details if I’m expected to follow this conversation.”

 

She sighed, impatient with actually having to explain herself to him. “Right. College. I told you all of this last time we talked, Edward.”

 

“You’re really doing it?”

 

“Of course. Carlisle and Esme want to come back to the west coast and Rosalie and Emmett will be here soon. If we’re all going to live together again, we need a cover.”

 

“So you’re going to college again?”

 

“I’m tired of high school.”

 

Edward sighed and pressed the fingertips of one hand against his eye. He’d only been in Alaska for three and a half years, but already all of that felt so far away. High school and humans and the never ending charade they lived through. Even her brief mention of it had him instantly reliving his last day of high school, the breakdown he’d almost had and the tragedy he’d almost brought down on them. Why wouldn’t that day ever leave him in peace? He felt ashamed of himself every time he remembered what he’d almost done.

 

At the same time, hearing that his family would all be together again stirred something decidedly human in him. Comfort, familiarity, longing….

 

As usual, Alice responded to something he hadn’t said—yet.

 

“We miss you, too, Edward. Come visit us?”

 

He opened his eyes and stared out the back windows at the dark Alaskan forest. “Tanya doesn’t like Seattle.”

 

“So come without her. Just for a visit. Please?”

 

“Kate and Irina are going back to Russia for a visit. They want us to come.”

 

“Let her go. You come here. Just think about it, okay?”

 

“I will,” he promised. “I’ll think about it.”

 

*0*0*

 

In the end it was easy. There was another incident, another moment of unguarded frustration and hostility in Tanya’s mind that led to days of tense snapping from both of them. When Edward told Tanya that Alice had called and asked him to come visit the family, Tanya softened and encouraged him. She thought it sounded like just what he needed.

 

“It sounds like a perfect idea,” she said quickly. “I know you miss them.”

 

Edward smiled and kissed her forehead, affection coming easily now that he was about to be separated from her.

 

“Go,” she murmured. “Your family loves you and you haven’t seen any of them in more than three years, Edward.”  
  


“If you’re sure,” he protested, more because he felt like he ought to.

 

“I’m sure. It’s probably best if it’s just the three of us in St. Petersburg anyway. You wouldn’t like Russia. And my sisters have been missing me since we… since you joined us here.”

 

“I’ve missed my family, too,” he acknowledged.

 

“So go. Spend the fall with them. See Esme’s new house. You know she won’t be happy until you’ve come and admired it.”

 

That made him laugh, because it was true. And it filled him with an aching longing for the woman who was the closest thing to a mother that he had now. He could imagine her gripping his wrist, dragging him from room to room, extolling each feature of the new house. It held no interest to him, but he still couldn’t wait to do it with her.

 

He couldn’t wait to listen to her and Alice debate with the endless energy of their kind exactly where to place throw pillows. He couldn’t wait to help Carlisle set up his library and then sit there with him and hear all about the books he’d read since they last spoke. He couldn’t wait to wrestle with Emmett, argue with Rosalie, and hunt alongside Jasper.

  
He was suddenly floored by how much he missed them, and he couldn’t believe he’d managed to stay away from them so long. It felt wrong. Unnatural. And then he had to laugh at himself. As if there was anything “natural” at all about him. _Any_ of them.

 

It didn’t matter. Even if his family was an artificial construct, it still meant more to him than anything. So he would go and see the new house and hear about Alice’s major, and try to convince them all that he really was happier, even if he hadn’t managed to convince himself yet.

 

*0*0*

 

 

Edward turned the Volvo off the highway and onto a driveway nearly obscured by foliage, just as he’d expected. Alice’s directions to the house had been spot-on. There wasn’t much in the way of landmarks to indicate the turn-off to the house. No mailbox or house number mounted on a post. But at this point, Edward didn’t need them to find the latest Cullen residence. His family was adept at choosing properties that almost disappeared into the surroundings despite their opulence; places that were bafflingly hard to locate on a map, at least for a human.

 

The drive was narrow and shadowed by towering pines, flanked by a thick blanket of ferns that brushed the sides of the car. Someone turning down here unawares would think the property abandoned at this point. At least until they made the turn and the house itself came into view.

 

Edward was hit with a pang of homesickness the minute he saw it. Alice hadn’t given him any description and now he could guess why. It was remarkably like their house back in Forks. Not really surprising, he supposed. Both houses were in the Pacific Northwest, built recently, modern design. The imposing size was necessary if the whole family was going to live there again. And the walls of glass looking out at the dense woods were not at all surprising, knowing Esme’s taste.

 

There were no cars out front, but Edward expected that. Discretion and concealment were their stock in trade. He could just glimpse the corner of an out building past the house and guessed that it served as the garage.

 

He stopped his car in the middle of the drive curving in front of the house and stepped out, immediately assaulted by the unforgettable smell and feel of Seattle. The crisp, damp air, the smell of the pine trees and the wet mulch underfoot brought back a flood of memories of running and hunting in woods just like these with his family. He was glad he’d come.

 

“ _Please_ don’t tell me that you’re still driving that pathetic grandpa car.”

 

Emmett stepped onto the long, low porch, massive arms crossed over his barrel chest. In spite of his intimidating size and glower, Edward immediately broke into a grin.

 

“Well, not much cause to swap out for the latest model up in Alaska.”

 

Emmett dropped his arms and gave a scoff of disbelief. “No cause? How ‘bout familial pride? Dude, Rose will rip you when she sees that you’re still driving that p.o.s. She hated it when it was new.”

 

Edward dropped his head back and laughed. It wasn’t the first time he’d laughed in three years, but it felt that way.

 

“I think I can hold my own with Rose.”

 

“You sure about that?” Emmett’s face split into an evil grin. “’Cause I think you’ve gone soft up there in the snow with the ladies.”

 

“Those are fighting words, Em.”

 

Faster than human eyes could register movement, Emmett was off the porch. He launched himself over the car in one leap and landed squarely on Edward. They both fell back into the ferns with a massive boom and Edward’s muttered “Ooof!”

 

The shudder of their combined impact brought Esme and Carlisle out to the porch. Esme stood watching them wrestle, trying to look stern since they were mashing the ferns, but she failed to keep her blissful smile off her face.

 

Finally, Carlisle cleared his throat. It was a tiny sound, but it had the effect of a gunshot in the quiet woods. Emmett and Edward sprang to their feet side-by-side.

 

Esme’s barely-controlled smile broke out into a full grin seeing Edward rumpled and smiling, with bits of fern stuck in his hair, batting Emmett’s fists away.

 

“Oh, Edward….”

 

All of the playfulness drained away with her happy sigh, which still managed to sound heartbroken. Her pain at his prolonged absence was written all over her face. It wasn’t right to stay away from them for so long just because he’d been having some sort of personal crisis. They were family and they loved him. That should have mattered more to him. It _did_ matter. He resolved to prove to them how much they mattered.

 

“Mom,” he murmured, his voice thick with regret.

 

Esme sprang off the porch at the same moment Edward moved forward to catch her and they collided in the driveway. She buried her face under his chin and inhaled.

 

“I missed you so much, my boy.”

 

“I missed you, too. I’m sorry I stayed away so long.”

 

Esme pulled back and waved her hand dismissively. “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

 

Carlisle stepped down off the porch and moved to put his arm around Edward’s shoulders, joining Esme in the hug.

 

“Good to have you back with us, son,” he said gently. It was just a few simple words, but the years of their shared experience, their very singular relationship, was there between every one.

 

Edward smiled. “It’s good to be back.”

 

The distant shriek of tires on asphalt out on the highway drew everyone’s attention.

 

“That will be Alice,” Esme said. “You weren’t expected for another half an hour.”

 

Edward thought she must have been barreling ahead at more than a hundred miles an hour because just moments later, he could hear the car crashing up the drive. Seconds later, her sleek red MG veered around the curve and skidded to a stop, sending up a spray of gravel behind it.

 

Alice was out of the driver’s seat in a flash and she threw herself straight at Edward. He caught her in mid-air, letting her wrap herself around him.

 

“You!” she huffed into his shoulder. “We were all the way over at the campus bookstore when you decided not to stop for gas or we’d have been here when you got here!”

 

Edward laughed, tightening his arms around her tiny body, not fully realizing how much he’d missed this until she was clinging to him like a limpet again. Her exuberance used to annoy him, but he couldn’t ever imagine that now. “I only got here ten minutes ago, Alice. You didn’t miss much, except Emmett sitting on me.”

 

Jasper was finally out of the car, moving at a glacial pace compared to his wife. “And we only missed that much because I wouldn’t let Alice break every driving law in the state getting back here.” He reached Edward, who still had Alice folded around him, and extended his hand. “Good to have you back, brother.”

 

Edward shifted Alice to one arm and reached out to return the shake. “It’s good to be back, brother.”

 

Alice slithered down his body until she was back on her own feet. “Have you seen the house? It’s beautiful! You’ll love it.”

 

“Alice, really… I just got here. I’ve seen the driveway.”

 

“Well then, come on!” Alice began dragging him towards the front door as the rest of the family parted to let her by.

 

“Where’s Rose?” Edward asked.

 

“Selling her car in New York. She’ll be here tomorrow,” Emmett replied.

 

“What’s your story?” Edward asked over his shoulder as Alice hauled him up on the porch. “Alice and Jasper are going to U Dub, right? What about you?”

 

Emmett shrugged dismissively. “We’re just going to hang for a bit. Maybe stay, maybe head out again.”

 

Emmett’s tone was entirely even, but Edward heard the unspoken words just the same.

 

_Are you staying?_

_Are we going to be a family again?_

 

Edward looked away and followed Alice into the house.

 

He might have been nostalgic about listening to Alice and Esme wax rhapsodic about the latest piece of real estate and the endless interior design options it provided, but now he remembered why he always used to try and dodge this sort of thing. Just the same, listening to the excited trill of their voices, the give-and-take ideas, the way they talked all over each other when they really got going, was comforting. They didn’t require any input from him, so he let himself be led from room to room as their soothing, familiar voices wrapped around him.

 

“We thought about knocking out this wall and making this a whole sort of mezzanine, but Esme wants that room as her studio, so we’ll leave it a hallway,” Alice said, waving a hand at a featureless expanse of white wall. Edward nodded obediently. They were on the third floor now, on the western side of the house. The majority of the family rooms were below, on the second floor. But Alice kept on going, towards a closed door at the end of the hall.

 

“And now,” she said slowly, opening the door with a flourish, “Your room!”

 

Edward was speechless. The idea that Alice and Esme had prepared a room for him… _his_ room. He walked past Alice, looking around. All his things from the house in Forks were here. Everything he’d left behind in his frantic flight to Alaska three years ago. His books and music filled the shelves. An updated sound system was nestled in the middle of it. Even the black leather couch he’d liked so much, they’d kept it all and reassembled it here. Just for him.

 

“Alice, you didn’t have to–”

 

She waved a hand to shush him. “I know. It’s just temporary. But you still have a place here with us, Edward. That hasn’t changed. It will never change.”

 

Edward had no words for that. He pulled his sister into a tight embrace and promised himself that while he was here he would do a better job of being a brother and a son to the ones who meant the most to him.

 

 


	5. Tongue-Tied and Twisted

Edward stood motionless on top of a granite outcropping, taking in the sweeping view of the valley below, covered in pines and shrouded in mist. He’d spent time all over the world in all kinds of climates, but he had to acknowledge a certain soft spot for the Pacific Northwest. Some of that was due to the particular climate, so frequently overcast, that allowed his family to live a more open existence. But there was also something about the trees, the smell of the cool air, the damp grey skies, that appealed to him.

 

The week he’d spent back with his family in Seattle had been the most relaxing he’d had in ages. When he thought about the past three years with Tanya, he felt a little guilty about that, but then again, he’d been tied to his family for much longer than he’d known her. No matter how intimate they’d become, he was under no illusion that she was in any way his mate for eternity. They were close. He would even acknowledge he loved her in a way. But when he saw Carlisle and Esme together, he was more certain than ever that what he had with Tanya was not the same.

 

That revelation might have made up his mind to end things with her once and for all, but her phone calls since she left for Russia had been so good. Sweet and easy, all the things he remembered from the beginning. He knew that part of that was because she wasn’t physically present, so the inconvenience of her private thoughts didn’t intrude, but just the same, he was happier than he’d been in a long time. Yes, because of his family, but also because things with Tanya seemed better.

 

He spent another few minutes watching storm clouds roll through the valley below. He’d already fed on a large buck today. He was trying to make up his mind if he felt the need for more when he heard Alice approach down the mountainside behind him. She was too light on her feet to make any noise he could hear, but her thoughts preceded her.

 

_Beautiful here, isn’t it?_

“Very beautiful,” he said, loud enough that his voice would carry up to her ears.

_I’m so glad you’re here, Edward._

 

“I’m glad, too, Alice.”

 

She stepped through a cluster of pines and jumped up on the rock to stand next to him.   
  


“Jasper and I start classes on Monday,” she said, not looking at him, but out at the approaching storm, like he did.

_Come with us._

“Alice…”

 

“Edward. It would be just like it used to be, all of us together again.”

 

“I’m not staying forever.”

 

She turned to look at him then, her eyes full of pain. “I know,” she murmured. “But just until Tanya comes back.”

 

Edward sighed, feeling powerless to deny Alice anything when he’d abandoned his family for so long with hardly a backwards glance. He felt like he still had amends to make.

 

“What are you majoring in this time around?” he asked cautiously.

 

Alice’s thoughts flew up in a flurry hope. “English Literature. Oh, Edward, really? You’ll come, too?”

 

He held up a hand to settle her down and hold her off. “English Lit? Really? Why?”

 

Alice waved her hand impatiently. “I haven’t majored in that before.”

 

Edward cocked an eyebrow, considering. Come to think of it, he’d never majored in Literature, either. He had two medical degrees and a handful more in the sciences, but for some reason he’d avoided the humanities. There was something appealing about the idea. And if Tanya really meant to stay in Russia for the rest of the year, there wouldn’t be any harm in taking a few classes, if for no other reason than to have something to do with Alice and Jasper.

 

“Are you starting as freshmen?” he asked with a grimace.

 

“Of course not. I think I’ll go crazy if I sit through Introductory Composition one more time. Jasper has us transferring as juniors. We’re the same people we were in Forks. The timing works out right.”

 

“Well, that’s something.”

 

“Will you?” Alice grasped his hand in both of hers, her eyes pleading with him.

 

She saw the decision just before the words left his mouth and her face lit up with delight.

 

“I will, Alice.”

 

*0*0*

 

Through the decades of false human lives, Jasper had developed a network of shady contacts who provided false documentation with no questions asked. Those people were still necessary, but as the world became computerized, new skills were required. Electronic histories needed to be created to explain the family’s appearances and disappearances. Jasper handled this work himself.

 

He’d become an adept hacker, and by Monday morning, Edward Cullen, brother of Alice and Jasper Cullen, was enrolled with them at University of Washington. He was recorded as having transferred from the same Alaskan community college as they had and was majoring in English Literature, the same as his sister.

 

*0*0*

 

“Bella, what kind of college student are you? You don’t have any coffee. I thought that was its own food group to your people.”

 

Bella stopped in the middle of tying her sneakers to scowl at Jacob. He was standing in the middle of her tiny kitchen, looking completely too big to fit, hands on his hips as he stared down her empty cupboards.

 

“I’ll go shopping later.”

 

He held up his hands in supplication. “Hey, not a problem. I was just teasing.”

 

His bright white smile was infectious and dispelled her irritation immediately. “Look, if you can be ready to leave with me, I’ll buy you some coffee on my way to class. I was going to stop anyway.”

 

Jake’s smile grew wider. “Deal.”

 

“What time is your interview?” she asked as she double-checked her backpack.

 

“Not till one. I have tons of time.”

 

“So you’ll be done in time to grab dinner?” Bella had expected Jake’s visit to feel like a burden, but she’d actually enjoyed his company over the weekend and was kind of looking forward to having him around for another night. Especially since Riley had texted this morning to tell her he’d have another late night at the paper and Angela wouldn’t be home until late. It was a dismal feeling to be so dependent on the company of a childhood acquaintance like this.

 

But Jake shook his head and shrugged. “Nope, I’m heading out as soon as I’m through. Gotta get home.”

 

Bella gave him a curious look. “Is everything okay? Is Billy alright?”

 

“Sure, sure. He’s fine. Just some stuff I have to take care of.”

 

It wasn’t the first time since he got there that he seemed suddenly serious and grim. It was such a change from his standard outgoing, sunny personality that it was jarring when his mood shifted that way. Bella wasn’t all that close to him, but she was sure he was troubled about something. He looked more serious than she’d ever seen him. She made a mental note to ask her dad if everything really was okay at home for him.

 

But Jake brushed the mood off as quickly as it had come, as he had the other times. “You ready? I need some coffee, already! I’m dying here!”

 

Bella laughed. “Alright, fine. Let’s go.”

 

Jake got livelier and more exuberant once he’d been dosed with caffeine and he chatted and made jokes for the entire walk to campus. She wondered if she’d imagined his flashes of seriousness all weekend. Right now, he seemed like a boy without a care in the world.

 

As they made their way across campus, Bella pointed out landmarks and told him interesting stories from college. He paid close attention, asked questions at all the right places, and laughed frequently. Bella found herself feeling sorry she hadn’t been better friends with him back in Forks. He was far more entertaining than any of the boys she’d gone to high school with.

 

“Good luck at your interview,” she told him as they stopped in front of Padelford Hall “Seattle’s a great city. I bet you’ll love living here.”

 

Just like that, the darkness overtook his face again and he scowled and shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah… I doubt it will happen. I got the interview lined up back before… Well, I’ll probably just stay in La Push in the end. Whatever.”

 

She looked at him, puzzled all over again, but Jake was staring out across the small grassy lawn in front of the building, avoiding her eyes.

 

“Are you sure everything is okay, Jake?”

 

He turned back and flashed her a bright white smile, but it was tight and forced. “Sure. I’m fine. Well,” he paused and inhaled, looking up at the building behind her. “Guess you should get in there and start getting smarter, huh?”

 

Bella laughed, although she was still worried about what might be bugging him. She’d call Charlie tonight and ask him to keep an eye on Jake.

 

“I guess so. Good luck. I mean, I hope you get what you want,” she finished lamely.

 

“Thanks for the sofa. Don’t be such a stranger back home. Forks misses you.”

 

Bella leaned up on tiptoe and hugged him goodbye. She couldn’t believe how much taller he was since she’d seen him last Christmas.

 

He leaned back. He was smiling again and his expression had regained some of its warmth. He inhaled and opened his mouth to say something, but then he froze. His black eyebrows furrowed and he looked absolutely furious.

 

“Jake?”

 

He didn’t respond. His eyes were flickering past her at the students moving around them to enter the building.

 

“Jake? What’s wrong?”

 

“Huh?” His face snapped back to her and he looked like he was coming out of a trance.

 

“Where did you just disappear to?”

 

Jake shook his head. “I thought I saw somebody I recognized, but I guess I was wrong.”

 

“If you’re sure…”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “Listen, take care of yourself, Bella. College campuses can be dangerous.”

 

Bella laughed at the idea of an eighteen-year-old boy lecturing her about campus safety. “You forget who my dad is, Jake. I’m probably safer than any other girl here.”

 

He gave her a long, considering look. “Charlie’s mace doesn’t work against everything.”

 

She didn’t know what he was talking about, or why he was suddenly so grim and angry. She opened her mouth to say something, but Jake’s expression changed once again. He gave her another forced, bright smile and clapped her on the shoulder. “Thanks again, B. See you back home soon, right?”

 

Then he turned on his heel and disappeared swiftly into the crowd. Bella stood for a moment and watched the place where he’d gone. That whole thing was so odd. She was sure Jake was troubled by something and she wondered if Billy or one of his sisters were sick. But then why did he show those inexplicable flashes of anger? Was he mixed up in some kind of trouble? That seemed unlikely, but then again, as comfortable as they were around each other, she didn’t really know him all that well. Maybe he was.

 

She traced her thumb over her cell phone in her pocket, considering calling her father now rather than waiting until later. When she glanced at it, she realized that she’d run out of time because class was starting and she would be late on the very first day. Her worries about Jake would have to wait, she thought, as she turned and hurried into the building to find her class.

 

*0*0*

 

 

Alice’s thoughts were moving so fast that Edward could hardly follow them. She was sitting next to him, and although her hands were busy arranging her laptop on her desk, her mind was on anything but that. She was thinking about the weather forecast, and how Jasper would be enjoying his history classes, and what time Rose would be joining them later tonight, but mostly she was just delighted that he was there next to her.

 

He chuckled softly and shook his head.

 

“What?”

 

“You. Alice, if you think any faster, I’m afraid your brain will short-circuit.”

 

“Oh shush, you,” she huffed, tapping his forearm. “I’m just excited you’re here, that’s all.”

 

He smiled again, but not teasing this time. “I know.”

 

“And English Lit! Aren’t you even a little bit excited about our classes? You’ve never majored in this either.”

 

“I am excited. It’s good to do something new. I mean, how many times can I go to med school anyway?”

 

“Edward!” she hissed, glancing around herself.

 

He let the thoughts swirling around them flood his head for a minute, trying to see if anyone had heard him talking about his multiple degrees. But it was the first day of classes and that was all anyone in this room was focused on.

 

Edward leaned back in his chair and tried to shut it all out again. The humming anxiety of so many minds so close together was distracting and uncomfortable. After the relative silence of Denali, being around this many humans in one place was a little difficult.

 

“Sorry,” he murmured, too low for anyone but Alice to hear. “I’m just a little out of practice being human.”

 

Alice touched his arm again. “You’re fine. Edward, thank you for staying. Even for a little while.”

 

He smiled and looked down at his desk again, embarrassed by her gratitude over something that she should have expected—his participation in their family.

 

The class was almost fully seated now, so he didn’t reply. The door at the front of the room, below the elevated rows of desks, clicked open and he glanced up to get a look at the professor. He barely registered who was stepping through the door, though, because in an instant, a scent… _that_ scent… assaulted him and sent his entire cold, dead body on high alert.

 

“Oh, God.” he muttered, clamping his hands down around the edges of his desk as his frame went rigid. A low growl percolated at the back of his throat.

 

“No!” Alice whispered at his side. “Edward, I didn’t see–”

 

Edward’s eyes were clamped tightly shut as he fought to hold still, so he didn’t see her advance quickly into the room trying to find a seat. He didn’t need to see, though, because as she got closer, the smell grew stronger. Venom coated his teeth and he burned. His back arched against the power of his own muscles as instinct urged him to leap up out of his chair and take her down.

 

It was a nightmare. Three years of running from that memory. Three years spent trying to pretend he wasn’t a mindless animal that could so easily be crippled by his own instincts. He thought he’d conquered it. He thought he was once again fully in command of himself, controlling the animal, not controlled by it. But here he was, once again brought to his knees by the power of the hunger. God, he’d never wanted anything so much.

 

He gritted his teeth and held his breath, trying to block it out. “Alice, help me.” It was nothing but a strangled growl. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth, her scent would hit his tongue and it would all be over.

 

In an instant Alice’s hands were on him, one on his forearm and the other arm circling his shoulders.

 

“You can do this, Edward,” she whispered. “You know you can. You’re stronger than the instinct. Focus.”

 

Her words helped. They reminded him of who he was. He wasn’t this mindless animal, slave to the blood lust. He was Edward, Alice’s brother, Carlisle and Esme’s son. He was Edward, who loved playing the piano and reading. He was Edward, who argued theology with Carlisle and fixed cars with Rosalie. He was Edward and he watched baseball games with his brothers and faithfully kept a journal for over a hundred years. He was Edward and the animal did not control him.

 

“You’re better than any of us, Edward,” Alice whispered again. “So good and so strong.”

 

“I need to get out of here,” he murmured. This time, his teeth opened and air swirled into his mouth. Her scent landed on his tongue and the burn took off, just as he feared, but he swallowed down the flood of venom that came with it.

 

_Don’t let it win._

 

“Tell me when you’re ready to stand up,” Alice said.

 

Edward held himself perfectly still, eyes still shut. He turned inward and focused on Chopin’s Piano Concerto No. 1 and on A-rod’s batting stats and on the book about William Paley that he wanted to discuss with Carlisle. _That_ was who he was. This mindless, clawing, burning beast could be conquered. He wouldn’t let it strip away the essential part of himself—his _best_ self. He reminded himself of what Carlisle always told him—it’s not what we _are_ that counts, it’s what we choose to be. And Edward had chosen to be better than this. He _had_ to be better than this.

 

When he was fairly confident that every nerve and muscle was back under control, he gave Alice a tight little nod. “Ready.”

 

“Okay, we’re going to stand up together and head left. There’s a door over there. She’s on the other side of the room.”

 

“I _know_ where she is,” he spit out, tempted all over again by the idea of that girl and that blood just across the room. Of course he knew where she was. The desks were arranged in a half-circle on elevated levels reaching up to the back of the room. At the center of the semi-circle below would be the professor. He and Alice were half way up the risers on the left, ten people away from the end of the row and the exit.

  
The girl—Bella Swan—and her pulsing, liquid rush of blood was directly across the room on the right, on the same level as they were. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know it. He could track down even a molecule of that blood if he wanted to.

 

“Are you ready?”

 

He tipped his chin again in assent.   
  


“Don’t stop,” Alice said. “Just get up and go.”

 

Edward took one more moment to assure himself that he had the bloodlust under control. It might have been his imagination, but the thirst already seemed to be easing a bit. The stranglehold the blood had on his throat seemed to be loosening ever so slightly.

 

That was why, just before he unlocked his frame to stand, he opened his eyes, honing in exactly where he knew she’d be.

 

And she was there. Looking right at him.

 

She was sitting perfectly still, hands resting on her notebook, fingers curled around a pen. Her large dark eyes in her pale face were fixed on his, unblinking. They stared at each other across the expanse of class for what felt like an hour, but was no more than seconds.

 

The burn flared up at the sight of her. Her pale skin and the flush of her blood just under the surface—her dark hair brushing against the base of her throat right where her carotid artery thumped away, so strong her felt like he could hear it from twenty feet away.

 

The need… good God, the desire…. The scent curled on his tongue like a promise. He swallowed down the mouthful of venom and he could almost picture the wisp of scent, a suggestion of her blood, hitting his stomach. Everything in him clenched almost painfully.

 

“Edward.” Alice’s whisper was tense and panicky.

 

Edward blinked to shut her out and then he stood.

 

_Move. Don’t stop. Get away._

 

He moved, shifting past the students sitting in the aisle next to him. Alice whispered apologies as they bumped into desks and banged into knees.

 

The distance between Edward and the door was closing rapidly. Twenty feet, then ten, then five, and then his hand was on the door and he was out.

 

_Don’t stop. Get away. Run._

 

Edward listened to the voice in his head and he ran.

 

*0*0*

 

 

 

“Edward, please don’t!”

 

Edward stopped shoving his laptop into his bag and turned on Alice.

  
“What do you want me to do, Alice? You want me to stay? And then what? In a moment of weakness I find myself loitering outside her house so I can drag her off and drain her dry? Is that the outcome you want?”

 

“No! Of course not! I don’t see that happening anyway.”

 

“Yeah, well, you didn’t see her walking into our class today, either.”

 

Alice took a step back and her face fell. “I know. I don’t know why. It’s such a big thing, and so important to you. I should have seen it.”

 

“Alice, stop blaming yourself,” Jasper interjected quietly behind her, touching her waist. “Nobody is infallible, not even you.”

 

“ _Especially_ not you,” Edward continued. Jasper gave him a hard glare, but he didn’t care. He’d seen inside Alice’s head and knew how hazy and open to interpretation her visions really were.

 

“But I don’t understand, Jasper. I should have seen it coming. If I had, we could have worked around it. Changed our schedules—“

 

“Until I run into her one day crossing campus, Alice? Attack her in the aisle of the campus bookstore? How many risks should I take? How much danger should I put the girl in? And for what selfish end? So I can amuse myself for a few months living like a human college student again?”

 

“For us! To live with us!” Alice cried, slapping her hand against her chest. “Edward, stop talking like you’re some helpless creature at the mercy of something bigger than you.”

 

“I _am_! You were there, Alice. Didn’t you see what happened today?”

 

“I saw you face a challenge and overcome it.”

 

“I nearly killed her again.”

 

Alice sighed. “No, you didn’t. You got up and walked out. Like you did last time. You’re stronger than you think you are.”

 

“Alice is right, Edward,” Carlisle said gently. He’d been watching from the door, not interjecting one way or another until now. “Your self-control is remarkable. You proved that two years ago and you proved it again today. You’ve always been much more secure in this choice than most of us.”

 

“Certainly more than me,” Jasper interjected.

 

Edward scowled at him. “It’s not worth it, Alice. Not worth the risk to us all.” He turned back and started wrapping up his computer cable.

 

“So that’s it?” Alice threw her hands up in frustration. “You come back to our family for a week and now you’re going to disappear again?”

 

He squeezed his eyes shut at the guilt he felt. “Alice, what do you want me to do?”

 

“I want you to stay, Edward. Please. Just stay.”

 

Her sad voice hit him square in the chest. It was wrong to run away from them again so soon, but he didn’t know how to stay.

 

“I want to. I do. But how? How do I face that and not snap?”

 

Carlisle moved further into the room so he could lay his hand on Edward’s shoulder. All of this time and some things never changed. It seemed like he’d had exactly this same conversation with Edward when he first joined him and struggled against the temptation. All these decades later and he was having it again. No matter how strong Edward proved to be, he doubted himself. Still.

 

“It gets easier the longer you’re around it.”

 

Edward gave a dismissive snort, even though he remembered the slight ebbing of the burn right before he left the classroom that afternoon.

 

“So you’re advocating this plan, Carlisle?” he asked in disbelief.

 

“I’m only saying that if you really do want to stay, I believe you can manage the situation.

 

“And you’re okay with me putting this human in danger every day for my own selfish reasons?”

 

“First, I think the danger is really quite small. Alice will be with you. She’ll stop you before you could do any damage, _if_ you got that far, which I don’t believe you will. Second, stop thinking of her as ‘the human’. She has a name and a life. Make her real and it will be harder to imagine harming her.”

 

Edward nodded tightly. He remembered this advice from the early days. It was one of the many things that set them apart from the rest of their kind. The others thought of humans as inferior, a food source and nothing more. Carlisle counseled his family to get to know the humans they interacted with as much as it was safe to do. And he was right. It was hard to imagine thoughtlessly drinking away the life of someone who’d just been showing you pictures of their children.

 

Edward closed his eyes for a minute, imagining walking the streets of Seattle with the possibility of that scent hovering around every corner. Could he really do it?

 

“What do you want to do, Edward?” Carlisle asked quietly.

  
“I want to stay with all of you.”

 

“Then stay. Master this. You can.”

 

Carlisle made it sound so simple, but was it really? Could it be? Edward had to admit, he hated how weak the bloodlust made him feel. He liked the idea that he could face it down, suppress it, control it.

 

“Do you really think I can?”

 

Carlisle smiled. “I always have.”

 

Edward let out a long, cool gust of air. “Okay. I’ll try, Alice. That’s all I can promise. I’ll try.”

 

She was attached to his back with her strong little arms wrapped around his shoulders in a flash. He chuckled and patted her hand.

 

“Thank you,” she whispered.

 

She slipped back down to the ground and he turned to face her.

 

“Besides,” she went on. “You have to come back and help me with damage control.”

 

“What?”

 

Alice gave him a wide-eyed look. “She saw you, Edward. She saw _me._ And she _knows_ we saw her. You were only there that one day, but I was in school with her for another five months after you left.”

 

“Alice, please don’t tell me you spoke to her. That you _know_ her.”

 

Alice huffed and folded her arms over her chest. “It was a really small school, Edward. Everybody knew everyone. I might have spoken to her once or twice. Just in passing. Whatever. Anyway, she knows us. So it’s going to seem really odd that we saw her and then ran away. We’re going to have to fix it.”

 

Edward groaned at the thought of getting anywhere near her proximity on Wednesday. And possibly having to _speak_ to her! Good God. This was going to be so much more difficult than he’d imagined, and he thought he’d already imagined the worst.

 

Alice hugged him again, sensing his thoughts. “You’ll be fine. And don’t worry. She’s nice. I’ve always thought so.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Open Eyes

_“Focus, Bella.”_

It must have been the hundredth time she’d told herself that in the past hour, but it did no good. The professor’s impassioned introduction to European Literature III couldn’t begin to pull her attention away from the two empty seats across the room—the ones filled just forty-five minutes ago by Alice and Edward Cullen.

 

Edward Cullen had run away from her _again_.

 

She thought that she’d imagined that weird hour spent next to him back in high school. Even though her gut told her he’d run out of class that day because of her, two years later, her rational mind had just about been convinced that she’d imagined it. It had nothing to do with her.

 

But that was before today. And that was before Alice Cullen ran, too.

 

She’d looked up and seen them and her mouth had just been curling into a smile when she registered their states. Edward Cullen had his eyes closed tight. His face was twisted with pain or anger, it was hard to say which. Alice Cullen was turned in her seat, one arm around her brother’s shoulders, her other hand resting on his forearm. Her eyes were fixed on his face and she looked like she might cry.

 

Bella had been alarmed and confused. How odd to see them again, here and now. And just when they both seemed to be in the middle of some crisis. She’d only ever seen Edward Cullen when he was mid-crisis.  
  


She was just wondering how she ought to handle it after class—if she should go over and say hi or let them have their space since they were so obviously upset—when Edward suddenly opened his eyes and looked right at her.

 

Once again, even though it made no sense whatsoever, she was absolutely certain that his problem was with her. Those bottomless black eyes, staring so fixedly at her… how could she have forgotten? She thought for a moment that his inexplicable hatred of her had somehow persisted all this time, but as he looked at her for a long moment she suddenly wasn’t so sure.

 

There was certainly something troubling about the way he looked at her. It made every nerve ending in her body stand up at alert. But this time it didn’t quite feel like hatred. If she didn’t know any better, she might have thought he looked almost scared.

 

But that made no sense. Why would a complete stranger be afraid of her? Why would _anybody_ be afraid of her? She was patently harmless.

 

Just as she was resolving to stomp over there after class and figure it out once and for all, they both stood up. It was a smooth silent movement, almost eerie in its synchronization. In tandem, the Cullen siblings turned as one and fled the room. It was over in a matter of seconds, leaving Bella to stare at their empty seats for the rest of the hour and wrack her brains for an explanation.

 

There wasn’t one. Edward Cullen, who she’d never so much as exchanged a hello with, still hated her guts. And apparently his sister did, too, which actually smarted a bit, because she _knew_ Alice Cullen. Not well. She wouldn’t call her a friend or anything, but Forks was a small school and she’d talked to her a few times.

 

It was no secret that everybody in high school thought Alice Cullen was a head case. People snickered about her behind her back, although no one was ever brave enough to be mean to her face. The Cullen family was quite intimidating and she had that massive brother, Emmett, always hanging around. They might not have called her crazy openly, but they whispered it plenty behind her back. Whether Alice was truly oblivious or only pretended to be, she never seemed bothered by it.

 

Bella had never understood it, either, because the few times she’d talked to her, Alice had been really nice. Sure she was a little flighty and she had this odd habit of abruptly zoning out and staring into space. But when she’d spoken to Bella, she’d been sweet and enthusiastic.

 

Despite her occasional easy friendliness, Alice mostly kept to herself. Bella imagined that it had something to do with her family. It was a little odd, all those adopted kids and four of them actually dating. The students of Forks high never got tired of exchanging titillating gossip about it, even though no one knew anything about the Cullens first-hand.

 

Bella didn’t really blame them for keeping to themselves, although she liked to think she wouldn’t have judged their unusual family dynamics like everyone else did. It didn’t seem to matter that she was open-minded and accepting, however, since apparently the Cullens wanted nothing to do with her.

 

Bella drew tiny abstract shapes in the corners of her notebook and tried not to let that hurt.

 

The next thing she knew the professor was wrapping up and telling them which chapters of the text to have read by the next class. Bella scowled at her empty paper. She was going to have to do better than this. She couldn’t let a couple of misanthropic former high school classmates get to her like that.

 

She shoved her books and notebook into her backpack and joined the crush of bodies filing out of class. Outside in the courtyard, she stopped to retrieve her phone. She needed to shake off this foul mood. She wanted to talk to someone who was actually happy to hear from her.

 

One press and she was dialing Riley. It rang three times and she sighed, resigning herself to talking to his voicemail again. Midway through the fourth ring, he picked up.

 

“Hey, B.”

 

“Hey! Where have you been? I haven’t talked to you all weekend!” Bella could hear how overly-bright and enthusiastic she sounded. Her tone was forced, like she was trying too hard to pretend everything was okay, which was exactly what she was doing.

 

“Oh… sorry, B. Just swamped at the paper all weekend,” Riley sounded exhausted and distracted. Bella could picture him squinting at the computer monitor, pressing the tips of two fingers to his temple like he did when he was stressed out. “Besides, didn’t you have that guy staying with you all weekend? Your cousin, or whatever?”

 

“Jake’s not my cousin, just a friend of the family. Still, I missed you.”

 

“I missed you, too,” he said, even though Bella could tell he was just saying it by rote because she did. So far this conversation was utterly failing to cheer her up.

 

“Can I see you tonight?”

 

“Um….”

 

“Riley,” she sighed. “It’s been five days since I’ve seen you and three since we’ve talked.”

 

“No it hasn’t. I just saw you on… shit. That was last Wednesday, wasn’t it?”

 

“Yes, it was.”

 

She could hear him sigh and a rustle, like he was rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m really sorry, Bella. I’ve just been so wrapped up in this issue. You know how I get.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I really do want to see you. You know that.”

 

Bella swallowed around the lump in her throat, feeling inexplicably lonely, even though she was in the middle of a conversation with her boyfriend. “I know,” she whispered.

 

“Come over tonight,” he said. “I still need to clean up a few more articles, but I swear I’ll be home by nine. Okay?”

 

She forced a smile and forced down the rush of emotions that had come out of nowhere. “Yeah, okay. Nine. See you then. Love you.”

 

“Love you, too, B.”

 

Once again, the words were perfunctory and did nothing to sweep away the growing sadness in her chest.

 

*0*0*

 

Nine hours later, Bella leaned on the doorframe and rapped twice with the back of her knuckles. She tried to muster some enthusiasm. This would never work without effort from both sides. But she was feeling worn down and disheartened. She feared Riley would be just as tired and distracted as he’d been for the past week and the whole night would be awkward and stilted. Still, he asked her over, so she came.

 

She just wanted things to be the way they used to be, when he’d silently flirt with her in the library while they were studying, running one fingertip up her arm and across the back of her neck. Or when he’d wait until she’d get up to go find a book and he’d follow her, pinning her to a shelf and kissing her senseless. She missed him walking home with her after class and hanging out in her dorm all afternoon and evening just because he didn’t want to leave her. She missed the way he’d call and text her all day long to tell her silly inconsequential details from his day. She missed feeling important to him, because it had been so long since she had. He still cared, she was sure of that. He just didn’t seem to _need_ her anymore.

 

Hearing his footsteps approaching the door, she straightened up and assembled her face into something like happiness. He opened the door and smiled widely at her.

 

“Hey, B,” he murmured, reaching out for her before she’d even taken a step. One arm slid around her waist and the other into her hair as he dipped his head to kiss her, his lips slow and lingering. In spite of her sadness and uncertainty, she could feel her body respond to him, her muscles going slack, her face starting to flush.

  
Riley kept his hands on her even when he pulled back. “Come inside.”

 

He tugged her forward into his living room as he slid her backpack off her shoulder. Bella blinked in confusion at the dimly-lit room. The lights were off and the only illumination came from clusters of candles on the little tables on either end of the couch. He’d already ordered take-out and the containers were set out on the coffee table, along with an open bottle of wine and two glasses.

 

“What’s all this?” Bella asked in confusion.

 

Riley stepped forward again, cupping her face with his hands, turning her eyes up to his. “It’s an apology. I know I was an ass this weekend. Hell, for several weeks now. I’m sorry I blew you off. You deserve better.”

 

Bella smiled and fought back the sting of tears. “You didn’t have to do all this.”

 

“Yes, I did. You deserve a nice night.” He leaned down to kiss her again, soft and slow. Just when she thought he would end it and pull back, he pressed in and his mouth opened over hers. When she responded in kind, his tongue touched hers and she drew in a sharp breath at the flash of heat between them. It had been a week since she’d spent the night with him and suddenly it felt like a year.

 

He drew back, breathing a little faster. His half-closed eyes roamed all over her face, her lips, and down to her chest. “Mmm,” he mumbled. “I almost want to skip dinner.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Riley,” she promised.

 

His eyes met hers and his expression softened. “I know.” He pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her neck and hair. “I love you, Bella.”

 

Bella hugged him back, tightening her arms around him fiercely, resolving not to let go. “I love you, too.”

 

*0*0*

 

“Mmmm, where are you going so early?” Riley muttered, face-down in his pillow, as one hand reached out across the sheets searching for her body.

 

Bella chuckled and leaned over his smooth, muscled back, admiring the view. She held her hair back out of her way as she leaned down and pressed kisses along his spine, starting at his nape. Riley groaned and she didn’t miss the way his hips flexed into the bed.

 

“Don’t start that unless you plan on taking off those clothes and getting back in this bed.”

 

“Can’t. I have to go to class.”  
  


“Damn,” he sighed. “Can you come over again tonight?”

 

“You sure?” She’d spent last night there as well as the night before, after his impromptu romantic dinner. That evening, and the long night that followed, had done a lot to make her feel better, but Bella was still surprised that he wasn’t distracted by the paper again already. They rarely spent two nights in a row together.

 

“If you promise to keep going with that, then I’m absolutely positive,” he said, turning his face on the pillow so one eye and half of his roguish smile was visible.   
  


“Okay, then. Tonight. But I have to go now. It’s the first week of classes and I’m already behind.”

 

“Love you,” Riley said around his yawn.

 

She stood up from the bed and watched him already sliding back into sleep. “Love you, too.”

 

                                                                   *0*0*                   

 

Bella was still floating on her Riley-induced high as she made her way to class. Everything was going to be fine. She’d over-reacted and let her melodramatic thoughts get the better of her. They were still good, all they needed was a little time to reconnect. He wasn’t growing away from her. Of course not. And didn’t the last two nights prove he still loved her?

 

Everything was perfect, she thought happily, almost hugging herself as she made her way into class. Just perfect.

 

It was perfect until she looked up and spotted Alice and Edward Cullen sitting next to the empty seat she’d occupied in class on Monday. She froze in her tracks and stared, but Alice Cullen sprang into action, flailing her arm in the air in an enthusiastic wave. She was grinning widely at Bella, apparently delighted to see her. Edward Cullen sat stiffly at her side, not smiling, barely moving. His eyes were fixed on her like she was a ghost. Honestly, what was his problem?

 

There was no ignoring Alice, though. Other people were glancing between Alice and Bella now, so she had no choice but to go sit with them.

 

She told herself that she was imagining the way Edward Cullen kept getting stiffer and stiffer. And was he actually _leaning away_? Really? Bella made up her mind that unless or until he chose to be a decent human being, she wasn’t going to waste her time on him. She’d be polite to Alice and that was all.

 

“Bella, hi!” Alice called as soon as she was within earshot. “Alice Cullen from Forks High. Remember?”

 

“Hi, Alice. Of course I remember.”

 

“I wasn’t sure you would. I know we weren’t really friends or anything…”

 

“I remember you,” Bella said, adding a tiny edge to her voice to remind Alice that she’d remembered her on Monday when they fled the room.

 

Alice’s expression shifted minutely as if she could read Bella’s thoughts. “We saw you on Monday and I was going to say hi after class, but Edward wasn’t feeling well and we had to leave early.”

 

Bella glanced over at Edward now that Alice had mentioned him. Sick, huh? To tell the truth, he still looked sick. He was so pale, with shadowy purple smudges under his eyes. His mouth was a taught line and his heavy brows were furrowed. A little muscle in his jaw worked as he clenched and unclenched his teeth. He glanced towards her but not at her. And he still hadn’t opened his mouth to say a word.

 

Alice cleared her throat delicately and dropped one tiny pale hand on Edward’s forearm. His fist clenched in response.

 

“Bella, I don’t think you ever properly met my brother, Edward. He moved to Alaska right around the time you transferred.”

 

“The next day, actually,” Bella said, not sure why she felt this need to be so snippy with him. If Edward Cullen was going to persist in acting like she had the plague, she was going to make sure he knew she was on to him. “I remember him.”

 

 _How could I forget?_ She thought.

 

“Edward,” Alice went on, using her best manners. “This is Bella Swan.”

 

Finally, he turned his head fully towards her. He pressed his eyes closed for just a flash, then opened them and looked up at her. Bella felt an unexpected flush of awareness when he did. Not in reaction to his anger or hostility, because right now both seemed absent. If she had to be honest with herself, the reaction was to _him._ How had she forgotten how good-looking he was? He still looked pale and unwell, but it was a little astounding how attractive he was in spite of that. In fact, the pallor suited him, like some kind of Byronic hero. The effect was enhanced by the midnight blue dress shirt he wore, with the sleeves casually rolled up and the collar unbuttoned. He didn’t look at all like the other college boys around him.

 

His tense lips twitched and relaxed a bit, and Bella noticed that they were actually almost beautiful, full and perfectly-shaped. The little muscle in his jaw flexed again. His bone structure was astounding.

 

Bella realized she was staring at him. Well, they were staring at each other, because his eyes were still fixed on hers. Not dark, she thought with surprise. She’d thought his eyes were dark, but they weren’t. They were some peculiar, beautiful kind of hazel. Almost gold, really.

 

Finally, Edward spoke. Well, first he made a tiny sound in his throat like a strangled swallow and _then_ he spoke.

 

“I’m sorry we were never introduced. It’s very nice to meet you, Bella.”

 

Bella blinked twice. After their two previous odd encounters, Edward’s exceedingly polite, almost formal greeting was the last thing she expected of him. He still looked like he might be sick, and although he was maintaining eye contact with her and not making a horrible face, she still got the feeling that he’d rather be someplace else. But he was doing a remarkable job of _seeming_ like a nice person.

 

Bella realized that several moments of silence had passed and she hadn’t said anything. She felt almost entranced by his odd-colored, long-lashed, beautiful eyes. She caught Alice turning her head towards Edward out of the corner of her eye and that snapped her out of it.

 

“Oh. Um, nice to meet you, too.”

 

This time, Edward attempted a smile. It was tight and forced, but it was there. Bella felt herself smiling in return and wanted to kick herself. She really was disgraceful. Edward Cullen had proven to be at worst, abominably rude and at best, just extremely odd, and here she was all smiles at his one moment of polite behavior. Good looks really did get you anything.

 

Alice’s voice broke the spell. “Sit with us?”

 

Bella made herself look away from Edward and take the seat next to Alice. She thought she saw his whole frame go slack as she moved back two steps. Bella was glad to have Alice sitting between them. She’d already had just about all the Edward Cullen she could handle at one time.

 

She took a deep breath and let her hair fall forward to hide her face while she busied herself getting out a notebook and pen. She needed the time to organize her thoughts and get back on track. That tiny encounter with Edward had been inexplicably unsettling. She was still fixated on his unusual eyes and she needed to snap out of it.

 

“So,” she said, straightening up and flipping her hair back over her shoulder. “Have you guys been students here since graduation? I can’t believe I’ve never seen you around.”

 

Edward had slouched down in his seat, and his eyes were closed tight again. Both of his hands were curled around the edges of his desk. He’d made no move to get out a notebook or a pen. Bella pulled her eyes away from him and made herself focus on Alice.

 

Alice was already tapping away on her laptop. “Oh, no. We’ve been at University of Alaska with Edward,” she lied easily. “Our parents wanted to move back to Washington, so we transferred.”

 

“We?”

 

“Do you remember Jasper? He’s here too, majoring in History.”

 

“Oh, that’s nice.” In reality, Bella barely remembered Jasper Cullen, the quietest of the Cullen kids, and Alice’s boyfriend. She had a vague impression of blonde hair and an intense stare.

 

“How about you? Have you been at U Dub since high school?” Alice asked. She threw a quick glance over her shoulder at Edward, but seemed unconcerned about the catatonia he’d apparently lapsed into.

 

“Yes, I’m in my third year now. I’m roommates with Angela Webber. Do you remember her?”

 

Alice’s face lit up. “Of course! She was so sweet. Wasn’t she, Edward?”

 

His eyes snapped open and he sat up as if out of a trance. That muscle in his jaw was working like crazy. “Yes,” he murmured, barely opening his mouth.

 

“Is she still dating Ben Cheney?” Alice asked.

 

Bella chuckled. “Yes, more serious than ever.”

 

“That’s great. They made such a cute couple, didn’t they, Edward?”

 

That finally garnered a genuine reaction from him. He turned his head and glared at her. “Adorable,” he snapped.

 

Bella couldn’t help it. She laughed. It wasn’t at all appropriate, but he was just so _grouchy_. She smacked her hand over her mouth, but the muffled snicker still came out. Edward’s eyes flashed to hers and for the first time it looked like he actually saw her. He focused, then scowled a little. Bella felt unnerved, but didn’t look away. Her random attack of the giggles died out abruptly, even though he didn’t seem exactly mad that she was laughing at him. He seemed….confused.

 

*0*0*

 

Edward was _very_ confused. For the first time since she’d walked into the lecture hall, he found a thought taking precedence over the unrelenting burning thirst.

 

He couldn’t hear her.

 

Not a word. No internal dialogue, no wisps of daydreams, random fantasies, snatches of memories. Nothing.

 

He hadn’t even realized it until she laughed at him, because when she did, he was surprised. Edward was almost never surprised by anyone. When you could hear every thought in a person’s head, their actions were depressingly predictable. But then Bella Swan laughed at him and he actually had to rewind the last few moments of her conversation with Alice to figure out why. It was completely disconcerting. Even more so that it had taken him fifteen minutes to notice it.

 

He tried to tell himself it was understandable. The lecture hall was filled with nearly a hundred college students and all their loud mental babbling. He’d just assumed hers was mixed in there somewhere. And of course every bit of his focus had been on not eating her. He was bound to miss something.

 

All the same, Edward was knocked back. He didn’t miss things. He was never surprised, certainly not by some little human. He could hear Carlisle’s reprimand in his head. She’s not just some human; she’s a person. Get to know the person and it will be easier to resist.

 

With that thought in his mind, Edward opened his eyes to look at Bella Swan again. She was still staring at him with her large dark eyes. Her hand had dropped away from her mouth and was resting on her notebook again. She blinked and he watched her long thick lashes brush the pale, almost translucent skin under her eyes and then flutter back up. He could hear them, a soft rustle and woosh.

 

“Sorry,” she murmured, a single quiet word dropping in the ocean of noise surrounding him.

 

Again he found himself having to rewind the last few moments just to figure out what he should say next. One hundred years of manners and practice stepped in to save him from hopeless babbling.

 

“I apologize. I was being rude. Angela was always very nice to me in high school. It’s good to hear that she’s doing well.” He even managed another strained smile at the end of it, even though the price for speaking all those words was a lungful of Bella’s potent scent wreaking havoc in his system.

 

He shut his eyes and leaned back, cutting off the exchange. When he opened them again a moment later and looked at her, her face had turned away and her eyes were on her notebook.

 

Edward kept staring at her, reaching out with his mind, at first prodding gently at her and finally shoving hard. Nothing. No thoughts. Not even the suggestion of any. She was entirely closed off to him, writing something on her page. Words he couldn’t see through her mind. Suddenly he wanted to know what they were, just because he couldn’t.

 

She shifted and raised her left hand to rest her chin against. Edward noticed a thousand little details about her, his expansive mind recording everything. Her thin fingers curled into a small fist, her short, unpolished fingernails pressing tiny indentations in the heel of her hand. Her full bottom lip that she pulled on slightly between her teeth. The almost imperceptible scatter of freckles across the bridge of her nose, the only thing marring her pale skin, almost as pale as his. But hers was different, of course. It was suffused with a flush of peach underneath, the glow of her blood under her skin, almost like a light was being shone through from inside.

 

“Edward?”

 

He turned his head to Alice. She was looking at him, so confused. Edward was confused, too. Then Alice opened up her mind and Edward saw her visions. Well, flashes of them, anyway. Just images, really. Nothing that made any sense. Himself, standing in the dark, smiling in a way he was sure he never had. That expression on his own face made him look like a stranger to himself. The cold dark woods all around him. Alice there. Someone else, too. Then it flickered out, lost in the nonstop static of her mind.

 

_What’s happening?_

 

Edward scowled at her unspoken question and shook his head slightly.

 

“Nothing,” he murmured, too fast and low for anyone but Alice to hear. “I’m fine.”

 

Her face cleared, brightened.

 

_Fine?_

 

Edward considered. He inhaled, slowly, tentatively. The burn was still ripping through him, making his stomach clench, but it wasn’t driving him mad. He could smell it, acknowledge it, and still hold onto himself. Carlisle was right. It was getting easier. Maybe he could do this. After all, she’d been sitting three feet away from him for twenty minutes now and she was still alive. Remarkable.

 

He gave Alice a small tight nod.

_Alright._

 

 

*0*0*

 

“Whew, that’s a lot of reading he assigned, huh?” Alice rolled her eyes theatrically as Bella packed up her books. Edward smirked.

 

“I guess.”

 

“Do you have another class now?” Alice asked her. For the life of him, Edward couldn’t figure out what she was up to. Bella was leaving. She’d survived fifty minutes in his presence and she wasn’t dead, and now she was taking herself away to safety. Why was Alice prolonging this, engaging her in conversation?

 

“I have Comp Four at 12:30.”

  
“No time for a coffee then?” Alice pouted slightly.

  
Edward gaped at Alice.

 

“Not today, but maybe next time?” Bella smiled brightly over her shoulder as she bent to zip her backpack. Edward watched her long dark hair swing forward and then swirl across her back as she moved. The smell made his head swim.

 

“Sure!” Alice replied. “Hey, can I have your number? You know, in case I get stuck on the reading?”

  
Edward couldn’t help the exasperated huff he let out, although he did notice Bella shoot him a nasty glare as she turned to program her number into Alice’s phone. Once again, Edward was reduced to examining actions and words to determine what had made her angry, just like some human. He’d had no idea how utterly dependent he’d become on his ability until he didn’t have it anymore. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

 

Looking at his response through Bella’s eyes, he could see how she might have been offended. He must have appeared terribly rude just now. He was horrified to think she might have misinterpreted everything he’d done in her presence. Her chilly, snappish behavior towards him, such a contrast to how she was with Alice, made sense. She thought he didn’t like her. He hated feeling like he’d treated her disrespectfully, even if it was inadvertent. He resolved to do better next time. Next time?

 

He had to shove aside that surprising thought as she and Alice finished up exchanging numbers. As Bella waved goodbye and left, Alice looked delighted, happier than he’d seen her in ages. Gently, he pushed into her thoughts, past her never-ending mental diversions designed to block him, looking for the explanation.

 

When he found it, he was stunned by the simplicity of her emotion. Alice _liked_ Bella. She wanted Bella to like her back. She wanted to be her friend.

  
Edward hissed and Alice snapped to look at him.

 

“Are you crazy?” he said.

 

“Sorry, I just…”

 

And then Edward could see it: her loneliness. It might not have been logical, since she had her husband and her family all around her, but that didn’t make the feeling any less real. Jasper was one kind of companionship. And though she loved Rose as a sister and Esme as a mother, neither was quite the right temperament to be a true _friend_ to Alice. As for himself, as close as they were, he’d been gone for the past three years and his absence had weakened their bond.

 

 Alice wanted a friend, and in spite of everything, she’d reached out to Bella Swan to find one. Edward could hardly fault her, even if it meant no escape from that girl.

 

He sighed and shook his head. “It’s fine, Alice. You like her. It’s just dangerous to get any closer to her. You know that.”

 

“You did okay today. You said you were alright.”

“Yes, but I was fighting the whole time. What if I relax too much? What if she gets too close? What if I slip?”

 

An image bloomed in Alice’s mind, as if Edward just speaking the words had made it happen, or would make it happen.

 

_Alice sits next to Bella in a room… the campus library… as Edward sits across the table from them. Books and laptops are spread out between them, but no one’s working. Alice and Bella have their heads together, laughing at a video Alice has playing on her laptop. And Edward… he’s watching them together and smiling, too. Smiling at them. Bella looks up at Edward and leans across the table to say something to him. Edward leans towards her to hear…._

 

Edward swallowed around the lump of discomfort in his throat, and this time—for the first time—it had nothing to do with the way the girl smelled. He didn’t know _what_ it had to do with. Once again, he was adrift and uncertain.

 

One thing was clear, though, when he looked up and saw Alice’s hopeful face. Alice liked that vision and wanted it to happen. And Edward wanted her to be happy.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Monsters

As soon as Edward pulled into the drive of the house outside Sycamore, he lit off into the woods. Alice took a step to follow him before Jasper stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“Let him go, Ally. He just needs some space to breathe.”

Alice scowled, but didn’t follow Edward as he disappeared like a phantom into the treeline.

Edward ran, dodging fallen trees and low-hanging branches, and leaping across ravines and streams without breaking stride, until he reached the mountaintop and the rock ledge he’d found last week. The view of the valley below was sweeping, and the cold wind whipping across the exposed ridge was bracing. It was quiet here and he found it easier to think –so much easier than when he was surrounded by dozens of other internal voices.

His head was full. Full of barely restrained instincts and bloodlust. Full of other people’s loneliness and his own guilt. Full of thoughts he couldn’t control and feelings he couldn’t put name to yet. He was strung out from too many mental voices in too small a space after so much quiet and solitude. No matter how fast he ran or how far, he couldn’t get the smell of Bella Swan out of his head or off his skin.

It still burned. God, it burned. It made his insides twist with something like hunger and something else exactly like want. It made him feel desperate and unsatisfied; Sisyphus, never to be rid of the burden of this compulsion.

Even more disturbing was the fact that he couldn’t stop himself from inhaling deeply every few minutes, sucking up every lingering wisp of the scent still clinging to him. Like picking at a wound knowing it will bleed again.

He scrubbed his palms over his eyes in an entirely human way and let out an entirely inhuman growl. At that moment, his phone began vibrating in his pocket. Sighing in defeat, he pulled it out, ready to reassure Alice that he wasn’t about to disappear again.

But it wasn’t Alice.

“Tanya.”

“How are you?” Her voice was throaty and her lingering Russian accent had strengthened since she’d been home. America tended to soften her seductive edges, but being in her homeland for so long seemed to have brought it all back.

“I’m good. And you?” Edward ran a hand through his hair and tugged, displaying all the weariness he was keeping out of his voice.

“Wonderful. And the family?”

“Good. I had class today with Alice and Jasper.”

Edward wasn’t sure why he’d felt the need to blurt that out, especially once he was faced with a moment of very loaded silence on the other end of the line.

“Class? So you’re doing it?”

“College? Yes, I guess. I mean, since I’m here—”

“So you’re staying,” she cut him off.

“Not necessarily. I just… I don’t know yet. I want to spend some time with my family.”

“I see.”

“Tanya, I can leave whenever I want. It doesn’t mean anything.”

She sighed. “Doesn’t it, Edward?”

He paused, trying to form the words into the right shape. Reassuring, but not promising anything he couldn’t deliver. “It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

She laughed, a melodic but melancholy sound. “I know. That’s the worst of it, of course. You’re always so bloody nice about it.”

“What—“ his voice pitched up in agitation, but Tanya cut him off again.

“Let’s not fight now, Edward, alright? Enjoy your time with your family. I’m enjoying my time with mine.”

“And?”

“And we’ll just see, I guess.”

Edward wasn’t sure where that left things, or where he even wanted them to be left, so once again he took the easy out Tanya was offering—do nothing and preserve the peace.

“Alright.”

“I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Of course,” Edward said, forcing himself to sound optimistic, reassuring. “And Tanya—“

“Yes?”

“Take care of yourself?”

She was silent for a long moment, and Edward felt like he could still hear everything she was thinking and feeling in that long electronic pause, even with thousands of miles separating them.

Finally she spoke. “I always do.”

Edward’s phone beeped twice, indicating she’d ended the call. He pocketed it again and stared out over the valley. That hadn’t gone well. He supposed that he should feel worse about that fact than he did. The gentleman in him did feel badly. He could acknowledge that his relationship with Tanya required a certain amount of emotional effort on his part and the idea that he was disappointing her—hurting her—was distasteful to him.

But the larger part of him, the part that seemed to rule him more and more these days, was merely grateful to feel momentarily free, even if he wasn’t entirely. They weren’t done. There would still need to be conversations and a break, but now Edward was certain it was only a matter of time before that happened.

He’d be alone again. But it was hard to feel bad about it, since he could now acknowledge that despite Tanya’s presence in his life for the last three years, he’d never stopped being alone.

 

*0*0*

 

As Edward moved in front of Alice to open the door of Padelford Hall for her, she stopped him.

“What?”

“I should tell you something. She’s in this class with us, too.”

Edward closed his eyes and exhaled. “Alice…”

“Well, what did you expect? We’re all juniors, majoring in English Lit. She’s bound to be in more than one class with us.”

Edward sighed and stared up at the building’s brick façade. Up until a moment ago, he’d actually been looking forward to the small evening seminar class, The Supernatural in Victorian Literature, with a twisted sort of amusement. Spending a semester exploring the themes and symbolism in Stoker’s _Dracula_ was too good to pass up. Now the two hour class seemed like purgatory. Trapped in a small room, just a dozen people, two vampires and that scent. While they all talked about what it meant to drink blood.

“Do you see anything?”

“No,” she said quickly. “Just class. And talking.”

“Talking?”

Alice shrugged and let him see.

_Bella leaning back in her chair, chuckling and shaking her head at something that was said. Something Edward said. He’s looking at her and also chuckling._

“Alright,” he said with a defeated shake of his head. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Don’t be so dire, Edward. Everything will be fine. And you might find that you’d actually like her if you’d try and talk to her. She’s really nice. Smart and kind, too. I like her.”

“When did you come to all these conclusions about her?”

Alice refused to look at him as she brushed past him into the building. “I called her. About the readings from European Lit.”

Edward laughed. “Oh, the reading you had such difficulty getting through?”

“Hush, you. She was nice about it. We had a good conversation. And some nice texts.”

“Hold on. You guys text?”

Alice shrugged, suddenly intently focused on the strap of her purse. “We do now.”

Edward opened his mouth to protest before he realized how pointless it was. Alice had attached herself to the girl. It was done. Now all he could do was keep himself from killing her new friend.

She was already in the classroom. Edward knew it as soon as they stepped out of the stairwell, even though the classroom door was closed and at the end of a thirty foot hallway. Instinct made him want to crouch and prowl silently towards his prey, just like he did when tracking a particularly quick and skittish mountain lion. Instead, he made his shoulders relax and his fists unclench as he walked at a slow human pace down the hall.

Concentrating on perfecting his college-boy ennui helped him cope as the burn raced down his throat. All the animals he’d drained this week hardly put a dent in hunger like this. But he pushed that thought aside, running a hand through his hair to keep his muscles relaxed. It put his hair into a state, but Alice resisted her urge to smooth him before they entered the room. Edward barely paused at the door. If he dwelled on it too long or tried to psych himself out, he’d just make it worse, so he pushed it open and ushered Alice in ahead of himself.

The scent hit him like a wall and he knew he must be losing his mind because instead of clamping down, he actually inhaled. _Hard_. Delicious—and so much more. The more he became acquainted with it—with her—the richer it grew. Yes, blood, but also flowers and spice, sweet, exotic, complex, warm and lush. He gave himself one second to acknowledge it, close his eyes and savor it, and then he pushed it forcefully away.

When he opened his eyes again, Bella was just looking up from her seat on the far side of the room, smiling as she caught sight of Alice. She raised a hand to wave her fingers in hello and Edward saw her eyes flick to him briefly—and saw the expression on her face shift—before she looked back to Alice. She must still think him an unspeakable ass. He resolved to be on his best behavior tonight, for Alice’s sake.

The minute she glanced back at him, he flashed her his best, most charming smile. It seemed to work on Bella as well as it worked on most women. She flushed and gave a small, nervous answering smile in return. She tucked her hand back into her lap and looked down at her notebook as Alice and Edward skirted the central table to sit next to her. Alice settled down in the seat next to Bella, and Edward on Alice’s other side. Because the table was circular and small, Bella was in his line of sight every time he looked up.

“I didn’t know you were taking this, too!” Alice said as she pulled out her laptop.

“Oh, yeah…. I’m actually looking forward to this. It sounds really interesting and I’ve heard great things about this professor.”

“Mm-hmm,” Alice agreed with a nod, “So interesting.”

“Have you guys checked out the reading list yet?” Bella asked.

“Of course!” Alice said. “I can’t wait to get started! I wonder when we’ll get to _Frankenstein_.”

When Edward chuckled in spite of himself, Bella shot him a sharp look.

“What?”

Immediately he felt bad. He’d only been laughing at Alice’s feigned enthusiasm, since he knew for a fact she’d already read almost everything on the reading list, including _Frankenstein_ , as had he. He really was woefully out of practice at playing human. He kept offending this one left and right.

“Sorry,” he continued. “It’s just that Alice refused to read _Frankenstein_ in high school because it gave her nightmares. Funny that she’s so excited now.”

Alice smiled but gave him a swift kick under the table. “Edward!”

“What?” he protested. “It’s true. You woke up screaming and made Rose sleep with you.” He smiled wickedly at his sister. Two could play this human game.

“Edward is _exaggerating_ , Bella,” Alice said, rolling her eyes. “It was just a little creepy, you know?”

Bella had been smiling at their teasing sibling exchange, charmed by how relaxed and playful Edward was with his sister, but now she just shrugged and looked down at her hands. “I don’t know…it always struck me as kind of tragic.”

“Excuse me?” Edward asked. “Tragic? How so?”

She looked up at him and Edward was suddenly aware that he hadn’t had to consciously restrain himself for a full five minutes. The raging thirst was still there, but he’d somehow managed to get… _distracted_.

“The monster,” Bella said, absently tucking her hair behind her ear and leaning forward. “All he wanted was companionship and acceptance. Instead, he’s vilified by everyone he comes in contact with. And it’s not like any of it was his fault. He just wanted to exist. He wanted a tiny corner of happiness for himself, and it was denied him because of what he was, something he couldn’t help. It really upset me when I read it in high school.”

Edward furrowed his eyebrows as she spoke. “You don’t think maybe the problem was that he was never meant to exist at all and that’s why the world had no place for him?”

Bella shook her head firmly. “The blind man befriended him. He could see his intrinsic humanity.” Bella paused and gave him a slightly shy half-smile. “I mean, it’s sort of simplistic, but it’s kind of like ‘I think therefore I am,’ you know? He’s self-aware, intelligent, educated. Who cares _how_ he came into existence? The fact is, he exists. Doesn’t he deserve to live? And to try and find some happiness?”

Edward opened his mouth to respond and then had to pause, because he wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to say to her, which seemed to happen a lot around Bella Swan. Nearly a hundred years of philosophical debates with Carlisle, and a twenty-year-old human girl just cut right through all his stubbornly-held beliefs about his own existence. Of course, she didn’t realize that’s what she’d done. He still didn’t necessarily agree with her, but he was stunned by her comments.

“Well, this is what I like to see on the first day! A lively debate about the text before we’ve even gone over the syllabus!”

The professor, a slight, energetic woman with short silver hair, had come into the room while Edward and Bella had been talking and she’d been observing their conversation. Bella glanced from her to Edward and blushed, dropping her eyes to her lap.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“Oh, no,” Professor Spalding said with a laugh, holding up a hand. “Don’t apologize. Just make sure you hold onto those thoughts when we finally get to _Frankenstein_. I’m afraid we’re starting with _Dracula_ , though. Actually, we’re starting with a syllabus. Take one and pass them around, please.”

*0*0*

Professor Spalding handed the stack to Bella who took hers and passed them to Alice. Alice kept her eyes down, so Bella glanced past her to Edward. He was still looking at her. His strange gold eyes were light and clear in the brightly-lit room and for once, he didn’t look angry. Intense, focused; but not angry. And to be the object of that focus… It made something unsettling happen in her body. Some kind of nervousness or anticipation or something. Her chest felt tight and her face felt hot. Almost like–

 _No_.

She didn’t even _like_ Edward, so there was no way she was attracted to him. Well, that wasn’t quite true. She didn’t _dislike_ him anymore. He seemed okay now, certainly nowhere near as rude as he was at first. And it was impossible to deny that he was attractive. But that didn’t mean she was interested in him. Of _course_ she wasn’t, because she wasn’t interested in anyone that way. She had Riley.

She inhaled deeply and made herself focus on her syllabus, even though the words scarcely registered. Her breathing was suddenly shallow and she could feel her heart thumping from the flare of adrenaline, or whatever that was. She prayed she wasn’t blushing, and laid her palm against her overly-warm cheek, just in case she was.

*0*0*

Edward was still staring at her, a muscle in his jaw twitching slightly as he clamped his teeth together. He could see her elevated pulse fluttering in the hollow of her throat. He could _hear_ it, a rapid thudding in the air, like the beating of birds’ wings. He could almost feel it on his skin. And he could certainly smell it— _her_. His nostrils flared and he swallowed down the rush of venom. His whole body felt tight, ready to spring, but this time he didn’t necessarily feel like he was about to attack. This felt different: better, but also more alarming. If he still had a pulse, his would be rushing, too, and he didn’t know why.

“Edward, everything okay?” Alice’s soft melodic voice cut through Edward’s fixated mind. If she was just checking on his control, she’d have thought it. Saying it out loud was her way of reminding Edward that he was slipping, perhaps acting less than human. He supposed staring holes in Bella Swan like a vulture perched on a tree branch might seem a little odd. He sighed and made a show of doodling on the margin of his syllabus.

Professor Spalding began speaking and once Bella’s attention was focused on her, Edward found himself glancing back at her, whether he meant to or not.

She was more astute than he would have guessed, which was perhaps unfair. He shouldn’t have underestimated her when he’d scarcely ever spoken to her. And kind-hearted, considering her sentimental defense of Frankenstein’s monster. He had to laugh at that one. Easy for her to defend the monster when it was safely contained in ink on paper. Would she be so sympathetic to the real life monster sitting near her who’d fantasized about ripping her throat out? He guessed not. Still, she was so passionate in her belief that the monster was deserving of happiness… of love. No wonder Alice liked her. She was a gentle soul.

A gentle soul with the nervous habit of chewing on her pen cap. Edward watched as she absently rolled it back and forth across her full bottom lip before pressing the cap into the center and catching it with her top teeth. He watched her lip turn white under the pressure, before she released her pen and the blood rushed back in and it flushed pink again.

Professor Spalding was letting them go after just a brief perusal of the syllabus, saying that they’d more than make up the time on the weeks’ first reading assignment. Class was almost over and he hadn’t even realized it. Alice was shutting down her laptop as Bella stuffed her books into her messenger bag.

“It’s dark out, Bella. We drove. Can we give you a lift home?”

Edward groaned internally, but he was saved by Bella herself.

“Thanks, but no. I’m not going home just yet. I need to get over to the Communications building.”

“Don’t tell me you have another class at this hour!”

Bella smiled and shook her head. “No, I’m meeting my boyfriend. He works there, and if he’s true to form, he hasn’t eaten all day. Time to drag him out for a meal.”

Edward’s head snapped up and Alice said, “You have a boyfriend?”

Bella shrugged and nodded.

“How long have you been going out?”

“Um…about a year, give or take.”

“Oh, nice! I want to meet him. Is he cute? I bet he’s cute.”

Bella laughed, “Uh, I guess? I mean, _I_ think so.”

Edward leaned back in his chair and watched their exchange. She had a boyfriend. Which was just fine. Her own, human business. She was a college girl. They were supposed to have college boyfriends. Her particular careless college boy seemed to have no problem letting his girlfriend cross dark college campuses so she could chase him down at work, but he supposed that was none of his concern. Maybe he’d encourage Alice to follow her—just to make sure she got there okay. It would be the right thing to do.

Edward shook his head at his own ridiculousness and turned to start putting away his own things. He grabbed his bag hard enough that he heard a few stitches in the strap pop and stopped to take a deep breath. Too much time around her scent. And her thoughts. He just needed to get out and breathe.

Alice and Bella were wrapping up their conversation, finally.

“So we’ll see you in European Lit on Monday?” Alice asked her, so happy and hopeful about this new friend.

“Sure! See you then,” Bella said, standing and swinging her bag up onto her shoulder. She paused for a moment . “See you, Edward.”

He looked up at her at hearing her say his name. His head was still pulsing with her scent, her voice, her plump bottom lip and her pen cap. He felt foggy and confused, lost in instinct and pure sensation. She gave him a tiny half-smile in farewell. Edward swallowed hard, although venom wasn’t the problem this time. He smiled in return and Bella looked slightly dazed, her eyelids fluttering gently. She didn’t say anything else, just ducked her head and turned to go. Edward watched her long dark hair swing forward and obscure her face.

Alice gasped.

_Edward sits in class, leaning to the side, close to Bella. Her head is bent towards his, her hair falling forward as she listens to whatever it is he’s whispering. The tips of her hair brush Edward’s forearm. His head inclines a little more toward hers as she whispers back to him. It’s public and yet achingly private, intimate._

Edward sat back with such force that the wooden back of his chair groaned in protest. He stared at Alice, eyes wide. Alice just stared back.

_Bella is standing in front of a bookshelf—one of the bookshelves in Carlisle’s library. She’s smiling as she runs a finger across the spines. Edward takes a step until he’s just behind her, peering over her shoulder. He reaches a hand over her to the shelf to point something out. She stops and turns her head to look at him, suddenly startled by his nearness. They both freeze in the moment, her looking up at him, him looking down at her. Even in the vision, the electricity is palpable._

Alice blinked. His face… it was that smile, that soft, unfamiliar expression on his face that she’d first seen in a vision over three years ago. She saw it before they even knew Bella existed. One of Alice’s obscure puzzle pieces had just slotted into place in a way neither of them could have ever predicted.

Edward stared at Alice in barely-suppressed horror.

“What the fuck is that, Alice?”

“You and Bella—“

“Are you _insane_?” he raged, surging to his feet and storming towards the door. Alice scrambled out of her seat, just a second behind him.

“Edward, it’s not me. You know it’s not me. It’s just what I see. It just means—“

“It doesn’t mean _anything_ , Alice, because that is _never_ going to happen. None of it!”

“Edward, just think about it for a minute—“

“There’s nothing to think about because it’s wrong. Not her. Not me. No. She’s… Jesus, Alice, she’s _human_! And taken. And so am I.” Even as Edward listed off the last two, he was aware of how it sounded. It sounded like he’d considered it, even for the split second it would have taken to dismiss it. He shook his head, this time more at himself than Alice.

“Ed—“

“No,” he cut her off again, more distressed, more uncertain. He stopped just outside their classroom and curled into the wall, resting his forehead against the bricks.  “No, Alice. It can’t be. It’s just impossible. You know that. I could never. I _won’t_. Dammit! It’s not—nothing is set in stone. That’s _never_ going to happen.”

And as he stood there pressing his palms so hard into the wall that tiny flakes of brick-colored dust began to float down, Alice’s visions wavered and vanished into darkness.

Alice sighed and she reached out to touch his shoulder. Edward flinched, but straightened up.

“I’m sorry.”

He hauled in a ragged breath. “I am, too, Alice. I know you can’t help it. It was just a possibility, not a certainty.” He stared into her face for a moment and saw only the darkness she saw. “See? And now it’s gone.”

Alice forced a small smile. Edward tried to return it.

“C’mon. I need to get out of here and go for a run.”

Alice nodded and slid her hand into the crook of his elbow as they walked in silence to the car.   
  
Edward turned it over and over in his mind, the memory of those two brief visions. They began to blur with his actual memories until he wasn’t sure if he’d ever actually felt her hair brush against his skin or if it was only in a vision.

Alice said nothing as they walked. Her brain was furiously working half a dozen distracting streams of thought to keep Edward’s attention diverted from the real one.

 She knew he was thinking about her again. She knew it because the minute he grew quiet, the vanished visions returned, full-force. Now that the idea was in his head, Bella was also firmly lodged in his future.

But Edward didn’t need to know that. Alice decided this was something he needed to discover and come to terms with entirely on his own. So the visions she was having—of Bella in his arms, of his lips moving over the warm, pulsing skin of her neck, of her hands gripping his shoulders, of her fingers sliding into his hair—all of those visions would stay safely concealed in Alice’s mind, and Edward could go on convincing himself he had the power to change his future.

 

*0*0*

 

Bella let the door of the Communications building close behind her and leaned back on it. She pressed her palms flat against the cool glass, trying to calm the chaos in her head.

What was that? Why did he make her feel like that? So flustered and nervous. She shook her head and then her hands, trying to dispel the adrenaline still working its way through her system and the crazy feelings with it.

The building was fairly quiet, since it was after nine and classes were over for the day. The newspaper staff, the few who were still hard at work, were in the offices on the second floor. So Bella pushed off the front door and headed back to the stairs.

On the second floor, the cluttered desks were mostly empty. A handful of bleary-eyed student journalists were hunched over laptops, barricaded behind stacks of papers, but Bella ignored them all as she made her way through the maze back to Riley. He was facing away from her, hunched over his laptop like the others. He was gripping a pen in his teeth, occasionally snatching it free to scribble notes on the pad next to his keyboard as he scrolled through a website.

Bella stopped behind him and laid her hands on his shoulders. He started and slammed back in his chair.

“Jesus!” Once he’d tipped his head back to see it was her, he closed his eyes and exhaled. “You scared the crap out of me, Bella.”

“Sorry. Surprise.” She gave him a weak smile.

“Yeah, surprise.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Uh…” Riley’s face screwed up as he thought about it. “No, I guess not. I had a sandwich, but that was a while ago.”

“C’mon.” Bella tugged at the sleeve of his sweater.

“I’m right in the middle of this, B—”

“Riley.”

There was just enough edge—stress and anxiety—in her voice to draw him up short. He knew he was still on thin ice with her, so he stopped arguing and pushed back from his desk. “Um, just let me pack up my laptop. I guess I can finish this up later.”

“Good. Let’s go.” Bella yanked harder on his sweater and he chuckled, levering himself up out of his chair.

“Okay, okay, I just need—“

He was stopped short in the middle of reaching for his bag by the warmth of Bella’s body wrapping around his. She curled her arms around his neck and pushed up on her toes to press her lips against his. He stood still and accepted her kiss, like always. When she kissed harder, her hands sliding into his hair and her tongue into his mouth, he reached out for her hips.

Bella deepened the kiss, clutching him tighter. He felt good, but it was more than that. She needed him. She needed to remind herself of what was real and right. She needed Riley to overwhelm her and fill her senses up, just like he used to, just like… She kissed him harder, nipping at his lip, chasing away the unsettling image of oddly-colored staring eyes that she couldn’t forget.

Her nails bit into the back of his neck and Riley moaned, sliding his hands up into her hair. His tired body and brain were finally catching up to her. He bent over her, kissing back, meeting her urgency with no question as to why it was there.

By the time Bella pulled away, Riley was breathless and clinging to her.

“Take me home,” Bella murmured, pressing her face into the hollow under his chin and kissing his neck, just under his Adam’s apple. Riley swallowed hard.

“No dinner?”

“We’ll eat later. Right now I just need you.”

He nodded against the top of her head. “I need you, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Not Magnificent

Bella paused half way up the steps to the library. Her eyebrows furrowed and she turned around, taking two steps down before forcing herself to go back up.

She stopped, clutching the railing hard, breathing deeply. She was being a coward. A silly, stupid coward. There was absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Nothing more than what her own imagination had invented.

Studying with Alice and Edward.

There was nothing remotely weird about it, or at least there shouldn’t be. So what if she’d thought about Edward Cullen more in the past few weeks than she should have? He was her friend’s brother and that was all. Nothing had happened during any of the classes she’d shared with them and if she was feeling uncomfortable, it was her own problem.

Having sufficiently steeled herself, she stood up a little straighter and marched the rest of the way up the steps and inside. She found Alice and Edward already there with their books spread out over a large table in the back of the humanities section. Alice sprang to her feet as soon as Bella rounded the corner. Edward stayed seated, sprawled back in his chair, hands curled around the edges of his book.

“Bella! Hi!”

“Hi, Alice. Edward.” Bella still wasn’t used to Alice’s effusive greetings, or quite figured out why she’d chosen to befriend her. Still, she was glad. Angela was so busy with classes this semester, and with Riley more consumed by the student newspaper than ever, she was lonely. Alice’s sophistication intimidated her a little bit, but she was funny and so nice. Plus Bella got the feeling that Alice was lonely, too.

It was unfortunate that Alice came with a brother who unsettled her so much, but once again, she reminded herself that it was all in her head. Edward hadn’t actually _done_ anything, outside of acting odd once or twice, and even that seemed to be a thing of the past.

As she settled down next to Alice, she resolved to get over whatever weird fascination she’d developed with him.  She pulled her books out of her backpack and shuffled them into order, then glanced up at Edward and forgot every resolution she’d made about fixating on him.

He was looking at her. He seemed to be looking at her most of the time when she glanced at him. And he was smiling. Well, he was almost smiling. One corner of his mouth was curled up ever so slightly. He had a little crease in his cheek next to it. Not really a dimple, but almost.

“Hi, Bella,” he said softly, his lips barely moving around the words, which were immediately overrun by Alice’s chatter anyway.

“So, Bella, did you get through the _Dracula_ reading yet? Can you believe she assigned a hundred and fifty pages this week?”

“Yeah, I got through it. Well, I’ve read it before, so I went pretty fast. She’s tough on us, huh?”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Seriously tough. Like, for real.”

Edward chuckled.

“What?” Bella asked him.

Alice swatted in his direction. “Oh, ignore him. He disapproves when I sound like a teenager.”

“But you _are_ a teenager. Or nearly.”

Edward snorted a laugh again.

“Well, I’m twenty now, so not anymore. I’m practically over the hill!” Alice said with a laugh. “Anyway—we should go over those discussion questions she emailed us.”

With that, they settled down to work. The bulk of the conversation was carried by Alice and Bella, but that meant Edward’s quiet comments, when he made them, jolted Bella more than if he’d talked non-stop. Every time she heard his voice, the nerves up the back of her neck tingled. Interacting with him left her flustered and tongue-tied, which was humiliating. He was just attractive, she told herself. It wasn’t personal.

An hour later, she’d almost managed to overcome his distracting presence and get some work done. She’d gotten intrigued by Freud’s essay on supernatural literature and was skimming a copy she’d found online while Alice went over the pertinent sections of the book. Alice let out a giggle.

“Bella, look at this. Rose just emailed me this video.”

Bella leaned over Alice’s shoulder to watch. “Oh God, that’s cute.”

“Isn’t he the best? Have you seen the others?”

“Others?”

Edward huffed. “Did Rose send you another video of that cat?”

“Maru,” Alice corrected him. “And he’s fantastic.”

“What’s a Maru?” Bella asked.

“Not what, who,” Edward corrected her. “It’s this Japanese cat Alice and Rose are obsessed with.”

“Because he’s adorable. The box? Come on, Edward. The box was so funny.”

Edward rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. Bella laughed and leaned back over Alice’s shoulder to watch a chubby tabby cat fold himself between two sliding doors.

“Hey, Bella.”

Bella turned to see Edward crook his finger at her, urging her closer. She leaned towards him across the table and he leaned in, too.

“I’ll tell you a secret,” he said in a stage whisper. “The real Maru fan in our family isn’t Rose. It’s  my brother Emmett.”

“Really?” Bella grinned, remembering giant, intimidating Emmett McCarty from high school. “He’s a crazy cat person, huh?”

“Oh, yes. LOL Cats is his homepage.”

“And I take it you’re not a cat person?”

Edward lifted one shoulder. “I prefer big cats. Bobcats, mountain lions, that sort of thing.”

“Cheetas, jaguars—”

“I don’t go for endangered species.”

She frowned. “Huh?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just a joke. An unfunny joke.”

She was puzzled by his odd comment, but not enough to kill her amusement at the mental image of Emmett Cullen forwarding LOL Cats to his entire family. “Oh, I don’t know. I think Emmett’s love of LOL Cats is pretty hysterical.”

“He’ll break me in half for telling you that.”

Bella gave him a wicked little smile and mimed locking her lips up and throwing away the key. Edward’s smile faded as she turned her attention back to Alice.

He remembered this moment. Well, he didn’t _remember_ it, exactly—he remembered seeing it in Alice’s vision. He remembered his own, disturbed reaction to it, unsure of what he was feeling in that peculiar glimpse of the future. But now he knew. Now that reality had caught up to Alice’s snapshot of this moment, he knew exactly what he was feeling as Bella leaned towards him across the table.

Total infatuation.

*0*0*

Once Edward realized exactly what was going on in his head, it was almost impossible to keep his eyes off her. Every time she shifted in her seat or cleared her throat, he was back to staring at her. He’d already memorized every tiny detail of her appearance, but he spent the evening going over all of them again, wondering exactly how they’d added up to this fixation he’d developed. She was pretty. He remembered noticing that about her when he first saw her three years ago. But not out of the ordinary way. She was small and pale, not flashy or particularly note-worthy.

Still, there was a fine delicacy to her features, like a Bernini marble. And her skin was so clear and soft. Well, he imagined it was soft, as he’d never actually touched her. He had a good imagination, though, and he could easily imagine how it would feel to slide his cool fingertips over her warm, silky cheek, dragging across the almost-invisible downy hairs, watching the blood push away from the pressure of his fingers and then rush back in as he moved on.

Edward swallowed thickly.

This was madness. Hopeless, pointless madness.

She was human. A human that he still wanted to drain, most of the time. Even now, as he sat watching her hair shift colors under the fluorescent lights, he was also battling the never-ending thirst her scent stirred up in him. The desire for her blood was twisting around this new desire for something else from her, leaving Edward profoundly disturbed.

How could he even be entertaining this infatuation? He couldn’t get close enough to her to ever act on it. Never mind the host of other reasons why doing so would be an abomination. She was human, and he was decidedly not. She had a boyfriend. He had…Tanya.

Guilt twisted in his gut. It was bad enough that he’d allowed himself to stumble into this alliance with Tanya when his better instinct told him it was a mistake. And now he couldn’t even manage to be faithful to her in thought, even if he was in deed. It didn’t matter. Having these thoughts, these _feelings_ about another woman, even if nothing would ever come of it, was a betrayal. He felt miserable over it.

He dropped his head in his hands and stared at the blur of words on the page underneath him. Anything to keep himself from staring at Bella.

“Don’t you think so, Edward?”

Of course, his resolution was all for naught when she insisted on talking to him. And worse, he had no idea what she’d just asked him because he wasn’t paying attention. Her silent mind was sometimes a real inconvenience.

“Pardon?”

“The image of the moon in that section. Did you notice that, too?”

Bella was constantly catching him off guard, so he had developed an entirely new coping strategy. He faked it.

“Um, yes. I thought the same thing.”

 _Liar_.

Alice’s thoughts would have sounded mocking if he didn’t know her better. He glanced up at her and she was smirking slightly, eyes on her book. He knew he’d have to deal with her later.

“So do you think it feeds into that central theme she talked about in number two?”

He quickly looked back to Bella. “What?”

She slowly lowered her pen, a smile flitting around the corner of her mouth. “I see what’s going on here.”

“You do?”

“Mm-hmm. I know your secret, Edward, so you might as well quit trying to hide it.”

 _Hardly likely_ , he thought, but what he said was, “Is that right?”

“Oh, yes.”

He felt himself smiling in return at her gentle taunting. “And just what is my deep, dark secret, Bella?” He couldn’t help the flare of adrenaline he felt just teasing her about it. She had no idea what she was poking at and if she did, she’d run screaming in the opposite direction. Still, Edward was enjoying a little fantasy that she might look up at him and see him— _really_ see him for what he was—and not be horrified.

She leaned towards him again and her voice dropped to a throaty whisper. “Confess.”

Edward swallowed and leaned in. “To what?”

“You can’t stop thinking about Maru.”

Edward let out an entirely ungraceful snort of laughter and quickly raised a hand to stifle the noise. Bella had both hands over her mouth to cover her laughter, too. Her eyes were crinkled up at the edges and sparkling over the tips of her fingers. His chest contracted where his heart once would have pounded.

Alice looked back and forth between them, smiling. She was deliberately throwing up a fog of nonsense around her thoughts and for once, Edward was glad to have no idea what she was seeing in his future. Because it was sure to be bad and in this one fragile, light-hearted moment, he didn’t want to see it. He wanted to pretend that this moment could be his reality.

A vibration came from the floor near Bella’s feet, and the bubble he was in popped. Her cell phone. She didn’t hear it at first and it vibrated again.

“Um, is that your phone vibrating?”

“Oh!” Bella bent down and dug it out of her bag. “Wow, you have good ears. I didn’t hear that at all.”

He gave her a small smile as she pressed send.

*0*0*

“Hi, Riley.”

“Hey, B.”

“Are you still at the paper?” Bella cast one more quick glance at Edward. He was looking down at his book, but when she looked over at him, he looked up and their eyes met. Bella’s pulse did that crazy fluttering thing. Again. She squeezed her eyes shut and pivoted away from him in her chair.

“Yeah, I’m still here. What are you up to tonight?”

“I’m studying in the library with Alice and Edward.” _Say his name out loud, like it’s no big deal_ , she told herself, wishing that would make it true.

Riley said nothing for a beat. “Alice and Edward?”

“I’ve told you about them. From high school.”

“Yeah, I know. I didn’t know you hung out with them.”

“We’re studying,” she repeated. “It just makes sense, you know? We have two classes together.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. How late are you studying with them?”

Bella unconsciously flashed a quick glance back at Edward. He was watching her. She turned her head again and shrugged her shoulder until her hair fell forward, shielding her face from him. Why did this feel so odd? So wrong?

“Um, I’m not sure. Why?”

“I’ll finish up here and come meet you and give you a ride home,” he said.

“Riley, you don’t have to do that. I know you’re really busy and—“

“It’s no problem, B. I was just wrapping up here.”

“But what if we’re not done when you get here?”

“I’ll wait. I have stuff to do, too.”

“If you’re sure—“

“If you don’t want me to just say so,” he snapped, and Bella could hear his impatience. The last thing she wanted now was a fight.

“No! I do. It’s really sweet of you to come all the way over. Text when you get here and I’ll tell you where we’re sitting.”

Riley let out a long exhale that hissed through her phone. “’Kay. See you soon.”

“Okay.”

She turned her phone face down on the table and slid her book closer, pointedly not looking at Edward. She didn’t want to chance another glance and find him watching her again. She was wandering into dangerous territory and it was best to put some distance back between them.

Riley sensed something, she could tell. Which must mean that she must be unconsciously putting out some vibe when it came to Edward. How awful that her boyfriend might have picked up on her silly crush on another man. Thinking back on the evening, she was afraid she might have even been flirting with Edward, even if she hadn’t intended to. It made her feel flighty and untrustworthy. Riley deserved better from her.

“Alice,” she said at length. “What did you find for the fifth question? I haven’t even started on that one. Riley’s on his way, so I better work on it now.”

Alice glanced up at Edward. Their eyes locked for a moment and Bella got the feeling—one she’d had before—that the two of them were communicating with that look. They were a little too intense, they looked for a tiny bit too long. Bella chalked it up to being siblings, but then remembered that they weren’t blood relations, despite their physical similarities.

Just as the moment lodged in her awareness, it was over. Alice gave her a bright smile. “I haven’t tackled that one either. I was saving the hard ones for last. Let’s do it. We can work it out together.”

Bella shook off her fascination with Edward, and the weird connection she saw between them. Too many creepy old novels were making her prone to mental exaggeration. She focused on the discussion questions with Alice and didn’t let anything else penetrate her concentration.

Forty minutes later, Alice sat back in her chair and glanced at the stacks behind Bella. “I think your boyfriend is here.”

Bella looked up. “Riley? Where?”

A moment later he rounded the corner and stepped up behind her chair. She felt his hands close around her shoulders and the warmth of his body surround her from behind as he bent over her to kiss her cheek. “Hey, B,” he murmured against her face. His lips were warm but the tip of his nose where it brushed her cheekbone was cool from the night air outside. He smelled like coffee and soap, familiar and warm.

She turned her head just enough to find his mouth with hers and gave him a quick peck. “Hi.”

“You done?” he asked.

“Um,” Bella glanced down at her notes, surprised to see how much she’d accomplished in spite of her distraction. Alice was really good at this despite her claims otherwise. “Yeah. I can be, I guess. Let me pack up.”

She stood up and turned to Alice and Edward. “Riley, this is Alice and her brother, Edward. Guys, this is Riley.”

Alice leaned across Bella and held out her hand. Riley looked mildly surprised, but he smiled and shook it briefly.

“Hi, Riley. Nice to meet you. Bella’s told me about you.”

“Yeah,” he replied. “She’s mentioned you guys a few times, too. You all went to high school together, right?”

“Well—“ Bella began.

“Just—“ Alice spoke over her.

“Alice and Bella went to school together,” Edward’s smooth voice cut them both off. He stood up from his chair on the other side of the table, unfolding to his full height.  Bella guessed he was somewhere over six feet, a couple of inches taller than Riley. “She and I only overlapped by a day before I transferred out. Nice to meet you.” Unlike Alice he didn’t shake Riley’s hand, only giving a slight nod of his head as he spoke.

Riley gave him a long look before he replied and Bella could feel him sizing him up. Riley’s jaw had that tense edge to it that Bella knew well. “So it’s like you just met,” Riley said, his voice flat and without inflection.

Bella wrapped her hand around his forearm and leaned, trying to signal him that she wanted to go, but he didn’t look away from Edward.

Edward looked right back at Riley.

“I guess,” he shrugged as he answered. “We are sort of new to each other.”

Edward schooled his face into the most open, artless expression he could manage, trying to dispel the suspicion and jealousy flaring in Riley’s thoughts.

Edward scanned Riley’s thoughts, looking for one showing how happy he was to be spending the night with Bella. Instead Riley was a swamp of jealousy and insecurity. He felt threatened by finding Bella talking with a good-looking guy that she’d known longer than him. He was resentful that she’d reacted to his packed schedule by hanging out with another man. Alice’s presence didn’t seem to factor in to his thinking much. Edward tried his best to give him a pass, because he could also see in Riley’s mind how stressed and tired he was. Even now he was fretting over an important email he’d forgotten to answer and an article he still hadn’t started, all while he glowered at Edward.

He wished Riley’s thoughts weren’t so openly hostile because it triggered reactions in him he had to work hard to suppress. The less civilized side of himself wanted to let loose the growl he was currently smothering in his throat. He wanted to scare the daylights out of Bella’s blind boyfriend, tear her hand away from his arm, and send the ungrateful lout packing. But none of those were possibilities, so he fiercely maintained his blank expression and harmless smile, tucking his hands in his pants pockets for emphasis.

When Riley finally looked away from Edward and down to Bella, his thoughts softened, which was the only thing that kept Edward from hating him outright. Riley noticed the strain around her eyes and the solid set of her jaw. Riley was wondering when she’d eaten and thinking about places he could stop to get her some dinner.

It wasn’t much, in Edward’s opinion, but it showed he did care for her, even if he was irrationally threatened by Edward at the moment.

_We’re designed to be threatening, you know._

Alice’s thought sailed into his head and it made him smile. It was true. Riley was reacting to a threat because Edward _was_ a threat, just not quite the kind he expected.

 

*0*0*

 

“You ready to go?” Bella’s voice sounded sharp to her own ears, but she was irritated by the purely masculine stand-off happening between Edward and Riley.

Riley glanced back at Edward one last time. “Whenever you are, sweets.”

“Okay…well, I guess I’ll see you guys in class? Thanks for this. I got a lot done.”

“Me too! Thank God you’re doing this with us, Bella,” Alice said, standing up to give her a brief one-armed hug.

Then her eyes slid away and met Edward’s briefly. There it was again, Bella thought. That quick, silent communication they had. There wasn’t a twitch of the lips or the tilt of an eyebrow to give it away, but still they looked like they were talking when their eyes met. Their peculiar hazel eyes.

The same color.

Bella scowled. She’d noticed Edward’s unusual shade of light hazel the first day she’d met him in the lecture hall, but when Alice looked back at her and smiled, she realized that Alice’s were the exact same color. And they were both adopted.

Something like a sixth sense skittered down her spine. She’d never seen eyes that color before and they _both_ had them? Riley squeezed her elbow and brought her back to earth. She looked down and shook her head. Ridiculous. There was probably some explanation that they didn’t feel comfortable sharing openly. Maybe they _were_ adopted, but from some absentee junkie cousin or something. Those sorts of things happened all the time. There had to be a reasonable explanation.

“See you,” she said as she hefted her backpack onto her shoulder.

“Enjoy your evening,” Edward said.

“You, too.”

She trailed Riley out of the library, still lost in thought and worried about Edward and Riley’s aggressive reaction to him. People developed harmless little crushes on other people all the time, right? _She_ never really had. She was always rather single-minded when she cared about someone. But she’d heard it was common enough. So as long as it stayed just a harmless crush and it didn’t threaten Riley any more than he already was, it wouldn’t be a problem. She had to get it back under control and by no means let it show around Riley. Eventually it would go away on its own.

They were halfway to Riley’s car when the silence was finally broken.

 “He’s kind of weird, huh?”

“What?”

“Him _._ He’s weird. Well, her, too, I guess.”

“You mean Alice?”

“She shook my hand. I mean, who under the age of thirty does that? And her fingers were freaking freezing. She needs a space heater or something.”

“I didn’t really notice.”

“Was she like that in high school, too?”

“I don’t—” Bella closed her eyes and struggled to keep up. “We weren’t close in high school. I barely knew her.”

“I thought you said your school was really small.”

“It was. But she kept to herself. Well, all of the Cullens did, really.”

“ _All_ of them? How many are there?”

“Um, five. Jasper’s in school here, too. I forgot to ask where Rose and Emmett are right now.”

“Five?” Riley cast a disbelieving look at her over the roof of the car as he unlocked the doors. “There were _five_ brothers and sisters in high school at the same time? How is that even possible?”

“They’re all adopted. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, they were like foster parents.”

Riley scoffed and shook his head. “Those two don’t look like any kids I’ve ever seen coming out of the foster system.”

Bella had no reply to that. Actually, now that Riley was pointing it out, it was pretty odd. He hadn’t even met the other three, equally stunning Cullens. How did they all end up in the same wealthy foster family? Why had she never noticed before how odd that seemed?

She flung her backpack onto the back seat, annoyed for even thinking that way. All those ignorant jerks at Forks High thought those things. They made mean remarks about Alice behind her back and alluded to all kinds of creepy things about the rest of them and none of it was fair. Alice was so nice.

“What does it matter?” she snapped, falling into the passenger seat. “I like them.”

Riley held up his hands in defense. “Hey, it’s no big deal. I just thought they were a little different. Sorry I pissed you off.”

Bella sighed and let her head fall back on the seat rest. “I’m not pissed off.”

Riley let out a little huffing laugh. “Oh, yes you are.”

“Well, maybe it’s because you said you came to see me and then spent all your time snapping at Edward.” The second she said it, she was sorry. Where had _that_ come from? She hadn’t even been thinking it and then there it was.

Riley’s hands curled around the steering wheel and he pivoted to look at her. He opened his mouth to reply, but Bella cut him off.

“Sorry. Sorry, that was unfair. I’m just tired and cranky.”

“I can tell,” he finally said at length, his voice measured and studiously calm. He was swallowing down an equally testy retort, one Bella felt she might have actually earned. She was the one flirting with Edward tonight. Clearly she was displacing her guilt.

“I skipped dinner. You know I get crabby when I don’t eat.” She reached out and touched his knee, trying to bridge a gap that suddenly felt like a canyon.

“I figured you had. I was going to stop and get you some food.”

Bella smiled then. He really did know her so well sometimes. “Thank you. Truce?”

“Truce. Besides, I have some good news.”

Bella waved her hand to encourage him.

“I heard from Adam Maslin today.”

“Who?”

Riley rolled his eyes, “The New York Observer, B.”

“Oh, right! Sorry, I forgot his name. So? What did he say?”

“He said it looks good that he can find me something after graduation.”

“Riley, that’s amazing! I can’t believe it! It’s exactly what you wanted!”

“Well, it’s not a sure thing yet, and I can guarantee that it would pay in potato chips or something, if it pays at all, but it would be a great opportunity.”

“I’m so excited for you.”

“For us.”

“What?”

“Adam Maslin’s wife is on the faculty of the Graduate English Department at NYU. I mentioned you and he said he’d introduce you to her.”

Bella sat back against the car seat, watching Riley’s profile as he flickered in and out of the light from the street lamps passing outside. “Why would I want to meet her?”

Riley shrugged. His eyes flicked briefly to her and then back to the road. “I figured if you were really set on the grad school thing, you could maybe do it at NYU. With me.”

Bella closed her eyes and exhaled. Riley wanted her to move to New York with him. Part of her was elated. He cared. He wanted her. He wasn’t going to let her go when he graduated.

Part of her was frozen. Was this what she wanted? It seemed like it should be, and she did want it. Mostly. Kind of. In part.

“Think about it, B. You and me in New York. It could be great, right?”

Bella’s shoulders relaxed and her smile this time was genuine. “Yeah, it could be.”

 

*0*0*

 

Alice was entirely silent on the long drive back to the house. Edward expected a full interrogation the moment they were alone, but she said nothing. She didn’t look at him and she kept her thoughts carefully muddled.

Whatever she thought, whatever she was seeing in the future, she had no intention of sharing it. That was the beginning of their unspoken agreement. She knew something was happening. Edward knew she knew. She kept his secret, even from him. She backed away and left him alone in his own head to wrestle with it. Edward had never been more grateful.

When they reached the house, he paused on the front steps. She gave him one quick look over her shoulder and smiled before disappearing inside. He took off into the woods, just like she knew he would.

The last thing Edward wanted to do was to talk about this out loud and deal with it head-on. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to think about it. He just wanted to do it alone. It seemed less real, less impossible, less awful if it stayed safely in his brain.

It was infatuation. What harm was there if he never acted? If it stayed just a thought, just a feeling, no one would get hurt. Not that beautiful, fragile human girl, and not his lovely impervious lover.

He pulled his phone out and scrolled to Tanya’s number. He knew what he had to do. It had been inevitable for so long, from the start, really. But once again, his feet of clay kept him frozen. Calling Tanya and ending it would give weight and significance to this thing, this insane rush of feelings he was having for Bella. And he didn’t want that. A fantasy was one thing. It could not become important enough to spur him to action.

When things with Tanya ended, it would be on its own timeline and have nothing to do with this. Of course, it was so much easier to stand back and let it run its course when Tanya was safely on the other side of the world. But since she was staying there for the foreseeable future, there was no reason to let his momentary insanity affect it at all. When she came home would be soon enough. Until then, he’d keep quiet and wait for this madness to pass.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Some of you might recognize the chapter title. It's part of a lyric from Holocene by Bon Iver. I might have listened to that song a whole lot while I was writing this fic.
> 
> Maru is real. Do a search on youtube. He's freaking adorable.
> 
> And thanks to all the readers who voted in The Lemonade Stand's Fic of the Week poll. Dog Star was one of the winners!


	9. Spiral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon is my amazing beta.

Ben and Angela were making pancakes. Well, Angela was making them and Ben was lurking around the kitchen, stealing bites of bacon and looking for excuses to touch her. Bella liked watching them together, always so close and connected, even when it had been several weeks since they’d seen each other.

Ben was visiting Angela this time and Bella hadn’t even seen them since he arrived the day before. However, she’d _heard_ plenty. From the looks of things they’d only emerged from her bedroom for sustenance.

So when Alice called earlier and invited her over to study for the upcoming midterm in European Literature III, she’d jumped at the chance to clear out of the apartment for the day, even if it was a forty-five minute drive to Alice’s place. She was also a little curious to see Alice’s house. And maybe Edward, too. A little bit. If he was even there. Alice hadn’t mentioned him at all when she called and Bella was working hard at telling herself that she didn’t care if he was.

“Bella, I made plenty,” Angela said, lifting the last of her pancakes onto a plate. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay and have breakfast with us?”

“Thanks, Ang, but I can’t. It’s a long drive out to Alice’s and I want to get on the road.”

“Alice?”

“Alice Cullen. From Forks. Didn’t I tell you that I have two classes with her?”

Angela dropped the spatula and spun around. “No, you didn’t. Alice Cullen is here at U Dub?”

“Yeah, I could have sworn I told you. She and Edward.”

Angela’s eyebrows hiked up. “ _Edward_ Cullen? He’s here, too?”

Bella nodded. “They just moved back from Alaska and transferred in. Funny, huh?”

“I’ll say. And you’re hanging out with them now?”

Bella paused while packing up her books and shrugged. “Well, we study together. Like today.”

“At their _house_ ,” Angela said slowly, for emphasis.

Bella nodded. “Why?”

“I don’t think in the entire time we were in high school anybody ever went over to their house. Like—e _ver_. They just didn’t make friends like that.”

“Oh.”

“But it’s great!” Angela said quickly, sensing that she’d made Bella uncomfortable. “They seemed…nice. Just private.”

“They are nice. Alice is great. She’s so sweet.”

“She always seemed so interesting. I wished I knew her better. Everybody writes that in yearbooks, you know? But I really did wish I knew Alice better.”

Bella smiled. Despite Angela’s prurient curiosity about the elusive Cullens, she was still genuine in her praise of Alice. So Angela.

“I’ll invite her over soon and we can all hang out. I bet she’d like that. Sometimes she seems…” Bella paused and closed her eyes. “It’s funny to say because she has such a big family, but sometimes I think she’s lonely.”

Angela gave a sympathetic pout. “Definitely invite her over.”

“Okay, but I gotta go. Their house is outside some little town called Sycamore. It’s way out by the National Forest.”

“We’re staying in tonight, so you can tell me all about it when you get back. I want details!”

*0*0*

 

Bella passed the entrance to the Cullen’s drive twice before she finally found it. There was nothing man-made beside the road to mark it, no address plate or mailbox, which seemed odd. There was just the narrow driveway, branching off at an obtuse angle to the road, nearly concealed by towering old growth spruce trees and a knee-deep carpet of ferns.

Even after she turned onto it, Bella was half-convinced that she was wrong and this road was leading nowhere. Then it curved gently to the right and began to show signs of use. The dirt turned to a pack of wood chips and the ferns were trimmed back to neat borders running along either side. After nearly half a mile, the narrow drive abruptly opened out into a wide space directly in front of the house.

And what a house it was.

Bella killed the engine on her truck—which seemed conspicuously loud out in these thick woods—and leaned forward over the steering wheel, examining the house through the windshield.

It was deceptive, not seeming particularly large or fancy until you began to count floors, until you noticed the multiple sets of slate stairs through the endless walls of glass, until you noticed the support beams of some sort of exotic dark wood not available at the local Home Depot. It was a house out of one of those modern architecture magazines, the kind that won awards. Except the Cullen’s house seemed designed to hide back in these dense woods. The towering trees hemming it in half-concealed it and made it appear smaller than it was. They definitely weren’t trying to show off to their neighbors, had there been any.

The smooth wood front door opened and Alice lit out down the shallow steps towards Bella’s truck.

“I can’t believe you still drive this!” she said as Bella climbed out of the cab.

“Sentimental attachment,” she shrugged, leaving out that her dad couldn’t afford to buy her a new car for college even if it had occurred to him.

“Well….” Alice paused and then reached out to tug on her sleeve. “Come in and meet my parents. I don’t think you ever did in high school, did you?”

Bella shook her head, choosing not to point out that _no one_ met the Cullen’s parents in high school. Bella had heard her dad worked at the hospital, but she’d never seen him in the few short months she was there before they moved away. Alice’s mom was a complete mystery.

They stepped into the foyer and Bella was hit with a wall of cool air and some sort of soft fragrance that she couldn’t identify. Nothing as cheap as scented candles or potpourri. This was elusive. She wasn’t sure she smelled it at all, and then it was there again, teasing her by being almost familiar but not quite.

The house was as beautiful inside as out. The walls and furniture were unobtrusive, allowing the views of the surrounding forest through all the glass walls to dominate the space.

“Is that her?”

Bella heard a high voice call from far in the back of the house.

“Yes, it’s Bella,” Alice called back.

The soft click of heels drew nearer and Alice’s mother emerged from the hallway. She was beautiful, more so even than Alice, and she looked so young, no more than thirty. All that money allowed you to stay young and perfect forever, if you wanted, Bella thought. Her long auburn hair was loose and wavy and she was fairly dressed up for just a Saturday at home, in a dress and low heels. Bella’s mother would have spent the entire weekend in the same pair of cut-off shorts and a t-shirt.

“You must be Bella,” she said, never breaking her stride as she crossed to them, extending her hand.

“Bella, this is my mom, Esme. Mom, this is Bella Swan.”

She took Bella’s hand, her fingertips really, so quickly that it almost didn’t happen, and then released her. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen.”

She gave an impatient wave of her hand. “Please, it’s Esme. I met your father once back in Forks, Bella. Such a nice man.”

She gave a small smile of acknowledgement, having a hard time picturing her no-nonsense father talking to someone as beautiful and sophisticated as Esme Cullen.

“Have you eaten, Bella? Can I get you something to eat? I can cook lunch, maybe?”

“No, please. I’m good.”

Esme looked crestfallen. “Are you sure?”

“Maybe just a snack, Mom?” Alice interjected.

“Of course,” she smiled beatifically. “I’ll just whip something up. This will be fun!”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Oh,” she said, suddenly straightening up. “Jasper’s coming with Rose.”

Moments later, the door opened behind them, even though Bella had never heard anyone walking up the steps.

Jasper Hale came in with his sister, Rosalie, who Bella only vaguely remembered from Forks, although how she could ever forget Rosalie Hale was beyond her. She was utterly unforgettable. So tall, so blonde, so beautiful. Girls like Rosalie just didn’t walk around in real life with normal people.

She and Jasper stopped just inside the door, not seeming surprised to see Bella there.

“Well, if it isn’t Bella Swan from Forks,” Jasper said with a small half-smile. He reached out his hand towards her. Bella took it and he gave her fingers a fleeting squeeze like Esme had before sliding away. Riley’s words from two weeks ago came back to her. _“She shook my hand. I mean, who under the age of thirty does that?”_ Apparently all of the Cullens did it.

“Hi, Jasper. I wasn’t sure if you’d remember me,” Bella said.

“Of course I do. You remember my sister, Rosalie?” He motioned over his shoulder at Rosalie, who gave only the tiniest nod of her head in acknowledgement.

“Sure. Hi, Rosalie. It’s nice you see you guys again.”

“Hello,” Rosalie murmured, barely moving her mouth to get the word out. Bella shifted awkwardly.

“Well.” Esme broke the tense silence. “Alice, why don’t you take your friend upstairs and get started? I’ll bring up some drinks and something to eat.”

Jasper leaned into Alice, kissing her cheek. “Have a good time studying, sweetheart.”

Behind him, Rosalie rolled her eyes. She seemed to have picked up the bad attitude Edward used to sport, Bella thought peevishly. She’d certainly never been friends with Rosalie. In fact, she couldn’t remember ever exchanging a word with her. Still, she didn’t have to be so cold and distant.

Bella turned to thank Mrs. Cullen—Esme—for having her over, but stopped before she could get a word out. Esme was still smiling at her, with her lovely face and open, artless expression.

And her light hazel eyes.

Her eyes were the exact same unusual color as Alice’s and Edward’s.

“Thank you, Esme,” she finally managed.

“You’re welcome, dear.”

She turned again to Jasper and Rosalie, still standing unmoving inside the front door. “Nice to see you both again.”

“You, too, Bella,” Jasper smiled back. His eyes….

Bella felt a shiver down her spine and forced herself not to look away like she wanted to. Light hazel. Like Esme’s. Like Alice’s and Edward’s. She glanced over at Rosalie, who was still staring at her with her fierce expression and beautiful face. And her hard, light hazel eyes.

_They all had the same eyes._

That was impossible.

“Bella?” Alice touched her elbow.

Bella turned and met Alice’s concerned gaze. There had to be some blood relationship that they didn’t acknowledge. That had to be it. Some family secret. Because otherwise—there was no explanation. Either way, Bella told herself, it was none of her business.

“Sorry,” she gave Alice a tense smile. “Got distracted.”

Ten minutes later they were set up in Alice’s huge bedroom. Alice spread out on the bed on her stomach. Bella chose to sit at Alice’s desk, facing her bookshelves, because the wall of windows behind her was entirely too distracting. Esme had come fluttering through with a tray of snacks, which Alice directed towards Bella, but she left quickly. It took a bit for Bella’s mind to settle, but soon she and Alice were actively working through the list of review topics for the midterm. She tried to tell herself that she wasn’t disappointed that Edward wasn’t joining them. He didn’t even seem to be home. Not that she’d been looking for him.

“What do you think about number three?” Alice asked. “I thought she was just looking for more detail about poetry, but now I’m not sure.”

Bella paused to think about it, idly chewing on her pen cap. “Umm… it could be, but I think she wants more than that. She was asking about Restoration novelists in the one before. I bet she’s going to ask about the Restoration poets. I don’t remember any of them now. Hang on. Let me get back to that section.”

_“Around her silver throne the planets glow,  
And stars unnumbered trembling beams bestow;   
Around her throne the vivid planets roll,   
And stars unnumbered gild the glowing pole.”_

Bella spun around in her seat. Edward was leaning on the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, auburn hair in disarray from the wind outside. His light blue shirt was stretched tight over his upper arms and shoulders.  Bella blinked, trying to figure out what he’d just said.

“What?”

A tiny, half-smile curled his lips. “Alexander Pope.”

Bella looked down at the textbook open in her lap, like she’d find the words he’d just spoken miraculously printed there.

“Restoration poets,” Edward went on. “Alexander Pope. He’s one.”

“Oh…right.”

Alice shot him a sidelong look. “Did you decide to study with us after all?”

He glanced back, just a beat too long, the way they always did. “I was going over it last night and didn’t feel as solid as I thought. Do you mind?”

Bella shook her head, but questioned just how shaky Edward could be on the subject matter, since he’d just been quoting Alexander Pope at her.

“I’ll just get my books,” Edward said, sliding off the door frame and disappearing down the hallway.

Bella kept her head down, facing her book, but not seeing it. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose. That smell…why did their house smell so good? Why was her pulse racing so hard? He just startled her, that was all.

“Do you mind Edward studying with us?”

Bella shook her head, too fast. “No, not at all.”

He reappeared moments later and chose a spot on the floor a few feet from Bella, his back braced on Alice’s bed. Alice scooted forward until she could peer over his shoulder.

“Hey, no cheating,” he murmured with a smile.

“Like I’d need you,” she chuckled.

All the progress Bella felt she’d been making with the study guide evaporated in the face of Edward’s overwhelming, distracting presence. No sooner would she manage to focus on the subject at hand, then she’d look up to answer a question and there he’d be, usually watching her.

She couldn’t figure him out. He used to hate her, so why was he so focused on her now? Why the change? It didn’t upset her, per se. But it was safe to say, she was deeply aware of him.

She sucked in another deep breath and closed her eyes, forcing her mind back to English Lit. “Alice, number four is reminding me of that passage in Henry V. Remember that one? Do you have your annotated Shakespeare? I want to read it again and I didn’t bring mine.”

“Oh… it’s not here. We have a copy in the library downstairs.”

Bella leapt to her feet, desperate to get a break from the atmosphere of Edward that was about to drown her. “I’ll get it. Just tell me where.”

“It’s—“

“I’ll show you.”

Edward was already rising, gracefully unfolding his lanky body from the floor. Bella sighed. Entirely the opposite of helpful. But there was no good way to extract herself from this one, so she headed for the stairs, Edward just behind her.

“I can’t believe you have another library. Alice has so many books in her room already!” Bella said as they descended the stairs, knowing she was chattering, but desperate to fill the silence.

“Those are her art and design books. The main library is downstairs.”

“Main library?”

She glanced back over her shoulder at him and he looked slightly embarrassed. “I have a small personal library in my room. And Jasper’s—he’s got a collection, too. It’s specialized.”

“That’s a lot of books.”

“Well, Carlisle is a book lover,” Edward said quietly. “The whole family is, really. It’s in here.”

Edward opened a door off the downstairs hall, on the left, and motioned for Bella to enter. The green glass-shaded lamps on the large mahogany desk had been left lit, but the room was otherwise dim. It was large, like every other space in the house, and it was the only one not lined with windows. Bella quickly realized that it was because it was lined with books instead. She sucked in a breath at the sight of the Cullens’ magnificent library. She’d never seen so many books outside of the main campus library.

“Oh… wow. This is—“

“You like it?” Edward was smiling at her.

“Few people wouldn’t like this. It’s amazing. They’re all yours?”

Edward lifted one shoulder dismissively. “The family’s. Look around if you want.”

Bella gave him a little questioning look and Edward urged her forward with a tilt of his head and a smile. She moved hesitantly into the room, unsure of where to start. Finally, she crossed to the shelves behind the desk.

“Some of these are so _old_.”

“Um, Carlisle is something of a collector. Do you like books?”

Bella smiled back over her shoulder at him. “I’m an English major, remember?”

“Right.”

Edward moved slowly, not following her exactly, but still hanging in her orbit, never letting her get too far away in the huge room. Bella continued down the shelves, skimming her fingers over the spines, occasionally pulling one out to glance at the cover.

“What do you want to do?” Edward finally asked.

“Hmm? About what?”

“With your English degree. What are you going to do with it?”

Bella let out a tired sigh. “Honestly?”

“Yes. Not what you write on essays. The truth.”

“The truth is, I have no idea.” She let out a weak little laugh. “I don’t know what I want to do, or where I want to live—none of it. I’m majoring in English because I like to read. Pathetic, huh?”

“Not at all. You don’t need to rush into a decision. You have time.”

“Edward, I’m a junior. I’m pretty much running out of time. I need to figure out what I’m going to do and do it.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Lots of people your age aren’t sure what they want to do with their lives.”

 _Our age_ , Bella mentally corrected him. _Because you’re the same age as me._ Somehow she doubted that Edward Cullen was at all concerned about his future, though. Actually, it was hard to imagine him doing anything as mundane as getting a job.

“Riley knows _exactly_ what he wants to do.” The words were out before she even thought about them and she immediately regretted mentioning his name.

Edward was silent for a moment. “And what does he want to do?”

“He wants to be a reporter. In New York.”

Another long pause from Edward.

“Is that—are you going with him?”

Bella shrugged and turned away from the books, eyes on the thick Oriental carpet under her feet. “Maybe? I don’t know. I mean, it’s not like I have any grand plans of my own, you know?”

Edward watched her face, willing her to look up. She kept her eyes averted, like she was hiding from the truth herself. The silence was heavy in the quiet, isolated room. Finally, Edward broke it, his voice a low rumble.

“Bella—“

“Where did you say the Shakespeare was?”

He sighed. “I didn’t. But it’s over here.”

She crossed the room and Edward moved behind her, pointing to a shelf. Shakespeare’s complete works, every one beautifully bound in gold-embossed leather. She reached up and touched the spines, just admiring.

“This is a beautiful set.”

“It was a gift. Esme—my mother—gave it to Carlisle for his birthday a while back.”

“You call your parents by their first names.”

“We’re a casual family that way. Plus, we’re all adopted.”

“I remember that. Your parents are amazing people to do that.”

“They are. What about yours?” Edward asked, even though he knew the answers. He just wanted to keep her talking.

“My parents? My mom lives in Florida with her husband. My dad is still in Forks. Do you remember him?”

“A little. Are you close to them?”

Bella lifted one shoulder, her eyes still on the Shakespeare. “Not really, no.”

“Does that make you sad?”

Bella tipped her head to the side, considering the question. “Sad? I don’t know. Maybe lonely sometimes. That sounds silly, since I’m hardly alone.”

“It’s not silly if it’s how you feel.”

“You’re lucky to have a big family. I always wished I had brothers and sisters.”

Edward nodded in agreement. “I am lucky to have them.”

Bella sighed and made a little sound in the back of her throat, something soft and high.

Edward told himself not to take the step forward that his body wanted to. He was close enough already. Her scent was drowning him in this closed, dark room. His stomach was cramping with the desire to—what, exactly?

Bite, of course. That was always there. Her hair was swept back over her shoulders and he couldn’t keep his eyes from flickering to the pale curve of her neck, the tiny, fluttering pulse he could almost see under her skin.

But there was something else. Some other urge was propelling him forward, making him want to step into her personal space, to get close enough to feel her body heat. And this urge had very little to do with how her blood would taste.

He wanted to reach out and put a hand on her, just there on the small of her back where it curved in so tiny. He wondered what she’d do, if she’d jump or scream at his touch. Then he reminded himself that it didn’t matter because he couldn’t do it, for a thousand different reasons.

“Oh, here’s Henry V,” she murmured, finally remembering what brought her to the library in the first place. She pulled the volume out slightly. “But there’s Richard III. We should probably review that one, too.”

“I think we have a complete collection in one volume somewhere.”

Edward told himself that it was only natural to move forward now, to look for the book, even though he knew exactly where it was. Bella didn’t shift away, but he did hear her pulse escalate. Her scent shifted incrementally, sweetened with a shot of adrenaline and something else, something heavy and luscious. Venom pooled in the back of his throat but he swallowed it down.

“Where—“ Bella popped up on tiptoe, skimming the shelf above with her fingertip. At the same moment, Edward reached out over her shoulder for the Collected Works. His fingertips brushed hers and they both froze. Bella’s breathing stilled entirely. Edward wouldn’t have dared to let a molecule of air into his lungs if his undead life depended on it.

 _Look at her_ , he told himself. _She’s not prey. She’s Bella. Look at her face and make her real._

He looked down just as she looked up. The air between them crackled and snapped. His hand, resting just next to hers on the shelf, curled into a fist as he resisted reaching out to touch. He wanted to touch. He could feel the heat of her, shimmering into the space between them, the heavy perfume of her, swirling into his head, making him feel drunk. Her dark eyes were bottomless in the dimly lit room. He could see a tiny sheen of moisture on her perfectly shaped upper lip. He wanted to trace it with his fingertip, or maybe his tongue…

_Edward_

Alice’s thought preceded her voice by only a moment.

“Edward?”

He closed his eyes, ending the moment, putting a stop to whatever was happening between him and Bella. Except he knew what it was. It was another one of Alice’s visions coming to pass. He’d seen this in her mind. He’d told her it was impossible, that it would never happen, this moment when he almost kissed Bella Swan. And it just did. He wondered what else she’d seen, but she was keeping that to herself these days.

The reason for her interruption came a moment later. His phone vibrated in his pocket.

*0*0*

Bella took a heavy, shaking breath and turned back to the bookshelf, reaching up for the collected Shakespeare she’d come for. She didn’t trust herself to speak or even look at him. That was—there was no mistaking it. Who knows what she would have done if Alice hadn’t interrupted. She was horrified with herself.

Edward sighed and stepped back, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose with one hand while the other pulled his phone from his pocket. He glanced at it and made a sound, somewhere between a groan and a growl. Whoever it was, Bella guessed he wasn’t happy to see the call.

He hit send. “Hello.”

At that moment, Alice pushed open the library door and slipped inside. She cast one quick glance at Edward then crossed to Bella.

“Did you find the Shakespeare?”

“Um, yeah, I did. Sorry, I got distracted down here.”

Alice reached out and touched her arm, just a fleeting brush. “It’s okay.”

Edward had turned away and was moving towards the door. “No….” he said into the phone, still scowling. “Just studying with Alice and…. I know… it’s hard to explain….”

Then he was gone without a backwards glance and Bella was left feeling oddly abandoned.

“He didn’t seem happy about that,” she said, knowing she was fishing for information but not caring.

“That was just…. a friend of his.”

“Oh. Okay. Um, here’s the Shakespeare.” Bella lifted it slightly.

“So you want to get back to work?”

“Should we wait for Edward?”

Alice paused and glanced back over her shoulder at the door he’d disappeared through. “He’s going to be tied up for a while.”

Bella didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. She felt like she was missing something, but she couldn’t figure out what. All she could do was to follow Alice back out of the library and up the stairs. Half way up Rosalie appeared from the hall leading to the back of the house.

“Where’s Edward?” she asked.

“He got a call,” Alice replied. “Bella and I are going to get back to studying.”

Rosalie’s eyes flitted towards the ceiling in barely-concealed distain. “Is he talking to Tanya?”

Alice paused before answering, hardly even a beat, but it was enough. Enough to tell Bella what she was missing. The phone call, and Edward’s abrupt departure. Someone named Tanya. Although she had no right to, she felt cold dismay. _Tanya_.

Alice gave Rosalie a hard stare, but answered her. “Yes, he is.”

“Have fun studying,” Rosalie said with faint amusement, and then she continued towards the front door.

Bella wanted to shout _“What the hell is her problem?”_ but as rude as Rosalie was, she was still Alice and Edward’s sister.

She followed Alice up the stairs in silence. Who Edward was talking to was none of her business. _Really_ none of her business. She kept telling herself to leave it alone, forget it, stop dwelling. It didn’t work.  The words were out of her mouth before she could remind herself not to say them.

“Is Tanya Edward’s girlfriend?”

Alice kept climbing the stairs and didn’t look back, but she was silent for just a second, and if Bella wasn’t imagining it, she sounded a little sad.

“Yeah. She is.” Then she stopped just outside the door to her room and turned back to face Bella, reaching out to touch her sleeve. “It’s complicated, but don’t worry about it. It will be okay.”

Bella felt her face flame with embarrassment. Oh God. Her infatuation must be so apparent if Alice was commenting on it so openly.

“It’s not… Alice, no... I was just curious. It’s none of my business at all.”

Alice said nothing, she just smiled slightly before turning back into her room.

*0*0*

Several hours later, after Bella had long since left for home, Rose finally reappeared at the house. Alice was waiting on the front steps.

“What the hell was that about, Rose?”

Rose glanced away towards the woods, unconcerned. “What was _what_ about, Alice?”

“Why did you do that? Ask about Tanya like that in front of Bella?”

Rose spun back to face her, eyes flashing with temper. “Ask about Edward’s _girlfriend_? Why would that be a problem, Alice? How about you just spit out whatever it is you’ve been seeing and quit being so cryptic?”

Alice pressed her eyes closed. “It changes a lot. Sometimes it’s there and sometimes it’s not, which means everything could still go either way. It’s so fragile right now.”

“What? What’s so fragile?”

“Edward and Bella!”

Rosalie leaned back and scoffed. “You can’t be serious. Is _that_ what this is all about? You’re playing matchmaker?”

“I’m not doing anything. It’s just happening.”

“It’s _wrong_ , Alice.”

“You haven’t seen him, Rose! Like I said, it comes and goes, but when it’s there—Rose, he’s so _happy_.”

Rose stared at her for a long, silent moment. Finally, she spoke, pointing a finger down the drive where Bella’s truck had disappeared some time earlier. “That girl is human. There are only two ways this can end: with her dead or like us. And either way, it’s wrong. What you two are doing, keeping her like a pet—“

“We’re not!”

“You can’t do this to her, Alice. Not knowingly.”

“I would never—I just want to give it a chance. I won’t do anything, I swear.”

Rose shook her head. “Don’t look at me when this all goes south, Alice.”

“Don’t you want Edward to be happy?”

“And he’s going to find that with some _human_ girl?” Rosalie snapped.

“You did,” Alice shot back.

“That was different and you know it. Emmett was dying.”

“Still, you knew. And he was human.”

“Look, you do what you want. But you know how I feel. You’re putting her in danger for no good reason.”

Rosalie pushed past her into the house. Alice stood where she was, staring at the trees. “Maybe it’s for the best reason possible,” she whispered into the woods.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Killing Field

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon worked overtime on this chapter, but she made it so much better. I owe her a lot. At least a drink or something!

"Dad?"

"Hey there, Bells. How are things?"

Bella leaned back on her kitchen counter, staring at the coffee maker and her almost-cold coffee, trying to sort out what to say.  _Riley wants me to move to New York with him, but there's this other guy who I just met. I barely know him and there's something that's just not right, but I can't stop thinking about him. Oh, and he has a girlfriend._

Charlie certainly wouldn't want to hear any of that. And besides, Bella didn't want to talk about it. Not to her father, not to anyone.

"Everything's fine, Dad," she finally said. "How are things at home?"

Bella and her father weren't particularly close or open with each other, but she'd had enough of these stilted phone conversations with him to pick up any variations on their established patterns. He paused a beat too long before he answered.

"It's all good," he said brusquely, and Bella knew it was a lie.

"Really?"

"'Course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know—you sound a little tired."

Charlie sighed. "Just a situation at work. Nothing you need to be worried about."

"You're a cop, Dad. Of course I'm worried."

He sighed again. "Well… there have been some animal attacks in the area. It's got everybody on edge."

"Animal attacks? What kind of animal?"

"Not sure yet. Something big. Maybe a bear? A wolf?"

"Dad, when you say attacks…"

"Some people have been killed, Bells," he said quietly.

"Oh my God."

"Your— I didn't want to upset you, but a few days ago they found Shelley Cope's body just out back in the woods behind her house."

"Mrs. Cope? Oh, no." Bella closed her eyes and pressed her hand against her chest, remembering the sweet, batty woman who worked in the office back at Forks High. Shelley Cope, with her flame red teased up-do and her love of bright print blouses had been tremendously important to Bella during her senior year. She'd made countless trips to the office, trying to sort out the mess of paperwork that changing schools so often in her life had caused. Shelley had been so patient, so helpful, far more than her job required her to be. "That's so awful."

Charlie made a sympathetic sound in his throat, then coughed and went on. "Maybe she was taking out her trash, or feeding her damned squirrels—I don't know. But something got her. Dragged her a ways into the woods. Some hikers found her the next day. Everybody's real torn up about it."

"I'm so sorry, Dad. Poor Shelley." Her eyes burned with tears. She tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling, willing them back. They'd just make her father uncomfortable.

"Well—" Charlie paused and Bella knew he was working to maintain his professional calm. It was how he handled things that upset him and Bella could understand that. She was a lot like him in that way, not prone to putting what was inside on show to the world. A moment later, he spoke again. "We've been pretty busy. Got some guys in from the Department of Fish and Wildlife to lend a hand, putting together hunting parties, that kind of thing."

"Do you have enough men for that?" Bella asked, knowing full well that the Forks Police Department consisted of eight men, two of them part-time.

"The tribe has pitched in, helping with the hunting."

"The tribe?"

"Sam, Paul, Quill, Jake…"

"They're hunting?"

"They were determined to help out with this."

Bella was silent for a minute, remembering her last visit with Jacob. "How's Jake doing?" she asked, aiming for a casual tone and failing.

Charlie paused, so she knew he'd picked up on it. "Why do you ask?"

"Nothing. Well, when he was here, he just seemed—I don't know. It's not like I even know him that well, I just got this feeling that something was bothering him. Something back home."

"Well, to tell you the truth, something seems to be going on with all those boys down at the Rez. Running in a pack, dropping out of school, keeping to themselves—at first I thought maybe it was gang stuff, or maybe drugs, but I'm around them all day at work and I don't think that's it. I can't put my finger on it and Billy won't say a word about it."

"Well, maybe there's nothing to say. They're volunteering on a police investigation, so they're hardly a menace to Forks society, right?"

Charlie grunted non-committally. "I just got this hunch that there's something I'm missing."

"Nothing gets by you, Dad."

Charlie chuckled. "Flattery never gets you anywhere, Bells. You coming home for Thanksgiving?"

Bella recognized that it was his way of closing down the discussion, so she dropped it. "Not sure yet, but I'll let you know. I'd better go. Class soon."

"Take care, honey."

Bella paused, reluctant to end the conversation for some reason. First the horrible news about Shelley and now Jake and the boys at the Rez acting so strange. Her imagination was in overdrive these days, but she couldn't help feeling like something terrible was about to happen. "Be careful, Dad. I'm worried."

Bella felt like she could hear his small half smile in his answer. "You don't need to worry about me, Bells."

*0*0*

Edward ran ahead of his family up the mountain. He was always faster than all of them and today he was relishing the quiet and the cold, damp air rushing over his skin. He batted tree branches aside and leapt without thinking over fallen trunks. His mind was elsewhere, still stuck in the library, replaying quick glances and tiny, warm breaths and fingertips brushing. He was turning it over and over, trying to figure out what it meant and at the same time, telling himself that it couldn't mean anything at all.

Alice was the closest, a few hundred yards behind him, letting him obsess in peace. The others were a full mile back. Alice's thoughts were quiet: simple things about Jasper, the color of a fabric she liked, the pattern the moss made growing on tree bark. He was happy to hear the low hum of her mental presence. It made for good, unobtrusive company.

He heard her gasp at the same time her steps faltered and the vision reached him. One of their kind, pursuing a human through the woods. Red eyes, ratty, mismatched clothing. No one they knew—just some nomad. Edward stopped abruptly. If it was no one they knew, then why was Alice seeing it?

Alice's vision continued to unfurl. Edward knew the feel of them by now almost as well as she did. This vision wasn't set in stone. There was time—time for other choices to be made, for fate to intervene. The nomad raced through the woods—dark, damp woods that Edward knew well. He knew this place. The human, crouched on the trail examining some tracks, had no idea what was bearing down on him. He looked back over his shoulder just as the nomad struck. Charlie Swan's eyes went wide with shock just before he died.

"Edward!"

He had already turned and covered half the distance back to Alice. Her hands were outstretched, grasping at his shirt frantically. He grabbed her upper arms to steady her. "I know, I saw. But it's not certain, is it?"

She shook her head. "But they're in Forks. Those nomads."

"More than one?"

"Yes, I could feel others there. I'm not sure how many. Not as many as us. Edward, he'll kill Charlie."

"No, he won't. We'll stop it, Alice. We need to talk to Carlisle."

Edward felt nearly strangled with panic. It wasn't happening immediately, but he didn't know how much time they had. Bella's father would die at the hand of one of their own kind. The thought sickened him. She'd told him that day in the library that they weren't particularly close, but that hardly mattered. She didn't have many people in her life. It would kill her to lose one of them.

He would never be one of those people she loved, but at the very least, he could protect the few she had.

*0*0*

Half an hour later, the family was assembled around the polished mahogany dining table that had never seen a meal, ready to discuss the situation. Carlisle paced back and forth at the head of the table, cell phone pressed to his ear. Edward was straining for his thoughts, but Carlisle was throwing up walls to keep him out.

"I understand that…. I see… But you have to understand our concern…. I see…. Well, we'll be in touch."

Carlisle ended the call and turned to face his family.

"Well?" Jasper asked.

"Billy says the tribe is handling the situation."

"Fine," Rose said, pushing back from the table. "Works for me."

"But—" Alice interjected.

"I just—" Esme began.

"It's not that simple, Rose," Edward snapped, pointing at the laptop opened on the table in front of him. "They say they're handling it but four people have been killed. We need to do something."

The newspaper accounts in Forks were full of the stories. Four people dead in a matter of weeks in a town the size of Forks was an epic event. The predators were circling Bella's hometown. They were about to kill her father and there was no telling who else they'd take out. He was hardly cognizant of her every move. If she went home for the weekend, it could so easily be her. That thought was one he couldn't bear to dwell on for too long.

"Explain to me why?" Rose countered, cocking an eyebrow at him. She'd read the reports, too. They all had. Rose, however, was markedly less concerned.

"We have a treaty with the tribe," Edward said.

" _We_  have a treaty," Rose said, sweeping a finger to indicate her family. "The ones doing this have nothing to do with us."

"And I'm not so eager to go toe to toe with an unknown number of renegade nomads out of some sense of nostalgia," Jasper said.

"But they're killing people we know!" Alice interjected.

"And we should put ourselves at risk of exposure for that?" Rose asked. Her eyes flicked from Alice to Edward. "This is about  _her_ , isn't it? That human."

" _Bella_ ," Alice said slowly, rolling her eyes. "And of course I don't want to see my friend's father die, but this is—I don't know. Carlisle?" Alice turned pleading eyes to her father, hoping he would side with her.

Edward clenched his hands into fists, trying to keep himself from saying something to Rose that he'd probably regret.

Carlisle paused, not wanting to unduly exert his will on this group that he thought of as family. "I can see both points of view," he said at length. "And while we technically have no obligation to get involved, this feels—"

"It's the right thing to do," Emmett suddenly interjected, earning a glare from his wife. "Babe, they're killing people. It's not right. You know it's not."

Esme cleared her throat softly. Every head swiveled to face her. She rarely voiced an opinion at family discussions, preferring to negotiate compromises instead.

"Yes, dear?" Carlisle urged.

"I have to say, I agree with Emmett," she said. "While we're not obligated to help by the letter of the treaty, to do nothing seems to violate the spirit of it. The tribe agreed to trust our kind not to harm the people of Forks. Now they're being harmed by our kind, even if it's not us. It feels wrong to sit by and let it happen."

Jasper shrugged, willing to accept being overruled with grace. "We do have ties to that community. We still have the house. Folks remember us. From that point of view, it's not smart tactics to let an incident like this go unchecked. It could bring all kinds of unpleasant attention our way, and not just from the humans."

"On that note, there's one other thing you should all know," Carlisle said. "Billy said that the presence of these nomads seems to have triggered something in the young men of the tribe. They're… well, for want of a better word, they're transforming, just as their legends said they would."

All heads turned to look. Edward could now see what Carlisle had concealed while he was on the phone. Wolves, but more than wolves. Huge, otherworldly animals.

"You can't be serious," he murmured. "They're turning into  _wolves_?"

"Billy says it's true."

There was silence as the group absorbed that news. Esme, Rose, Emmett and Edward had been there for the negotiation of the treaty and remembered the tribal legends first-hand. Jasper and Alice had been told later, but Jasper had done plenty of his own research and was just as familiar with the stories. They were thought to be just myths—until now.

"But then why did they never do it while we lived there?" Rose protested.

"Because of the treaty. Because we weren't a threat to them or anyone else. Not like these nomads." Carlisle looked down at his hands as he spoke.

"Well, that's all the more reason to get back there and help them," Esme stated firmly. "Think about what those poor boys are going through. And the danger they're putting themselves in."

Emmett snorted. "Only you could feel sympathy for a bunch of werewolves, Mom."

"They're not technically werewolves," Carlisle protested. "They're something else, something altogether unique. Shapeshifters. It's quite fascinating, really."

"Yes, well, let's save the anthropological study for later," Edward said. "If that's what they are, Carlisle, why haven't they been able to stop them yet?"

Carlisle shrugged, "Billy wasn't sure. They've proven to be remarkably elusive. It sounds to me as if one of them has some sort of gift. We'll find out soon."

Rose gave an exasperated huff, knowing she'd been out-voted.

"So what's the plan?" Alice asked. "We have to hurry. I don't know how much time we have."

"We need to get close enough to assess our enemy," Jasper said, eyeing both his wife and Edward.

Edward nodded his understanding, desperate to just get moving. Every hour they stayed here arguing was an hour when tragedy crept closer to Bella.

"So I guess we're heading out to Forks?" Emmett asked, sounding almost excited.

"Looks that way," Jasper said with a nod.

*0*0*

The family drove back to the house in Forks in two cars in the middle of the night, hoping to remain undetected by any humans they might know. The less their presence was noted, the better.

Alice was first out of the car and she hissed as soon as she inhaled.

"Their scent is everywhere here."

Jasper scowled as the smell hit him as well. "I'm sure ours is, too. No doubt they were curious about us. So many of us living together, so close to the humans."

"What if that's why they stopped here?" Esme said fretfully. "Curiosity about us? Then we really are obliged to help."

Even Rose nodded grimly at that thought.

The sky was just beginning to lighten to grey when the family spread out into the woods surrounding the Cullen house, trailing the scent.

"There are three, I think," Jasper said softly, knowing the others could still hear him. "Edward, do you hear any of them yet?"

"Not yet," he answered. "They must be too far out still. Alice, can you see anything?"

"No. I don't know them. I think the only reason I saw that one in the first place was because of Charlie."

"Well, let's just keep following the scent. Stay close enough to each other that we can still communicate for now," Jasper said.

Edward caught a scent trail that seemed fresher and followed it alongside a weak stream through the woods. Male. Aggressive. His own instincts flared into overdrive and he crouched lower as he advanced.

"Oh…" Alice murmured. Edward saw her vision just as she said it out loud. "Definitely three of them," she said. "One is a woman."

Edward saw the snap of her long, thick red hair in the breeze. There wasn't much more to the vision, just three undefined figures standing on a rocky outcropping in the woods. But it was sharp, like something in the very near future. They were close.

"The scent is stronger here," he said. "A male."

"Over here," Jasper said. "The other two. Strong."

Once again, they all shifted direction. The scent of the male that Edward had been tracking crossed the stream to join the other two. They were all together now.

"Edward, Alice, you two stay together and stay on them. You're our most valuable asset in a fight," Jasper coached as the family advanced through the woods. Alice hopped the tiny meandering stream to walk at Edward's side. Emmett shifted farther out to the side, searching for any sign of them besides their scent.

"We're not looking for a fight," Carlisle interjected. "We're here to talk to them and encourage them to move on."

Rose snorted in silent laughter.

"And if they don't want to?" Edward voiced what the rest of the family was thinking.

"Well, then–," Carlisle began.

"We do what's necessary to protect the people in Forks and the tribe," Esme finished for him, her voice decidedly sharp. Carlisle didn't argue, knowing she was right.

 _There's no way this bunch is moving on willingly_ , Jasper thought. Edward gave him a slight nod to acknowledge that he heard him and agreed.

Unfamiliar mental voices began to filter through Edward's mind. He was on the very edge of his ability to hear them, plus all three were unknown to him, so all he could catch was the tenor, more an impression of them as opposed to concrete thoughts.

"I can hear them," he said. "Well, almost. The male I was following leads their coven. The woman—she's  _his_. She thinks of herself that way. She's devoted to him. The third, he's less tied to them. It's a fragile alliance."

"Stay focused on the leader. They'll follow where he goes," Jasper said. "Especially if she's bonded to him like that."

Edward nodded and pushed to the front with Alice close on his heels. In moments they were well ahead of the others as they spread out to the sides to flank. Fuzzy thoughts and images grew more precise as he advanced on them.

The leader, the blond man, was talking to the other two.

" _Here they come. Can you smell them?"_

" _I knew they were there," the woman said._   _"I always know."_

 _Victoria_. The leader looked at her and her name formed in his mind.  _So useful,_  he thought. Nothing like what she thought when she looked at him. She was in love—bonded. He was opportunistic.

What did he want her for? Edward wondered. What was her use to him?

" _There are several," the third one said. "More than us. More than your one."_

The leader's thoughts were sharp and analytical. Not at all like the woman's. She was a creature of instinct, mostly wild. Edward scowled as he tried to focus on the woman. She was young, maybe even made by the one she was so bonded to. It was hard to tell. Her thoughts were still chaotic and untamed, like all newly-made ones. And the life she'd been leading hadn't done much to give her any mental discipline. She was nearly feral.

The leader,  _James_ —Edward was able to pluck his name from the woman's riotous head—seemed unconcerned with her. She was a means to an end, but what end? What purpose did she serve for him besides the obvious one?

Edward focused on the third one, Laurent, but he was barely paying attention to the other two. He was only concerned with avoiding unnecessary confrontations.

" _We should split up," James said. "You know what to do."_

_Victoria ran her hand down the side of his face and smiled. "Of course I do. Take care of yourself, love. I'll take care of the rest."_

"They're splitting up," Edward said to Alice.

"I know," she replied. "I see it. He's going south, down the mountain toward town. She's going east. The other is heading north."

"Who do we follow?"

Alice shook her head. "Stay on the leader. Jasper is right, she'll try and find her way back to him."

"Where are the others?"

"Behind us. But we can't wait or we'll lose him."

Edward nodded and veered to the right through the trees with Alice at his side.

Moments later, he saw the leader deciding to go south, on the path that Edward and Alice would soon intersect.

"Carlisle said one of them is gifted," Edward said. "It's probably him."

"Hurry, Edward. He's going to get away from us if you don't."

Edward nodded and pushed himself to the edge of his speed. In moments, he was closing in on James.

Alice fell back, unable to keep pace with him, but she'd be there soon enough, Edward reasoned. Certainly before things turned violent.  _If_  they turned violent. There was still the hope, slim as it seemed, that with a warning, they'd scare them out of the area.

Several hundred yards ahead, he caught the flash of dirty blond hair between the trees. He could hear the surprise in his thoughts when he realized he was being pursued. He hadn't expected that. He was supposed to have followed Victoria.

_Fucker is fast. Not gonna outrun him. Better face it and take him on. Victoria can keep the rest of them chasing their tails._

Too late Edward realized that he'd bet wrong. One of them had a gift, but it wasn't this one. It was the woman. That's what he used her for. He focused in, snatching what information he could from the leader's thoughts, names, places, details; anything he could turn against him. Victoria had some sort of ability to obscure herself, to evade and escape. James used her to buy himself time to pursue his real quarry.

 _Just have to get rid of him and get to her,_ James thought.

Her? Who was he trying to get to? There was nothing else in his mind to clarify that thought. Just something— _someone_  that James was set on finding.

"Victoria and Laurent are facing four, James," Edward called out, now that he was close enough for his voice to carry. "And you're facing two. Those aren't good odds for any of you."

James pulled to a stop and swung around to face him. He was standing on the edge of the stream, much wider here where it flowed down the mountainside towards the ocean. The bank had worn away, leaving a drop of several feet to the water. Certainly no obstacle to a vampire, but enough to make it a less than desirable spot to defend.

"Do I know you?" James asked out loud.

Edward slowed to a walk, still advancing through the trees to him. There was a grassy clearing just in front of him, less obstructed than the woods currently surrounding him. "No, you don't. But I know you. At least, I do now."

"How might that be?"

"It's my secret," Edward countered, still skirting trees, only a few dozen yards away from him now.

"Why are you after me?" James' words were innocuous enough, but his stance was challenging, head thrown back, arms crossed over his chest. Edward recognized the threat for what it was. It made no sense. James was braced for a fight and so far they'd made no overt move against him. Edward edged forward and kept his voice neutral.

"We maintain a permanent residence here. Your feeding habits have caused a disturbance. It could make things difficult for us."

James narrowed his eyes. "You mean you come back to this place? You  _live_  here?"

"We live many places. This is one of our homes, though, yes. So you see why we'd prefer it if you left this town and its people alone."

James let out a scoff of laughter. "You're here to defend the  _humans_?"

Edward could see the activities of the past few weeks in his mind, the three of them stalking the citizens of Forks, savoring the hunt, enjoying it. His teeth clenched together, imagining Bella possibly walking these streets, unaware of these monsters waiting to destroy her and the people she loved. In that moment, he hated the strength of his own kind. It was unfair that a beast like James had the power in a flick of his wrist to end the life of a fragile human like Bella. What kind of world allowed for such gross disparity?

"They're people with lives, you animal," he bit out, unable to ignore the unnecessary savagery he saw in James' mind.

James cocked his head to the side in confusion. He was still thinking back over his recent kills, wondering at Edward's words, unable to reconcile his concern for the humans with the shrieking, flailing food source that James knew them to be.

_She lumbers down her back porch steps, hauling the kitchen trash behind her. She crosses the lawn to the plastic bins at the edge of the woods and drops the bag inside, pressing down on the lid to keep the animals out._

Edward closed his eyes and inhaled, recognizing the woman in James' memory. Shelley Cope, from the office at Forks High. She always got flustered when she dealt with Edward, embarrassed by how attractive she found the teenaged boy. Edward knew what was coming next and wanted to look away, but it wasn't a movie or a car accident on the highway. There was no escaping this mental assault.

_She hears something in the woods, a snap of a twig, and moves closer, crouching down a little bit._

" _Buster? Kitty? Is that you? You missed your dinner, mister."_

_She advances into the woods, looking for her missing cat. She doesn't see the other animal waiting there for her._

_By the time she does, James has stepped out behind her, blocking her retreat. She's too far in to escape. She doesn't even realize at first that she should be frightened. It's not until she sees his red eyes and the peculiar, inhuman way he move, that panic sets in._

_She turns and runs, deeper into the woods, because she can't get past him to get out. She's heavy and out of shape. No match for the supernatural creature pursuing her. Still, it's not quick. He takes his time, letting her adrenaline spike, and her heart rate soar. She hyperventilates. She screams until she's hoarse. She falls several times until her shins and the palms of her hands are bleeding and raw. Her clothes are torn. She's scratched, covered in dirt, and sweating. Her flushed face is streaked with tears. Still, he doesn't end it. Because this is the part he likes. Their terror. The smell and the taste of their fear._

_Even when he descends on her, he takes his time, swiping at her just enough to break the surface of her skin, to set her bleeding. It's a full, horror-filled hour before he finally rips into Shelley Cope's throat and ends her life._

Edward opened his eyes and stared at the animal in front of him. There was no reasoning with this thing. He had no intention of even trying.

_Edward, are you all right?_

He heard Alice in his head just as she raced down the slope behind him.

"I'm here, Alice," he muttered through clenched teeth.

James' eyes snapped to the woods behind Edward, where no doubt he could now hear Alice's approach himself.

_Finally. There she is, coming right to me._

A second too late, Edward saw it in his mind—what had really brought James and his companions to Forks. Not coincidence. Not curiosity about another large coven of vampires. The face in his mind was Alice's. He was here for her.

"Where…" Alice sprinted out of the woods and stopped a few feet to Edward's side, finally face-to-face with the stranger. She scowled and Edward cocked his head, listening to her rapid-fire thoughts.

_I know his face._

"Do you know him?" Edward asked.

Alice shook her head.  _No. But I think I did. Once._

"From before? When you were human?" he pressed.

Alice shook her head slightly.  _I can't remember that._

"Well, well, well," James drawled, staring at Alice. "I've been looking for you for a long time, Mary Alice."

Alice, an immortal and practically invincible, looked ill and instinctively took a step back in fear. She might not remember James, but she reacted to him nonetheless.

"Who are you to her?" Edward snapped. James took one lazy step forward, smiling when he saw Alice's answering retreat. James had picked up on the fact that Edward was hearing Alice when she wasn't speaking, but he hadn't followed that thought through to its logical conclusion—that Edward could hear everyone's thoughts. So it wasn't difficult at all for Edward to pilfer through his violent mind for the answers.

Edward gasped at the memory he saw.

Alice, but like Edward had never known her. Alice as a human. Tiny, thin—even thinner than now—pale, ravaged. Dark circles under her eyes, bruises and scrapes peppering her emaciated arms and legs, fingertips and knuckles bloodied and raw. Her hair was chopped short and ragged. Over the years, she'd figured out how to make the mess of it look intentional and even charming. But in James' memory of her, it was apparent it was yet another act of violence perpetrated on her. But the worst was her face. Vacant, expressionless. The girl inside was long gone, retreated deep within her own mind for protection.

The Cullens had pieced together clues from what little Alice knew of herself. They'd made some educated guesses about where she'd come from, since she could remember nothing from before her change. They'd all suspected that her human life had been traumatic in some way, but nothing could have prepared Edward to face the reality of it. His beloved sister, chained to a bed, dressed in rags, a barely-human shell.

He looked at her, his face creased with pain. Alice's brow furrowed.

_Tell me._

"Later," he whispered.

"You were such a mess," James said, breaking them both out of the moment. "Just this fragile, crippled little human. You were out of your mind, hardly even aware of what was going on around you. I couldn't understand his fascination with you."

"Who?"

James' lip curled in disgust. "Your protector. One of our kind. You were something of a pet of his. He was fond of you, for reasons I couldn't begin to understand. But that doesn't matter. He wanted you, so I did, too." James lifted his hands and smiled, giving a helpless shrug. "I can't help myself. I want everybody's toys."

Alice swallowed hard and took another step back. Edward moved closer and it elicited a growl from James. Edward could sense the animal stand-off that had started. James continued shifting closer to Alice and her trepidation only seemed to entice him more. They were three points of a tense triangle, Alice moving back, James advancing, Edward flanking, trying to get closer to Alice and still keep her from James.

"I can't tell you how furious I was when he snatched you out from under my nose. Changed you at the last moment. I ended him because of it. He never did answer me, though."

"About what?" Alice's voice was a reedy whisper.

"Whether or not you were worth it. I wonder if I could still find out."

Edward didn't wait for him to take another step closer to Alice. He sprang. James was ready for him and the collision of their bodies echoed off the mountains around them. He was a savage fighter and fast. Edward had little experience fighting one of his own kind, but he had two advantages. He was faster and he knew everything James was going to do before he did it.

Even hearing his thoughts, Edward had to work to keep the upper hand. James was an experienced fighter and he had his own personal incentive working for him. He was a hunter by nature and he had caught Alice's scent. He'd caught it over eighty years earlier and been thwarted from the prize. Getting at her now was his all-consuming drive. He'd never forgotten and never would. And he'd finally picked up her trail again outside of Forks. It didn't matter that she was no longer human. He hunted her; he wanted to catch her. And she was so close.

Edward could hear it, his desperation to get to her, and it fueled his fight. He swatted away every punch and lunge from James, just waiting for an opening big enough to end this. He'd never killed another vampire, but he had no doubt that he could do it.

Then Alice was there, snapped free of her inexplicable fear and vague memories. Her brother was fighting the stranger and it would end in death for one of them.

"Alice, stay away from him," Edward warned, wanting her as far away as he could get her.

Alice ignored him. She leapt, covering the twenty feet between herself and the fighters in one jump, throwing herself towards the stranger's back, intending to get her arms around his neck and wrench his head free.

It all happened in an instant. James sensed Alice coming and couldn't resist the lure of catching his prey, even if it meant turning his back on Edward. Edward saw the thought form in his head, the impulse he couldn't control, and he braced to take advantage of it. The instant James began to turn, reaching for Alice behind him, Edward struck. He didn't think about what he was doing, he just allowed his instincts to take him over. He grabbed, he held, he wrenched sideways with all his strength.

Cold, hard, bloodless tissue ripped with an eerie crack and groan. James made a noise, a growl bubbling up in his throat, moments before his vocal chords were torn in two. Ligaments and bone resisted. Edward pulled backwards with his own savage growl. The last bits of neck gave way and Edward stumbled back with James's head clutched in his hands. His body, suddenly lifeless, collapsed to the ground in front of Alice with a loud thud.

There was an incongruous moment of silence as Alice and Edward stood still, staring at each other over the body in pieces between them. Neither of them had ever killed another of their kind and were slightly stunned at having done it.

Then James' hand twitched at his side, a grim reminder that they weren't done. The body would keep flailing, looking for its missing pieces, until it was all destroyed.

"We need a fire," Edward finally said. Alice stared at James lying at her feet for a second before blinking and nodding. She turned away, starting to gather up sticks for a fire. Edward let the head fall to his side, only holding it by the hair, anything to avoid looking at his face. Now that it was over, he was sickened by what had just happened, even though he knew there was no choice.

_Alice? Edward?_

"Jasper's coming," Edward murmured when he heard the thought in his head. The others were maybe three-quarters of a mile up the mountain and closing fast.

"Tell me what you saw, Edward," Alice said. "I know you saw it."

"Alice—"

"Just tell me! It's my life. I deserve to know."

He closed his eyes, but nodded, acknowledging that she was right, but wishing he could spare her from what he'd seen. He spoke low and fast, keeping to the bare facts, telling her everything he'd seen in James' memories before he'd killed him. The elderly vampire who'd worked at the asylum where Alice had been a patient, his sympathy for her, his fondness for her. James encountering him, sensing his attachment to the wrecked human girl, and his dogged determination to destroy her, only because another of their kind wanted her. Her protector spiriting her out of the hospital and changing her, leaving her hidden away during her transformation to lead James away from her. And finally James catching up to him and destroying him, leaving Alice to wake up to her new life completely alone.

She listened to all of it without comment or expression. Her thoughts were shadowed, she was turned deeply in on herself. Edward didn't press. He knew she'd probably want to talk about it later, once she'd had time to absorb it.

The others were close enough to hear his voice now, so he shouted to let them know he was with Alice and they were okay. Moments later, Jasper and Emmett burst through the tree line and into the clearing. Rose, Carlisle and Esme were behind them on the mountain.

"What happened?" Jasper asked, examining the body Alice was stacking sticks around. Edward told him the bare facts, leaving out all mention of James' connection to Alice. That was for Alice to tell. He told them about Shelley Cope, which was enough to send Emmett cursing and kicking at the corpse.

"Did you get the others?" Edward asked Jasper.

Jasper snorted and shook his head. "The woman was the one with the gift. Some crazy ability to confound and elude. Seemed like we had her surrounded half a dozen times and then we'd end up chasing each other instead of her."

"Yeah, I saw it in James' head. She was supposed to draw us all off and then lose us. The other one got away, too?"

"He took off right away. I don't think he was interested in this fight. She was a tricky one, though. I got a read on her. She was all about protecting this one." Jasper nudged the body with his toe.

Edward huffed. "He barely gave her a thought. I'm pretty sure he was just using her for her ability."

Jasper shrugged and bent to help Alice finish the pyre. "I suppose it doesn't matter now. He's dead and she ran off. It's done."

The rest of the family arrived then. Carlisle saw the body and his shoulders sagged in defeat. He crossed to Edward, still holding the head at his side.

"Are you alright?" he asked, laying a hand on his shoulder.

Edward shrugged. "I will be. It was necessary, Carlisle."

Carlisle nodded. "I know. You wouldn't have done it otherwise."

Jasper produced a lighter from his pocket and set the pyre on fire. As soon as the body caught, sending up a plume of purple-grey sickly sweet smoke, Edward stepped forward and threw the head in the middle.

The family formed a loose circle, standing vigil while the body burned down to ash. Jasper sensed his wife's unease and wrapped his arms around her, folding her tiny body into his. She let him, hanging onto his shirt, staring at the fire with vacant eyes, until it was nothing more than embers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So yeah, I really monkeyed with canon on this one. I have the nomads showing up much later in Forks than they did. Also, for a different reason. But c'mon! It was just coincidence that they stumbled on that tiny town in the Pacific Northwest when Alice already lived there? I like my version better.


	11. The Lifted Veil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon is my most loveliest beta. She didn't beta that sentence. You can tell, can't you?

The family spent the weekend in the woods outside Forks, making sure the other two intruders didn't circle back to look for their leader. When no one materialized, they retrieved their cars and headed back for Seattle.

Edward tossed the keys to his Volvo to Jasper, saying he'd squeeze into Carlisle's SUV with the others so that he and Alice could have the drive to themselves. He could hear the confusion in Alice's thoughts. She needed to unload to her husband in private.

On the drive back, Carlisle attempted to draw him out and discuss what had happened, but Edward shut him down. He'd ended lives before, individuals just as reprehensible as James in their way. He'd stopped because in the end, he felt their sins didn't outweigh the guilt he felt at what he'd done. This was no different. Logically, he knew it had to happen. Emotionally, he wished more than anything it hadn't had to be him to do it.

His dark mood wasn't improved in the least as they neared Seattle and he heard Alice calling his name in her head from the car ahead of them on the road. He'd purposefully avoided her thoughts for the drive to give her privacy, but now she was trying to get his attention. He focused and saw what she saw.

Tanya climbing into a rental car at Sea-Tac airport.

He sighed.

_I'm sorry I didn't see her coming. She must have decided at the last minute. And then we were so distracted…_

Edward slouched down in the seat and closed his eyes. He knew this was coming, but that didn't make it any easier.

She was sitting on the front steps of the house when the cars pulled. Her blonde-red hair tumbled over her shoulders and down her back in glossy curls. Her arms were wrapped around her long legs. Her bright gold eyes were fixed on their cars, even though her lovely face showed no expression.

She smiled and stood to greet the rest of the family while Edward hung back. She hugged Carlisle and kissed Esme's cheek. There were brief exchanges as Carlisle asked after her sisters and Esme asked how Russia was. Tanya answered, but her eyes continually flickered to Edward. She was singing Russian folk songs in her head to keep her thoughts to herself, but he didn't need to hear them to sense her anxiety. Guilt twisted in his chest at how little he felt at seeing her again.

Finally, with an unsubtle glance at Edward, Esme made their excuses and his family melted away into the house, leaving the two of them alone outside. Inwardly, Edward steeled himself for what he was sure to be one of the more unpleasant conversations in his life. Outwardly, he smiled at her and pushed off the car to cross to her.

She smiled back and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in close to her body. It was a familiar sign of affection from her, one they'd shared dozens of times over the past three years. But Edward felt himself stiffen at how unnatural it suddenly felt to him. He did his best to hug her back, although she could feel that it lacked any more affection than he'd show hugging Rose or Esme. She pulled her face back and looked up at him, not moving out of his arms. Her lips were right there, supple and upturned as she waited. Edward glanced at the woods over her shoulder.

"How are your sisters?"

Tanya finally released him, stepping back stiffly. If she hadn't been sure when she climbed on the plane, she was now. Still, she wasn't going to make it too easy on him. If he wanted out, he'd have to say so.

"My sisters are fine. Russia is lovely. I didn't come to talk about them. I came to see you. I missed you."

Edward gave her a small smile and reached out to squeeze her fingers briefly. "It's good to see you," he said. Tanya noticed that he didn't say he missed her, too.

"Come take a walk with me," he murmured, nodding his head towards the woods behind the house. Tanya paused and stared at his outstretched hand, but in the end, she couldn't refuse him, so she took it and followed him into the woods.

They walked in tense silence for several minutes until they were sure they were out of earshot of anyone back at the house. Tanya's plan had been to wait him out and make him say it, but the quiet wore her down and she broke first.

When they stopped in a small clearing next to a weak stream, she stood next to him, staring down at the trickle of water fighting its way through the rocks and roots.

"What's going on with you, Edward?"

He sighed, feeling bad all over again. He was the one who wanted out. He should just say so, not leave it to Tanya to push for answers.

"Tanya, you know I care about you. The past three years with you have been a very happy time in my life."

Tanya, whose face was still turned down to the water, winced, but said nothing.

Edward inhaled deeply and pressed on. "This—you and I—I can't do it anymore."

"Can't or won't, Edward? Is this you punishing yourself again?"

He shook his head, thinking instead of how very self-indulgent he was being this one time, giving up a perfectly good relationship with someone he cared about because of a hopeless infatuation with someone he could never have. "I don't feel the way I should. The way you deserve. It's not fair to you."

Tanya finally looked up at him. "Edward, I know what we have together isn't quite as intense as what you've come to know in your family, but that doesn't mean it's not good. We're good. Aren't we?" She reached out and hooked two fingers into his pocket, tugging him forward.

Edward gently wrapped his hand around her wrist and pushed her away. Her face froze and her eyes grew cold.

"It's not enough for me anymore. I'm so sorry."

"Is this about her?"

Edward's eyes flashed in alarm. "Who?"

"The human girl I smelled all over your house."

Edward shook his head. "This has nothing to do with her," he said firmly, unaware that his protests confirmed for Tanya without a doubt that "she" existed and that it had everything to do with her. "You know I was confused when I came to stay with you. Staying in Denali for so long…. I was hiding from everything, not dealing with it."

"So I was just your distraction?"

"Tanya, you know I care about you. I always have and I always will. It just can't be more than that anymore."

She didn't move a muscle, standing motionless in the way that only their kind could. She looked at his face for a long time. Edward looked back, feeling it would be ungenerous to look away. She wanted to see if she could find her answers in his face, so he let her look for them.

Finally, she drew in a deep breath. "If you're sure…"

"I am," he replied, a little too quickly.

Tanya had been careful to muddy her thoughts while they spoke and Edward had done his best not to hear, but now he couldn't help but catch snatches of them. She was imagining a human girl, taller and more obviously beautiful than Bella was in reality, but it hardly mattered. Still, Tanya wondered at it, at Edward choosing to pursue a fragile little human over herself. Edward kept himself from responding to things he was never meant to hear. He was torn between protesting that nothing was ever going to happen with Bella and defending her as more exceptional than Tanya could ever guess.

"Under the circumstances, I think I'd better not stay," she finally said at length.

"Are you sure? I know Esme—"

"I'm sure." She gave him a tight, false smile. She was being polite, quite gracious, in fact. But Edward could feel the roil of her emotions just under the surface. She wanted to be clear of him before she let herself fully feel and think about it, and he didn't blame her. He didn't want to subject either one of them to that awkward experience.

"Take care of yourself?" he said softly. "I'll be in touch soon."

Another tight smile. "Not too soon. A little space—"

"Of course."

"Give my love to the family."

"I will."

She turned and moved several feet away before she paused. She looked back over her shoulder at him. "Be careful, Edward."

He didn't say anything, but she didn't seem to expect him to. She just turned and disappeared into the woods.

*0*0*

Because of the unexpected trip to Forks, Edward and Alice missed classes on Monday. It was Tuesday night before they could get back to campus for their Supernaturalism in Victorian Literature seminar. As they made their way from the parking lot to the English building, Edward was having a hard time suppressing what he knew was nervous anticipation. Excitement, even. Because Bella would be there. He'd see her again. And then–

He didn't know how to finish that sentence. There was no "and then." Freeing himself from Tanya hadn't changed the essential problem one bit. He couldn't go near Bella. It was impossible. That didn't keep him from wanting to, though. He reasoned to himself that as long as he didn't cross any lines and she wasn't harmed in any way, then how she made him feel was his business and he could enjoy being near her as much as he wanted to.

When he and Alice entered the class, he had to stop and take a moment to control himself. He'd been away from her scent for nearly five days. If he'd forgotten its power, he was reminded the instant his stomach started twisting with need. He curled his fists so tight that his fingernails left crescent-shaped marks on the heels of his palms.

 _You okay?_ Alice reached out to curl her hand around his arm, not to restrain, but to comfort, support.

He closed his eyes and inhaled, letting it burn its way down his throat and explode into his chest.

Bella.

He opened his eyes and nodded. It was thirst of course, the same as in the beginning, but the burn now oddly meant so much more. She was here, breathing, existing, in the same room as him. It was still awful, making the venom pool in his mouth and his hard muscles clench like stone, but it was also wonderful.

When he looked across the room, Bella was looking at them, slightly confused, probably because of the way he was standing like he was, frozen just inside the door. He smiled at her and her whole body relaxed. Her answering smile made a completely foreign kind of joy explode in his chest.

He skirted around the table with Alice and when they reached Bella, Alice smoothly slid into a seat on her far side, leaving Edward to sit next to her on her right.

"You guys missed European Lit yesterday," Bella said. Then she closed her eyes and shook her head slightly in embarrassment. "Of course you know that. I mean, I hope everything's okay."

Edward smiled, listening to the rapid thrum of her elevated heart rate, watching the soft bloom of peach across her cheekbones. She pushed her hair behind one ear and looked up at him.

"Just some family business to take care of," he said, lifting a shoulder.

"All finished now?"

He nodded, still not looking away from her, drinking in every tiny detail he'd already committed to his eternal memory. "All finished. Glad we made it back to town in time for this class. I'd have hated missing it."

"You were out of town?"

Edward looked up at Alice in alarm. Once again, he'd been caught off-guard without a ready lie, since he hadn't heard her wonder about where they'd been.

"Just back to Forks," Alice interjected lightly. "Some stuff with our house."

"You kept your house in Forks?"

Alice smiled serenely. "The market's bad. That's what Dad says. I think it's just that Mom doesn't want to let it go. Right, Edward?"

"Right," he finally muttered, finding his footing. "She loves that house."

"How was it being back in Forks?"

Edward shifted and scowled at his hands, folded tightly on the table, remembering James and every horrible moment of his destruction. "It was—things aren't good in Forks right now."

Bella's face fell. "You heard about Shelley Cope?"

"I heard."

"My dad told me. It's so sad. She was so nice. She saved my life senior year."

Edward cocked his head to the side. "How so?"

"Oh, um…before I moved to Forks, when I still lived with my mom, we moved a lot. Like, a  _lot_. Getting my transcripts for college applications was a nightmare. Shelley tracked them all down for me though. Then she followed up here and made sure the admissions office got everything. She didn't have to do that for me. It wasn't her job."

"Why didn't the guidance counselor help you with it?"

"Ms. Cappanelli? She was only part-time and between you and me, kind of bad at her job. She couldn't keep track of anything. Thank God Forks High had Shelley Cope or else nobody would have gotten into college."

"Huh. I had no idea."

"Nobody did," Bella shrugged. "She didn't make a big deal about it. She just stepped in to help when you needed her. She was amazing."

Edward remembered Shelley's flustered rambling whenever he came into the office for something. He had no idea how much more she'd done for other students. She was so selfless that she wasn't even consciously thinking of it, or he'd have heard. Clearly she was the best kind of human, beneath the bad dye job and garish blouses. It made what happened to her all the more tragic. He thought again about what Bella had told him about her helpful, generous nature, choosing to focus on that instead of the awful images of her end he'd seen in James' mind. "She was," he finally said in agreement.

"I'm sending some flowers to her family, if you guys want to go in on them with me," Bella said.

Edward smiled at her. Of course she was. Because Bella was another of those very best kinds of humans.

"Thanks. That'd be great."

"That's really sweet, Bella," Alice said gently.

_I like her so much, Edward._

Edward looked down, giving an almost imperceptible tip of his chin in agreement.

_I do, too._

"My dad says they're bringing in specialists from the State Fish and Wildlife Agency to track it."

Edward looked up at her in surprise. "Track what?"

Bella blinked in confusion. "The wolf? Or bear, or whatever it is. Dad thinks it's a wolf."

"Oh, right. I'm sure they'll catch it soon. Or it'll move on. Predators don't stay in one place for very long."

He hadn't realized that his voice had dropped so low—nearly a growl—or that he'd hunched over and was staring holes in his hands again until Bella leaned into him slightly. Her face was concerned and her voice was soft. "Are you okay? You look really upset."

Edward inhaled and sat back. "Yeah, I'm fine. Like you said, it's really sad."

He could sense Bella still watching him, even though she said nothing. Alice decided it was time to absent herself from her conversation, so she feigned getting a text from Jasper and turned away to answer him. After a moment, Bella spoke again.

"Are you sure that's all? Sorry, you just seem… different today."

Edward thought about all that had happened over the weekend. He remembered the feel of James' hair under his fingers as he tightened his grip and ripped. The horror he felt at the reality of what he'd done, even though he didn't exactly regret it. He turned his hands over on his desk, marveling that those were the hands that had carried out such a violent act.

Bella couldn't hear any of that. He cast about for something he could share with her before finally landing on the most obvious answer, at least for the college student he purported to be.

"I, um, I broke up with my girlfriend this weekend."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was it—are you—I mean, of course you're upset, but was it you or—"

Edward smiled slightly at Bella's awkward verbal fumbling, then stepped in to spare her further effort.

"It was me. I ended it. Still, it's never easy." He sighed at the truth of it. "She deserved better than what I could offer her. She deserves better than me."

"Why do you say that?"

"What?"

Bella shook her head, her whole face filled with compassion and interest. "Why do you talk about yourself that way?"

Edward grimaced. "I'm not proud of myself lately."

Bella smiled in sympathy. "I don't know what you're unhappy about, but it shouldn't be that, Edward. You're a great person, you know?"

He looked up and met her eyes, dark, sweet, understanding. Eyes he wished he could get lost in. He wished he could linger forever in her gentle acceptance, even as part of himself recognized her opinion was based on lies. If she knew him,  _really_  knew him, she'd never say such a thing. Just the same, the illusion was comforting and hopeful, so he'd take it, and enjoy it while he could.

Professor Spalding made her brisk entrance at that point, so their intimate moment was cut short. She launched into her opening comments about the week's reading, asking for initial responses to  _The Lifted Veil_. A couple of over-eager Type A's had their hands in the air immediately and one launched into a spirited, if unoriginal, exposition on his thoughts on the book. Bella didn't aggressively elbow her way into the discussion like some, but from the moment Professor Spalding started speaking, she didn't take her eyes off her. She was looking forward intently, her fingers absently working over the corner of her copy of the book, absorbing every word spoken.

Edward watched her for a few moments and finally his curiosity won out over his good sense and manners. He leaned in close to her, until her silky dark hair was almost touching his arm. He ignored the burning, heady smell of her and instead looked at her fingers, nervously fraying the edges of the pages.

"Did you like this one?" he whispered. He was actually rather eager to know, since the book's main character, Latimer, could both read minds and see the future. It was too good to resist.

Bella jumped, startled at his nearness, but unlike pretty much any other human on the planet, she didn't shift away from him in alarm or unease. She actually leaned in closer. She turned her head to whisper back. Her lips were so close to his face that he could feel the hot rush of her breath wash over him. He swallowed hard in reflex.

"It's so different from Eliot's other works, but I loved it."

"What part?" This close to her, he could see exactly how many little flecks of gold sprinkled the dark brown of her irises.

"Well, it was about so much more than the supernatural. It was about the true nature of a person's humanity. What would we see if we could see into a person's innermost thoughts? How would we judge them if we knew what really motivated them? The truth, not just what they wanted us to see."

"I think mankind would be in rather desperate straits if that were the case," Edward responded darkly.

"You really think so?"

"I  _know_  so," he said without a hint of humor. "Look at Bertha," he went on, "Latimer fell in love with her because he couldn't read her mind. Then she turned out to be shallow and vapid.  _That's_  all that was hiding behind her veil."

Bella cocked an eyebrow at him. "Maybe Latimer was being lazy. He'd have known Bertha was awful if he'd taken the time to get to know her instead of making assumptions."

"Maybe. But you see? Inside she was just as wretched as everyone else, he just didn't know it. People are sadly predictable in that sense."

Bella tipped her head to the side and squinted at him slightly. "You're the most pessimistic college student I've ever met."

Edward's eyes cut away briefly as he remembered himself. But he couldn't keep his gaze away from her for long. "I've just seen plenty of examples of how awful people can be."

Bella was quiet for a moment, considering. Then she smiled gently. "Maybe in a lot of cases. But maybe sometimes people would surprise you with what they were capable of. Like Shelley Cope. Who'd have guessed she was so kind?"

His eyes locked with hers. They were still leaning so far into each other that Bella's whispered words warmed the little space between their faces. Edward could do nothing but stare at her. Bella seemed to suddenly remember herself. Her expression grew serious and her eyes wide. Edward managed a tiny smile and she blushed, a perfect, pale peach wash under her skin. He wanted so badly to lean into her some more, until they were touching. What would it be like to feel her hands on his skin? What would her mouth feel like on his? The heat, the softness…

"Don't you think so, Mr. Cullen?"

Professor Spalding's sudden address did just what she intended it to. It broke the spell between Bella and Edward. They both sat back quickly and looked away. Edward frantically searched through Spalding's thoughts to compose an acceptable answer while Bella closed her eyes and shoved down her panic.

They did a decent job of ignoring each other for the rest of class, and Alice did a decent job of pretending not to notice anything that happened. Bella eventually found her voice and jumped into the discussion. Alice chimed in once or twice with some prescient observations on the guilt and responsibility that would go hand-in-hand with knowing the future the way the narrator did. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Edward sat back and watched and listened, preferring to gather more fragments of Bella from her comments.

He didn't understand her. She wasn't afraid of him. People who knew them only as a human family still kept their distance. Humans were a long way from the wild creatures they'd once been, but some fundamental instincts still existed, even if they were largely unaware of them. Humans sensed the threat posed by Edward's kind, and it made them cross the street when they saw him coming. It made them shift away from him while standing in line. It made them leave a ring of unoccupied seats around him in movie theaters. He was used to it and he counted on it.

But Bella wasn't like everyone else. She had no fear. She never seemed uneasy or uncomfortable. He remembered the moment when she voluntarily shifted closer, when she turned her face towards his to whisper to him, when their mouths were close enough to touch, and he felt an odd gently-blooming kind of hope in his chest.

It was still impossible. He'd never put her in danger, so getting closer to her was out of the question, but perhaps they could deepen what they already had. A friendship, a sort of trust. It wasn't enough, and it was nothing at all like what he wanted from her, but he'd take it as opposed to nothing.

Moments later, he was startled out of his thoughts by the sounds of the class packing up their books and getting ready to leave.

Alice shot him one quick questioning glance. He wasn't sure what she wanted to do, but he suspected it involved asking Bella to spend more time with them, so he wasn't about to object. He made no move to reply, which Alice took as approval.

"Hey, Bella, do you want to grab a coffee with Edward and me before you head home?"

Bella smiled and Edward felt a flare of excitement that was immediately crushed by her words. "I wish I could, but I'm heading over to the paper to meet Riley."

Riley. It shouldn't matter. He couldn't have her that way, so he shouldn't begrudge the man who made her happy. She was young, human and in love. He couldn't—wouldn't— disturb any of that. But he still couldn't dispel the black pall that fell over him.

"Oh, that's nice. Do you guys have plans tonight?" Alice chattered away brightly even as her thoughts were a flurry of upset on Edward's behalf. He just scowled and stared at his hands, clenched tightly on the table.

"No plans. I'm just going to force him out of there at a decent hour for once."

"They work him pretty hard, huh?"

Bella paused and fidgeted with her backpack for a moment. "Riley's just very… driven. He expects a lot from himself."

"Well, that's good. So many guys in college have no idea what they want to do."

Bella let out a low laugh. "Yeah, Riley knows. He's always known."

Edward had never wanted more to hear what someone was thinking as Bella finished zipping up her backpack, her eyebrows drawn together in a tiny furrow, the corners of her mouth curving down. But Bella seemed done with sharing, even though it was clear from her face that she was still thinking about him.

"I guess we'll see you tomorrow, then?" Alice said, sliding out of her chair to stand.

Bella nodded as she stood, too. "See you." She paused, her backpack on her shoulder, and turned to Edward. "Bye, Edward."

Despite his dark mood, he couldn't help but look at her when she said his name. She was smiling slightly, almost wistful. "Bye, Bella."

*0*0*

Edward and Alice walked in silence to the parking lot. She was translating the Magna Carta into Swedish in her head, so he knew exactly what she was really thinking about.

"Edward," she finally said. "I've been trying to give you privacy to deal with this, but if you want to talk—"

"Alice—"

"Just listen. If you want to talk, I'm here. That's all."

"I know."

She stopped walking and he turned to look at her. "Jasper is picking me up. See you back at home?"

He nodded. He was sure Jasper picking Alice up had not been part of her plans tonight, but she was trying to give him space and solitude. He was grateful, because tonight, it was exactly what he needed.

Alice levered up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek and then scampered away to the parking lot, where Jasper was just pulling in with Alice's red MG.

Edward waited until they pulled out and then got behind the wheel of the Volvo. He didn't feel like going home, so instead of heading towards the bridge that would take him east through Seattle towards home, he headed north. Maybe he just needed to get away for a day.

Less than five minutes later, while he was still winding his way through metropolitan traffic, his cell went off. One quick glance told him it was Alice. He considered ignoring her, but since she'd just said she wanted to give him space, he figured she wouldn't be calling without a good reason.

"Alice."

"She changed her mind. She's going to the library."

"What?"

"Riley told her he still had to work. Well, he's about to tell her. She'll go to the library instead. Alone."

Edward sighed and signaled to indicate he was turning off the highway. "Thanks, Alice."

She hung up without another word.

The whole way back he questioned the wisdom of what he was doing. It  _wasn't_  wise. It was patently stupid. Whatever weak story he cooked up to explain why he was there, it would be transparent. Bella seemed remarkably observant. She'd know.

So what? She would know that he couldn't stay away from her. If it bothered her and she wanted him gone, he'd retreat with a word.

But when he thought about her face in class tonight, when they were so close together that he could count every one of her eyelashes, when that intense moment of connection had made her blush… he couldn't help but feel like maybe she wouldn't send him away. Maybe she wanted him there, right or wrong. And he'd already wronged in so many ways, he no longer had the energy to chastise himself about this one.

So he drove on, crawling through the University District.

Moments later, his phone rang again. He rolled his eyes when he saw Alice's name flash. So much for giving him space. It kept ringing. He let it go. It paused for only a moment before starting again, still Alice. He sighed.

"What happened to privacy, Alice?" he snapped as he answered.

"She's walking on a dark path. There's nobody else around, Edward."

Her clipped, frantic words, spoken too fast for human ears, sent him instantly into a panic.

"What do you see, Alice? Tell me!"

"I'm trying! I don't know where she is! It's on campus. A footpath, not a roadway. There's a building nearby, but nobody is outside. The path is dark. Some of the lights are burned out. Oh, God, Edward, he's seen her. I didn't see anything until he saw her and decided. He's watching her! Hurry!"

"Keep looking! Anything familiar!" Edward shouted as he whipped the steering wheel to the side, sliding the Volvo into a small spot on 45th Street. He was out of the car in a moment, almost too fast for the pedestrians still peppering the sidewalk.

"Padelford is right across the street from the Communications building. Where could she have—oh—there's a path on the south side of Communications. She's not going to Odegaard Library, she's going to Suzzallo."

Edward shot into the dense trees that flanked the back of the archery range, deserted at this hour. There were still students on the main sidewalks, but if he skirted the streetlights and kept to the abundant trees on campus, he could move nearly at full speed without being seen.

"Keep talking, Alice," he hissed as he sprinted from one shadowy patch of trees to another, praying all the while, to whom he wasn't sure.

Let her be okay. He had to be in time. He just had to. He had to move faster. He had to find her scent, to lead him to her. He'd kill him, this nameless, faceless threat that dared to think about her that way.

He caught a thin thread of her scent, spiked with adrenaline, at the same moment that he saw her through a stranger's thoughts. She was wide-eyed and tense, backing up warily on a shadowy path lined with bushes. Edward felt sick even lingering in this stranger's thoughts for a moment, seeing her face stare back at him as he advanced on her.

She was afraid. He was enjoying it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The Lifted Veil is a real book, written by George Eliot. It's main character, Latimer, can hear people's thoughts and see the future. He falls in love with Bertha, a woman whose mind he can't read. Really.


	12. Circling Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon is an amazing beta. And you're all amazing for reading.

“Goodbye, Bella.”

Why couldn’t she stop looking at him? He must be able to tell. She was being so obvious. It was so wrong.

After she said goodbye to Alice and Edward, Bella practically ran out of the class. She kept walk-running down the hall, past the elevators to the stairwell. She was a flight down before she stopped for breath, closing her eyes and leaning back against the wall on the landing.

She was so confused. Why did he make her feel this way? Tonight in class as they spoke, it was like she couldn’t get close enough to him, and when she looked at him—when he looked back at her—it was like the world stopped turning for a minute. There was only his face, so perfect, flawless, not a freckle or a blemish to be seen. Only his eyes, with their unearthly pale hazel coloring and long dark lashes. His mouth, so close to hers she could have closed the gap with a single breath.

And she wanted to. It was no use denying it to herself anymore. She wanted to kiss him. Oh, God. She was not this girl, falling into this hopeless infatuation with a boy she hardly knew. A boy who seemed so far outside her world and reality. Riley was real. All the time they’d been together, the future they had ahead of them. Real. Edward Cullen was a fantasy. Intoxicating and tantalizing, but not real.

Bella scrambled through the outside pocket of her backpack for her phone, frantic to talk to Riley and bring herself back to earth. She needed to forget the way Edward smelled and the low rumble of his voice in her ear and that mind-melting pull she felt when she looked at him.

She scrolled to Riley’s number, her fingers practically trembling, feeling sick with herself.

“Hey, babe,” he answered absently, his voice tired. Bella’s heart sank. No easy escape here tonight.

“Hi,” she pushed on with forced enthusiasm, continuing down the stairs while she spoke. “My class just got out. I’m across the street at Padelford. Why don’t I come meet you and we can go home together? Mine or yours, doesn’t matter.”

Riley sighed heavily just as Bella pushed open the door to the outside. She stopped as soon as she walked out. “Not tonight. I gotta have this article done by tomorrow.”

Bella looked across the road towards the Communications building. She could just make out a few windows and the brick corner of it through a stand of trees. “You can’t just finish it up at home?”

“No, I can’t,” he said, barely masking his irritation. “It’s way too distracting. Look, I promise I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she murmured, but she was talking to the air, because he’d already hung up. She stared at the windows of the Communications building for a moment longer.

She felt restless and distracted, like her own skin didn’t fit right. She couldn’t go home. Angela had her study group until late on Tuesdays and she’d climb the walls if she was by herself. The main library didn’t seem much better, full of students more interested in flirting than studying. She could try Suzzallo Library. It was meant for grad students and therefore far quieter.

She crossed the street in a distracted fog, cutting across the sidewalk and down the footpath that skirted the back of the Communications building. She had taken that route countless times when stopping to see Riley. It didn’t even register in her mind, already full of Edward, that it was dark and she was alone. She didn’t notice either fact until she was half way there.

The two street lights overhead were burnt out, leaving some thirty feet of darkened path ahead. Bella’s steps faltered for just a moment, but then she reminded herself that the Student Union was just ahead and to the left, beyond the trees. It was odd how isolated the path suddenly felt, considering it was in the middle of the campus. Her father’s countless warnings about walking alone flitted through her mind, but she was mostly there. There was no point in turning back now. She’d have to loop all the way around to the roadway and there were only a few dozen feet still to go.

A moment later, when she spotted a dark figure walking up the path from the opposite direction, she began to curse her stupidity. She kept walking, picking up her pace slightly, keeping her eyes averted, as he grew closer. He was looking at her. She could feel it. All the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood up and her skin prickled. Her breathing grew shallow. Some part of her mind told her she was being ridiculous. He was just some student, headed in the opposite direction, probably to get his car or something.

She passed him. A foot, then two, and she was almost to the bend in the path and the light ahead…

“Hey.”

She glanced back over her shoulder, wondering if she’d prove herself completely absurd and it was someone she knew. He was her age, maybe a little older, entirely ordinary looking. Brown hair, nondescript features, forgettable. He pointed down the path in the direction he was already headed.

“I’m visiting my cousin and I’m all turned around. The student union is this way, right?”

Bella warred with herself for just a second, but he seemed harmless and she couldn’t very well lie and let him go the wrong way. She stopped and turned to face him.

She shook her head and pointed in the direction she’d been heading. “That way.”

He smiled broadly. “Thanks. Mind if I walk with you?”

Her pulse fluttered in her chest in warning. “Um—I’m kind of in a hurry. I’m meeting someone.”

She took a step back. He advanced. “Oh, come on. Just walk with me. I promise, I won’t bite.”

He kept coming towards her, still smiling that smile, except it was no longer harmless. It was creepy. Menacing.

“Stop.”

The smile dropped off his face. “I’m just being friendly, pretty girl,” he said.

She took two more rapid steps back and braced her foot to pivot and run.

There was nothing remotely friendly about him now.  He lunged forward, his hand closing down around her upper arm. Bella pulled back hard, frantically trying to remember everything her father had taught her for exactly this moment. But she was either too far away, too close or facing the wrong way for every move she knew. Then he started pushing her back, towards the edge of the path and the thick shrubs off to the left. Her ankle, already turned awkwardly, bent underneath her and she lost her balance. He took advantage of her stumble and shoved her farther into the shadows.

Where was everyone? Why was it so dark? Panic bloomed in her chest as she stumbled backwards, twisting her arm, trying to wrench herself away from him. His hand was like a vise, his fingers cutting into the soft flesh of her upper arm, pinching, bruising.

Bella inhaled in preparation to scream, hoping she could be loud enough, hoping someone heard, hoping they would come and help her.

“Take your hands _off_ her.” The voice coming out of the dark was ferocious, almost a growl, a sound like something out of a horror movie. But at the same time, it seemed almost familiar.

Then the man was gone. The vise around her arm released so suddenly that she staggered. Bella looked up and saw him stumbling back, hands upraised, and another dark figure between her and him.

“Hey, man…” her attacker began, that friendly tone of voice back, the winning, harmless smile in place. “I was just—“

“You were just about to die.”

Edward. It was _Edward_. Bella felt weak with relief, not even caring that there was no good explanation for why he was here. He just _was_ , and that’s all that mattered in the world at the moment.

“Look—“ the man tried again, backing away, cowering from Edward’s menacing presence. Bella was behind him, but he seemed different. Bigger, with broader shoulders. His usual upright, lanky body was hunched, predatory. His voice was different, too. Not the melodic whisper from the classroom. It was low, ragged, threatening. Bella had an incongruous memory of the cover of her copy of _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ from their class together.

The man, who moments before had tried to force her into the bushes, was now nearly shaking with fear, his eyes wide, his shoulders drawn up almost to his ears.

“You have exactly ten seconds,” Edward said, so softly that Bella almost couldn’t hear him. The air around him still crackled with aggression. He was like tightly-packed gunpowder, needing only a spark to ignite. “And then you’re done.”

The man stopped arguing, stopped defending himself. He turned and ran down the path as if his life depended on it. At that moment, Bella felt sure that it did.

In the unnatural quiet after his footsteps faded, all Bella could hear was her own loud, rasping breathing. Edward stayed still, moving only his hands, which were fisting and unfisting rhythmically. His back was still to her, his head was down. Bella was afraid. Not of him, but of fracturing the tense, explosive air around him.

When he finally spoke, the ragged, menacing voice from a moment ago was gone. He sounded like Edward again, smooth and soft.

“Are you okay?” He still didn’t move, just a tiny turn of his head, his face angling slightly towards his shoulder.

Bella closed her eyes and inhaled, nodding. “Ye—” She had to stop and swallow when the only sound that came out of her throat was a choked gurgle. “Yes,” she whispered.

Her voice seemed to spur Edward to action. He turned and closed the distance between them. He reached out for her and then stopped, his hands frozen in midair, as if he was considering whether or not he should touch her. After a moment, his hands curled around her shoulders.

It was the first time he’d ever purposely touched her. That was the random, inappropriate thought that crossed her mind. His hands were huge and heavy, but grounding. She felt fragile and insubstantial until he touched her. Then time started up again.

Edward crouched down until his face was level with hers, peering into her eyes. It was dark, but she could still make out the color of his eyes, almost glowing gold, like a cat’s eyes in the dark.

_Not right, not right._

It wasn’t the first time she’d thought that in his presence. So much about him didn’t make sense. She didn’t know what he was, but one thing was clear. He wasn’t what he pretended to be. He was no ordinary twenty year old college boy. Not even close.

For an instant, alone with him on the same shadowy path where she’d almost met with disaster seconds earlier, she wondered if she was any safer. His terrifying voice, the way his entire body had changed, the way that man fled in terror from him; maybe he was just another kind of monster.

She scanned his face—his skin so pale in the dark, the sharp angles of his cheekbones and jaw, the elegant shape of his nose, his lips, now pressed into a tight, anxious line—no, he was no threat to her. She didn’t understand him at all, but she knew she trusted him.

“Bella?” he said, tightening his grip on her slightly, his voice sharpening with concern. “Talk to me. What did he do?”

Bella shook her head and cleared her throat. “Nothing. I mean, just what you saw. He kept trying to talk to me and when I tried to keep walking, he grabbed me.”

Now that time was moving again and she was speaking and thinking, the adrenaline that had kept her going abruptly fled. To her embarrassment she began to shake so hard that her teeth were chattering.

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Edward muttered, reaching for his phone in his pocket.

“No! I’m okay. I just—” she broke off, feeling cold and weak, wrapping her arms over her stomach.

Edward hesitated for a moment, still staring apprehensively into her face. Then he pulled her forward, into his chest, his arms sliding around her back. Bella let her breath out in a shaky exhale. The tightness in her chest released. She brought her hands up and curled her fingers around the lapels of his coat, and turned her head, pressing her cheek against the scratchy wool. She inhaled, and the spicy-sweet smell of him filled her head. Her muscles unclenched. Her shaking slowed. She felt his hand come up and run down the back of her hair. His chest rose and fell under her as he sighed.

A million things about him and the moment struck her as wrong, but they were all superseded by the overwhelming feeling of _rightness_. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he finally said, the low rumble of his voice vibrating through his body pressed against hers. She nodded against his chest. She knew she needed to step back and let him go, but she didn’t want to.

“We need to talk to Campus Police,” he said.

Bella sighed and finally straightened, making a face. Edward kept his hands on her shoulders even when she put some space between them.

She knew he was right. Even though she wished she could just pretend the last half hour had never happened, she needed to report it. Her father would never forgive her if she said nothing and let the guy walk away.

“I don’t know where to go,” she murmured, hating how weak she sounded.

“There’s a station in the Student Union, right over there.”

Bella shook her head in disbelief. So close. Just a few hundred feet away. It felt like a thousand miles. If Edward hadn’t come, that guy could have done anything to her back here and no one would have saved her. Except Edward came. Edward, who’d already left with Alice, happened upon the exact isolated path on campus where she was in trouble at the exact moment she needed him. Once again, she knew there was more to the story than coincidence. She had no idea what the explanation could be, but she knew there was one. Something that explained the way he looked—the way they _all_ looked—that explained the way he thought and spoke, the way he acted and the way he seemed to just _know_ things.

“Can you walk?”

“What?” Bella shook her head to make herself focus on him again.

“Your ankle. Can you walk?”

“How did you know I hurt it?”

“I saw the way you stepped on it.”

_No one would notice that._

“Umm, it’s fine. It barely hurts.”

“You’re sure?”

She nodded.

“Lean on me anyway.”

He slipped his arm behind her back and she had no choice but to accept his help. She wouldn’t have chosen any differently anyway. He walked her slowly, carefully, the rest of the way down the path to the Student Union building. She had been so close to safety and still it had happened. Well, almost happened.

They walked together in silence for a few minutes. Edward broke it tentatively. “Should I— do you want to call your boyfriend?”

Bella kept her eyes on the sidewalk, on their feet, moving slowly side-by-side. Edward was shortening his long stride to keep an easy pace for her. She was silent for a minute before shaking her head, hiding behind her hair.

“Are you sure? I’m sure he’d be worried. He’d want to be with you.”

“I know he would. But I’m really okay and he’s busy tonight. I’ll tell him about it tomorrow.”

Edward was quiet, but Bella imagined she could feel him not saying what he was thinking. Finally he spoke, his voice a low rumble in the darkness next to her. “If it were me, I’d want to know right away.”

 _You_ did _know right away_ , Bella thought. _How?_

Instead she just shook her head again. “I don’t want to bother him. It’s okay.”

They were off the dark, secluded path now and on the well-lit, populated plaza in front of the student union. There was a satellite security office on the ground floor, just inside the main entrance. Edward stopped at the door, holding it open for her.

“Go ahead and talk to them. I’m going to get you something to drink.”

“You don’t have to—“

“It won’t take a minute. Do you like tea?”

All she could do was nod mutely and he was gone.

The security officers took her report and then left immediately to sweep the campus, in case he was still around. It wasn’t until Edward appeared at her side 30 minutes later as she was leaving her contact information with the secretary that it occurred to her that none of the security officers had seen him or gotten any information about him. She’d only referred to him as “a friend.”

“Here, drink this.”

He pressed a paper cup of hot tea into her hands. She thought about protesting, but the look on his face told her not to bother.

“Where’s your truck?” he asked. “I’ll walk you there.”

She shook her head, hands curled around her cup. It was more soothing than she expected it to be. “I took the bus.”

Edward considered this for just a moment before giving a tight nod of his head. “I’ll drive you home.”

“You don’t have to—“

“Bella, don’t be ridiculous. Of course I do.” He seemed to think for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer, less sure. “Unless you’d rather I didn’t. I’m sure Alice would come drive you. Or you could call Riley.”

Bella shook her head. She didn’t want Alice and she most certainly didn’t want Riley, she wasn’t even sure why. Shouldn’t she want Riley to take care of her? Shouldn’t he have been the first call she made? But whenever her fingers ghosted over her phone and she thought about doing it, she remembered holding onto Edward in the dark, his hand on her hair, her fingers gripping his coat, and she didn’t want to see Riley tonight.

Edward nodded and they turned to go. She felt his hand just barely touch the small of her back to guide her towards Spokane Lane.

The walk to his car was quiet and tense. Bella had a million questions swirling in her head. She couldn’t decide what to ask first or if she should stay quiet. Edward stepped in front of her to unlock and open her door, and he waited, holding it open, until she was settled inside before closing it for her.

Riley’s words came back to her. _Who does that under the age of thirty?_

Good question.

“Where’s your place?” Edward was the one to break the silence.

“Spruce and Wheeler. How did you know where I was tonight?”

Edward stayed facing forward, but his eyes cut to the side. “I didn’t. I was on my way to the library.”

“On that path?”

“What were you doing there?”

Bella shut her mouth with a snap, since the answer was “going to the library” as well.

“What did you do to make him run away like that?”

Edward turned his head towards her slightly. “Men like that are essentially cowards. They back down when threatened. Even by me.”

She didn’t want to say that he’d been utterly terrifying back there, despite his smooth good manners now.

Bella stared at his perfect profile for another minute. He’d answered her questions, but she was by no means satisfied. Everything about him remained a mystery. She wanted to push and demand answers, but she didn’t want to endanger this fragile bubble they were in. So she was silent as he drove.

“Turn here,” she said as they went down her street a few minutes later.

The third floor windows were still dark, meaning Angela wasn’t home yet. Edward shut the car off and they both stilled.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe I should take you to the hospital to get checked out.”

Bella shook her head. “No. I’m fine. I promise.”

“Have you eaten?”

“What?”

“You need to eat. Before you go into shock.”

“Edward, I’m not going into—“

“We should have stopped on the way to get you some food.”

“That’s really not—“

“It’s important to hydrate when you’re stressed.”

“Edward!”

“Yes?”

“I’m really all right.”

He gave her a small apologetic smile. “If you say so.”

“I do. Thank you for tonight. Really. I don’t even know where to start.”

Edward shook his head. “It was nothing.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but he was out of his seat before she knew what had happened. He crossed quickly around the front of the car to open her door for her. She smiled up at him as she stood. “I’m still saying thank you.”

“I’m still saying it’s not necessary,” he replied, smiling in return. He bent to retrieve her backpack from the floor of the car. She reached out to take it from him. When she moved her arm where the man had grabbed her, the muscles protested and she winced at the unexpected stab of pain. She’d been so still in the car that she hadn’t noticed it until now. Edward’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What is it? You’re in pain.”

She sighed. “Just my arm, where he grabbed me.”

Edward huffed and reached out, his hand curling around her elbow with infinite gentleness. “That’s what it was,” he muttered under his breath, the words clearly not meant for her.

“What it was?”

Edward shook his head. “Nothing. I’m sorry I missed it. Can I take a look at your arm? In the light?”

Bella thought about protesting—telling him it was just a little sore, nothing some Advil wouldn’t cure. And besides, what would Edward know about it? Edward shouldn’t know anything about it. But something told her that he would. So she just nodded and turned towards the house.

Bella’s apartment was the third floor of a converted, ramshackle Victorian house. The stairs sloped and none of the doors closed properly in the frames. The heat rarely made it as high as their floor and the windows all let in drafts. But since it had once been the attic, it had sloping ceilings and small, leaded-glass windows tucked into dormers and turrets, lending it charm that only she and Angela could see.

She led Edward up the narrow, uneven stairs and let him inside. He insisted on carrying her backpack and deposited it carefully on the chair by the front door. Bella turned on the table lamp next to the sofa before glancing back at Edward. He hovered just inside the front door, absolutely still, but radiating nerves just the same.

“Can I take a look?” He gestured at her arm.

Bella nodded, shrugging out of her jacket and pushing up the sleeve of her sweater. Edward finally left his post by the door, coming to an uneasy stop next to her. Again he reached out for her arm, seeming to pause slightly before he touched her. Bella started when he made contact with her bare skin.

“Cold hands.” She flashed him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry.” Edward gave her a small twist of his lips that could barely be considered a smile, since he was scowling, too.

Bella finally looked down at her arm, surprised to see how dramatic her bruises were already. A band of light purple was blooming around her bicep, with darker imprints that looked like fingerprints. Bella heard something from Edward that sounded like a growl. His whole body had gone rigid, although his grip on her arm stayed almost delicate, barely there at all.

“Do you have an icepack?” he muttered through clenched teeth.

“In the freezer.”

He released her and spun away, storming into her kitchen. She sank down onto the sofa, wanting this long nightmarish night to be over, even though she didn’t want to lose Edward’s company.

He came back startlingly fast with a glass of water in one hand, and two Advil on his palm.

“Take these,” he said, dropping them into her hand without touching her. Then he turned and disappeared back into the kitchen. He made no sound in there and again returned faster than seemed possible, considering he didn’t know where anything was. He was holding two icepacks wrapped in dish towels and a granola bar, which he handed to her.

“It was all I could find without digging through your whole kitchen.”

“It’s fine,” she murmured.

He sat down next to her and gently arranged one of the icepacks on her arm. “Lean back,” he said. “The couch cushion will hold it in place.”

As Bella settled into the corner of the couch, Edward leaned in over her, tucking the towel in to hold the icepack securely. Being so close to him, Bella was struck all over again by his beauty. The soft gold lamp light was picking out a stunning array of colors in his tousled hair. Brown, rust, bright gold, burnished brass. His long dark lashes made shadows on his high cheekbones. When she inhaled, she could smell him faintly, almost like a breeze blowing in from outside, cool and crisp. A curl of nerves and desire wound through her stomach.

“Put your leg up on the couch.”

It was a harmless request, but the words, combined with his closeness and the soft light in the room made them feel almost intimate.

Bella lifted her foot onto the couch and Edward set about arranging the other icepack around her ankle. It didn’t hurt at all but Bella decided not to tell him that.

“Will you be okay by yourself?” Edward’s low, rumbling voice, so close she could almost feel it vibrate across her skin, startled her.

“Um…” She knew she would be fine physically, and she didn’t want to be a hysterical female, dissolving into tears. Just the same, the thought of his leaving made her miserable. “Keep me company for a few more minutes? Just until I unwind a little.”

Edward sat back and smiled, his whole face transforming when he did. Bella could barely breathe, he was so beautiful. “Of course. All night if you need me.”

“I promise I’ll let you go home and sleep.”

He kept smiling, but it seemed to slip a little, and he looked away. He spotted her stack of books on the table and leaned forward to investigate.

“Ah, are you enjoying this one?” He held up her copy of _Middlemarch_ that they were both reading for British Literature III.

“I love it. So much more than I thought I would. You?”

He smiled fondly at the cover. “It’s always been one of my favorites.”

Bella smiled, starting to really relax for what felt like the first time in days. “Who’s your favorite character?”

“Hmmm…. Maybe Dorothea? She has the most compelling journey. Don’t tell me. I bet yours is Ladislaw.”

Bella laughed softly and rolled her eyes. “He’s not bad. But I like Dorothea, too. She’s so sure of herself in so many ways. She’s really her own person right from the start. And yet she still manages to make such a short-sighted mistake.”

Edward shrugged as he thumbed through the pages. “She was just focused on the wrong things, I guess.”

“She was all thinking and no feeling. Love isn’t something you can subject to reason.”

Edward looked pensive. “I guess there’s something to that, huh? Sometimes what’s best for us defies logic.”

Bella kept staring at his perfect profile as he skimmed the pages, his long, elegant fingers tracing over lines of text.

“Read to me for a minute?” She was glad of the low lighting in the room, because she was sure that her face flamed red with awkward embarrassment the second she said the words.

Edward glanced over in surprise, but he didn’t protest or even look uncomfortable. He just smiled and flipped through the book until he found the section he was looking for. Bella leaned her head back and let herself get lost in the words, in the steady rise and fall of his voice, the liquid, satin sound of it swirling around in her head. It was a soothing, heady drug and she felt her eyes sliding closed. The last words she heard before slipping under were Edward’s.

“But Duty has a trick of behaving unexpectedly—something like a heavy friend whom we have amiably asked to visit us, and who breaks his leg within our gates….”

*0*0*

Edward knew the second Bella slipped into sleep. Her breathing slowed and deepened and as she let go of the last little bit of stress, her face softened. The tightness around her mouth disappeared and the tiny line between her eyebrows smoothed out. Her left fist, resting on her chest, relaxed, her fingers gently unfurling.

He slowed his reading and then stopped, just watching her sink into slumber next to him. If he concentrated, he could still smell the blood pooling beneath her skin where her arm was bruised, but the damage wasn’t permanent. That’s what he told himself to keep from hunting down that monster tonight and ending him. He wouldn’t do it. He told himself that he’d done enough scaring the guy so badly that he’d pissed himself. He wouldn’t carry it any farther. But he did text Alice about him. What she did with that information was up to her.

It was late. Bella was safe at home and obviously exhausted. He should go. He knew it and still he stayed, just watching the slow rise and fall of her chest and the tendril of hair caught by her breath as it swayed back and forth. He wanted to touch her, but he knew he shouldn’t. Checking her arm was one thing, but this… invading her space while she slept… it wasn’t his place and it wouldn’t be. She wasn’t his.

But he was hers.

Any doubts he might have had about the reality and depth of his feelings were obliterated tonight. He could feel the shifting in his soul as plainly as if the ground had shifted under his feet. In the face of this new, overwhelming emotion, he could only think “Ah, I see. That’s what everyone was talking about.” Because all of his searching and questioning was answered here in this girl as she lay sleeping next to him. Everything that came before—petty attractions and even, to his eternal guilt, his three years with Tanya—paled in the face of this. And it wouldn’t be undone. He could feel it settling into the furrows and grooves of his very soul. Bella would be there, an intrinsic part of him, for all the days that he walked the earth.

The thought was both comforting and sad. At least he knew what it was to love, wholly and with all of himself. All of his questions were answered by the reality of her. Still, the sad fact was that he would likely carry his love for her alone through his life. She wasn’t meant for him, not in any way. And even if the impossible could be overcome—his nature versus hers—she’d already chosen someone else, someone right for her in a way he could never be.

He’d have to content himself with this, her friendship, as much as she’d let him in. These stolen moments when he could look at her and take care of her. He’d have to watch her live her life from afar until the time came when he had to stop even doing that much. Edward absently rubbed the heel of his palm against his chest, trying to ease what felt like a physical ache. If he let himself, he’d go crazy with wanting her.

Which was why it was time to leave. He’d also have to wake her up. It was temping to just tuck a blanket around her and leave her where she was, but he wanted her to lock the apartment after him. He probably could have figured out a way to leave and lock her in, but Bella didn’t need one more mystery about him to puzzle out. She already seemed to see far more than was safe.

He had to wake her up. But first, he wanted one last moment to watch her. The low light from the table lamp cast a soft gold glow across her skin. It looked so silky and now that he’d touched her, just her arm and only for a moment, he knew it was true. Her mouth had fallen open just a bit and her breath came in tiny puffs with each exhale. Although the shape of her mouth was delicate and small, her lips were full and pink, the same pink as her cheeks when she blushed at asking him to read to her. That little curl of hair rested against her chin, twisting with her breathing. Her lip twitched as it tickled her.

He wouldn’t touch, not really. He wanted to run his fingertips across her forehead, down her temple, over the arc of her cheekbone and the curve of her cheek. But he wouldn’t. Instead, he just hooked one finger around that stray hair and shifted it away from her face, brushing her shoulder slightly as he tucked it back.

With a sigh, he settled his hand safely on her shoulder, away from the lure of her bare skin.

“Bella.”

She sighed and shifted, turning her face into the cushion. He shook her slightly. “Bella.”

She opened her eyes in a series of slow blinks. “Oh…. sorry. I fell asleep. God…”

“Don’t apologize. After the day you’ve had, I’m not at all surprised. I just wanted you to lock up behind me when I go.”

“Oh… right.”

She shifted around and moved to stand, still a little shaky. Edward reached out and held her arm, just to keep her steady, he told himself. She smiled shyly at him as she gained her feet.

“Thank you again, Edward. For everything.”

“Anytime, Bella. For anything. I mean it. You have my cell and Alice’s, too?” She nodded. “Please call either one of us tonight if you need anything at all. You won’t disturb us.”

She nodded as she trailed him to the door. “Angela will be home soon. I’ll be fine. See you at class?”

He smiled and stuffed his hands in his pockets to avoid reaching out to touch her again. “Class. Goodnight, Bella.”

“Goodnight, Edward.”

 

*0*0*

 

Bella expected sleep to claim her right away after all that had happened, but she lay in bed for hours, watching the abstract shadows on the ceiling made by the streetlight behind the tree branches outside.

She heard Angela come in and head to her room to call Ben. She thought about getting up and telling her about the night, but she was oddly reluctant to share any of it with anyone yet. The whole strange night with Edward seemed almost like a dream. Telling someone about it would be like shining the harsh light of day on it and watching it shrivel and disappear.

As the night wore on, she lay alone in the dark, replaying every moment she’d ever spent with Edward. Something wasn’t right. Well, _many_ things weren’t right, starting with her inappropriate fascination with a man who was not Riley. But pushing aside that very unpleasant thought, something was fundamentally not right about Edward, in a much larger sense.

Everything she’d seen and felt didn’t add up. Or rather, they added up to an answer she could scarcely wrap her brain around. Edward was not like her, or anyone else, except maybe Alice and the rest of his family, if that’s even what they were. Whatever it was about Edward that was so profoundly unreal, the rest of them were all the same…something.

The realization that Edward was very possibly… _other_ …might have been alarming to most people—frightening, even. And on some level, Bella could acknowledge that she probably should be freaked out. But although Bella was a very down-to-earth and rational girl, she’d been raised by a mother who was anything but. All her life she’d been taught to accept the impossible, to be open to the unreal. Renee, her mother, had no real religious leanings, but she had a great belief in the universe’s limitless possibilities. Just because you couldn’t explain something didn’t make it less real. The world was full of things that humans had no explanation for, or so Renee had always insisted.

So as Bella lay awake in the dark and began adding up the things about Edward that were different or unexplainable, she was rapidly coming to the conclusion that he was one of those mysteries of the universe, some thing or creature that was decidedly unlike herself.

She was also rapidly coming to the conclusion that it didn’t matter. She’d become his friend—his and Alice’s—because of _who_ they were, not _what_ they were. And that hadn’t changed. He’d shown his nature tonight, saving her from something horrible (and human) and then taking such gentle care of her until he was certain that she was all right. In the end, that told her all she needed to know about him. The rest would be revealed in time, she was sure. Or maybe it would stay a mystery. Once again, she was okay with that.

In her mind, there was a more pressing problem than what Edward was, and that was how she felt about him. It was becoming such a nasty tangle, one that threatened to hurt no matter which way she turned.

It wasn't as simple as choosing one man over the other, swapping out college boyfriends like changing shirts, the way so many girls her age did. She didn't know why, but this decision felt bigger, weightier. More was at stake than who she would go to the movies with on Saturdays.

She knew what a future with Riley looked like. New York and a tiny shared apartment as he got a foothold at a newspaper and she went to grad school. That future was clear.

Edward meant a whole new path, one she couldn't even envision. He was a mystery, his past, his life. What would it even mean to choose him? She had no idea. When she imagined choosing Riley, she envisioned apartments and furniture-shopping, dividing laundry duty and grocery shopping. When she imagined a life with Edward, all she could envision was plunging deep into the sea, letting the water close over her head and the current take her where it would. It was terrifying. And tantalizing.

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So my real life has sort of exploded in my face. Nothing bad, and nothing that I didn't see coming, but for the next month or so, my free time will be pretty much non-existent. The good news is that Dog Star is completely finished, so as long as I can still find a free half hour when I'm conscious, I can still update fairly regularly. That's not guaranteed, but I'll do my best!


	13. The Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon is my beta and they don't come better than her.

Bella finally fell into a restless sleep near dawn. She woke briefly when she heard Angela leave for her early class, but decided to skip her own class and try to go back to sleep instead.

She was awoken an hour later by knocking on the door. Scrambling out of bed, she wondered briefly if it was Edward coming back to check on her. She was startled to open the door and find Riley standing there, arms crossed over his chest and scowling.

“Ry… what are you doing here so early?”

“I came as soon as my friend, Steve, over at Campus Security called me this morning. Something you want to tell me, B?”

Bella closed her eyes and exhaled. Guilt overwhelmed her. What was she thinking not calling Riley last night? He should have been the first call she made. “I’m so sorry, Riley. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“Some guy attacked you on campus and you didn’t think it was a big deal? Jesus, Bella!”

“He just grabbed me. I was scared, but really, I’m fine.”

Riley closed his eyes, reaching up to press his fingertips against his temples in frustration. It was a tic she knew well and she felt bad that she’d pushed him to this place. Bella backed away from the door, silently asking him in. He followed, then crossed to the other side of the room, his whole body tense. When he spoke again, he sounded slightly calmer, as if he was forcing his frustration down. “Steve said some guy came by and scared him off.”

Bella raised her eyebrows. So that’s how Edward’s intervention had gone down in the police report. She thought about leaving it that way. Just some passerby who’d saved her. But that felt too close to lying and she’d already skirted close enough to that. Riley deserved the whole story from her.

“It was Edward, actually.”

Riley spun around to look at her. “Edward from your class?”

“Yeah. He was headed to the library, too. He found me and scared the guy off.” _Scared him to death_ , was closer to reality.

“Well, that was lucky,” Riley said, which was the truth, but there was an edge to it, like he didn’t believe that coincidence had put Edward on the same secluded path as Bella. Bella didn’t think so either, but exploring it with Riley was pointless.

“Yeah, it was.”

Riley exhaled and dragged a hand through his hair again. “Bella, I can’t even tell you what it was like to get that phone call this morning. What were you even doing back there at that hour?”

She shrugged and tugged on the hem of her sleep shirt. “When I called you last night I was almost to the Communications building. When you said you needed to stay, I decided to go to Suzzallo to study, and the path was right there. I just wasn’t thinking. I swear, it didn’t even occur to me that it was late and dark until I was halfway there and that’s when I saw the guy.”

Riley shook his head. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. You called me and I blew you off.”

“No, Ry—“

“Jesus, you were right behind the building…” He trailed off and then crossed to her, pulling her into his arms abruptly. He buried his face in her hair and let out a shaky exhale. “If anything had happened to you, anything worse... I can’t–”

“Shh.” Bella wrapped her arms around his waist and let him crush her in his arms.  “I’m fine. It’s fine.”

He let out a huff. “It’s most definitely not fine. I was a dick and you nearly paid for it in the worst possible way.”

“Hey, I was the idiot wandering around in the dark by myself. My dad’s a cop. He’ll kill me if he ever hears about this. It’s like I just forgot everything he ever taught me.”

Riley laughed weakly at that. “He’ll kill you and then he’ll hunt me down with that shotgun he loves and take me out, too. He’s already no fan of mine. So let’s not tell him, okay?”

Bella exhaled as the mood lightened, rubbing her cheek against his chest, feeling comforted, comfortable. The reminder of their shared life together was just what she needed to bring her back to earth. “Deal,” she muttered into his shirt.

“I’m just so damned glad you’re okay.”

“Fine. Just tired. I didn’t sleep well. I’m also kind of hungry. Starving. I think I missed dinner.”

Riley leaned back enough to look at her, reaching up to take her face in his hands. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead and Bella smiled at the sweet gesture. “Why don’t you go get dressed and I’ll take you out for breakfast, huh?”

“What about your classes?”

He shrugged. “I only have one this morning and I can skip it. Believe me, you’re infinitely more important, B.”

“Okay. Just give me a minute to change.”

Bella turned to her bedroom, and just like that, the dream of last night seemed to blow away like smoke, leaving only the bright morning sun and reality.

 

*0*0*

 

Edward let himself into the Cullen house in absolute silence. Nevertheless, Carlisle was standing on the landing as if he’d been waiting for him.

The sun was up and according to Alice, it was supposed to be bright and clear today, which meant they’d all be staying close to home. Edward had only left the outside of Bella’s house when the shadows got too light to hide in.

“Is she all right?” Carlisle asked without preamble.

Edward nodded tightly. “She’s very resilient. She’ll be fine.”

“I’m glad. It would have been tragic if—“

“It doesn’t bear thinking about.” Edward cut him off, mostly because he really couldn’t bear to think about it. “She’s fine.”

Carlisle watched Edward for another moment, his head bowed and lost in thought. “And what about you, Edward?”

He didn’t finish that thought, but he didn’t have to. Edward could see it all in his mind. His compassion and concern, his worry that Edward had at long last truly fallen in love only to break his heart.

Edward flinched away from Carlisle’s mind. “I’ll be okay, too. I have to be. So you’ve all been discussing me, I take it?”

Carlisle shrugged. “Alice was very upset last night. At least until you took care of things. Do you… hmm. I don’t want to pry, Edward, but do you have any sense of how Bella might feel about you?”

Edward laughed without humor. “I’m not blind. She’s attracted. But they all are, right? I mean, they’re supposed to be. That’s how we work.”

“It’s possible it goes deeper than that for her. Alice says—“

“Alice is wrong. She’s got someone already. Someone she loves. I’m just a complication for her. And even if she didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. I can’t do that.”

“What? Fall in love with someone? Is that what this is Edward? Do you love her?”

Edward’s jaw clenched and unclenched. He was silent for a long time, but in the end, there seemed to be no point in denying it. “Yes.”

“Well, then—“

“No. No ‘well, then.’ No nothing! She’s human. And she’s happy. I won’t go near her. I won’t let her be hurt.”

“And spending time with you would hurt her?”

“How can you even ask that, Carlisle? She could die every moment that she’s with me.”

“That seems unlikely, especially after last night.”

Edward shook his head fiercely. “There’s really no point in discussing it. It’s impossible. I’ll leave her alone. I’ll… I don’t know. I’ll leave for a while. Until she graduates and leaves, too.”

Carlisle looked pained. “Edward…”

“I’m going for a run. I need to hunt,” Edward said shortly, turning and heading back out the door he’d just come through.

 

*0*0*

Half way up the mountain in the wilderness behind the Cullen house, a pale figure crouched on a rock and watched Edward’s tiny shape as he sprinted through the trees. She was a mess of rage and grief and raw instincts that she still didn’t entirely understand, but her strange new gift told her she was far enough away to avoid detection by him. She wasn’t even sure how he’d know she was there, but she knew exactly how close she could get before he would.

She stood up and stalked a tight circle on her rock to vent her frustration. Her thick, wild red hair snapped in the wind around her face. Her fingers curled into her thighs like claws. Every feral instinct in her body told her to fly across the mountain and tear Edward limb from limb. She needed to get at him. Him and that tiny dark-haired coven-mate of his. _He’d_ killed James and it was all _her_ fault they’d come here in the first place. James came for her. He never told her why and she didn’t ask. She trusted him. He said they had to come for her so they came.  But once they were here, it all unraveled. Those two with their gifts had confounded Victoria’s abilities. Their large coven had kept her too busy to come to James when he needed her. And now—

She could hardly bear to think about it. She was alone. Since she’d woken up to this existence, James had been there at her side, guiding her every step. And now she had no one. She didn’t know how to do it alone. So she focused on the one thing that still made sense: revenge. Those two would pay.

The problem was how to do it? Every time she tried to approach them, her gift told her when she could go no closer. Their abilities protected them. She needed a plan, a way around it. But James had always been the one to think and plan. She just acted. Without him to guide her, she was lost, in so many ways.

She pushed down the overwhelming wave of grief that thought brought on. She couldn’t afford that distraction now. First she needed to find a way to strike back at the one who’d taken him from her. Once that was done, she could allow herself to miss him. She’d miss him for every second that was left in her very long existence. She was afraid she’d go mad missing him. Maybe she already was. Maybe that was why she couldn’t leave this undone, she couldn’t leave him walking the earth untouched. She had to end him.

She lingered, close, but not too close, trying to figure out the puzzle of this peculiar coven. She followed them at a safe distance as they went through their ridiculous charade of human existence, even if it made no sense to her. She watched and waited and learned all she could about them, their habits and schedules and friends. They had to have a weakness, and eventually she’d uncover it.

 

*0*0*

 

Edward got to campus early Thursday night. He told himself he wanted to prowl around and ensure Bella’s attacker was truly gone, but really, he couldn’t stand being away anymore. She’d skipped their shared class on Wednesday, so he hadn’t seen her since he left her apartment on Tuesday night.

She wasn’t even on campus yet. He knew from past conversations that her other Thursday classes finished at noon and she went home in between. Still, she’d be there soon, so he found himself drawn there, too.

At ten to seven, he allowed himself to head towards Padelford Hall. He was nearly there when his phone buzzed with a text.

_Something came up- Alice_

He rolled his eyes, but smiled too. This was her way of giving him some privacy, which was sweet, but hardly necessary. Nothing would happen. He’d sit next to her in class, have some quiet conversation about the reading, assure himself that she was really all right, and then he’d make sure she got safely home. The end.

If he were smart, he’d already be gone. Lingering in her life was nothing but dangerous. But when it came down to it, he just couldn’t make himself go. He kept finding reasons to stay. Today’s reason was that he wanted to make sure she was okay after the incident on Tuesday. He was sure he’d come up with something else by next week.

Without Alice to hide behind, he felt almost anxious entering the classroom, although he was there before her. In over a hundred years on earth, Edward couldn’t remember ever feeling such anticipation.

He could tell the instant she stepped out of the stairwell. That scent, which had tormented him so much in the beginning, still set off a streak of fire down his throat. But it also meant she was here, breathing and moving in the same space as him. As impossible as he’d have once thought it, now he could embrace the burn, and almost look forward to it if it meant seeing her.

Bella stopped inside the door to the classroom, her bright eyes flitting over the students there until they lit on Edward. He watched the almost-imperceptible flush of pink in her cheeks and he could hear her pulse escalate as she took a deep breath. He smiled at her reaction in spite of himself. She was infatuated, which was no surprise. His kind were designed to lure them in and he’d done very little of late to repel her, so it was no wonder her attraction had blossomed. He didn’t fool himself into believing it was anything more than that and it really shouldn’t be.

Still, he delighted in her bright smile and her tiny wave. He held her eyes as she crossed the room and slid into the chair next to him.

“How are you?” he asked immediately. He could tell from her walk and the easy way she slid her backpack from her shoulder that she wasn’t in pain, but he asked anyway.

“I’m fine.”

“Your arm?”

She smiled indulgently. “Yes, fine.”

Edward looked at her for another beat. “And you? Also fine?”

Her smile faded slightly, but she didn’t look upset. “Yes, I’m fine, too. No lingering trauma.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

Bella stared back at him for another beat before ducking her head and hooking her hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry Alice isn’t feeling well. She texted me earlier.”

_Thanks for the head’s up, Alice._

“Oh… just a cold. Nothing too serious.”

“I’m sure you guys get the best medical care imaginable with your dad, right?”

“Right. Dad.”

Edward stopped there, unwilling to embellish on the ruse. Everything she knew about him was a lie and he didn’t want to add to it anymore. “Did you read any more of _Middlemarch_ after I left?” he asked to redirect her.

She smiled and dropped her eyes. “No, I went to bed.”

“Good. You needed the rest.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t sleep. At least, not right away. I was thinking.”

“About what?”

Bella raised her head to look at him and if he wasn’t mistaken, there was almost a challenge in her eyes. “Everything. Crazy things that make no sense.”

Edward swallowed hard, everything in him going on alert. “What kind of things?”

She sighed and gave him a long, searching look. He resisted the urge to look away, to laugh, to distract her. That’s what he always did, but right now, it felt all wrong. She knew there was something about him that wasn’t right, and he was tired of lying to her. The truth was out of the question, but he wasn’t going to dismiss her and make her feel ridiculous. He’d let her wonder and do his best to answer in a way that wouldn’t put her in danger.

She watched him intently, her neutral expression giving away nothing. “How did you find me that night, Edward?”

“I told you—“

“Yeah, I know. The library. I mean, how did you _really_ find me?”

He looked back at her, considering. This is when he really could have used Alice, so he’d know the outcome of each thing he considered saying. But there was no Alice tonight, only Edward, feeling his way with nothing to navigate by.

Finally he spoke, almost a whisper, so no one outside of Bella had a hope of hearing him. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

She blinked at his sudden, near-admission, although he hadn’t admitted anything specific, only that she was right to suspect.

“You might be surprised at what I’d believe.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know the answer to this, Bella.”

She leaned in, her own voice dropping to a faint whisper. “No, _you_ trust _me_ , Edward.”

He looked pained, but was saved by Professor Spalding entering the classroom. Bella held his gaze for another moment before sighing in defeat and turning to face their instructor.

Edward had a harder time looking away. He had no idea what he would tell her, but he had to tell her something. When another student asked a question about the final paper and Professor Spalding turned away to answer, Edward leaned into Bella and whispered in her ear.

“We can talk after class. Can I drive you home?”

She turned her face slightly towards him and shook her head. “I drove today.”

“Then let me walk you to your truck.”

“Okay.”

Professor Spalding turned to face them again and they separated, although neither gave the lecture more than passing attention for the next hour.

 

*0*0*

 

After class, they both packed in silence, having nothing to say to each other with so many other people present. Edward motioned for Bella to leave the room ahead of him, then he trailed her down the hall.

“Where did you park?”

“E1, across the street.”

Edward nodded tightly.

“I usually take the bus,” Bella said a moment later when they were walking down the stairs. “but after Tuesday…”

“I understand.”

They lapsed into silence as they left the building and navigated the sidewalks, still surrounded by other students. But once they’d crossed the overpass into the vast parking lot, the people disappeared.

“The parking garage was full when I got here so I was stuck with E1. The far side of it, too.” Bella said. He could tell she was chattering to fill the tense silence, but he was loath to start talking about anything real since he had no idea what he’d say.

It was now nearly nine at night and almost all the other cars were gone. Just the few scattered vehicles of students studying on campus particularly late. Bella pointed at her truck on the far side of the nearly-empty commuter lot and they started the long walk to reach it.

“You can tell me anything, you know,” she finally said, her voice entirely different. She wasn’t talking to fill the silence now. She meant her words this time.

He scoffed. “No, I really can’t. And not because I don’t trust you, because I do.”

“Then why? I don’t understand.”

“It’s—I’m sorry, but it really is for your own good.”

Now it was Bella’s turn to scoff.

“No, I don’t mean it like that,” Edward protested. “Not like you can’t handle it, I just can’t tell you what you want to know.”

They walked in silence for another moment, both looking straight ahead.

“If I ask questions, will you answer them?”

Edward considered for a moment. “If I can. That’s the best I can do.”

Bella gave a nod. “Okay. So, something about you is—different.”

In spite of the tension of the situation, Edward smiled. “That’s not a question.”

She smiled, too, for just a moment. “Shut up. Alright, so whatever it is about you that’s—different, is Alice the same way?”

Edward hesitated. “Yes.”

“And the rest of your family?”

Another pause, then, “Yes.”

“They’re not really your family, are they?”

“No.”

They reached Bella’s truck, but she made no move to unlock her door, leaning her shoulder against it instead. Edward turned to face her, although he couldn’t bring himself to look at her just yet.

“You’re not really twenty, are you?”

Edward glanced up at her briefly and then away, at the dark ring of trees surrounding the lot. He shook his head.

“How old are you?”

He shook his head again.

“Okay, you won’t tell me.”

“Can’t.”

“Can’t,” Bella corrected herself. “How did you know where to find me Tuesday night?”

“Alice told me.”

Bella’s head snapped back in surprise. “How did Alice know?”

Edward smiled and shook his head again.

Bella smiled slightly in response. “Okay, no to that one.” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and her hip slid along the truck door a little, bringing her closer. Edward knew he could reach out a hand and touch her hip easily. He didn’t do it, but he wanted to.

Bella drew in a deep breath and Edward heard her heart rate escalate infinitesimally.  She was nervous about whatever she was about to ask him. He never thought he’d regret not being able to hear someone’s thoughts, but at that moment, he’d have given anything to hear hers.

“Why did you hate me so much back in Forks?” she murmured.

He glanced at her in surprise. “I didn’t know you in Forks.”

“That one day, my first day. I sat next to you in class. You hated me, I could tell.” He looked up as she moved, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she looked out over the lot. As she spoke, she gave a slight shiver at the memory. He knew he’d behaved badly to her when he first knew her, but he never guessed she’d assumed he disliked her. Of course, what other conclusion could she have come to? And it wasn’t as if the truth was any better.

He shook his head. “I never hated you.”

“Then why…“

“You’ve always—” Edward stopped and squeezed his eyes shut, searching for a way forward in the minefield of the truth. “You’ve always had an effect on me. I’m sorry if it seemed I hated you. I didn’t.” He paused but Bella said nothing. She wasn’t even breathing. “Not at all.”

“When you left, was it because of me?”

He nodded. “Yes, in a way. But not like you think. Not because I hated you.”

Bella was silent a minute, her teeth working her bottom lip as she stared at the ground and thought. Edward kept his eyes averted.

“It doesn’t matter, you know,” she said, nearly a whisper.

“What?”

“Whatever it is. You don’t have to tell me because it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t. Not to me it doesn’t. I know what I need to know about you.”

He sighed and looked at her, his face filled with sadness. “And what you don’t know would change everything, Bella.”

She shook her head. “You saved me. You took care of me when I needed you. You’re kind. That’s what’s important.”

He’d told himself when he’d walked out here with her that he would answer her questions as best he could to set her mind at ease and put her off the trail. But now he couldn’t help himself. He took a step closer and raised his hand, brushing his knuckles over the curve of her shoulder.

“Your ability to see the good in people is astounding.”

“It’s not hard to see the good in you, Edward. You need to have more faith in yourself.”

Then she shocked him, suddenly closing the small distance between them, wrapping her arms around his waist, _hugging_ him.  “Because I have faith in you,” she finished quietly, her voice muffled by his coat.

He stood utterly still, arm still outstretched, afraid to move, afraid to _breathe_. She was _so close_. He’d held her in his arms before, on Tuesday night, but then he was the one who embraced her. He decided and he prepared himself to do it. The last thing he ever expected was for her to reach out for him of her own volition. His first reaction was panic, but he swallowed that down, along with the flood of venom at the back of his throat. He let the burn fill him and ebb, along with the urge to attack. He focused on the girl, not on his instinct to kill.

After a moment he realized that he wasn’t in danger of losing control. He wasn’t going to hurt her. He could do this. So he curled his arms around her and hugged her back.

Such a simple gesture. A hug. So innocent and full of trust. She _hugged_ him. It might have been the most meaningful interaction he’d ever had with another person, because it was _her_ , and because she chose it. If he had a heart, it would be filling with joy and breaking with misery.

She shifted back enough to look up at him, but she didn’t let go. He didn’t either. As he turned his face down to her and her eyes flickered up to his, the mood between them shifted. What had been a sweet, friendly gesture suddenly felt unspeakably intimate. Edward was aware of every point on his body where her warmth and weight pressed against him. He was aware of the very small distance between his face and hers. He was aware of her warm breath on his chin, of the tips of her hair tickling his hands, of her fingertips digging into his back slightly. For once, he was aware only of her and not her blood.

Her eyes closed and she let out a long, slow breath, a sigh that was so expressive, even if he didn’t understand her. He didn’t decide to move closer, he just did. Or she did. They eased into each other until the harmless hug had become an intimate embrace.

Edward wanted— more than he’d ever wanted anything—to close the tiny space left, but he couldn’t. He’d already wronged in so many ways. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t touch her that way. He couldn’t have her. But he also couldn’t let her go without showing her in some small way how much he cared for her. How treasured she was. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against her forehead. An innocent gesture that felt anything but in the heated atmosphere between them.

He lingered, letting the heat of her skin warm his cold lips, letting the burn of her blood set fire to his insides. But the danger was absent now, far away and swamped by a more immediate desire.

Her breath was coming in ragged little hitches. Her delicate eyebrows were drawn together and her eyes were squeezed shut. But she wasn’t pulling away. He wasn’t either. Now that they’d touched, he couldn’t escape the force of her. 

Edward pulled his lips away and dropped his head, letting out a stuttering breath. His temple was pressed to her temple. Time stopped as they breathed the same breath and the heavy desire pulsed between them.

Edward managed to move one hand, reaching for her shoulder, intending to push her back and step away. Instead, his fingertips found her jaw, and traced its shape. His hand slid back and cupped her neck. His thumb caressed her cheek. Every rational thought in his head told him to stop, to let her go and leave. But he was entranced by the silky heat of her, the scent of her, filling his head, overwhelming his senses.

Her hands slid away from his back and he thought that now she would push him away, she’d step back and end it. But she didn’t. Her hands slipped around his waist and up to his chest, her fingers curling into the lapels of his coat. He tightened his arm across her back, eliminating the tiny spaces still left between them.

He turned his face slightly, until his lips were almost but not quite, grazing her cheek, just a breath away from her mouth. They hung suspended for another fragile moment and then Bella turned her face, too. His lips grazed hers and he held still, waiting for his control to snap and for the precious moment to unravel. When it didn’t, when all he could feel and smell and sense was her mouth still pressed against his, he was lost. He pushed forward, mouth to mouth, pressure and wanting—a _kiss_ … Her fingers gripped his coat, pulling him in, holding on tight. His fingers tangled in the hair at the base of her neck.

Lips pressed, shifted, opened. What had been fragile and tentative became explosive, laced with desire. He pulled her in closer and her back arched. Edward was overwhelmed by her heat, by the soft wet of her mouth, by the pounding need filling every inch of him. He forgot everything, all the reasons why he shouldn’t. None of it seemed to matter. He was so different from her in every way but at that moment, they fit together like a perfect kind of alchemy.

His fingers stroked her cheek, her neck, he cradled her head in his palm. Her hand slid up his neck, cupped his jaw, her fingernails scraped up the back of his neck. He moaned. Her fingers tightened in his hair. His tongue slipped along her lip, tasting her heat and sweetness and now she moaned. He’d have never stopped if he hadn’t heard her pulse flutter and remembered her need to breathe and that his tongue held venom that could ruin her.

It took more effort than almost anything in his long life, but Edward pulled his mouth away from hers. She was gasping, eyes closed, little hot breaths warming the tiny space between their faces. Her rapid, fluttering pulse thrummed in the air around him. Edward stroked her cheek.

“Bella,” he murmured. Just her name, all he could manage in the storm of sensation and emotion. He’d never intended this, but now that it was here, he’d never wish to undo it. She just needed to tell him… he needed to know what she wanted.

Her hands slid back to his chest, curled into little fists. Her face screwed up with emotion.

“Bella,” he said again, willing her to open her eyes, to look at him and tell him “yes.” She shook her head once, and whimpered. Edward ran a hand over her hair, pulling her closer. But she shook her head harder and pushed.

Pushed him away.

He loosened his hold on her immediately and Bella pulled back.

“Bella,” he started again, reaching out for her. She wouldn’t look at him, eyes on the ground, still shaking her head. “I’m sorry—“

“No,” she whispered. She wrapped her arms across her waist and her shoulders hunched forward. Her eyelashes were damp with tears. “I can’t. I have to—”

She stepped back again. He took one small step towards her, but she turned without looking at him and ran away across the dark parking lot.

Every instinct in Edward’s body told him to follow her, but his rational mind made him stay put. She’d said no, and she’d fled. Pursuing her now would be wrong. He watched her tiny dark figure sprint away from him until she’d crossed the road and disappeared back onto campus.

Edward slumped to the ground by her car and dropped his head into his hands.

*0*0*

Far away, in the woods flanking the athletic fields, Victoria slipped behind a tree, still watching her prey. Edward stayed sitting on the ground, his hands fisted in his hair, long after the little human girl had made her escape.

She was closer to him than she’d been so far and her senses told her he wasn’t aware of her presence. He was alone. His gifted little coven-mate was nowhere in sight, either. He was perhaps more vulnerable than he’d been since she’d set her sights on him. She could attack now, but that held little appeal. He was still faster and stronger than her. And although he was utterly distracted at the moment, she knew he’d sense her coming before she reached him, which meant he’d be ready for her.

That option seemed fruitless. Besides, what she just witnessed opened up a whole new possibility to her. As she hovered in the trees and watched Edward where he sat, a picture of misery, she knew she’d finally found his weakness. It had a certain ruthless balance that appealed to her, too. Edward had taken away James, leaving her alone in this eternal existence. So she would take away his human, and it would be so easy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. The Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Life is super-crazy for me right now.
> 
> Arfalcon is my super-beta and friend.
> 
> This chapter is for mad4hugh. More about that at the end of the chapter.

Bella cried as she ran across the parking lot and over the overpass back to campus, but by the time she reached Padelford again, she’d wiped the tears away. She stopped, slumping on a bench just outside the building. Her throat burned from exertion and crying. Her breath was coming in huge, hiccupping gulps.

She pulled her cell phone out of her backpack but her hands were shaking too hard to make the call.

She took a few deep breaths trying to rein in her hysteria, but it was no use. She could still feel him all over her. His hands in her hair, his body pressed against hers, his _mouth_ …. Any doubts she’d had about Edward’s otherworldly nature were eradicated after what just happened. The person she just kissed was not human. Nothing about him was right, not his too-firm skin, not the strength in his arms when he held her, trying to be gentle but almost hurting nonetheless. Certainly not his lips, which felt cool. Even his tongue.

At the memory, she closed her eyes and gasped. Because it still didn’t matter. More than ever, it didn’t matter. That ocean of unknown ­­­­was threatening to close over her head for good. Her life as she knew it felt like it was balanced on a cliff edge, about to crash to pieces on the rocks. She was scared. Terrified, in fact. But she felt helpless to stop­­­ it. She didn’t even want to. She felt strangely reckless, ready to throw away everything she knew with both hands so she could grab hold of some phantom she didn’t even understand.

Whatever happened next, one thing was certain. There was one thing she had to do. Something she should have done much sooner than this.

Willing her fingers to work, she scrolled to Riley’s number and pressed send. It rang three times and she wanted to scream in frustration at the thought of getting his voicemail yet again. He picked up just before the fourth ring.

“What’s up?”

“I need to see you.”

“B, I can’t. We’re putting the issue to bed tomorrow night and—“

“Now! It’s important! I need to see you right now!”

Riley was silent at her outburst, finally recognizing her frantic tone.

"Bella—“

“Now, Riley!” She was crying again and she knew she couldn’t do this much longer. He just needed to come talk to her now.

“Okay, okay. Where are you?”

“Outside Padelford. I’ll meet you at the Stevens Way entrance.”

“I’m on my way down.”

Moments later, Bella was waiting at the door on the dark sidewalk outside Riley’s building. It was nearly ten p.m. now and almost no one else was out. Her hands twisted around her backpack strap over and over. The side door to the stairwell opened, spilling a rectangle of light onto the sidewalk. Riley stepped out, spotting her immediately.

“B,” he murmured, taking in her tear-streaked face, her wind-blown hair, her skittery anxiety. “What’s going on?”

He reached for her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. Bella let him, needing one more dose of reality and familiarity before she pulled the pin on everything. She gave herself one last moment to smell him and feel his warmth and the security of his embrace. It was only a second, though, before she pulled back and swiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand.

“We need to talk.”

“Okay, let’s go home and—“

“No, now. Here.” She turned and walked a few dozen feet down the sidewalk, finding herself back on the same dark path behind the Communications building where everything had started spiraling out of control two days ago. Was it only two days? It felt like a lifetime. The location gave her the creeps, but it hardly mattered. She wasn’t alone anyway.

Riley followed her and once she was well off the main sidewalk and there were no stray pedestrians to hear, she turned to face him again.

“You’re starting to scare me, B. What’s wrong? Is this about what happened the other night?”

Bella shook her head. “No, it’s not about that. But yes, something happened. Something’s happening. I don’t—God, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say _something_. What happened?” He stepped forward again, reaching out and holding her face, turning her chin up, making her look at him. Bella met his eyes once and couldn’t keep her tears back.

“Sweetheart, what _is_ it?”

“Oh, Ry…You know I love you, and I… I’m _so sorry_ ,” she whispered.

“What for?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t mean for any of this—“

A flicker of movement over Riley’s shoulder, out of place on the still, dark sidewalk, caught Bella’s attention. There was something in the tree several yards behind Riley—something _large_. As she squinted into the dark, trying to make it out, the shape dropped, quickly and silently, to the sidewalk.

And then it stood up.

Her skin prickled with foreboding and she took a shaky step back. It was a woman, tall and thin, with a cascade of full, curly hair. That was all she could make out when she was in shadow. What on earth was a woman doing crouched in a tree? Riley turned and looked over his shoulder, unconcerned with the woman walking in their direction. But he hadn’t seen her drop out of the tree the way Bella had. She didn’t drop like a person would drop. There was no noise at all. She didn’t even seem to impact the ground.

As she advanced and the dim light of a nearby street light caught her, she came into focus and Bella gasped.

Bella knew instantly that whatever Edward, Alice and his family were, this woman was one, too. She had the same pale, flawless skin, the same unearthly beauty, the same hint of unreality about her. Bella wondered how she’d ever missed it in Edward and Alice, because now it seemed so patently obvious. Nothing about this woman looked human.

“Do you need something?” Riley asked, a hint of exasperation in his voice. He clearly didn’t see what Bella saw. To him, she was only some stranger intruding on a personal conversation.

She smiled, a slow curl of her lips, as she continued her unhurried pace towards them. Her smile was anything but friendly, though. It was slightly mocking and hard. She shook her heavy red hair back over her shoulders and the light caught her in the face. Bella felt a knot of dread form in her stomach. How could she have thought this woman was anything like Edward and Alice? Yes, the grace, the beauty, but her _eyes_ —they were deep, dark red.

Riley squinted at her, finally noticing that something was distinctly odd about this encounter. When the woman was only ten feet away, he spoke again, his voice slightly more urgent. “What do you want?”

She smiled wider, showing her teeth, and Bella shuddered.

“What do I want?” she said softly. Her voice was lovely and high, but hard. “Well, I wanted to kill that one, but now I think I have a better idea.”

“Just get the fuck out of here,” Riley snapped, half-turning to face her.

“Oh, I will,” she murmured, “Just not quite yet. You see, he has to suffer. At first it was going to be him, but he was too hard to get to. Then I saw him with you,” she turned her head and her eerie eyes locked on Bella. She took another step back, even though in some corner of her mind, she knew it was pointless. Her instincts told her they were both powerless against this thing. “When I saw you with him, I knew I didn’t have to kill him. I could just kill you. It would be so much easier and it would hurt him just as much. Worse. It would hurt him like he hurt me.”

Riley turned to face her fully and pushed Bella behind him. “Look, lady, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’ve never seen you before. So why don’t you just move on and—“

“Does he know?” The woman looked back to Bella as if Riley had never spoken. Bella swallowed hard, her mouth feeling papery and dry. She reached out to grip Riley’s arm. She wasn’t even sure why. What did she think she could do? Protect him? Save him?

The woman took another step closer and Riley bristled, tensed to move. “Does he know you love someone else and not him?” she pressed.

Bella shook her head, willing away this horrific moment. She wondered if there was any hope in running. She’d only seen the barest hints of Edward’s speed, but she suspected that running would do her no good.

“Please…” Bella whispered, unable to say more.

“Yes,” the woman murmured, almost to herself. “This is a much better idea. He’ll have all of eternity to know you’ll never be his.”

It all happened in less than a second. Bella barely registered her movement. Riley took one step forward in preparation to push the woman away and then she was on them. Bella reached for him, grasping at his arm, his shoulder, _anything_ , but then he was ripped out of her hands.

The woman had one hand on his neck, cradling him, her face close to his, almost like a lover’s embrace. She lowered her face as if she was leaning in to kiss him. As she bared her teeth, it all clicked into place in Bella’s mind in an instant. Every single thing she’d ever noticed about Edward and Alice and now this woman… it all added up to this one impossible, undeniable answer.

Vampire.

Riley cried out and Bella took a step towards him, but then he was flung ten feet away, curled on his side on the ground, moaning and clutching at his throat with both hands.

She only had time to look at him, to see him looking back at her, his eyes filled with confusion, panic and fear, before she felt something cool brush past her face. She felt her hair shift, she sensed the woman’s  closeness. Her heart thudded so loud in her ears that she thought she might pass out. She managed one more step in retreat and then a hand curled into her hair, so tight, painfully tight. Her head was wrenched backwards and Bella gasped.

“Bella….” Riley’s voice was weak and raspy and seemed to come from miles away.

Then there was pressure, right where her neck met her left shoulder and then—pain.

Bella raised her hands to fight, panic flooding her, but the hand that held her immobilized was like stone. She couldn’t get so much as a millimeter of space to move.

The pain grew and sharpened until it whited out everything else. The hand released her hair, but it was too late. The muscles in her legs refused to move. She felt something warm and wet trickle down her chest and realized with horror that she was bleeding. A lot.

“This is much better,” the woman murmured again, right next to her, in her ear. “This is perfect.” And then the air around her moved and she was gone.

Bella reached up to touch her neck. Her fingers slipped in the thick wetness, touching ragged edges of skin and missing flesh. It hurt so much. And around the edges and deep inside, it was starting to burn. Oh, God, it was _burning_.

She managed one last glance at Riley, seeing him curled on his side in the ground, writhing and moaning. She wanted to go to him to help, but instead, her eyes rolled back, her knees gave out, and she sank to the ground herself.

The burning in her neck bloomed and spread. It felt like fire, streaking through her veins. The pain that chased it stole the last of her rational thoughts. She heard a high, keening wail and her last conscious thought was that it was her own.

 

*0*0*

 

Edward stayed on the ground right where she left him, holding his head in his hands, wondering where he’d gone so very wrong. What had he been thinking? He _hadn’t_ been thinking. He’d been feeling. Ignoring every rational thought that told him “no,” that told him to stop. And now he’d ruined it all. She was gone, very likely out of his life and Alice’s for good.

He’d taken monstrous, unacceptable risks. She had to know about him now. He trusted her, in his way. But to expose them all to a human the way he had—it was unconscionable.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and knew without looking that it was Alice. No doubt she’d seen what he’d done and was calling to console him. He couldn’t bear it. He ignored the call.

He should have done what he told Carlisle he was going to do. He should have left. At least until she graduated and moved away from here. Instead he lingered, he tempted himself, and it was a disaster.

His phone began to buzz again moments after it stopped and he groaned. She wasn’t going away. He loved her, but her persistence was maddening at times. She likely wouldn’t stop until she knew he was all right, so he retrieved the phone.

“Alice, I’ll call you soon. Just give me some space,” he grumbled as he opened it.

“Go! The same place she was on Tuesday ! GO!”

Alice was _screaming_. In all their years together he’d never heard her sound so frantic. He was on his feet and sprinting across the vast, dark lot before she even drew a breath.

“What’s happening, Alice?”

“I didn’t see her, I swear I didn’t. She must have been here all along.”

“ _What_?”

“Just get there! Jasper and I are on the way. Less than five minutes. You’ll need help.” Then she was gone.

Fear curled in Edward’s chest. _You’ll need help._ What on earth could have happened to Bella that he couldn’t handle himself?

In a matter of seconds, he was across the lot and the overpass and racing through the shadowy, dark campus towards that same stretch of sidewalk. There was almost no one around at this hour so he spent little effort concealing himself.

He was still several hundred yards away when the smell hit him and nearly floored him. Her blood. She was bleeding. He fought with everything he had to force the instinct down and focus on her. She was _bleeding_. Whatever had happened, she needed him. Not the animal ruled by its instincts, the man who loved her.

In moments, other smells made their way through the haze of her blood. Someone else’s blood. Riley’s. He was almost sure of it. And something else. One of their kind. One of the nomads from Forks.

 _No_.

She couldn’t be dead. No no _no_. She _had_ to still be alive. It was the only thought consuming his brain as he sprinted across the campus roadway and down the narrow, dark path winding behind the Communications building. A moment later he felt a flood of relief when he heard her heart, thready and frantic, but unquestionably still beating.

Then he was on them. They were both still alive, both on the ground, both bitten. He couldn’t understand who would do this to them and why, but he also didn’t have time to figure it out. Riley was curled on his side, moaning, but Edward could hardly spare him a glance once he’d spotted Bella.

She was further into the shadows, flat on her back, face turned to the canopy of branches overhead. She wasn’t screaming, or even moaning like Riley. Her hands and feet were twitching and the only sound that came from her was the raspy, raw sound of air dragging in and out of her struggling body. Edward crouched at her side and turned her chin.

The wound in her neck was huge and ragged. Blood was pooling everywhere underneath her body. Her eyes were open but unseeing. In just the seconds that had passed since he’d first heard it, her heartbeat had started to slow. The miserable bitch that had done this to her had been too vicious and taken her too close to the edge of death.

“No. No, no, please, please…” He heard his own voice, murmuring almost like a prayer as his frantic hands brushed over her face and shoulders. Her blood trailed after, smudging her red everywhere. Edward stared at the pulsing, gaping wound in her neck, knowing that he had just seconds to act. He had to let her go or try to save her in some form.

It was no decision at all. He couldn’t let her go. It was impossible.

Forcing the air out of his lungs and steeling his resolve, he bent and swiped the blood from the wound with his hand. Then, fighting with every fiber of his being, he licked her. His tongue swept over the gash again and again, praying that it was enough, that his venom would help seal it and keep her from bleeding out before the attacker’s venom could start its transformation. The taste raged through him and every muscle tensed. His chest rumbled with a growl and his hands curled into claws. But he kept her face in his mind and he fought back. Bella, Bella. He had to be strong enough to save her.

When her blood filled his mouth, he spat to the side, terrified that he’d never be able to control himself if he swallowed it. He licked again until he could see the blood flow lessen, until he could hear her heartbeat level out and grow slightly stronger.

Edward leaned back and looked into her face, ashen and streaked with her own blood. He ran his fingertips over her temple and down over her cheek.

“Oh, Bella, I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

She moaned and her back arched up off the pavement. The fire was starting, he knew, the fire that would burn away her humanity and hurl her into a whole new existence. He gathered her into his chest, arms wrapped around her body, his face buried in her hair as he curled over her.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He was still murmuring it into her ear a minute later when Alice and Jasper arrived after an almost-soundless sprint. Alice didn’t pause, lifting Riley into her arms, cradling him somewhat awkwardly against her small body.

“Edward, we have to go. Now,” she said. Jasper crouched at his side and laid a hand on his shoulder. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were black, flicking down to Bella, to the blood all over the ground underneath her. His nostrils flared, but he held onto himself.

“Edward, take her and go with Alice. You have to go before someone comes. Emmett is almost here. He and I will clean up and cover up. Now take them and _go_.”

Edward straightened up, Jasper’s words finally reaching him. He stood, lifting Bella with him as carefully as possible, settling her head on his shoulder.

“Edward, now!”

He nodded and turned to follow Alice.

 

*0*0*

 

Edward was crammed in the back seat of Alice’s tiny car with Bella still curled on his lap. Riley was in the passenger seat, slumped against the window. Alice drove like the wind, pressing the gas pedal to the floor as soon as they’d cleared the outskirts of Seattle.

Bella began to tense, arching her back and neck, moaning loudly as the burn began. Riley had never stopped moaning. Soon, very soon, the screaming would start. Edward winced, imagining the torture Bella was about to endure, wishing there was something, anything he could do to ease it for her. But there was nothing. They were both past the point of no return now.

Neither of them had said a word as Alice drove out of the city, too focused on getting back to the house. Now Alice inhaled, bracing herself to speak.

But Edward cut her off before she could. “What the hell just happened, Alice? You saw that creep come after her two days ago and you missed _this_?”

“I’m sorry, Edward. I’m so sorry. I didn’t see her at all. She must have been there since we came back from Forks, watching us. I don’t know why I didn’t see that.”

“How could she hide from you? From _me_? Why didn’t we see her coming?”

“Carlisle guessed that she was gifted. Maybe this is part of it. She can hide herself. Oh God, is she okay?” Alice twisted in her seat to look at Bella, still cradled in Edward’s arms.

“No, she’s not okay. Jesus—“ He dropped his head, his face close to hers. “I’m so sorry, Bella.”

“Edward—“

He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry, Alice. I shouldn’t have accused you that way. You’re upset, too.”

“It’s okay,” she murmured, turning her eyes back to the road. Riley twisted in his seat and moaned loudly. Edward had almost forgotten he was in the car, too. Two of them. She’d done it to both of them. Why?

“Why would she do this to them?” he said out loud. “I don’t understand it.”

Alice paused for a moment. “You really don’t know?”

In her mind, Edward saw what Alice had seen: Bella embracing him, him hugging her back, their faces so close together and then… the kiss.

“What does that have to do with anything?” he growled, embarrassed at seeing his indiscretion so openly displayed.

Alice’s thoughts were full of apology. She didn’t want to see it, he knew that. “This wasn’t about Bella and Riley. It was about you. And James. This was her revenge.”

Edward lowered his face, pressing his cheek to Bella’s, so flushed and hot. _No_. His guilt made him feel almost physically sick.

“She must have been watching you, looking for a weakness, a way to get at you. And tonight she found it.”

“But why Riley? Why turn him, too?”

Alice shook her head. “I don’t know. I saw her deciding to do it, but not why. Her thought process wasn’t exactly linear. Maybe he was a mistake. Maybe she meant to kill him.”

“She almost _did_ kill Bella.”

“I saw all the blood. Edward, how did you stop it?”

“I—” Edward hesitated over the truth, hating how barbaric it sounded. “I licked her. To close the wound and stop the bleeding.”

Alice gasped. “How?”

Edward shook his head. “I don’t know. I just wanted her to live. That was more important than anything else. So I did what I had to do.”

Alice said nothing else and they were both silent as she sped towards the Cullen house. When she screeched to a stop minutes later, Esme and Carlisle were out of the house and helping them before she’d shut the engine off. Carlisle took Riley, carrying him into the house and setting him down on one of the sofas in the living room. Riley howled in pain, but it was impossible to tell if it was from the movement or the burning. It didn’t matter, Edward thought. There would be a lot more of both before it was all over.

Edward was right behind Carlisle, still holding Bella, unwilling to set her down. Carlisle took a moment to check the bite on Riley’s neck before moving to check on Bella’s.

“This is savage,” he muttered. “She could have died.”

“She nearly did,” Edward said between clenched teeth. Carlisle looked up at him then, taking in his blood-stained hands and shirt, the traces of blood on his face, on his lips.

“You did well, Edward. She’ll be all right.”

Edward almost scoffed. “All right? Nothing about this is all right.”

“Well, you’re right about that, at least.” Rose was standing in the entryway to the living room, her eyes flicking from one tormented human to the other. Alice pushed past her into the living room.

“I know what you’re going to say, Rose, and just save it.”

“Save it? Look what’s happened, Alice! Because you and Edward couldn’t stay out of her life. Just look what happened.”

Carlisle stepped forward, raising a hand to settle her. “Rosalie, Edward and Alice didn’t mean for this to happen to them.”

“But this is the danger they put her in by getting involved.”

“That’s hardly helpful now,” Esme snapped, moving to crouch next to Edward. She reached up and brushed the hair off Bella’s forehead.

Rosalie threw her hands in the air in disgust and left the room. Carlisle watched her go, then turned to the others. “We need to get them out of here. We could conceal the transformation here in the house, but once they wake up, they can’t be this close to civilization. As difficult as it will be, I think it’s best to move them now.”

Edward nodded, hating the idea of it, but recognizing that Carlisle was right. He’d already had the same thought himself.

“Where to?”

“Denali?” Esme suggested. Edward and Alice exchanged a glance. “I know it will be uncomfortable,” Esme rushed on, “but we’d have help there.”

“We can’t have both newborns there,” Carlisle said. “We can take one there, but we need a second location. Someplace we can get to within a day or so.”

“Oh!” Esme sat up straighter. “What about the lodge in Canada?”

“That old hunting lodge?” Alice asked, wrinkling her nose. “We still own that?”

Carlisle nodded. “We do. It’s Spartan at best, but certainly remote enough. Of course, none of us have been there in nearly thirty years. Who knows what kind of shape it’s in.”

Alice shrugged, “Even if it needs a little repair, assuming we can get there quickly enough, we’ll still have a day or so to shore it up before…”

She didn’t finish, but she didn’t have to. Before a new vampire woke up to the world.

“I think I’d better call Denali,” Carlisle said. “Carmen and Eleazar just got back, so I’ll speak with them. It might go better. Alice, can you start packing the cars? We’ll sort out who’s going where as soon as Jasper and Emmett get back, but we’ll have to leave soon after that.”

She nodded and stood, running her hand over Bella’s hair and squeezing Edward’s shoulder before she slipped upstairs to grab what she could.

Esme moved to Riley, holding his hand in both of hers. “Poor thing,” she murmured, wanting to mother Riley even though she’d never even met him.

Edward stayed silent and still. He listened to Esme reassuring Riley, to the thump and thud of Alice throwing things around upstairs, to the quiet hum of Carlisle’s conversation with Eleazar in the other room. He listened to the rapid flutter of Bella’s heart, so close to his own chest. He shut out every thought and voice in his head. He couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t face what had happened to her because of him. It was too much.

By the time Jasper and Emmett returned, reeking of dried blood and bleach, it was all decided. Riley would be taken to Denali and Bella to the old hunting lodge in the Northwest Territory. Edward and Alice insisted on staying with Bella. Carlisle decided he’d be better off in Denali for the time being. He wanted to discuss the situation and its possible ramifications with Eleazar. Esme chose to go with Edward and Alice, feeling the two of them might need her support more.

Jasper shrugged. “So what about me and Em? Where should we go? Alice, can you see which one is going to be harder to handle?”

Alice shook her head. “Newborns. They’re impossible to predict.”

“Well, do you get anything? A feeling even?”

She glanced back and forth between Bella and Riley, then she pointed at Riley. “He’s going to be hostile. It’s just a hunch, really.”

Emmett shrugged. “Good enough for me. We’ll go with him, then. You three okay with Bella?”

“We’ll be fine,” Esme said. “Rosalie?” she said, making it a question.

Emmett shook his head tightly. “She’s not coming. Says she can’t right now. She’ll handle the loose ends here, though.”

“That will be helpful,” Carlisle said, choosing to focus on the positive. “Tell her I’ll call from the road and we can discuss a plan for this.”

Edward stayed silent on the sofa, where he still held Bella’s writhing body. A plan. For staging her disappearance or death. Riley’s, too. Bella Swan was dying tonight because of him. He felt sick all over again.

“Edward,” Alice said, as if she could sense where his thoughts were heading. “We have to go now.”

He nodded and rose to follow her, still clutching Bella to his chest. There was nothing to be done at this point anyway except see it through.

 

*0*0*

Even with Alice driving as fast as Emmett’s Jeep would go, it still took over twenty-four hours to reach the endless wilderness of the Northwest Territory where the lodge was located. The trip went even slower once they ran out of roads and had to make their way down long-forgotten hunting trails. Several times they had to get out and uproot trees and move boulders to clear the road.

Bella had started screaming in earnest as they drove out of Seattle. By the time they reached the northern border of British Columbia, her vocal chords were gone. For Edward, it was almost worse. She still screamed, her head thrown back and her mouth open in a grimace of pain, but nothing came out of her throat but a raw rasp of air. He held her in his arms for every moment, except those few times Alice and Esme needed him to help clear the way.

There was nothing he could do but hold her. He whispered tiny nothing words of comfort in her ear and sometimes it seemed to calm her a little. Sometimes it made no difference at all. Still, he did it. He stroked her hair and held her hand and told her everything would be okay, even though that was a lie.

It was nearly dawn when they finally reached the hunting lodge, although it was a weak grey light at best this far north this late in the year. Edward was finally forced to let go of Bella, leaving her in the back of the Jeep while he checked out the property with Esme and Alice. The lodge was a small, two-story house—more of a cottage than a lodge— built of solid grey stone, with a sloping shingled roof and small, shuttered windows. The roof needed repair, but it had done the important job of keeping the elements out. The chimney had all manner of creatures nesting in it, but luckily for them a fire, although pleasant, wasn’t immediately necessary. The shutters had kept the windows intact, so while everything inside was heavily coated with dust, it was all dry and usable. The generator that ran the well pump needed gas, so Esme left again immediately, headed back to the nearest outpost on the river for supplies.

Edward carried Bella inside and Alice directed him up the narrow stairs to the low-ceilinged upper floor. She sprinted ahead of him to the small white bedroom at the end of the hall. Edward stood with Bella while she hurriedly threw a set of sheets and a quilt onto the bed, smoothing the spot where Bella would endure the final hours of her transformation.

Finally, Edward set her down, stroking her face before he stood back up. Alice laid her hand on his shoulder.

“Edward, why don’t you go hunt?”

He was shaking his head before she finished speaking. “I’m not leaving her.”

“I need to clean her up and change her clothes,” Alice pressed gently. “You can sit with her as soon as you get back.”

Edward looked down at Bella, seeing for the first time in hours the remnants of the horror she’d endured. Dried blood soaked the front of her shirt and was matted into her hair. Her face and neck were still streaked red-brown with it. She shouldn’t be left this way. He closed his eyes and nodded, entrusting her to Alice.

Once he was back downstairs and outside, he took a deep breath, letting the clear, cold air fill his lungs. He knew he needed to get a handle on himself. He had no idea what would come next, but he knew that Bella would need him. And he would be there for her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This past week, the fandom lost one of its own, the very lovely mad4hugh, who died in a tragic accident at ComicCon. While I didn't know her well, she was a loyal reader/ reviewer of mine since my very first fic. I always loved seeing her name pop up in my inbox and the news of her loss was a terrible shock.
> 
> With its usual generous spirit, the fandom has rallied to remember Gisela. You can read all about it here:
> 
> http://fandom4twifang.blogspot.com/
> 
> There is a memorial fund to help her family with funeral expenses and also a link to a charity close to her heart, The Alzheimer's Association. A $5 donation to either will get you a compilation of outtakes and one-shots from a lot of truly great fandom writers. I've volunteered to write for it, though I don't know what I'll write yet. Let me know if you have a request! Please consider making a donation to remember one of the best people in our fandom. She'll be greatly missed.


	15. Roof of the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... two updates in one day. I realized that the next chapter is really short and since I'm about to go into radio silence again for a bit, I figured it was better to get it up now. Thank you for reading.
> 
> Arfalcon betas, but I tweaked and probably messed up all her hard work.

Bella threw her head back and screamed again, that awful raw rasping sound she’d been reduced to. Her hands were curled into claws, digging into the quilt. Her toes flexed and pointed as her body fought back against the pain.

Alice had washed every trace of blood from her face and hair. The wound on her neck was still angry and red, but it had stayed closed. Alice had changed her into a pair of yoga pants and a long sleeved knit shirt. Bella’s hair was still slightly damp, curling at the tips where it fanned out on the pillow. The small, dingy window next to the bed let a shaft of weak, late-morning sunlight spill across her body, making her pale skin glow like a porcelain cup.

Edward stood at the foot of the bed, his hands fisted as he clenched his jaw. He watched Bella’s struggling body while Alice flitted around the room, straightening and putting things away.

“If you’ll sit with her, I’ll go down and see what I can do about the fireplace,” Alice said, brushing past him to set another stack of clothes in the open dresser drawer. When Edward didn’t reply, she stopped and turned to look at him. He was frozen, his face filled with horror as he stared down at Bella.

“Edward?”

He shook his head, reaching one hand up to clench his hair tightly. “Alice, what did I do?”

Alice closed the dresser drawer with a snap and planted both hands on Edward’s chest, propelling him backwards into the hall. She closed the door to Bella’s room, even though there wasn’t a chance she could hear anything being said around her. Then Alice reached up and took Edward’s face in her hands, forcing him to look down at her.

“Edward, you can’t do this now. I know you’re killing yourself inside and eating yourself up with guilt, but you just _can’t_. Not now.”

“But—“

“No buts. You think I’m not, too? Don’t you think I’m questioning every single thing I did or didn’t do? Wondering about every little thing I saw in my head and dismissed as unimportant? Don’t you think I’m telling myself that I never should have spoken to her in the first place? Because I am. And it’s killing me. But I can’t do that now. She needs us. This is going to be so hard for her and if you care for her like I know you do, like _I_ do, then you need to put that aside for now and be there for her. Help her through this. There’s time to talk about all of that later.”

Edward shook his head. “She’ll never want anything to do with me again once she understands why this happened.”

“You don’t know that. And the fact of the matter is that it’s going to be a while before we can even have that discussion with her. We have to get her through this. And for that, we have to forget how we got here for the moment. Okay?”

Edward closed his eyes and nodded reluctantly.

“We can’t change how it happened, Edward. It’s done. All we can do is make what comes next as easy for her as possible.”

“I hate seeing her like this, Alice. It’s killing me. Knowing what she’s going through… what she still has to go through.”

“I do, too. But we know what to expect. It’ll be easier for her than it is for most. That’s all we can do for her. So will you sit with her while I finish the house?”

“I won’t leave her until it’s done.”

Alice smiled and pushed up on her toes to kiss his cheek. He finally smiled weakly as she released him and turned to go downstairs.

Edward let himself back into Bella’s room and closed the door behind him. He moved the wooden ladder-backed chair from the corner to the side of the bed and settled down resting his elbows on the edge of the mattress. Bella was still writhing, hissing, whimpering.

Carefully, he reached out and took her hand where it was grappling against the quilt. He held it gently between both of his, rubbing his thumbs over the back of her hand. To his surprise, her fingers closed around his, holding on tight.

Her skin was still hot and soft, still human. There wouldn’t be many more hours of this left. He let the rapid thump of her heart fill his head. That would be gone soon, too. She still smelled sweet, but already the pull was weakening. Her blood was transforming, no longer holding him in its grip. He could breathe deeply and smell the heady scent of Bella without any attendant thrill to kill.

He inhaled, filling his head with her, before he spoke. He kept his voice low and soothing, not sure if she could hear or understand him. But it didn’t matter. He’d do it anyway. He would be here for her. She wouldn’t go through a moment of this final transformation alone.

“Bella, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m here. I won’t leave. Not now and not ever, unless you tell me to go. I’m so sorry…” He choked on the words, remembering Alice’s command. Time for that later. It wasn’t helpful now. He tried to focus on what _was_ helpful. He told her what he knew. “I know it hurts now, worse than you could have believed. But it will stop, I promise. And when you wake up, everything will be different. It will be overwhelming, but we’ll be here. Alice and I will make sure you’re okay. We’ll show you how to do this. You’ll be okay. I promise.”

He kept up his steady stream of words through the day and all through the night.

Esme came back with gas for the generator and they were able to power up the satellite phone and check in with Carlisle. Over the static-y connection, Carlisle assured them they’d reached Denali with no problems and gotten Riley settled in the compound. Eleazar and Carmen were helping with him. The sisters were on their way back from Russia but hadn’t arrived yet. Carlisle promised to check in once Riley had woken up and Esme promised the same.

Sometime after midnight on the third night, Bella’s tortured body finally stilled. Her frantic heart slowed, each beat a heavy thud as it struggled to keep pumping. Edward watched through the night, whispering comfort and reassurance. His perfect vision noted each tiny change as it happened. Her skin, already so pale and smooth, turned snowy in its perfection. Her thick hair curled on the pillow, tumbling in glossy waves around her shoulders. The angry red gash on her neck faded into a faint silver network of scars, ones she would never lose. Her dark eyelashes thickened and grew longer, casting shadows in the soft gold light from the bedside lamp. Edward could feel the skin of her hand changing under his fingertips, growing firm and cool. The muscles felt hard and resilient.

Her beauty became surreal before his eyes. It hurt his chest to look at her. In one moment, it was the worst thing that could have ever happened and he hated it. In the next, it was a miracle and he was so— _happy_. And then he’d hate himself for his joy. While it gave him some sick delight to see her made impervious like him, he knew that it was a tragedy. Her human life had ended and he had no business finding anything good about that.

Alice and Esme took turns coming in to sit with her, but Edward never accepted their suggestions to take a break. He stayed where he was at her side. Alice and Esme sat on the other side of her bed, smoothing her hair, arranging her clothes, talking to her in an endless comforting stream.

In the early morning hours, Alice laid her hand on his shoulder as she came into the room.

“Sometime this evening, I think.”

Edward nodded and gripped her hand tighter.

“Esme thinks that she and I should be here at first. She might feel less threatened with two women.”

“She knows me, Alice.”

“If she remembers you. She might not at first. You know that.”

Edward hated it, but knew Alice was right. There was no telling what Bella would be like when she woke up, or how she’d react to anything.

“I’ll hunt for her,” he said. “She’ll need to eat as soon as she wakes up.”

*0*0*

As the grey sky darkened again, Bella’s heart rate slowed even further, a sluggish, thick thud taking nearly a minute to repeat. She hadn’t moved a muscle in nearly twenty-four hours.

“I think it’s soon,” Alice murmured.

Edward nodded. He raised Bella’s hand and after hesitating a minute, pressed his lips against her knuckles. Cool and smooth, no difference between her skin and his anymore. He’d held back from showing her any affection outside of holding her hand during her transformation. He _wanted_ to. He wanted to hold her and stroke her face and kiss her forehead while he whispered to her. But it didn’t seem right to touch her that way without her consent.

He stood and moved towards the door just as Esme came in. She squeezed his arm and smiled in reassurance.

Edward looked back at her again, lying so still and beautiful. “Take care of her.”

“Of course, Edward. You’ll see her soon.”

Once outside, he ran for miles, just to feel the wind and the cold on his face, to feel his legs move and his body fly. It felt good after spending so long sitting still at her side. He wished he could outrun his anxiety and fear, but there was no hope of that. It was curled inside, eating away at him.

What would she do when she woke up? When they explained what had happened and why? He could imagine her turning her back on them in disgust and disappearing into the wilderness. Or she would go straight to Riley. Riley, who by then would be immortal himself, waiting for her to come back to him.

The idea of watching her walk away with Riley, knowing for every moment of his long existence that she was still out there, loving someone else…

Edward drew up short, coming to a sudden stop in the woods. Of course. That was why she turned Riley, too. He wasn’t just some unfortunate fallout. He was the real instrument of Victoria’s revenge. Killing Bella would have been too final. He might have eventually moved on from that. But this—holding her just out of his reach forever—it was the cut that would never heal. When Bella walked away from him with Riley, when he lost her for good, Victoria would get her wish. He’d suffer for eternity.

An hour later, Edward sat on the ground in front of the lodge. The deer he brought back was tethered to the bumper of the Jeep. He listened intently to every thought and sound from the little upstairs bedroom.

Esme wondered fretfully if Bella was still feeling any pain. Alice thought about how pretty she was now and, like Edward, she worried that she would lose Bella forever when she woke up. Bella’s heart thudded on.

Then Alice gasped.

Edward pressed his back into the cold stone side of the house, listening and hearing only silence.

Bella’s heart didn’t beat again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon, my amazing beta, saved this chapter. She's a genius. Thank you all for reading!

Her entire existence was pain. From the moment she sank to her knees on the sidewalk, everything Bella knew or had ever known fell away. All that was left was endless, burning, twisting pain. She fought against it as long as she could, her human instincts for survival desperately trying to find an escape or at least a means to lessen it. When nothing worked and it just grew worse, she let go, losing herself in it.

For some endless time she burned. She felt sure she must be nothing more than ash, but she still burned. She couldn’t make sense of what was happening or why. She had no choice but to endure it.

Yet she was alive. She was aware. Certainly the mind must shut down at some point? When one burned to death, eventually the human consciousness would become unaware? But she felt every endless moment of it.

Then the burning shifted, sharpened. Like scalpels racing down her veins and out along every nerve. There was nothing but the razor-sharp blades of pain and the heavy _thump, thump, thump_ , growing slower.

The pain raced back up her body, out of her fingers and hands, out of her toes and up her legs. It all sucked back up into her chest, the final, aching focal point of pain. It pulsed in time with the _thump, thump, thump._

Her tortured body was held in its thrall.

_Thump_

_Thump_

And then nothing. And the pain was gone.

She lay perfectly still, overwhelmed by sound, even though she was also aware of the silence around her. She could hear rustling and whooshing and taps and distant scratches. Tiny sounds made a crashing symphony in her head.

She could smell things, both familiar and new. Trees and damp and soil and snow in the air; cotton blankets and old wood and something else, familiar and sweet. The scents filled her head, each one as distinct as a ribbon, so powerful she could almost see them.

The rustle of fabric sounded like boulders crashing together. A prickling brand-new awareness told her that she was not alone. There were two, very near her. The sweet smell she could almost remember. She didn’t know how she knew it, but the sense of them close to her was as sharp and undeniable as if she’d seen it with her eyes or heard them with her ears.

A panicky hyper-alertness flooded her body. Something made her want to run or lash out.

Bella opened her eyes.

In seconds she was crouched against the headboard of the bed she’d been lying on, without even being aware she’d moved.

Two were sitting on the foot of the bed. The wild feeling of panic clamored through her as she struggled to take in… _everything_. She could see it _all_. The ordinary, like the narrow metal-framed bed and the blue quilt covering it, but she could also see dust motes floating in the air in front of her. She could count the stitches in each row on the quilt and see in between the tight weave of the cotton.

“Bella?”

The voice was familiar, but it was different in her ears. She could hear so much more, high and low tones and rumblings and vibrations. The voice stirred the air, which shifted across her skin until she could feel it as well as hear it.

“Bella, it’s me, Alice.”

She looked at the one who spoke. Her face was perfect, pale skin and gold eyes. She smiled and Bella felt the bristling alarm ebb slightly.

Alice, Alice, Alice.

There was a memory there, if she could only bat away all of these sounds and feelings and sights to get to it.

 _Alice_.

Like trying to see something at the bottom of a murky lake, she fought towards the word “Alice.” And there she was. Alice. Her friend.

Bella opened her mouth to speak and that’s when she felt it. She wasn’t sure how she’d been able to feel anything else when there was _this_ the whole time. The fire that had burned her alive hadn’t left, it had just distilled into the raging flame in her throat.

Her hands came up to her throat instinctively, and she was almost surprised to see her perfect, white fingers. She felt as if she should be charred to ash.

“Yes, I know,” the other of the two said gently.

Bella looked at her and she was harder to find. Another perfect face, another set of gold eyes and another soft smile. So murky. There was so much there behind the veil that she could barely see. But then her name was there with her face. _Esme_. Edward’s mother. _Edward_.

“Let’s get you outside. You’ll feel better once you’ve eaten something,” Alice was saying, inching towards her, hands outstretched.

Bella’s new, hair-trigger instincts were telling her to fight those hands, but this was Alice, and Alice was her friend. So she let Alice touch her shoulder and slide an arm around her.

A low, fierce growl filled the room, and Bella realized that it had come from her.

Alice smiled at her. “It’s okay, it’s just me. You’re going to be okay. Just come with me.”

Bella pushed back the frantic need to swat her hands away and she let herself be pulled up from the bed. She didn’t understand anything—where she was, how she felt, or what was happening to her—but she trusted Alice, so she hung onto that.

She could feel every whorl in the grain of the wood floor under her bare feet. She looked down and was distracted by her feet, so white against the dark wood. And then there was the braided rug, all the colors so rich. She got lost in them, trying to see each one and name them. Too many. Too many colors and textures and things to see and feel. But the _burning_. Her throat was on fire.

Alice tugged her forward. “Let’s fix the burning,” she said, knowing just what Bella was thinking.

Out into the hallway and down narrow wooden stairs; everywhere she looked there was more to see and hear and feel. The air thrummed around her and beat on her skin. She could smell layer upon layer of things, and then there was only _one_ smell, _one_ sound.

 _Thump, thump, thump_ ….

With each pulse she could taste something on her tongue and the burn in her throat spiked. Nothing in the world existed except that thump. She tore free of Alice’s hands. It was right there, on the other side of the door. Just as her hands hit it, ready to tear it down to get it out of the way, Esme was there, opening it for her and she flew through.

 _Thump, thump, thump_ …

She saw nothing, she heard nothing, she felt nothing. Just that thump and that smell, hot and rushing, that she _needed_.

Then the hot rush was in her mouth and down her throat. She closed her eyes, swallowing, swallowing. It still burned, but the hot rush doused the edges and made the burn recede. She sucked and swallowed until nothing else came.

She opened her eyes again, sensation slowly returning. Alice was crouched next to her and Esme was behind her. In her lap was the still-warm body of a deer, its glassy dark eye fixed on the sky. Its neck was torn open and there was blood and tissue everywhere. She glanced down at herself. Blood. On her chest and hands and arms. She could feel it on her face, sticky and still warm.

“Alice—” She began, and then clamped her mouth shut at the unfamiliar sound she’d just made. Her voice sounded different. What was happening to her?

Alice reached out slowly and stroked her hair, brushing it off her face and back over her shoulder. “Bella, do you remember what happened? Do you remember the woman?”

Bella scowled, peering into that murky lake of her memories where all the answers lay. What happened— a woman—

Then she remembered red hair and red eyes in the dark. She remembered her own cold panic. She remembered Riley stepping in front of her. _Riley_.

And then her teeth and the bite on his neck, like a lover. But not like a lover. Like a—

Bella looked back down at her bloody hands and the dead deer in her lap.

“Vampire.”

Alice looked pained and she nodded. “Yes. That’s what happened when she bit you.”

“She bit me?” Bella’s hand went instinctively to her throat. _She bit me._

“Now you’re like her. And like us.”

“Like you?” Then Bella remembered her last conscious thought before she was swallowed by the burning. She’d figured it out, what Edward hadn’t been telling her. She knew he was like that woman. He was a vampire. And so was Alice and his whole family. But not his family.

“You’re not his sister.”

Alice threw her head back and laughed. Bella couldn’t believe she’d never noticed the breathtaking beauty of the sound before. “Of all the things to ask first,” she said, shaking her head in amusement. “No, I’m not his sister, but I love him like my brother.”

“I’m like you now,” Bella said again, looking back at her bloody hands. She knew on some level that the dead deer should have horrified her, as well as the blood. In a tiny corner of her mind she _was_ horrified. But her horror was overwhelmed by her burning need for blood. As she watched it congeal and dry on her fingers, all she wanted was more.

“You’re like us, but _not_ like her in a very important way.”

Bella made herself look at Alice. She was becoming distracted by sensation again. That, and the burning in her throat, which was only fractionally abated.

“Most of our kind live like she does. They feed—well, you saw.”

Bella nodded in understanding. “She kills people.”

“We don’t,” Alice said, fixing Bella with her steady golden eyes. Not at all like the blood red eyes of the woman. “We survive like this. On animals.”

“We?”

Esme shifted forward, running a hand gently down Bella’s hair. Part of her prickled at the contact, but it was also comforting, so she focused on that. “Alice, Edward, me,” she said. “Our whole family. And there are others. This is how we choose to live. There’s so much to tell you, Bella, but you’re still really thirsty, aren’t you?”

The instant Esme said the word, all Bella could sense was the burn in her throat. It was bottomless. She nodded.

“Do you hear that?” Esme said, cocking her head to the side. “Heartbeats. Three of them.”

Bella listened and there they were, three distinct beats, overlapping each other, out of rhythm. The burn spiked.

“Let’s go.” Alice stood and urged her to her feet as well. Then they were running—flying—through the dark woods. The trees and branches whipped by, the cold night air blew past her skin. The thumping grew louder and then she caught a whiff of them. More hot rush. All conscious thought left her. She was a slave to the impulse to hunt and kill. Her body propelled towards them on its own, every sense focused on getting her nearer to the prey.

She fell on the deer without seeing, sinking her teeth in deep, desperate for the blood inside. When one was drained, Alice was there with another. When that was done, Esme had another one for her. When she’d finished that one, too, she sank back and sighed. The burn was still there. Would it ever go away?

“Will it ever go away?” she said out loud, touching her throat.

Alice made a face. “It’s the worst it will ever be right now. In time, it will fade and you’ll manage it. The animal blood will keep it at bay, but it’s always there. Always a struggle.”

Bella pushed up onto her hands and knees. Now that the thirst was beaten back for a moment, she could sense herself again. She was covered in blood. Her hair was tangled and matted with it. Blood and hair streaked up her arms and stuck to her face. Fragments of consciousness and memory were coming back, too. One memory pushed to the front of her mind and overwhelmed everything else.

“Where is Edward?”

“He’s here,” Alice said evenly. “But we thought you might react better to women at first.”

“But I know him,” Bella protested. What she didn’t say was that she _longed_ for him. As frightening as everything was at the moment, all she wanted was Edward, comforting her the way he had the night she was attacked. It hurt that he was keeping his distance now.

“Your instincts are stronger than your intellect right now. You growled at me, remember?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t even know I could make that sound.”

“It’s okay,” Alice said, smiling and patting her hand where it curled into the dirt. “You can’t help it right now. And Bella, you won’t believe all the things you can do now. But that’s for later.”

Bella sat back in the dirt, feeling the blood dry on her skin. She was horrified at herself. “Don’t let him see me like this.”

“Of course not, sweetheart.” Esme stepped forward and gripped her shoulders. “Let’s get you back to the house and cleaned up. I think you’ve had enough for the moment. You’ll be able to talk for a bit before we need to hunt again.”

Bella didn’t argue. She was overwhelmed with just the little she knew so far. Together they walked back the way they came. With every step, Bella saw and smelled and felt more than she could possibly name. This world was so vast. She felt so lost in it.

 

*0*0*

 

“Where are we?” Bella asked as she stood on the bathroom rug and let Alice dry her off. She’d protested at first that she could do it herself, but Alice had insisted that she’d be frustrated if she tried, so Bella had acquiesced.

“We’re at a hunting lodge our family owns in the Northwest Territory of Canada.”

“Canada? How did we get here?”

“We drove. You were out of it for a while, Bella.”

“How did you get me into Canada? I don’t have a passport.”

Alice smiled indulgently. “We have ways around that, literally and figuratively.”

Bella nodded in understanding, even though she didn’t.

“Where is Riley?” she asked after a minute. She couldn’t believe it had taken her this long to register his absence—to remember that he’d been attacked alongside her.

“In Alaska, with the rest of our family.”

“This happened to him, too, didn’t it? He’s like me now?”

Alice nodded grimly. Bella couldn’t face what that might mean just yet, so she pushed the thought away.

“Why didn’t you bring him here?”

Alice’s eyes flickered up to her and away. “You’ll be very emotional, volatile, for a while. Everyone is at first. Having two newborns together—” Alice shook her head. “You’d be too hard to manage.”

Bella considered that for a minute. She did feel volatile. She felt too big for her body. Everything was bright and loud and fast. It made her feel so much and think too fast. And the never-ending burning in her throat—maybe Alice had a point.

Alice nudged her shoulder to turn her around, so she could dry her hair. Bella pivoted obediently and glanced up at the mirror.

Then she screamed.

“Alice, oh my God. What happened to me?”

Bella leaned towards the mirror, touching her own face, familiar but not. She was so pale. She always had been, but this was different. Her skin was so smooth. No freckles, no bumps, no tiny shifts of color. Just a flawless expanse of ivory skin. Like Alice. Like all of them. Her lips were a bit fuller and so red. Her hair was still wet, but it looked thicker and the color was darker and richer. Her features seemed sharper, more refined, like seeing a teenage friend several years later, after the last of the youth had melted away. Her lashes were thick and long and—

“My eyes! What’s wrong with my eyes?”

“Shh.” Alice stepped up behind her, rubbing her shoulders. “It’s only temporary. Once you’ve fed on animals for a bit it will change and they’ll look like mine.”

“How long?”

“A few months. Maybe a year at the outside.”

“A year?”

“That’s not a very long time to us.”

Bella finally turned away from her own beautiful, startling reflection to look at Alice. “What do you mean?”

Alice suddenly seemed so much older. Not her face, since that was frozen in its youthful beauty, but her eyes, which seemed endlessly deep and wise. “We live a very long time.”

Bella stared at her for a moment. “How long?”

Alice paused before she answered, her voice steady. “Forever, unless we’re killed, and that’s very hard to do.”

Bella felt overwhelmed. She would have felt faint except that her new impervious body didn’t faint anymore. “Forever? You mean I’m—”

“Immortal.”

“Oh, God.”

“I think it’s time to talk,” Alice said gently, slipping a robe around her shoulders and leading her back to the bedroom where Esme waited. They sat her down on the bed and settled down on either side of her. Alice took her hand and rubbed her fingers and quietly, the two of them began to share their secrets.

They told Bella about immortality and bloodlust. They told her about nomads and human blood and they told her about chosen families and restricted diets. They told her about all the things she could do now, her expanded mind and perfect memory. They told her about her super-human strength and speed, which Bella found hard to believe. They told her that she would never age or die, that she would remain always young, always beautiful, always invincible.

Through it all, Bella stayed silent, just listening. She looked at her hands, her flawless white hands, gracefully curled in her lap, and tried to take it all in.

“Do you have any questions?” Alice murmured, curling her arm around her shoulders.

“About a million, but—”

“You’re thirsty again?” Esme guessed.

Bella nodded.

“You will be for a while. Come on. The good news is, it’s easy to eat here.”

Bella let them dress her, Alice explaining as she worked that Bella would have a hard time controlling her new strength at first and that small tasks like buttons would likely frustrate her. Bella could already sense what she meant.

She followed Alice downstairs. At the foot of the stairs, she smelled something new, _someone_ new. She smelled _Edward_. It wasn’t like he’d smelled to her before, but still, she knew it was him. When Alice opened the door, he was there, standing uncertainly outside.

Bella stopped short at the sight of him. So beautiful. He was before, but now, with her new eyes and her new perception, she could barely process the way the sight of him made her feel. She could scarcely think for the overwhelming flood of emotions. It was as all-consuming as her new senses, but in her heart instead. She burned for him, but she was also scared, guilty, and most of all, confused.

“Bella,” he murmured, taking in every tiny change. Her hair was still damp, but so thick and shiny. Her luminous red eyes met his and then skittered away, giving him a moment to drink her in. Every delicate feature was sharpened into perfection, and her skin… When she was human he’d fantasized about touching that face, running his fingertips down that warm, satiny cheek. The way she looked now, all glowing ivory and crimson eyes, he had to fist his hand at his side to keep from reaching out to touch her. There was no place for that kind of thinking now. She’d had everything taken from her and was facing a terrifying new existence and it was all his fault. He swore to himself that no matter how badly he’d hurt her before, he’d do the right thing now. He’d take care of her, show her the way, and at least be her friend, if that was all that was left to him.

“How do you feel?” he finally asked her. It was a ridiculously insufficient question, all things considered, but it seemed safe.

She wasn’t sure what to say. There was no way to describe how she felt, and it was hard to focus on that when she was talking to him.

Some of her memory was still lost in the haze of her transformation, but not everything. She remembered the last time she’d seen Edward. And what had happened, that moment when they’d crossed a line and done what they shouldn’t. As a human, that moment with Edward had nearly shattered her. Now, when even the breeze on her skin made her half-frantic, she was almost afraid to look at him. What he made her feel could drive her mad.

“Thirsty,” she finally said. Thirsty was easy. Edward was hard.

“We’re taking her hunting again,” Alice interjected. “Come with us?”

Edward wanted a moment alone with her, to talk to her, and reassure her. But she was looking at everything but him and the last thing he wanted to do now was force himself on her. His resolution to be her friend was already sorely tested. But she was scared and hungry, and at least he could do something about that.

So he said nothing: he just nodded and turned to follow them into the dark woods.

Bella understood what they meant about the speed as soon as she started running after Alice. She’d done it before, the first time she hunted, but she’d been so distracted by thirst and the heartbeats she pursued that she hadn’t even noticed. This time, she could see the trees whipping past her in the dark at an unreal pace. She knew the ground under her feet must be a minefield of potential obstacles, tree roots and branches just waiting to trip her. But somehow her feet landed solid and sure with every step. There was frost on the ground, but Bella didn’t feel cold, not even cool, in spite of her bare feet and thin shirt.

 _Thump, thump_.

“Hear them?” Alice called over her shoulder. Bella nodded. Deer, like before. She could smell them already and it began to blot out every other thought and feeling. She became unaware of the woods, her companions, everything. There was only that blood to be pursued and consumed. And she did. Moments later, she let the drained carcass fall at her feet as she swiped the back of her hand across her mouth. She was still bloody, but at least her clothes weren’t drenched in it this time. That was an improvement.

“Bella?”

She turned towards Edward’s voice instinctively. Even now, in the middle of hunting, he held her in his thrall. He was standing a few dozen feet to her right, his head cocked as he listened.

“Do you smell that?” he asked. She inhaled deeply.

“Oh, what is that?”

He smiled, and it felt like the first time she’d ever seen it. Dazzling. For a moment, she was too stunned by him to even think about the thirst. “Something really good. Come on.”

She followed him off to the right, uphill. They climbed a small rocky incline and Edward looked over the edge where it fell away. The smell was so strong now, hot, delicious and irresistible. Bella wanted to push past Edward and just pounce, but the deer had sated her just enough to keep herself in check, at least for a few more seconds. She wasn’t sure she could hold on after that.

Edward looked back at her. “Stay here. I’ll tell you when, okay?”

She nodded. Edward turned back and leaped over the edge. Bella was startled for just a moment, before remembering all that he could do; all that she could do, too.

There was a growl and a hiss from below, and then a rustle and a scrape. A soft grunt and another growl and then Edward’s voice floated up to her.

“Come on, Bella.”

She peered over the side. The drop wasn’t far at all and what Edward held in his arms blotted out everything else anyway. It was a mountain lion, almost as big as he was, and he had it expertly pinned and waiting for her. She inhaled and it’s rich, delicious smell hit her tongue. In a second, she was on it, biting, tearing, drinking. And God— _the taste_. She closed her eyes and moaned, pulling harder, drinking deeper. There was so much more of it than with the deer, too. She drank and drank and for an instant, the burn ebbed almost to nothing.

Her whole body felt energized and alive. She clutched at the animal and drank until it was empty. She sat back and sighed.

“Good, huh?” Edward said. She looked up and he was smiling at her, his face so full of delight—in spite of how she must have looked—she almost forgot to be embarrassed at her blood-streaked hands and face.

“So good. So much better than the deer.”

Slowly, he reached out and swiped his thumb across the corner of her mouth. Her skin tingled along the path he left. He raised his thumb and showed her the streak of blood. Then he pressed his thumb to his lip and licked the blood away, his eyes never leaving hers, full of joy.

“They’re my favorite. Carnivores always taste better than herbivores, the bigger the better.”

“What’s the best?”

 He scowled and his voice turned hard. “Don’t even ask yourself that question. It’s better that way.”

Instantly, Bella understood. People. Humans were the best. The choice that Edward and his family had rejected and the one she would, too. She hadn’t had the wherewithal yet to weigh the ethical considerations, but she knew she could never do it. Well, she supposed she could, but she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to live with herself if she took that step.

“Feeling better?” Edward asked.

She smiled and his face lit up when she did. “The best so far. Thank you.”

“Any time,” he said softly. He slowly extended a hand to her, a cautious invitation. She took it and let him pull her to her feet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Daylight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter needs a tiny disclaimer up front. I wrote this chapter over nine months ago. At that time, I included an oblique little reference to a children’s fairy tale that suddenly became slightly awkward after the events of the past week. I decided to leave it there because A) I like it and B) this is fiction and has nothing to do with real life, real people and real emotions. I just liked the imagery. It’s in no way meant to be a commentary on anything. Thanks, lovely readers! You’re all wonderful.
> 
> Arfalcon betas and she helped me sort out the issue above.

A week slipped by, and then two and three. Snow came, earlier and heavier than it would have back in Seattle. Bella hunted endlessly. Edward, Alice and Esme took her out day and night, doing their best to satisfy her inexhaustible thirst. Bella spent days learning to track and attack. In a week, she could manage to do it without ripping her prey to pieces. After two weeks, she could come back more or less clean.

The lodge was put back into shape, but it was not an ideal residence for four adults, especially when one was a newborn. It was only designed as a short-term getaway for a couple, far less luxurious and well-appointed than other Cullen residences. Most of all, Alice was frustrated by the lack of internet access. Satellite phones kept them in touch with Carlisle and the rest of the family, but wi-fi was a distant dream so far north. When the nearest human settlement was over a hundred miles away, even dial-up was impossible. It meant she couldn’t order any new clothes for Bella and they were stuck making do with what they had. Alice was never particularly good at just making do.

They’d packed in a hurry and Alice had been able to bring nothing of Bella’s. They were keeping her clothed with some of Esme’s things and the odd assortment of Cullen clothes left behind over the decades. Bella seemed unconcerned, just as happy to pad around the house in an old floral dress of Rosalie’s from the 1940’s as she was to wear Esme’s yoga pants and t-shirts. Bella’s only pair of shoes had been drenched with blood during her attack, but she didn’t care, preferring to be barefoot all the time anyway.

Alice spent a little time every day trying to help her gain control over her new body. When she gave it her full attention, she could manage to get herself dressed without shredding her clothes. But if she lost focus for even an instant, her strength got away from her and everything ended up in tatters. Then her temper, on a perpetual short fuse, would ignite and it might be hours before she was calm enough to try again. Alice just soothed her and promised her it would pass.

The ramifications of what had happened to her and what was still to come were too much for Bella to think about, so mostly, she didn’t think. She hunted and drank. She fought to control her new body. She simply existed.

*0*0*

 

“Where is Bella?” Edward asked as he came down the stairs. Her scent still lingered in the house, but he could tell she wasn’t inside.

Esme and Alice looked up from the drafting they were both working on, plans for a new house in Maine. “She’s right outside. Don’t worry,” Alice said. “I’m paying attention to her. If she takes off, we’ll be able to find her.” The “something happening” that Alice referred to would be the highly unlikely appearance of a human. The house was too remote for that to be a real possibility, but it was always a concern with a newborn. One smell, no matter how faint, and she probably wouldn’t be able to stop herself.

Edward paced back and forth in the tiny living room, trying to convince himself to stay inside and leave her be.

Esme sighed and looked up again. “Just go to her, Edward. You won’t settle until you do.”

Edward didn’t reply; he turned and headed for the front door.

He found her sitting in the snow in the clearing in front of the lodge. She was wearing an old red coat of Esme’s she’d found in a closet. It was unbuttoned, so that its wide, old-fashioned skirt spread out on the snow behind her. With her long dark hair and her white, white skin, Edward was reminded of the children’s fairy tale—hair as dark as night, skin as white as snow, lips as red as—

“Bella?”

She slowly turned her head to look at him, as if she were surfacing from under water. Flakes of snow fluttered down from her face and hair, frosting the shoulders of her coat.

“How long have you been out here?” he asked in alarm.

Bella cocked her head to the side and her eyebrows drew together. “I’m not—”

Edward stepped forward and crouched in front of her, taking her frost-covered hands in his. He ran his thumbs back and forth, swiping away the dusting of snow that had formed on her.

“Never mind. Doesn’t matter.” Because she was no longer human, and it didn’t matter. She could stay out here and get herself buried in a snow bank if she wanted to and she’d be just fine. “What are you thinking about?” Edward asked, changing tactics.

Bella looked down at the snow. Her dark hair swirled against her cheeks. Edward wanted to reach out and touch, to brush it back off her face, but he didn’t.

“About Charlie. This—” she stopped and stared, then started again. “I can’t ever see him again, can I?”

Edward pressed his lips together and shook his head. Bella gave a shaky nod. She already knew the answer.

“I’m missing now, aren’t I? He’s looking for me. Worrying about me. My mom, too. She must be so upset.”

Edward sighed, because there was no easy answer to this, no way to spare her the pain of this part. Suddenly he found himself feeling grateful that his parents had both died before he did. It was one less burden to carry with him into this life. But Bella would. She would miss them and mourn for them and he didn’t know what to do to ease that ache.

“He is. I’m sorry. There’s no other way, though. They have to think that you’re gone. You understand that, right?”

Bella nodded and her fingers tightened around his.

“Will this stop hurting? Will I stop caring?”

Edward thought for a moment before he spoke. It was a harsh reality, but probably best that she face it.

“Bella, eventually everyone you know will be dead. They’ll all be gone.”

She gasped. He pulled her hands closer to his chest.

“But this is why, you see? Why my family lives the way they do. It’s why we _choose_ to be a family. You’re not alone, Bella, not if you don’t want to be.”

She closed her eyes and her body tilted forwards, towards Edward. “I know,” she murmured. “But he’s still my dad. He’s alive right now and he’s probably going crazy worrying. I feel awful. I wish I could tell him to just stop, even if losing me hurts him. At least he won’t keep wondering. He’s a cop. He’ll never stop looking for me.”

Edward was quiet for a moment, considering how to present his thoughts to her.

“We could make it a little more final, if you want.”

“What do you mean?”

“We still have your clothes. Rose hid your truck that night. We could stage an accident. Something remote.”

She looked up at him, blinking. The snow made her skin reflect white, a stark contrast with her eyes, still blood-red. She was so beautiful he could barely stand to look at her.

“You can do that?”

He nodded. “We can’t plant a body or anything. DNA testing has made faking deaths a little more difficult than it used to be.” He smiled weakly at his own poor attempt at humor. “But if they find your truck wrecked and your clothes, with your blood….”

“He’ll know I’m gone.” Bella finished his sentence, her face grim.

“It’s something.”

“No, it’s good. Thank you. What about Riley? His mom must be frantic by now. Susan freaks when he forgets to call for a week.”

Edward looked down at the snow, and released her hands. He was uncomfortable at the reminder of how entwined her life had been with Riley’s. He was still out there, learning to control himself like Bella was. But eventually they’d be together again and Edward knew he couldn’t afford to forget that.

“I’m sure Carlisle kept his clothes, too. We can plant them with yours. It would make sense, you two going missing together. Jasper can plant some emails in your accounts, so it looks like you planned an impromptu weekend getaway.”

“That went very wrong.”

“Exactly.”

Bella nodded. “That would be good. At least then they can all have an answer.”

“We’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you, Edward. For everything. All of this. I can’t imagine what would have happened if you hadn’t found us there.”

“Alice saw.” Edward didn’t mean to tell her now, but she was calmer, more like herself, than she’d been since her change and he hated keeping secrets from her. She deserved to know as much as possible.

“What do you mean?”

“Some of us are gifted. We have other abilities. Alice sees things. The future.”

Bella sat back, absorbing that. “Do you?”

Edward nodded. “I hear people’s thoughts.”

Her eyes widened in horror.

“Not yours,” he amended quickly. “I don’t know why, but I’ve never been able to hear yours.”

“Why not mine?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re gifted, too.” It hadn’t occurred to him until he said it, but now that he had, it seemed to make sense. He would talk to Carlisle about it the next time they spoke.

Bella was quiet as she considered what he’d told her. “Did Alice see what was going to happen to me?”

“Not until the last second,” Edward said. “She doesn’t really see anything until people decide what to do and things change as people change their minds. Victoria decided to do this to you on the spur of the moment. That’s when Alice saw it. We came as quickly as we could. I would have stopped her if I could, I promise you that, Bella.”

“Victoria. You knew her?”

Edward winced and ran a hand over the back of his neck. He couldn’t put this off any longer. “Not really. I’d only encountered her once before. In Forks.”

“She was in Forks?”

“She and two others. Her partner was the one who killed Shelley Cope. We went back to tell them to move on. It’s complicated, but her partner—James—was killed.” He swallowed hard, forcing himself to tell her the full truth. “I did it. I killed him. Alice was there. He knew her from before and he’d come looking for her. I’m pretty sure that’s why Victoria did this to you. To get back at us.”

“To get back at you? I don’t—“

“Because we cared about you. We care. You were important to us and she saw that. She couldn’t get to us. It was too hard, but you—“

“I was easy,” she murmured, looking at her hands.

“I’m so sorry, Bella.”

“Why not just kill me, though? And  why Riley?”

Edward didn’t want to tell her this truth—that Victoria saw what had happened in the parking lot and turned Riley to keep Bella away from him forever. It would only make her feel guilty and she didn’t need that. He would soon. But not just yet. “She’s not like us. Living the way we do, feeding on animals, it changes the way we think. The others, like Victoria, they’re more violent, less rational. Her actions didn’t always make sense.”

Bella said nothing for a long time, staring into the middle distance. Edward couldn’t read her at all. He’d been bad at reading her before, but now it was impossible. He had no idea how she was reacting to everything he’d told her.

“What are you thinking?” he finally asked, unable to keep himself from it.

She shook her head. “I’m thirsty again.”

Edward sighed. She was still a mystery to him, what she thought, what she felt, and it looked like she’d remain that way. “Let’s go hunt, then.”

He stood and held out a hand to her. She took it and pulled herself lightly to her feet, shedding Esme’s red coat as she went. Dropping his hand, she took off into the woods. Edward could do nothing but follow.

*0*0*

“It’s done,” Carlisle’s voice was quiet and somber over the phone.

Edward paced back and forth, threading through the trees as he spoke. “Thank you. It will be a relief to her.”

“I called Billy Black.”

Edward stopped moving. “Why involve them?”

“They’re already involved, Edward. He’s friends with Charlie Swan. They’ve been forming search parties to look for her. Since it was Victoria who did this, telling them what happened seemed like the right thing to do.”

“What did he say?”

Carlisle paused. “They’re understandably very upset. Billy knew Bella all her life. His son played with her when they were young. They’re dead set on tracking down Victoria.”

“Well, for once we see eye-to-eye on something. They can tear her to pieces. I’d be delighted,” Edward snapped, pounding a fist against a tree trunk hard enough to partially uproot it.

“Billy assured me that the pack won’t rest until she’s gone. He’s also helping us with the disappearance. He’ll plant the idea that Bella and Riley were killed in the crash and that animals got to their bodies. It will explain the bloody clothes.”

“I’m sorry for Charlie Swan,” Edward said. “He doesn’t deserve this.”

“No one does. How is she?”

“Adjusting. Pretty well, in fact. But she doesn’t talk much about what she’s thinking. What about Riley?”

Carlisle chuckled. “Alice was right. He’s a handful. He’s angry. Understandably so.”

Edward swallowed thickly. “Does he ask about her?”

Carlisle paused. “Yes, he does. He wants to see her, as soon as he can.”

Edward squeezed his eyes closed. “I know. It only makes sense.”

“I’m sorry, Edward. I know this must be painful and confusing for you.”

Edward gave a short, humorless laugh. “It’s nothing more than I deserve, Carlisle. If I had just left her alone, this wouldn’t have happened to her.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. Victoria never would have known of her existence if she wasn’t close to us.”

“Edward, if we hadn’t gotten involved, one of them would have killed her father. Alice saw it happening. One way or another, Bella’s life was destined to cross paths with our kind.”

“But not this way, Carlisle. She would have recovered from losing her father.”

“And she may recover from this. It might not be the eternal condemnation for her that you think it is.”

“Once she’s back with him, you mean. They’ll have each other at least.” Edward squeezed his eyes shut. He sounded far more accepting of that idea than he actually was. In reality, it hurt to even think about it.

“You don’t know that, either. A lot has changed for both of them. There’s no telling how it will work out now.”

“She should be with him,” Edward said quietly. “At least she wouldn’t be alone in this. They could be happy together.”

“And she could be happy with you.”

“Stop it, Carlisle!” Edward shouted, forcing himself to loosen his grip on their only satellite phone so he didn’t shatter it. “I’ve been nothing but a hazard for her from the moment I first laid eyes on her.”

“Edward, please don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t know how she feels or what she wants. Promise me you won’t push her away out of some sense of obligation. Be there for her and let her decide.”

Edward sighed and leaned against a tree, tilting his head back to look at the leaden grey sky overhead. “Of course I’m here for her. I’ll be here for as long as she needs or wants me to be. I don’t really have much choice.”

“One day at a time, Edward.”

Edward swallowed and nodded, more for himself than for Carlisle. “I know.”

 

*0*0*

 

It was the heart of the night. This late in the year and this far north, the light during the day was fleeting at best, fighting through the constant cloud cover, but at this midnight hour, it was darker than dark. Night up here was deep and impenetrable. No streetlights or car headlights ever disturbed it. The starlight had no competition, so that even on moonless nights, it lit the treetops and the frost-crusted underbrush.

The fireplace was in decent working order again and Edward was glad for it, even if they didn’t require it for heat. The nights were long and the hours he spent reading in front of the fire were some of the few when his mind was almost peaceful.

Esme and Alice had gone out hunting, leaving him home alone with Bella. He’d rarely been alone with her since her change, but they felt it best not to hunt when they were out with her, so that left them fitting in their own meals in the short moments when she was sated and at home. Tonight it was Esme and Alice’s turn.

He knew she was upstairs in her room. He could hear the tiny creakings and he could smell her. The scent didn’t tear him in half anymore, but it was no less potent to him. If he wasn’t mistaken, she was laying on the bed, although obviously not sleeping.

With effort, he tried to make himself stop listening to her and obsessing about her. Whenever he did, his thoughts spiraled out of control and he’d find himself frozen with guilt over what had happened to her. But Alice was right. That was unproductive at this juncture. There would be time for those conversations later. At least, he hoped there would be.

He heard her move, walking across her tiny room and down the stairs. Even a human could hear those wooden stairs creaking, even if her steps were light. He forced himself to be still, to stay on the couch, and let her do what she wanted without hovering or interfering. Her footsteps came closer and he could hear her pause in the doorway behind him.

“Can I come in?” she asked. He finally allowed himself to look back at her. She was still wearing Rosalie’s old flowered dress. It draped loosely on her, since she was quite a bit smaller than Rose. Her thick dark hair was wild around her shoulders. He’d always loved her hair, but since her change, he liked it even more.

He winced as the thought flitted through his mind. It was wrong. Every time he noticed her new, luminous beauty, every time he found himself actually enjoying the sight of her sinking her teeth into an animal, it was wrong. He shouldn’t enjoy any aspect of what had happened to her.

“Of course. You don’t need to ask.”

She advanced into the room, soundless. “I didn’t want to disturb you.”

He smiled. “You aren’t.”

“Can I sit with you?”

“I’d like that.”

She settled into the corner of the couch and pulled her feet up, wrapping her arms around her legs. She was barefoot, of course. “It’s the sleeping. Well, the _not_ sleeping. I can’t get used to it. The nights are so long.”

Edward nodded, but didn’t tell her that they only seemed longer and lonelier after a hundred years of them. The nights were the worst.

“What do you do to keep busy?”

Edward shrugged as he considered what to tell her. “Well, back in Seattle, I’d hunt at night, because we had classes during the day. When I have more time, I play games with Emmett and Jasper, play chess with Carlisle, work online. You find ways to stay occupied. I read a lot.”

She gave him a tiny smile. “Good thing I like to read. Unfortunately right now I can’t manage to turn a page without turning the whole book to pulp.” She sighed and dragged both hands through her hair, tugging hard at the ends. “I feel so—” she trailed off in confusion. “Too much. I feel too much.”

“There’s a lot to feel. It’s okay to be overwhelmed.”

“I can think about so much all at once, but it still feels like I can’t wrap my brain around this. All I feel is thirsty and confused.”

“I’m sorry,” Edward said softly. It was a simple sentiment, but he meant so much more than the two words implied.

“I know,” she answered, just as quietly. She was silent for a long time before she spoke again. “Edward, how old are you?”

“Seventeen,” he answered perfunctorily.

“That’s how old you were when—“

“Yes. I was seventeen.”

“And when was that? How long have you been seventeen?”

Edward paused. “I was dying of Spanish Influenza in 1918 when Carlisle found me and changed me.”

Bella’s eyes went wide. “You’re over a hundred years old?”

Edward smiled. “Bella, Carlisle was born in 1642.”

“Oh.” She stared into the fire for a few minutes. “How old is the oldest one you know?”

“Well, I haven’t met them, but there are some in Egypt that are well over four thousand years old.”

“Oh, my God. I can’t—“ she trailed off, clutching the couch cushions at her sides. He could hear the fibers pop and tear under her fingers. “I’m going to live that long? What will I do?”

Edward stared at her profile, his heart breaking for her fear and uncertainty _. I’ll stand by your side as empires rise and fall_ , he wanted to tell her. But he knew it wasn’t his place and would do little to comfort her.

“You’ll exist,” he told her. “Like we all do. You’ll find things to give meaning to your days. I know it’s hard to imagine now, but you will, Bella.”

She nodded tightly and he had the feeling that if she could still cry, she’d be crying.

They sat in silence for a while, both staring at the fire in the hearth. The only sound was the soft crackle and hiss of the logs as they burnt to ash. Bella’s body gradually unfurled as she relaxed again.

“This is nice,” she said at length. “The fire. Is this why you have one when you don’t need it?”

“Yes. It’s calming. It’s almost as good as sleep.” Bella cocked an eyebrow at him and he chuckled. “Okay, maybe not as good as sleep. I don’t really remember. But it’s peaceful. The quiet is good.”

“Mmm. It is,” Bella agreed. She turned her head and rested her cheek on her knee. Her hair spilled down over her legs and she curled her fingers around her toes. “What are you reading?”

He flipped the book closed to show her the cover. “Middlemarch.”

She laughed. “Still?”

“I’ve been a little too busy to get back to it.”

“I guess so. Me too.”

Edward paused and glanced away from her, back to the fire. “Would you like me to read to you?”

Bella smiled, the most genuine one he’d seen since she woke up. “I’d like that.”

Edward smiled, too, and opened the book, flipping back to the page he remembered stopping on the night he read to her in her apartment. Bella unfolded herself, leaning back into the corner of the couch.

He started reading, his voice low and gentle in the dimly-lit room. Bella stared into the fire, playing with the tips of her hair with one hand, listening to him. She didn’t speak or even move. Edward read and read, until the sky lightened and the new day came.

*0*0*

“Esme, we can’t ever leave a house this poorly supplied again,” Alice grumbled as she dug through the front closet hoping to find some forgotten books. A month in the house and they’d read all the books in the small selection on the shelf.

“No one has been here since Rose and Emmett came on their honeymoon and I don’t think they were concerned with reading material.”

“Which honeymoon was that?” Alice asked.

Bella looked up from her seat on the floor in front of the fire. “They’re married?” She didn’t know why it should surprise her so much. When she knew them in Forks, their story had been that they were dating. It was no wonder that there was more to it than that. There seemed to be much more going on with all the Cullens than she’d ever known.

Edward rolled his eyes. “They’ve gotten married five times.”

Bella’s eyes widened and she looked to Alice. “Do you have to do that because you live so long?”

“Hardly. If we actually need a marriage certificate it’s just as easy to forge it, like we do with everything else. No, Rose just likes weddings.”

“Wait,” Bella continued, another idea just occurring to her. There was so much about their life that was a front. She had no idea what was real and what was a cover story. “Is Jasper really your boyfriend?”

Alice laughed. “I wouldn’t pretend about that. But no, he’s not my boyfriend, he’s my husband. Although we just got married once, in 1950.”

“Oh,” Bella whispered, trying not to let the facts throw her. Alice was married. Alice got married in 1950.

Alice went back to digging in the closet.

“Esme,” Bella continued after a minute. “You and Carlisle? Are you—“

She smiled gently. “We’ve been together since he changed me. That was 1921. We were married—just once—later that year.”

“So long.” Bella marveled. Her own parents’ marriage hadn’t lasted three years.

“It’s a little different for us,” Alice said from deep inside the closet. “We’re sort of creatures of habit, you know? Humans change as they get older. Not just physically, but intellectually and emotionally. We don’t. Well, not much, anyway. So when we fall in love, it tends to be for good.”

Alice’s voice had turned dreamy as she spoke and even though Bella couldn’t see her face, she could hear the smile.

“For good,” she murmured. Her thoughts, oddly, did not go to Riley and what that might mean for them, but to Edward. And his girlfriend, or rather, his ex-girlfriend. He’d told her they’d broken up, but if what Alice was saying was true, did he still love her? Had they even really broken up? Was that some other part of their elaborate human charade? She glanced at him but he was hunched forward, scowling at his hands which were clenched in his lap. He looked miserable. Her chest felt tight and the question she’d been about to ask him died in her throat. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what he was thinking.

“Hey!” Alice called, oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. “Look what’s in here!” She backed out of the closet holding a clunky old record player in a case.

Edward glanced up and smiled.

“I remember that. I thought we left it in Denali in the 60’s.”

“I guess Emmett must have swiped it for this place. Let’s see if it still works.”

“Are there any records in there to play?”

Edward rose and took the record player from her as Alice went back to digging for records. He spent a few minutes setting it up, blowing dust off the surfaces and testing the needle. Alice shouted in triumph when she unearthed a small stack of dusty LP’s. Edward flipped through them, smiling.

“It’s a start,” he said, choosing one and turning it over to read the back. “Oh, this is a good one. I haven’t heard this in years. Decades.”

He slid the album out of the liner and settled it on the spindle. The speakers let out a crackle and hiss as he dropped the needle and then the lush sounds of a full orchestra filled the room. Edward smiled in satisfaction.

Alice stopped in front of him and held out her hand. “Care to cut a rug, brother?”

His smile turned into a full-on grin as he took her hand . His hand settled on her waist and her hand rested on his shoulder. Edward took the first step into the dance and Alice followed effortlessly in his wake. Esme clapped and Bella watched in delight as he swept her around the room, the melody of the waltz swirling around them. They were so graceful, like their feet hardly touched the ground. Edward and Alice had always moved more elegantly than anyone Bella ever knew, but now that they were away from human eyes, they dropped every human façade. Seeing them be their most natural selves was breathtaking.

Esme leaned closer to Bella. “Edward loves music,” she murmured.

“I can tell,” she replied, watching him move fluidly with the music.

“He plays the piano beautifully. Has he ever played for you?”

Bella shook her head, remembering the glossy grand piano she’d seen in their house back in Seattle. She got lost for a moment, imagining Edward seated at it and playing music like this.

“Remind him to one day. He’s very talented.”

Alice sighed. “You waltz like an old man, Edward. So stogy.”

He gave her a pained look. “I waltz the way one is meant to waltz, Alice. I’m pretty sure what you just did there was the Shag, not the waltz.”

She rolled her eyes and smiled. They circled the room twice more and then by unspoken agreement, Alice stepped to the side and Edward stopped in front of Bella, holding out his hand, palm up. She looked up at him in question.

“Dance with me?”

Bella shook her head. “I can’t dance. Not even dancing today, never mind dancing like that.”

“Bella,” Alice said softly. “Try it. You’ll be surprised at what you can do. Just think about watching me, and then think about doing it yourself.”

Bella gave a disbelieving huff, but in the end, she couldn’t resist the lure of Edward, his gentle smile and soft eyes. She wanted his arms around her like they’d been around Alice. So she stood and let herself be pulled into his formal embrace, although he held her a bit closer than he’d held his sister.

“Just listen to the music,” he said, “I’ll count. Follow what I do and remember what Alice did.”

“You’re making it sound way too easy.”

He smiled down at her. “It _is_ easy. For us, everything is easy.”

She pictured Alice dancing with Edward, hoping to at least remember the first few steps, so she wouldn’t be thoroughly embarrassed. When Edward began to move, she let herself follow.

“Listen,” he reminded her. “ _One_ , two, three, _one_ , two, three…”

 To her surprise, she seemed to know what to do, almost without thinking. They were just steps, no more complicated than walking. At least that’s how it seemed now. Edward leaned, his hand exerting a gentle pressure on her waist, and she responded to him, stepping where he wanted her to. He turned, she turned; he swept to the side and she followed him. Each move he made, she mirrored, every step and turn light and graceful. They were gliding around the room, almost flying. Bella’s hair swung out behind her. Edward pressed on her hip just as he raised their joined hands and Bella moved on instinct, spinning in a little pirouette under his arm. She laughed in delight, feeling lighter and freer than she had since she woke up. He laughed, too, and caught her back around her waist when she was facing him again.

Another turn around the room and the song ended. They stopped in the middle of the room, smiling at each other. Edward didn’t release her quite when he should have, and Bella didn’t pull away. Esme’s applause snapped them out of the moment. Edward let her go and Bella took a step back, feeling her feet hit the ground once again.

Her emotions, the inner confusion she was coming to hate, surged up and overwhelmed her again. He made her feel things. He always had. The night of the attack she could remember finally understanding just what had changed in her. But then there were the days of pain and the endless blood and now she was here, uncertain of everything and unable to trust her own feelings. She hated it. Her body wasn’t hers anymore and now she couldn’t even trust what was in her head and heart.

She wished she could just blow it all away and see what was real. Instead, she was here with Edward and the tumble of emotions he churned up in her. And Riley was out there somewhere, consigned to eternity just like her, no doubt just as overwhelmed and confused by it as she was. It was too much and she had no answers.

So as she’d been doing for nearly a month, she chose not to think about it at all.

“I think I need to eat,” she muttered, looking away from Edward’s concerned eyes.

After a pause, Alice moved towards her. “Come on, Bella. I’ll take you.”

Bella nodded, still not looking anywhere near Edward. Instead, she followed Alice outside and back into the woods.

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Learning to Fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon betas. She’s so good at it. You have no idea. If there are mistakes, they’re all mine!

 

“Goddammit!” Bella’s shriek cut through the house. Alice and Edward looked up from what they were doing, their eyes meeting in concern.

“I’ll go,” Edward said, leaping to his feet and sprinting up the stairs. Bella’s bedroom door was partially ajar, but he tapped on it with the back of his hand anyway.

“Bella, are you okay?”

She growled, a low fierce rumble that Edward found unspeakably arousing. He pushed that inappropriate thought away though, and opened the door a little farther. She was standing in the middle of the room, dressed in a pair of Esme’s jeans and a white tank top. Her fingers were wrapped around what was once a sweater, but was now just a handful of tattered, fraying yarn.

“I can’t even dress myself!” she shouted, flinging the shredded sweater on the floor. “All I do is break things and get angry and hunt everything on four legs in Canada! When does this stop being awful?”

Edward advanced into the room, his hands held up in defense. He knew it was her raging emotions speaking, but in her volatile state, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that she might attack him. She held still, though, and let him come.

“I know it’s hard. I’m so sorry. I keep saying that, but I really am.”

Bella sighed and closed her eyes. “It’s not your fault, Edward.”

He bit his lower lip to keep himself from arguing with her. “What can I do to help?”

She gave a harsh bark of laughter. “Explain to me how I’m supposed to endure this for eternity.”

He looked down. “It’s not going to be awful forever.”

“It’s all I know right now and I’m just… _ugh_!”

Edward’s shoulders dropped and he moved closer to her. She still didn’t lash out at him. He shrugged out of the plaid shirt he was wearing over his t-shirt. Slowly, he turned it around and slipped one sleeve over her hand and up her arm. Reaching behind her, he drew it over her shoulders. “Lift your arm,” he murmured, painfully aware of how close she was to him and the fact that his arms were nearly encircling her. Bella obediently lifted her arm and let Edward pull the shirt up onto her shoulder. She watched his face the whole time, even though he kept his own eyes carefully averted. He stared at his own hands as he buttoned the shirt closed over her abdomen. Neither one took a breath.

“I know it’s hard,” Edward said, resting his hands lightly on her shoulders. “But this part is the worst of it. Sometimes it’s actually—fun.”

She laughed bitterly. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really. You haven’t even seen what you’re fully capable of yet, Bella. Right now you’re just existing, not living.”

“Right now I feel like I’m going to explode out of my own head.”

He squeezed her shoulders gently before releasing her and reaching for her hand instead. “You know what you need?”

“What?”

“You need to go for a run.”

She rolled her eyes. “I run every time I go hunting, Edward.”

He shook his head. “You need to run just to see how fast you can go. Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Far, far away,” he said with a smirk. Bella smiled back, letting him pull her down the stairs and out of the house.

 

*0*0*

 

The bitter cold wind whipped past her face and tangled her hair. The woods around them were alive with sounds. Bird calls, snapping twigs, rustling leaves, and the light rhythm of their feet on the ground. Edward ran beside her, matching every step. The sun was just starting to come out, chasing away the heavy grey clouds that had filled the daytime skies for days. The further north they ran, the more frost coated the ground and ice tipped the leaves.

Bell had lost track of how long they’d been running. Her world shrunk to her bare feet hitting the ground, the wind wrapping around her body, and the man running at her side. He was right. Running just to run was entirely different than hunting. They fed just as they left the lodge, so her thirst was relatively in hand. It freed her to simply run and feel.

She turned her head to look for Edward, just a pace behind her. He smiled, wide and brilliant, and gave her a nod of encouragement.

She stretched her legs and pushed harder. There was no burn of muscle exhaustion, no labored breaths and straining lungs. Her flawless body never tired and never hurt. She flew over the ground, her speed astonishing even her.

“Bella,” Edward shouted over the roar of the wind. She looked back, seeing that she’d managed to outrun him. He pointed to a stony peak ahead and to the right. She nodded and sprinted up the face of the rocky promontory. Every step was assured and when she needed to propel herself vertically, her fingers instinctively hooked into crevices and cracks. She could pull her entire body up with just the fingers of one hand.

She came to a sudden halt at the top, stunned by the view in front of her. The thick wilds of the Northwest Territory spread out below, a patchwork of virgin white snow and dark evergreens dotted with glassy silver ponds reflecting back the sky. Almost eye-level with her, an eagle floated on an air current over the valley below. With her perfect vision, she could see for miles, to the big lake in the distance and the mountain range far to the north. But it wasn’t all that far. As her understanding of her own abilities expanded, she knew without a doubt that she could run to those mountains in a matter of hours. Maybe less. She could climb them too, if she wanted to. Maybe she would, just to see what it felt like. Would the air be thin up there? Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe she could walk on the moon.

When Edward climbed up behind her, she was grinning ear-to-ear, elated, alive.

“Wow,” she breathed. “That was amazing.”

“You’re fast. I’m fast and you can beat me.”

“I’m faster than you?”

He shrugged. “Right now. You’re as strong and as fast as you’ll ever be when you first change. I want a rematch in a year.”

She threw back her head and laughed, long and carefree. “Deal. You ready to climb down?”

Edward looked up at the sky and reached out for her arm, halting her. “Wait just a minute.”

Bella looked up, too, trying to figure out what he was looking for. The air was clearer up here, free of the ground fog below. The thin wispy clouds scuttled across the sky in the breeze.

“Edward, what—“

“Just wait,” he said. Then the clouds shifted, revealing the crystalline blue sky behind them and the sun, pale and high. Edward slid his hand down her arm, twining his fingers with hers and lifting their joined hands. “Look,” he murmured.

Bella looked at his fingers wound with hers and gasped. Her skin was shimmering. His was, too. Glints of bright white and rainbow prisms danced across their hands as the sun hit them.

“What is this?”

“This is what we look like in the sun. It’s why we live where we do. If we walked outside in Florida, the jig would be up.”

She raised her other hand in front of her face, turning it over, wiggling her fingers, watching the light dance across her skin. “It’s so pretty.”

Edward scowled. “I guess. It marks us as what we are so I’ve always disliked it.”

“But look at you,” Bella said, unable to help herself and reaching out to touch his face where the sun glinted off his cheekbone. Edward froze under her hand, but Bella didn’t notice, distracted by the light turning both of them into diamonds and the surreal beauty of Edward’s shimmering face. “You’re beautiful.”

“I see what you mean,” he murmured, his eyes fixed on her face, also glimmering in the sun. “It is beautiful.”

The clouds covered the sun again and as quickly as it had come, the light left their skin.

“Wow.” Bella dropped her hand back to her side and forced herself to look away from Edward. “Should we climb down now?”

“Or we could just jump.”

“What?”

Edward shot her a grin. “You won’t get hurt, you know. Just jump.”

Bella peered over the side, at the steep rocky slope below them. The trees obscured the bottom. There was no telling how far the drop was.

“Here, hold my hand. We’ll go together.”

 _I can’t die. I already did that_ , Bella told herself as she gripped Edward’s hand.

“Ready?”

She nodded and they stepped off the rock. The air whooshed up around her as she dropped through space. She registered crashing through tree branches, but it didn’t hurt. She felt the pine needles brush her skin and heard the branches crack as she hit them. And then her feet hit the ground and she dropped into a crouch. The vibration of the impact moved through her, but otherwise, she felt nothing. No, that wasn’t right. What she felt was a crazy, surging elation. She looked up to where they’d stood a moment ago, over two hundred feet overhead.

“That was _amazing_. Do you jump off stuff just to feel that?”

Edward chuckled. “Hardly. The newness wears off after a while. It is pretty cool, though.”

“That’s a gross understatement, Edward. Where to now?”

He pointed ahead. “The lake.”

“What are we going to do there?”

He rolled his eyes and grinned. “We’re going to swim, of course.”

Then he sprinted through the trees and Bella followed.

It took only minutes to reach the lake that had looked so far away from up on the ridge. Edward was already there, staring out across the sheet of ice coating the surface. The sun had crept back out and the iced-over lake was glinting blinding white. Edward’s face and arms were lit up with reflected light.

“It’s frozen,” Bella said.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t swim,” Edward replied. “Just remember, Bella, you don’t need to breathe.”

“I don’t?” It had never occurred to her to try not breathing.

Edward shook his head. “On land it’s a little uncomfortable, mostly because we rely so much on scent. But in the water? We’re practically aquatic. Trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Then follow me.”

Edward crouched on the shore and then leaped, landing some thirty feet off shore and breaking cleanly through the ice, disappearing under the surface. Bella hesitated for just a moment before crouching and leaping the way he did. To her surprise, she managed to land almost where he had, only breaking the hole open a little more. She didn’t have time to marvel at her new athletic prowess, however, since she was immediately under the frigid water and under the ice.

She felt Edward’s hand grasp hers and she spun in the water to face him. His red-brown hair swirled out from his head in the water around him. He smiled at her. She suppressed the flash of panic at her lost ability to breath and focused on her body. The weight of the water surrounding her, filling her nose and mouth, was a little disconcerting, but there was no tightness in her chest, no burn of oxygen deprivation.

Edward kicked and swam backwards a little, pulling her away from the hole they’d made. The sun was shining through the ice, lighting up the water at the surface. Edward’s pale skin glowed in it. He pointed up.

The ice looked entirely different from down here, like polished glass shot through with milky white fractures. The water swirled and bubbled against it. She reached up and pressed her hands against it, watching her own skin shimmer with color as the sunlight hit her. She laughed and the air in her lungs bubbled up around her like a fountain, tickling her skin and making rainbow clusters against the ice.

They stayed under for nearly an hour, gliding along under the surface of the ice, occasionally diving deeper. Despite its frozen surface, the lake teemed with life. Large fish that she recognized from years of her father hauling home his catch on the weekends, but also tiny undulating, swimming organisms that she’d never have seen with her human eyes.

When they were finally ready to get out, Edward thrust a fist up through the ice, easily punching a hole in it. He broke through enough to pull himself up and then reached back for Bella’s hand. He lifted her completely clear of the ice with one hand.

As Bella raked her hair to the side and squeezed out the excess water, Edward shook his head like a dog, sending a spray of water all over her. She shrieked and slapped at him as he laughed, ducking away from her.

The light was dimming overhead as the sun slipped lower in the sky. Edward glanced up and sighed.

“We should head back. Esme and Alice will worry.”

“How far away are we?”

Edward shrugged. “A hundred miles? Maybe more?”

“I ran that far?”

Edward nudged her side. “Tired?”

She laughed. “You wish. Race back?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but Bella was already gone, a dark streak in the trees.

 

*0*0*

 

Night had fully descended by the time they reached familiar woods. There was no moon, but the trees around them were still illuminated by the stars and the aurora borealis twisting silently through the sky. Edward glanced at Bella, running gracefully at his side. The otherworldly lights in the sky made her glow pale blue, her hair a jet black contrast trailing behind her. She was still smiling softly and he was pleased with himself for giving her this day and showing her what it really felt like to be one of them. For the first time since she woke up, she looked almost content.

As they neared the lodge, Edward reached out and snagged her arm.

“Do you want to hunt before we go in? You’re probably thirsty.”

Of course, as soon as he mentioned it, the burn in Bella’s throat flared up hot, demanding her attention. She was amazed she’d been able to ignore it for as long as she had. She nodded and they sprinted to the left through the woods.

After a few minutes, she caught a whiff of something delicious and heard the thump of its heart. Her instincts sharpened and honed in on it. Mountain lion. Venom flooded her mouth at the memory of the taste. She inhaled deeply. The smell was the same, but it was tinged with something else, something sharp and tangy. Then there was another thump. Two of them.

“Do you smell that?”

Edward nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll wait for you.”

She shook her head. “There are two of them. Come with me and get the other one.”

“Not while you’re feeding. I should stay alert.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Really, Edward, I think I can manage this. You don’t need to babysit me while I eat. I know you want it.”

Edward closed his eyes and exhaled. “Okay. Just try and stay alert. It’s easy to lose track of what’s happening when you’re feeding.”

“Don’t I know it,” Bella grumbled, feeling like she’d spent the better part of the last month lost in the fog of bloodlust and feeding.

They advanced silently through the woods, just a few feet between them as they hunted in tandem.

Edward cocked his head to listen and then pointed off to his left. Bella nodded and shifted to flank him.

The dual heartbeats grew louder. Bella could feel them race along her skin like her own pulse. The smell filled her head and directed her feet. Everything narrowed to just those heartbeats and just that scent.

She heard a growl ahead and realized that what she smelled was adrenaline. The two big cats were facing off, so distracted by the threat posed by each other that they missed the far deadlier predators closing in on them.

The smell of their aggression heightened everything. Bella swallowed down a flood of venom. She was desperate to get to them and sink her teeth in to that hot liquid rush and taste that anger. With every step closer, she felt her body spiral tighter. She felt it everywhere, every nerve and muscle. She felt the coil of tension low in her belly and in her chest. Everything in her strained towards the promise of fulfillment and release that the blood would bring.

Edward tipped his chin to the right. Bella nodded in understanding and peeled off to approach her quarry from behind. Edward dodged left to do the same. She paused, still concealed by a tree, assessing the cat, choosing the spot to go for. She glanced across the clearing at Edward just as he looked away from his own prey towards her. Their eyes locked over the cats snarling and hissing at each other. Bella ached with hunger and desire. For blood, for release.

Edward’s eyes looked nearly black as he stared at her, his mouth slightly open. For a second, he looked just the way he had when she’d first approached him in biology all those years ago. That human memory was hazy, but she could recognize what she’d seen now. He’d been starving and half-mad with blood lust. For her.

Her thigh muscles tensed as she sank into a crouch on instinct. She and Edward broke their stare at the same moment, looking back to the animals about to attack each other in the tiny clearing. One last inhale filled her head with the smell and propelled her forward without another conscious thought.

In one second she’d been braced for attack behind a tree and in the next, the cat was in her arms, its warm body thrashing against hers like a lover. She tightened her grip, feeling ribs give way. Claws raked her shoulder and tore Edward’s shirt, but didn’t leave a mark on her granite skin. She pulled the cat down between her thighs, gripping tightly as she pushed up, bringing her face level with its neck. In the next moment, she sank her teeth into flesh, seeking the jugular and its potent rush of blood. She hit it and it exploded into her mouth and down her throat. She moaned as the body she held struggled in her grip.

The cat weakened and slumped to the ground. Bella followed it down, straddling it, burying her face in its neck, sucking down the blood in huge gulps. She pressed down into its warmth, wanting it to fill her up, as she drank and drank. The heat flooded her body, leaving her feeling flush with life. Her lips felt swollen and hot as she sucked away the last of it.

She lost track of time as she drank her fill, letting the weakening heartbeat consume her. When the last beat faded and the blood ran dry, she finally pulled her mouth away. Pushing back from the body, she crouched, swiping a hand across her mouth. She licked away the traces of blood she found on her fingers and then looked up.

Edward was still crouched over his own kill, his face raised and his black eyes locked on her. There was a smudge of blood on his bottom lip. The fire in her throat was momentarily quenched, but her body was still coiled tight, filled with energy and pulsing life and… need.

In a flash, she closed the space between them. Her body impacted with Edward’s with a loud crack and he fell backwards. She was on him, straddling him just as she had the cat. He growled, a low, feral sound and his hands came up to grip her head. She caught one last glimpse of his black eyes and then her mouth was on his.

They both groaned, the taste of blood still strong on their tongues. Bella gripped his hair hard in her hands and tightened her thighs around his hips, pressing him against the ache that no amount of blood would satisfy. In a flash of movement, Edward rolled them, pushing her onto her back and falling on her. She raised her legs, hooking her heels around his calves and pressing, _pressing_.

Their kiss was frantic, desperate, intense, nothing but teeth and blood and rampant, unhinged lust. His hands were everywhere on her, gripping her neck, sliding down her sides, pulling her thighs open. And then he thrust against her and she cried out, the sensation sending a violent shock through her system.

“Bella,” he groaned into her neck. His mouth found the skin of her bare shoulder through his tattered shirt. He wrapped his fingers around the edge of the tear and pulled. The fabric shredded and his tongue swept across her. Her hands scrambled across his back, gripping and pulling at him to get closer. “Oh, God, Bella,” he murmured again. She could feel his lips and then his teeth on her neck and it sent her spiraling higher. She was swamped with sensation, an overwhelming sea of it, drowning her. It had never felt like this as a human. Not even close. The pleasure was acute just from his kiss and his hands. She was desperate for the rest of him and began tugging at his clothes.

“Bella,” he said again, lifting his head, sliding a hand into her hair, cradling the back of her neck.

She groaned and pulled on his head, wanting him to kiss her again, to taste his tongue and feel him devour her.

“Bella,” he repeated in her ear, resisting her hands. “I want you. God, you have no idea how much. But you need to be sure.”

“Please,” she moaned. The only thought in her head was _more_.

“Bella, look at me, please.” His voice sounded rough and pained.

She opened her eyes and blinked up at him. His hands had stopped moving, although she remained under him and his hips were still pressed between her thighs. His face hovered over hers, his eyes black with lust even though his expression was tormented.

Slowly, the madness in her head ebbed. She was still on fire for him. The ache between her legs was brutal. But the tiny thinking part of her brain, the one that shut down when she hunted, began to work again.

This was wrong. It shouldn’t happen like this, a frantic coupling on the ground surrounded by animal carcasses, the sex only one step removed from feeding. And he was right. In her current state, she was in no shape to make this choice.

Edward closed his eyes and sighed before pushing himself off of her with his hands. Bella scrambled into a sitting position and wrapped her arms around her legs. He turned and sat close to her, arms propped on his knees. Neither spoke for a long time.

Finally, Edward spoke, his voice low and shaky. “I’m not going to pretend I don’t want that, Bella. I do. I want _you_. So much. But I don’t want it like this. The experience is always very powerful for our kind and for you, when you’re as emotional as you are right now, it can be overwhelming. I don’t want to be something you regret.”

She opened her mouth to insist that she would never regret it, but then realized he was right, at least about the overwhelming nature of it. She barely felt like herself anymore and she hadn’t even felt in possession of her own body when he was touching her.

When she didn’t say anything, Edward went on. “What Alice said the other day, about what it’s like for us—that’s true. Emotional connections, once we make them, change us profoundly. I _know_ I’m always going to feel this way. I’m not sure you will.”

Bella closed her eyes and let his words sink in. “Are you saying—“

“I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time.”

She gasped and reached for his hand. He met her readily, sliding his fingers between hers. “But Bella, what I said is the truth. You can’t know what you want yet. And there’s still—he’s out there, Bella. You haven’t even seen him yet. You don’t know how you’ll feel when you do.”

The words were right there, pulsing in her throat, begging to get out. _I love you, too._ But she didn’t say them because she couldn’t trust herself anymore. He was right. Were they really her emotions or was she just drawn to him this way because he’d helped her through her change and his touch set her on fire?

And Riley. Still out there, struggling too.

“I need to see him,” she said softly.

“As soon as you’re settled, we’ll figure it out and—“

“ _Now_. I can handle it. I’ll go to Alaska.”

“Bella.”

“I just need to see him, Edward.”

He closed his eyes and nodded, squeezing her fingers once before letting her go.

“I’ll call Carlisle and we’ll figure it out.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Reckoning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment that sparked this entire fic in my head used to be in this chapter, but Arfalcon made me cut it. It was hard, but you know what? She was totally right. By the time I got there, it didn't belong in the chapter anymore. That's what a good beta does. She tells you like it is, and that is invaluable. I'm so grateful for her help.

Edward conferred with Carlisle for hours that night, pacing through the woods and pulling on his hair. Riley was still too volatile to travel anywhere, that much was certain. But after looking at a map, Carlisle thought it might be safe to move Bella to Alaska in the Jeep if they stayed on remote rural roads. Even if they crossed paths with humans, it would likely be at a distance and there were three others there to keep her under control.

As they moved around the lodge, closing things up and packing the little they’d brought with them, Bella stayed clear of Edward. She’d had yet to make eye-contact with him since the night they’d come back from the hunt.

He and Bella hadn’t spoken a word about what had happened in the woods, but Alice and Esme sensed the shift as soon as they’d come back to the lodge. Bella had shrugged off the torn shirt and mumbled something about a mountain lion before escaping upstairs for a shower. Edward had watched her go before turning on his heel and fleeing the house. He’d stayed away all night.

In the days following, Alice covered up the tension in her usual way: talking about everything inconsequential under the sun. She was excited because in Alaska, she’d be able to make a run for new clothes for Bella. Bella smiled politely as Alice made lists of necessities out loud, but it was clear her thoughts were elsewhere.

Edward told himself repeatedly to stop hoping. He was taking her to see Riley and there was a good chance that she’d stay there with him. But every time he thought about the way she felt underneath him—and he thought about it a lot—he felt like he’d go mad without her. He warred with himself constantly. He could seduce her, play on her overblown emotions, and convince her to stay here with him. He was pretty certain he could do it. And he suspected a good part of her wanted him to do it. But he couldn’t live with himself if he did. She needed to choose him, only him, with her eyes wide open.

*0*0*

They left two days later. Edward drove, with Esme sitting up front with him. Alice sat in the back with Bella. It was the same laborious process to get back out of the remote wilderness. It took half a day before they reached a real road, and then it was nothing more than a deserted single lane that was more dirt than pavement. Another eight hours and they were finally on the remote highway that cut across the Northwest Territory.

That was the first time Bella smelled a human.

He was driving a logging truck heading in the opposite direction. Alice saw it coming twenty minutes ahead of time. She wrapped her arms around Bella’s shoulders and pressed her face close to hers, whispering a steady stream of reassurances and reminders in her ear. Half a mile off, the first thread of his scent hit the air vents of the Jeep. Bella closed her eyes and hissed, her hands curling and digging into the leather seat.

“You can do this, Bella. Just acknowledge it and then tell yourself that it doesn’t own you. You’re stronger than your instincts.”

Bella threw her head back, fighting the fire in her throat. Anything she’d imagined about the smell of human blood was nothing at all compared to the reality. Her stomach almost hurt with wanting it. Her thinking brain was diminishing rapidly under the onslaught of her blood lust.

“Alice,” she growled through clenched teeth. “How do you bear it?”

Alice tightened her grip on her, smoothing her hair away from her face. “It gets easier. Obviously. We were friends with you, remember?”

In an instant, Bella’s eyes snapped open and she met Edward’s in the rearview mirror. He’d not only spent time with her, he’d _kissed_ her. A human. She was stunned, unable to imagine how he’d done it and not snapped.

“How?” she whispered.

He knew what she was referring to and his lips twitched with the smile he was failing to suppress. He looked away out the windshield. “I was very motivated.”

Then she thought about all of them, taking care of her and Riley after they’d been attacked. She’d seen her clothes before Edward sent them back to Rosalie. She’d been soaked in blood. They must have been covered in it, too. Somehow they’d overcome it and taken care of her because they cared for her. Grinding her teeth together, she determined to conquer the burn and make them proud.

The truck grew steadily closer and the thirst intensified. She focused on kissing Edward. Not the wild attack in the woods a few days ago, but the kiss by her truck in a deserted parking lot nearly two months ago. If he could do that, she could do this.

She could hear the driver’s heartbeat now, even over the roar of the truck engine. It was becoming hard to remember why she was fighting so hard. She was meant for that blood. Resisting felt unnatural. She heard a growl reverberate through the Jeep and realized it was hers. She was forgetting everything she knew except that smell.

“Bella, what’s your favorite book?”

Her eyes snapped open, meeting Edward’s again in the rearview mirror.

“What?”

“Your favorite book. You’re going to be stranded on a desert island and you can only take one. Which one would you take?”

“Can’t I just swim off the island now?”

Edward groaned. “Play along. One book.”

“Um…when I was in high school, it was _Wuthering Heights_ ,” she muttered through clenched teeth.

Edward scoffed. “ _Wuthering Heights_? Really?”

“I _said_ when I was in high school,” Bella snapped. “Now… um, _Persuasion_.”

“ _Persuasion_? Why?”

Bella pressed her eyes closed and concentrated. It was burning and beating—God, it smelled so good, but oh, right— _Persuasion_.

“I don’t know. I guess I like the maturity. It’s not about blind, young, headstrong love. It’s older and wiser. Two people who know the score and choose each other anyway. Their first infatuation failed and they had to really work for a second chance. It’s more appealing somehow.

By the time she finished speaking, the truck had swept past, the sound and the smell receding rapidly.

“Huh,” Edward said. “I’ll have to re-read that one.”

“You’ve read Austen?”

“I’ve read everything.”

Alice touched her hair. “Bella, he’s gone. You did it.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“It will only get easier, especially now that you know what to expect.”

Bella glanced to Edward in the mirror. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“Any time.”

As they drove across Canada, there were more human encounters. It was still sparsely populated, but there was a car or truck driving past at least every hour. Each one was a torment, but Alice was right—each one was a little easier than the one before and Edward was there to talk her through it all.

*0*0*

Bella and Edward sat side-by-side on the ground. The Jeep needed gas and although Bella was doing remarkably well handling the occasional human drive-by, they all agreed it was too soon for her to tolerate ten minutes in a gas station. So Esme dropped them off on a remote highway before going to gas up. Almost as soon as Esme drove away, Alice wandered off, leaving Bella alone with Edward.

Bella was starting to suspect Alice did it on purpose. Seeing the future probably made her prone to meddling.

Edward cleared his throat. “You’re doing really well, Bella. I don’t think I could have stood it when I was at this stage.”

“It’s so hard. I had no idea.”

“It is.”

Bella paused, digging her bare toes into the frost-covered ground. She really needed to start wearing shoes again soon. “Why did you subject yourself to it? You told me once that it was very hard for you to be around me. I remember that.”

Edward wrapped a long blade of dead grass around his finger as he considered. “It was. Being around any human is difficult, but you… there are no words for that. We react differently to some humans. I don’t know why. That was why I left Forks when you came.”

“So why did you talk to me this time? Was it easier?”

Edward scoffed and pulled the grass free from the ground. “Not at all. Alice liked you. She _likes_ you. She wanted to be your friend. At first, I did it for her. But then—“

She looked up and waited for him to go on.

“Bella, I told you why Victoria did this to you, but I didn’t tell you everything. And you should know before we get to Denali.”

She noticed he was tearing at the grass again, upset. “What?”

“She saw us together. She saw me kiss you in the parking lot. She was looking for a way to get back at me and she saw me with you. I think at first she intended to kill you. Then she saw you with Riley and she must have decided it would be worse for me if she changed you both.”

Bella frowned. “I still don’t—“

“Because you’ll be with him. Forever.”

“Oh.”

“She did what she did to both of you because of me. I’m so sorry. Alice is, too. She didn’t want to upset you with any of this yet. But I think you should know everything.”

He sounded so defeated, like he already knew how everything would turn out. Anxiety pulsed in Bella’s chest. Why was he so sure? What would happen when she saw Riley again? She knew how Edward made her feel. Even now, just sitting at his side, talking things through, she felt so drawn to him, enthralled by him. It was impossible to imagine feeling that way about anyone else. But would seeing Riley sweep all that away? She’d been with him for over a year. She’d thought she loved him until she met Edward and started to question everything. Maybe she still did love him, even though she was having a hard time connecting with those far away human emotions right now. But would it all come back when she was with him again, enhanced and strengthened by her new reality? The thought made her inexplicably miserable.

“Edward, I don’t blame you or Alice. You couldn’t have known being my friend would put me in danger like that.”

“You were always in danger from us. We were naïve to think you weren’t.”

“Still, it was my choice, too. I knew there was something different about you and Alice and I didn’t care.”

Edward gave her a weak half-smile. “That’s right. You did say you were on to me.”

“And I told you I liked you anyway.”

“You did. I hope you never regret it.”

Bella smiled at him. She wanted to reach out for one of his hands, but he had them clasped tightly in front of him. “I’ll never regret knowing you.”

*0*0*

Edward killed the engine and the four of them sat in silence for a moment, staring at the house across the snow-covered clearing. It was three stories, built out of rough-hewn logs like a cabin, but clearly fitted out with every luxury and convenience.

Bella clenched her hands in her lap. She turned to Alice. “I don’t suppose you’d tell me if you could see what was about to happen, would you?”

Alice shook her head. “I can’t see a thing. Nobody’s made any decisions. And no, I wouldn’t tell you even if I did.”

Bella looked back through the windshield again and her eyes caught Edward’s in the rearview mirror. He held a world full of emotions in his eyes, but his expression was fixed and neutral. He didn’t say anything or make any motion towards her. He just watched her watching him. He didn’t look away until she did.

Just then, the front door opened and Carlisle stepped out on the porch. Esme was out of the Jeep and across the clearing in a flash. He pulled her into his arms and they stood close, murmuring to each other for a moment.

Then the door behind them opened again and three men stepped out. Bella’s perfect vision immediately picked out Riley in the middle. He was flanked closely by Jasper and Emmett.

Even at a distance, Bella could see all the ways he’d changed. He was beautiful. He always had been, but it was enhanced tenfold by his transformation. His angular features were sharper and more refined. His bright red eyes were heavily shadowed. His hair had deepened to a richer shade of brown. It was still the same choppy mess, but it looked fuller, more artful. His body had always been good, but his change had made him leaner, each muscle standing out in sharp definition.

It was alarming in a way she hadn’t expected. He was so familiar to her that every little change stood out in stark contrast to her memory of him. Somehow seeing the change in him made what happened more real than seeing it in herself in the mirror.

He was beautiful. And it didn’t matter. After all those weeks and every traumatic thing that had happened to both of them, Bella expected to feel something. Some urge to be with him, some pull in her chest to prove that she’d missed him, that he was a part of her. She didn’t. She cared about him still, but the emotion felt second-hand, something she knew rather than felt in her soul. Yes, she would always be tied in some way to Riley because of what they’d been through together, but he was no longer a part of her. Maybe he never had been, not truly.

Bella didn’t take her eyes off him as she left the Jeep and advanced across the clearing toward him. His blood red eyes never left hers as she got closer. Her own eyes had already started to shift slightly towards orange and she wondered at his, still so red. His expression was neutral, but his eyes were a little hard and Bella felt her anxiety ratchet up another notch.

“Hi,” she said when she was just a few feet away.

“Hi,” he returned, his eyes dropping down her body and up to her face. “Fuck. I knew it, but seeing you is different. _You’re_ different.”

“For me, too. The same and not. How are you?”

Riley scoffed, a hard angry sound. “How am I, Bella? How do you _think_ I am?”

Internally, she flinched away from his anger, but she held her ground. Then Riley’s eyes flicked past her, over her shoulder to where she could hear Alice and Edward getting out of the Jeep.

“Fucking perfect. Of course you wouldn’t come without him.”

“Riley, no,” she protested, taking a step towards him. “He helped me. They both did. They’re my friends. They want to help you, too.”

“Yeah, well his help is the last fucking thing I need. This is all their fault, Bella.”

“They didn’t do this to us. It was—“

Riley held up a hand to cut her off. Every inch of him was coiled tight like a spring. Aggression rolled off of him. “Yeah, Victoria. I know all about it. They told me everything. But she never would have messed with us if you had just stayed the fuck away from him. But you couldn’t, could you?”

Bella opened her mouth to defend herself, but found that she couldn’t. He was right. Her fascination with Edward had led to this, even inadvertently. She deserved all his anger. Riley closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, nostrils flaring. When he opened them and looked at her, his expression was filled with rage. “Fuck this,” he snapped. Then he leapt off the porch and sprinted into the woods across the clearing.

Emmett sighed. “I got this,” he said, before racing after Riley into the woods.

“Where is he going? What’s Emmett going to do?” Bella asked Jasper.

“Don’t worry. Riley’s just got to run off some anger. Emmett will tag along to make sure he doesn’t do something he regrets.”

Bella nodded, but the rest of her felt frozen in place. She had no idea what she’d be dealing with when she saw Riley again, but somehow the idea that he’d hate her had not crossed her mind.

“It’ll be okay,” Alice said, stepping up behind her and laying a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh, God, no it won’t, Alice. Did you see his face?”

“He’s been particularly aggressive for a newborn,” Jasper interjected. “A lot of his anger is from that, Bella. I’m sorry I didn’t try to moderate that for you a little. I thought it would be better to let you guys meet again without my interference.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Jasper can manipulate emotions,” Alice explained. “That’s why he’s so good with newborns. He can calm them down.”

Bella looked back at Jasper with new eyes, wondering what else she didn’t know about him—any of them.

“He hates me,” she whispered.

“I don’t think so,” Alice said, slipping an arm around her shoulders and tugging her towards the porch. “He’s just feeling overwhelmed and he’s lashing out. Give him a little time.”

Bella acquiesced with a nod and let Alice lead her into the house. Carlisle met her on the threshold, laying a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m so glad to see you again, Bella.”

“Thank you, Dr. Cullen.”

He smiled. “You’re family now. It’s Carlisle.”

Instinctively, her eyes cut away, seeking out Edward. He was still leaning on the side of the Jeep, watching her with his family, making no move to come closer.

“Family?”

“Of course,” Alice said next to her. “You’ll always have a place with us.”

Bella smiled tightly, feeling anything but at ease, and followed her into the house.

Carlisle and Esme drifted away to catch up on domestic arrangements while Alice took Bella by the hand and showed her the house. It was as beautiful and well-equipped as their house in Seattle had been, and quite a step up from the lodge back in Canada.

“Where is everyone else?” Bella asked.

“We’re all here.”

“I thought there were others here. Friends of yours. Edward’s… his girlfriend. Don’t they live here?”

“Ex-girlfriend,” Alice corrected gently. “Yes, they live here, but in a house about a mile away. Tanya and her sisters, Kate and Irina. Plus Eleazar and Carmen. It would be too much if we all lived in one house. So we built this house for our family about twenty years ago.”

Bella wanted to ask where Edward would stay—here with the Cullens or in that other house—but she didn’t know how to and it didn’t seem her place. They had broken up, but would he want to see her anyway? Then she felt miserable that in the face of what just happened, she was still worried more about Edward than Riley. She didn’t deserve either of them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alice asked, nudging her towards a leather couch in the sunken living room. A fire was burning in the stone hearth, which Bella was grateful for. It made her think of Edward. Everything did.

“It’s so confusing, Alice.”

Alice rubbed her arm soothingly. “I know.”

“I don’t know what the right thing is anymore. I feel like I haven’t known for a long time.”

“Do you love him?”

“Who?”

Alice smiled. “I think that’s your answer.”

Bella groaned and covered her eyes with her hands. “It’s not as if I don’t care about Riley. I do. I probably always will. But there’s this thing with Edward. The way he makes me feel—I can’t describe it.”

“I understand. Believe me.”

“But I feel awful for Riley, just walking away from him, especially now. It’s so unfair.  I mean, he’s right. He wouldn’t be here going through this if not for me.”

“The heart wants what it wants, Bella. It’s not always logical or fair.”

“I need to put things right. At least, I have to try.”

“Do whatever you need to get closure for yourself and him, but Bella, you can’t beat yourself up about this for eternity. Not everything that happens is yours to control. There’s no telling how Riley’s life would have turned out.”

Bella scoffed. “He wouldn’t be a vampire.”

“Maybe not. But you can’t know what his future held. Believe me, I tell you that from extensive personal experience. I’ve seen lots and lots of futures for people and yet their actual futures unfolded in completely unexpected ways. The universe has a way of surprising us, in spite of all our planning, and everything we think we know.”

Bella gave her a weak smile. “Thanks, Alice.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, too.”

“What about?”

“This. What happened to you. It wouldn’t have if I didn’t decide I wanted to be your friend. I feel terrible that the choice was taken away from you.”

Bella reached out for her hand. “Alice, what did you just finish telling me? There’s no way to know what would have happened.”

“I know, I know. I’m trying hard to listen to my own good counsel. I give excellent advice, after all.”

Bella laughed. “I’m sure you do. And besides, I’m not unhappy. Not now.”

Alice started to reply, but stopped suddenly, tilting her head and staring into the middle space. “Riley’s on his way back with Emmett. He’s ready to talk now.”

Bella took a deep breath and nodded.

“I’ll get everybody out of the house so you have some privacy, but I’ll stay close if you need me.”

“Alice, he can’t hurt me.”

Alice smiled and ran a hand over Bella’s hair to smooth it. “Maybe not physically.”

 

*0*0*

 

Bella stood just inside the front door as Riley stepped up on the porch. His body was still tense, but he was no longer radiating fury. Emmett hung just behind him, watching him closely.

Riley rolled his eyes. “Emmett, I’m fine. Really.”

Emmett broke into a wide grin. “Okay, boss. As long as you’re cool.”

Riley held up a hand and waved his fingers. “Cold, actually.”

Bella smiled at his little joke, in spite of the tension. She backed into the house, silently inviting Riley to follow her. Emmett gave a little salute before turning to go.

She was desperate to fill the uncomfortable silence, so she started talking about everything except what was most important. “How has it been? With the Cullens? It must have been odd for you waking up here, since you didn’t know any of them.”

Riley scowled at the floor. “Odd? A lot was odd. The Cullens being strangers was pretty low on the list, though.”

Bella rubbed a hand across her forehead. “Sorry. This is hard. I don’t know what to say or where to start.”

She turned and sat down in one of the rustic dining room chairs, resting her hands on the knotty pine table. Riley took the seat across from her and leaned forward on his elbows.

“How about you start at the beginning? You and Edward.”

Bella winced and looked away. “I wasn’t seeing him.”

“You swear it?”

“I swear. We were just friends. Then that night—the last night—something happened. Just that once. That’s what Victoria saw and—“

“Yeah, I’ve been filled in on the sordid family backstory.”

“We were the collateral damage.”

Riley snorted in disgust. “Collateral. Well, fuck her. I hope those wolves they told me about rip her ass to pieces.”

His anger shocked Bella to hear, even though she largely agreed with the sentiment.

“So you weren’t seeing him.”

Bella shook her head. “But I had feelings for him. I kept trying to minimize it. I convinced myself it was just a silly crush, but then that night—“

“It wasn’t.”

“It wasn’t. That’s why I came to see you. That’s why I was so upset.”

Riley sat back in his chair, staring at her, understanding dawning in his face. “You came to break up with me, didn’t you?”

Bella hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. There was no way to sugar-coat it or minimize the truth, and no real point.

He closed his eyes and leaned forward again, pressing his fingertips to his temples in the same way he always had when he was tired and stressed out. It was heartening and sad at the same time. Bella liked seeing that tiny fragment of his human persona surfacing again.

“I guess I had that coming,” he muttered.

“What?” Bella was so preoccupied with her own guilt that she was startled to hear Riley blaming himself for something.

“Us. I’ve been fucking it up for a while, haven’t I? I totally took you for granted, Bella.”

“You didn’t mean to. You were just busy.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, busy. How many times did I blow you off to stay at that fucking newspaper until midnight? Maybe if I hadn’t been so damned _busy_ , you wouldn’t have had time to develop those feelings for him.”

“Stop it. It’s not all your fault.” She didn’t want to tell him that she had a feeling it wouldn’t have mattered, that she was meant for Edward one way or another no matter what he’d done.

“But I didn’t help. Not one bit.”

Bella hesitated for a second before reaching across the table towards him, her fingers curling around his. Her barely controlled newborn instincts protested at the contact, at his nearness, apparently sensing anther as potentially violent as she was. But she pushed the feeling away and concentrated on the connection.

“We weren’t working in a lot of ways long before I met the Cullens again. We were already going in two different directions.”

Riley sighed, tracing the shape of her fingers with one hand. “I guess you’re right. I know you didn’t want to come to New York with me.”

Bella shook her head. “No, I didn’t. That wasn’t for me.”

Riley laughed without humor. “I guess it’s not for me now, either, huh?”

“You don’t know what you’ll eventually be capable of, Riley. Look at Carlisle. He’s a doctor. Can you imagine?”

“No, I really can’t. I have no idea how he does that. He’s an amazing person.”

“It gets easier. That’s what they tell me. We’ll get better and then there’s no telling what we’ll do.”

Riley nodded. “I guess. So, you and him. Are you together now?”

Bella looked down at the table and pulled her hands away. “I don’t know. Everything’s so uncertain. I wanted to see you first.”

Riley shook his head ruefully. “Well, you have. We’re done. Loose ends wrapped up. You’re free.”

“Stop it. I still love you. I’m so sorry it worked out this way. You know I’d change it if I could.”

“Maybe you’d change what happened to us, but somehow I think you’d still choose him.”

Bella stared at her hands, realization dawning in her mind. “I would change what happened to you. I’d give anything to change that. But not the rest. Not what happened to me.”

He looked up at her in disbelief. “You mean you’d choose _this_? What we are now?”

She thought about it—running so fast through the woods that it felt like flying; free-falling off the mountainside holding Edward’s hand; smiling alongside him, hands pressed to the underside of the ice, watching the fractured sunlight make rainbows on her skin; stalking the mountain lions with him, that one instant of complete, elemental connection. Every moment of power and freedom, and right beside her for all of it, Edward. Always Edward.

She nodded slowly. “I think I would.”

“Then we really were going in two different directions, Bella.”

 

*0*0*

 

Bella stepped out on the porch and inhaled deeply. She didn’t feel good. That wasn’t possible yet. But after the conversation with Riley, she felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from her. She also felt _sure_ , for what felt like the first time in her life. She knew exactly what—who—she wanted now. There was no more doubt in her mind.

Her first instinct was to track Edward down to wherever he’d disappeared to, but as she sprinted down the steps towards the woods, she saw Carlisle and Jasper heading towards her.

“Everything okay?” Jasper asked.

“As well as it can be, I guess.”

“We’re just going to go keep him company. Best not to leave him on his own for too long or else he gets into all kinds of trouble.” Jasper grinned.

Bella had another question she wanted to ask, one that she’d hesitated to ask Riley directly. She barely knew Jasper and Carlisle, but she sensed they’d tell her the truth, especially since Jasper had already alluded to Riley’s volatile nature.

“Can I ask—“ she started. “His eyes. Mine are already changing, but his are so bright still.”

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a tense glance. Then Carlisle reached out to touch her shoulder. “He had a slip, while we were out hunting last week.”

“A slip?”

“A human slip,” Carlisle said gently.

Bella clamped a hand over her mouth.

“We’re a little dependent on Alice and Edward to tell us what’s coming,” Jasper explained. “We smelled the hiker at the same time Riley did. But once he caught that scent, there was no stopping him. And he’s fast. By the time Emmett and I caught up to him, it was all over.”

“Oh, God.”

“We all feel badly that we couldn’t prevent it, but nobody feels worse about it than Riley. When he realized what he’d done, he was really hard on himself,” Jasper continued.

“Bella,” Carlisle interjected. “I don’t want you to blame yourself for this. Nearly all of us have done it at some point. How we live flies in the face of our most basic instincts. There are bound to be moments of weakness, especially for one as new to our life as Riley is. He’s trying.”

She nodded, remembering the smell of the first human she’d encountered. It had been almost impossible to repress the instincts that were compelling her to track that smell down and kill it. The only thing that had kept her mind centered was Edward’s grounding questions about her favorite books.

The intense wave of emotion that swept through her at the memory left her nearly speechless. Her mind raced over everything he’d done for her, both before and after her change. She was utterly overwhelmed by him.

“We’ll do our best to help him through this,” Carlisle said, bringing her back to the moment. “Both of you.”

“Thank you.”

“I told you, Bella, you’re part of our family now, for as long as you wish to be.”

She smiled and nodded, but felt entirely too frantic to stay and talk to them. Now that everything was so clear and certain, all she wanted was Edward. Not wanted, _needed_. The pull she felt to him was almost physical.

“Do you know where Edward is?” she asked.

Carlisle smiled knowingly. “Up the mountain, I think. There’s a spot up there where he likes to go to think.”

Bella looked to where Carlisle was pointing, at a cluster of dark evergreens and huge grey rocks on the side of the snow-covered mountain. Moments later, she was flying through the woods with only one thought in her head and one name etched on her soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	20. Fragile Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arfalcon is my amazing beta, but I always mess around with chapters before I post, so if there are errors, it's all on me!

 

Edward cast one last look at the Cullen house before turning toward the mountain. Bella was in there with Alice, but no matter how much he wanted to, he wouldn’t go in. He hated it, but right now, there was no place for him there.

He avoided the direction Riley had taken, with Emmett hot on his trail. The last thing he needed now was to run into that asshole. Instead he took a longer, curving route around a dense cluster of pines, towards the southerly slope of the mountain.

He could understand Riley’s anger, he really could. He remembered with crushing clarity how angry he’d once been. He spent years feeling that way, lashing out at everyone in this new life who loved him, making every wrong choice he could. But to see Riley take it out on Bella, to watch her curl in on herself, blaming herself for what happened to him, was hard. It took an extreme effort of will not to go to her and comfort her. Every atom compelled him to do it. But his interference in her life had brought them all to this place. Now Bella needed to re-connect with Riley and see what their future held. For once, he’d stay out of it and let her have her privacy.

That didn’t mean he had to like it. He hated it. As he ran slowly through the edge of the woods, he gave himself a minute to wallow in self-pity and fear.

What if she stayed with him?

What if she chose Riley, the man who’d been there first, the man she’d loved first? He wasn’t sure he could bear it. But he would. As melodramatic as his thoughts were, in reality, nobody ever died of heartbreak, especially one of his kind. He’d go on existing and missing her. Forever.

_Edward, there you are._

He all but groaned out loud. He knew there was no escaping this. It had been rather rude not to seek out Tanya as soon as they’d gotten in. But in the flurry of arrival and then the dust-up when Riley took off, Edward couldn’t face talking to anyone and he’d just run. Except that Tanya found him. She always found him.

He slowed to a stop and waited for her as she advanced towards him through the woods. She stepped around the last concealing tree and stopped, her face impassive as her eyes roamed over him.

“Hi, Tanya. How are you?” Edward aimed for polite and neutral and hoped that would set the tone.

“Fine. Always fine. How are _you_?”

Edward let out a humorless chuckle. “I’ve been better.”

Tanya gave him a small, sympathetic smile. “Riley’s got a lot of anger, even for a newborn.”

“Understandably. It wasn’t right, what happened to them.”

“Still, now you’ve got her, so you can’t be all that unhappy about it.”

Her words were so nonchalant and clipped that he almost missed the sharp point of them. He stared at her.

“I never wanted this for her. Never. And she’s not mine.”

“She chose him?” Tanya asked with mild surprise.

Edward looked away. “Nothing’s decided yet.”

“He wants her, you know. He’s angry, but he misses her.”

Edward flinched slightly. “I know that,” he said through clenched teeth.

Tanya examined him for a minute. “You really love her, don’t you? You did when she was human.” Tanya’s voice was softer, tinged with incredulity.

Edward gave a tight nod. “That doesn’t matter, though. She’s free to do what she wants.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll manage.”

Tanya looked at the ground. She was keeping her mind occupied with several distracting trains of thought, but she’d never perfected concealing herself completely from him, and she wasn’t doing it now. Edward could see that she’d come out here intending to confront him about Bella, and to ask if he’d been pursuing her even while they’d been together. Even though a little time and distance had taken the sting out of their break-up and her emotions had cooled considerably, she didn’t like the idea of being jilted for another woman, especially one as ordinary as she saw Bella to be.

But now that she saw how genuinely upset he was, she didn’t have the heart for it. She feared Edward had finally given his heart, his whole heart, to someone, and now there was a chance he might not get Bella’s in return. While Tanya had never known such singular, all-encompassing love herself, she’d seen plenty of it. And if that was what Edward was feeling, he didn’t need her punishment. He’d be punished plenty in the centuries to come.

“She’d be a fool to do that, you know,” she finally muttered, still not looking at him.

“What?”

“Choose him. She’d be a fool to choose him when she could have you.”

Edward finally cracked a small half-smile. “Thank you, Tanya. At least, I think that’s meant to be a compliment.”

“It is. You’re good, Edward. One of the best men I’ve ever known. If she doesn’t love you—“

Tanya let it trail off because the rest of the sentence didn’t bear dwelling on. Edward didn’t need to hear it. It was clear from his face that it was all he was thinking about.

“He’s not a bad guy,” she finally went on. “Just young, headstrong, arrogant. They all are, aren’t they?”

Edward nodded. “He’ll have plenty of time to come to terms with his place in the world.”

“That he will.”

Edward shifted on his feet, thinking. “So will we ever be friends again, Tanya?” he asked. “Like we were once?”

Tanya watched him standing so tense across the clearing. She already had her answer, she just thought he deserved to twist a little bit. Finally she relaxed and threw up a hand. “We never stopped being friends, Edward. I think the problem was that we never became much more than that. But yes, in time we’ll be fine. We’ll all be around for a long, long time. I don’t have it in me to hold grudges for eternity.”

He smiled. “You’re good, too, Tanya. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.”

“I’ll always be grateful for my time with you. You were there for me when I needed something.”

She smiled, not quite meeting his eyes. “I suppose I’m grateful for it, too. So, you want some company on your hunt?”

Edward let out his breath, sensing for the first time in a long time, nothing but friendly companionship in her offer.

“Thanks, but I’m not hunting. Just getting a little distance, you know?” He tipped his head in the direction of the Cullen house.

“Ah, I see. Well, in that case, you don’t need me hanging around. Good luck, Edward, whatever happens.” She didn’t wait for his response. She just turned and disappeared into the trees.

Edward watched her go, feeling that at least one relationship in his life was in decent standing. It was the wrong one, of course, but knowing that Tanya wasn’t holding a grudge was a relief.

He turned back to the trail, stretching his legs into a run, letting the cold mountain air fill his head and chest. Halfway up the mountainside, he stopped in his favorite clearing and dropped on to a rock. He was glad he’d chosen the southern face. From the western face you could see the whole Denali compound—Carmen and Eleazar’s house, the Cullen house—everything. And the last thing he needed to do was torture himself by spying on Bella, searching for clues. From his perch on the rock, all he could see was trees and a light cover of snow. It was better that way.

He did his best to clear his mind, to think only of the woods and the mountain. Meditation was the closest his kind could get to sleep and he was desperately in need of respite from reality.

The sun sank low in the sky, turning it vivid orange and purple. The snow around him reflected violet and the trees darkened to black silhouettes. Edward counted colors and pine needles. He watched a hawk wheel in the sky overhead and then swoop away. He listened to a herd of deer below him on the slope, but wasn’t interested in feeding.

He tried his best to keep thoughts of Bella away, but they crept in anyway. She was in his head all the time. Banishing her entirely was impossible. He wondered where she was right now and who was with her.

Then he heard a twig snap far off to his right. He inhaled and the cold evening air carried her scent to him like a ribbon. And like a ribbon, it pulled him to his feet and towards her, always towards her.

He couldn’t hear any thoughts or smell anyone with her. She was alone. And coming to him.

 

*0*0*

 

When Bella left Carlisle and Jasper at the edge of the compound, she tried to stop thinking and let her sharp new instincts take over. At first she went on a hunch. She let her pull to Edward guide her steps. Once she caught his scent, she picked up her pace, sprinting through the trees.

She stopped in a clearing when there wasn’t just Edward’s scent, but another’s. Female. Tanya. How she knew that, she wasn’t sure. There were others it could have been, but somehow she knew it was Tanya. Her chest felt tight as she imagined it, her here with him.

Pushing that aside, she concentrated on Edward. When she found his scent again, he was alone.

Up the mountain she ran, through the trees as the light faded and the sky blazed with color overhead. It was utterly silent. She felt him nearby, every nerve in her body telling her she was almost with him.

Then she stepped between the trees and he was there, standing still beside a rock, watching her.

She stopped and stared, stunned all over again by his beauty. Her wild newborn emotions made everything feel bigger and brighter, but even so, she knew that what was in her heart was real. The pull she felt to him, this compulsion to be at his side—that was true. When this wild time was past, she would still feel this way. It would always be him.

Edward held as still as she did, but there was a question in his eyes. He didn’t know what had brought her to him. Bella’s heart broke for him, at how hard this must have been for him to witness. He’d never pushed her, never once demanded an answer from her. He’d told her how he felt and then he waited.

His waiting was done.

Without a word, Bella crossed the ground between them. When she was close, she reached out for him, taking his face in her hands, pushing herself up on tiptoe to get to him. Edward didn’t move as she approached, but as her lips met his, his hands came up to her hips, and then slid up her back and into her hair.

It was the third time they had kissed, yet in some ways, it felt like the first. The real first had been more of a fumbling accident, nothing either of them had planned, happening at the wrong time and in the wrong way.

The second, while memorable, had been equally ill-timed, wrapped up in bloodlust and raging newborn emotions.

But now—this time—it was right. _He_ was right. It was the last first kiss of the rest of her long existence.

His kiss was gentle, full of his surprise and uncertainty. But Bella wouldn’t give him room to be tentative or to do this half way. Her hands fisted in his hair, pulling him into her until their bodies connected from lips to hips. Edward groaned and his tongue moved into her mouth.

The spark caught fire. His arm wrapped around her back and his fingers knotted in her hair. Bella held on hard and kissed deep.

Edward’s hands roamed over her hair, his fingertips brushing her cheeks and down her neck. When his mouth followed his fingers, trailing across her cheek and to her temple, Bella buried her face in the crook of his neck, just reveling in the feel of him holding her, knowing that he’d never let her go.

“I love you,” she whispered against his neck.

He paused, his hands clenching her tighter. He lifted his face until he could meet her eyes.

The fear and hope she saw there was almost painful. “You’re sure?”

“I’ve loved you for a long time. I’m so sure.”

His eyebrows furrowed together. He almost looked as if it hurt to be happy. “I never thought—“ he started. “I never dared to hope—“

“I love you, Edward,” she repeated for emphasis. “Only you.”

Edward let out a shaky exhale before pulling her hard into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, clutching her body close, burying his face in her hair.

“Bella.”

Bella clutched at him, too, her hands fisted in his shirt, her face against his throat. They stood that way, pressed together for a long time. Not kissing or caressing, just holding on. Edward finally shifted his face to kiss her hair.

“So,” he began hesitantly. “Riley?”

“Over,” she replied, her voice muffled in his chest. “It has been for a while. I don’t know why I needed to come. I just wanted to see that he was okay, I guess.”

“And is he?”

“Not really. But I can’t fix that. And I can’t really expect him to be, all things considered.”

“I thought you’d stay with him,” Edward murmured against her hair, the fear that thought brought on still making his throat constrict.

“Part of me felt like I should,” Bella replied quietly.

Edward moved his hands up to her shoulders. “Bella—“

But she cut him off. “But not the _right_ part of me. Not my heart. He doesn’t have my heart. Not anymore. I can’t stay with him out of obligation. Not when I love you.”

Edward smiled at that and pulled her in tighter.

“You know the family will take care of him.”

Bella huffed and rubbed her cheek against his chest, because it made her feel better to do it. “If he lets them. He’s so angry. But there’s nothing I can do about it. He’ll find his own way now.”

“He will. We all do.”

Bella leaned back enough to look him in the face. “What about you?”

“Me?” Edward’s eyebrows shot up.

“I smelled her with you down the mountain. That was Tanya, right?”

Edward sighed and closed his eyes. “Yes. That’s all done, too. Ages ago. She just needed to come and take a poke at me.”

“Because of me?”

“Yes. And also because of me. She was never—we weren’t—I made a mistake with her from the start. She was my friend first. Letting it become something that I wasn’t fully invested in was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that to her.”

“I’m sorry.”

Edward smiled down at her and cupped her face with his hand. “Don’t be. It was my mistake. In time, it will be okay.”

“I hope I can say the same about Riley someday.”

“As Tanya reminded me tonight, when you live forever, holding a grudge becomes tiring.”

Bella smiled faintly and laid her head back on his chest. From the very first time he’d held her this way, it was the most peace she’d ever known. If she had her way, she’d let him hold her forever.

The world still felt like a vast ocean swirling around her. She’d lost so much and so many, but now she knew she’d also gained. She’d found Edward and in some unexpected way, she’d found herself. She would happily turn her face towards eternity with Edward standing beside her where he belonged. She was finally right, whole, complete.

 

*0*0*

 

The moon had risen, waxing gibbous, cold and glowing.

Edward was stretched out over Bella, leaning on one elbow, brushing the hair off her face with his free hand. They lay where they’d stood hours earlier. They hadn’t said much. They’d put the past to rest and it was too soon to talk about the future. They’d kissed and caressed, whispering ‘I love you’ into each other’s mouths and against each other’s skin and that was enough for now.

“Look at you,” he murmured, tracing the curve of her cheekbone where the moonlight made her glow like a pearl. “So perfect.”

Bella shook her head. “Not perfect. Nowhere near.”

He smiled. “Perfect for me. So perfect.”

He leaned down and pressed a slow kiss to her lips. Bella ran her fingers through his wild hair, letting her nails scrape, hard enough for him to feel but not hard enough to hurt. He moaned, eyes closed. She tugged his face down for another kiss, this time with mouths open and tongues stroking.

Edward could feel her pulling at his body, so he rolled onto her. Easily, so naturally, her legs slipped around his hips and her heels hooked over his thighs. It was like lightning ricocheting through his body when he pressed himself against the juncture of her legs.

Bella hissed and arched under him, rocking against him.

“Edward,” she moaned in his ear.

“Bella, God….”

Her hand slid down his neck to his chest. She tugged at his shirt front and a button popped off. With a groan, Edward dropped his head onto her shoulder and wrapped a hand over hers to stop her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. She tilted her hips underneath him again and he nearly forgot why he stopped her. The urge to tear the clothes off her and push himself into her was nearly overwhelming. And if it was for him, then it was triply so for her. Which is why he had to do the thinking for both of them.

“Nothing. You feel so good and I want to. You have no idea how much I want to.”

“So—“

“So, not here. Not now.”

“Why not?”

“Not out here on the ground. Not the first time,” he murmured, stroking her face again. “Not for you.”

“I don’t mind,” she said, a smile quirking the corner of her mouth. He kissed that tiny curve quickly before pulling back again.

“And not here, with all the others so near.”

“Right now?” Her eyes shot to the side, as if the woods around them were full of vampires she somehow hadn’t noticed.

“No,” Edward reassured her. “We’re fairly alone right now. But no one is ever very far away. And we’ll see them soon. They’ll know. They _all_ will. Trust me. You can always tell.”

Bella let that sink in a minute and her lust-bright eyes dimmed a little. “Oh, I get it.”

“Believe me, the last thing I want to do is stop. But the first time we’re together, I don’t want any distractions or eavesdroppers or hurt feelings getting in the way.” He looked hard into her eyes. “Just you and me. And several uninterrupted days.”

She blinked once. “Several days?”

Edward smirked. “We don’t get tired, Bella. Ever.”

Her eyes widened and her nostrils flared. Her mouth dropped open and he could smell her arousal bloom like a spike of adrenaline. His own flared up to match and for a moment, he considered forgetting every reasonable argument he’d just made. He was desperate for her. And when she was lying under him, her legs still holding him close to her, looking up at him with her own eyes black with lust, doing the right thing felt like a very outdated notion.

Still, he was a gentleman and he meant what he said. Waiting was the right thing to do and it was only fair to the two they’d left behind down in the valley. Bella in the flush of arousal was impossible to miss. It would be like waving a red flag in front of Riley and that wasn’t fair. And it _really_ wasn’t fair to Tanya, right here in her own backyard, so to speak.

So even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, he pushed himself off her and stood. He reached down for her hands and pulled her to her feet. He brushed the dirt off her, sweeping his hands down her arms and back, and then lingering on her hips and backside. She stared down at him as he did it, holding perfectly still, but still nearly vibrating with her desire. Edward swallowed thickly and straightened back up.

He kissed her safely on her forehead. She sighed and fisted his shirt.

“This feeling, it’s so intense.”

“I know,” he murmured into her hair. “For me, too.”

“It’s not like it was before,” she said. Edward swallowed down the growl he felt at the idea of her “before” and who it had been, even though that made him a hypocrite. He didn’t care. “Is this what it feels like for our kind?”

Edward cradled her face in his hands and tilted her chin up until she was looking at him. “No, this is what it feels like for you and me.”

She smiled and kissed him, but he pulled back after only a moment, afraid to let it spiral out of control again.

“We should probably check in with your family, huh? We’ve been gone for hours.”

“ _Our_ family,” he corrected her gently. Then he paused and his eyebrows furrowed as he considered what he wanted to ask her. “Bella, do you think—how would you feel about leaving again?”

“Leaving Alaska?”

He nodded. “And going back to the lodge. Just you and me.”

A slow, brilliant smile stretched across her face. “I’d like that very much.”

He smiled in return, stroking a thumb over the back of her hand. “I thought we could spend some time alone together. Until you’re up for more human contact. Then we can think about joining the family. Or traveling. Whatever you want, really.”

“That’s sounds perfect. When do we leave?” Her hand tightened on his. He gave a frustrated chuckle and ran his free hand through his hair.

“How’s tomorrow sound?”

“Perfect.”

“Okay.”

She laughed and he did, too. He pulled her into his arms again and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, still not quite believing that the moment was real, that his long, pointless life could have led him to such sublime happiness.

“Let’s go talk to the family. We’ll have to make some plans.”

 

*0*0*

 

Alice and Jasper were just stepping out onto the porch when Edward and Bella started across the clearing towards the house. Jasper’s gaze dropped to their joined hands and then back up to their faces. His mouth curled up in a sly grin.

“Well, well,” he murmured, but the sound reached them anyway, despite the thirty yards still separating them. “I’d say ‘congratulations,’ but that seems obnoxious. There aren’t any good sentiments for this sort of thing, I guess.”

Edward chuckled and shook his head. He cast a glance at Bella. She was smiling, but she looked like she’d be blushing if she still could. He squeezed her fingers in encouragement.

“This is why I thought we could use some time alone,” he whispered, just loud enough for her ears. “No privacy. Ever.”

“I can see that,” she whispered back. “That’s okay. I want to be alone with you, too.”

Edward felt like his heart might explode clean out of his chest. He fought to keep the smug smile from taking over his face. He wanted to shove her into the Jeep and take off for Canada on the spot.

Alice was still standing next to Jasper on the porch, but she looked primed to launch herself at them at any moment. She had her hands clutched together under her chin and her whole face was lit up with delight.

_I knew it, Edward! I knew it would be okay! I’m so happy. So, so happy!_

Edward smiled at Alice, but was more certain than ever that what he and Bella needed was just a little time alone. Even people’s happiness could be overbearing and awkward.

When they were ten feet away, Alice really did launch herself at them, sprinting towards Bella and throwing her arms around her shoulders.

“You’re going to be so good for him. I can see it,” she whispered in Bella’s ear.

Bella gave her a little pat on the back. “Thanks, Alice.”

“And now you’ll be with us forever. Like my sister.”

Bella blinked and swallowed, overcome with emotion.

“Alice, that’s so sweet.”

“I always wanted that.” She tightened her arms around Bella in a fierce hug. “Secretly.”

“Come on, Alice,” Jasper said, stepping in to peel his wife off Bella. “Give them some space.”

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just so—oh, it just makes me happy, that’s all.”

“Come inside,” Edward cut in, trying to change the subject. “We have something to talk to everyone about.”

Jasper and Alice stepped aside to let Bella and Edward walk up the porch and into the house ahead of them.

“Where’s Riley?” Bella asked, sensing his absence the moment she was inside.

“He’s with Carmen and the sisters right now,” Esme said, as she joined them in the entryway. “He thought it best. He didn’t want to be here when—“

“I get it,” Bella said, looking at the ground.

“He wasn’t angry,” Alice said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “He just didn’t want to make everybody uncomfortable.”

“That’s what we wanted to talk to you all about,” Edward interjected.

“Come and sit,” Esme said, backing towards the living room.

Carlisle was already there with Eleazar, heads bent in conversation. And there was another new face in the room: Rosalie.

She stood against the far windows with Emmett, watching Edward with Bella as they came into the room.

“Rose,” Edward said as he spotted her. “When did you get here? And how’d you sneak in without me knowing?”

“A few hours ago, and I asked everybody to keep it under wraps. Seemed like you all had enough going on up here already.”

“You could say that. What made you change your mind?”

She shrugged and moved towards them. “I missed Em.”

Edward watched her warily. Bella had gone tense at his side. “I thought you wanted to keep your distance from all of this,” he said, meaning the two unexpected newborns that they’d been dealing with.

Rose sighed. “I was mad, Edward,” she conceded. Then she looked quickly to Bella. “Not at you. I wasn’t mad at _you_. More at them.” She waved a hand at Edward and Alice. “I thought they were putting you at risk getting so close to you. And it turns out I was right.”

Edward dropped his head and sighed, but Bella squeezed his hand in support.

“Edward and Alice have apologized for what happened,” Bella said. “But they didn’t need to. I don’t blame either of them. They aren’t the ones who did it.”

Rose gave her a long, assessing look. “Huh. Then you’re a better person than me, because I don’t think I’d be so magnanimous if I were in your shoes.”

Bella tilted her chin up. She was intimidated by Rosalie, but she wasn’t backing down. “I’m not unhappy.”

Rose looked genuinely startled by her words, and more than a little puzzled. “You might not always feel that way.”

Once again, Edward felt the urge to interject. “I’m glad you came, Rose. It’s good to see you.”

Rose glanced down to their joined hands and then up at her brother. “It’s good to see you, too, Edward.”

And he knew she meant it. She was even happy for him in her way. She’d probably never be able to look at Bella’s change as anything other than a tragedy, but that was her own experience speaking. Edward was determined to make something good rise from the ashes.

“I’m afraid we’re not staying, though,” he told her. Then he turned slightly to address the rest of his family. “That’s what I came to tell you. We’d like—well, we’re going to go back to the lodge. Just Bella and me.”

“For how long?” Alice asked.

Edward shrugged. “Until Bella feels able to handle the presence of humans? I’m not really sure, Alice. We just need some time on our own.”

Esme took a step forward then, touching his arm. “I think it’s a marvelous idea.”

“Do you think you can manage getting Bella back there on your own, Edward?” Carlisle interjected.

Edward tugged on Bella’s hand until she looked at him. He smiled down at her face. “I think she can handle it,” he said to Carlisle, but never looking away from Bella. “She did great on the way here.”

There was a slightly awkward pause in the room as everyone watched their intimate moment together, which once again underlined for Edward why they needed to go. The constant scrutiny, even if well-intentioned, was maddening.

“Alright then,” Jasper said, breaking the ice. “Emmett, you want to help me sort out their gear? We’ll repack the Jeep for them, huh?”

That broke up the party and everyone began to move in different directions. Alice snagged Bella’s arm, peeling her away from Edward. “Bella, we need to deal with your clothes. I can’t send you back to Canada in the same sorry hand-me-downs.”

Bella began to protest, but Edward missed her response when Carlisle stepped forward to claim his attention.

“You’re sure you’ll be okay?” he asked quietly.

“On the drive? We’ll be fine. She’s very controlled for a newborn, Carlisle.”

He nodded. “She’s calmer than they usually are at her age. Certainly more than you were.” He grinned at that last part, which made Edward laugh. “I’m looking forward to getting to know her better one day.”

“I’m sorry to leave so soon.”

Carlisle waved his apology away. “I understand. It would be difficult for the two of you to be around so many right now under the best of circumstances. And considering who else is here now, it’s probably for the best if you’re not here.”

“I feel bad, leaving you to handle Riley.”

“He’ll be alright.”

“Do you think he’ll stay here and stick to the diet?” Edward asked, keeping his voice low. It was the question that plagued him and he knew it was eating at Bella, too.

“It’s hard to say. We can’t force him.”

“It will kill Bella if he leaves.”

“Even if he does, it might not be forever. After all, you did it and came back.”

Edward sighed. “She’ll blame herself, though.”

“She shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t either. He has free will. He’ll exercise it when he chooses to. All we can do is show him his options and support him as best we can.”

Edward nodded grimly, hoping that it would be enough. “Thank you, Carlisle. For everything. Always.”

“You don’t owe me any thanks, Edward. I know you’ve spent many years unhappy. And at times, I’ve blamed myself for that. Sometimes I wondered if I’d made a mistake with you all those years ago, trying to save you. Seeing you now—with Bella—it makes me feel like perhaps you’re finally finding your place in this life. At least I hope you are.”

Edward watched Bella across the room as she patiently fielded question after question from Alice. As he stared at her, she turned her head, sensing his attention. Their eyes met and she smiled, the thread of their connection arcing across the room. If he’d died his natural death in 1918, he’d have never met her, this girl who changed the map of his entire existence. There was nothing natural about that. He’d have willingly lived through a thousand unhappy, lonely years if she was waiting at the end of them.

“I think I am, Carlisle. How she makes me feel; it’s like nothing I ever could have imagined. I don’t know how I’ve existed without her for this long.”

Carlisle smiled in understanding. “I know exactly how you feel. It’s how I felt when I found Esme. I’m so glad you won’t exist for another moment without knowing it yourself.”

“I’m glad, too. I just hope I can be enough for her.”

Carlisle scowled. “You think she doesn’t return your feelings?”

“No, it’s not that. I know she does. It’s just, you know how much Rosalie resents this life, in spite of having Emmett. I’m afraid Bella will feel the same. She’ll hate what she’s become.”

Carlisle sighed. “Like Riley, there’s no way you can control this, Edward.”

“I know that. But if she grows to hate this life, I don’t think I’ll be enough to make up for what she’s lost.”

“No one’s keeping count in a ledger, Edward, weighing the good versus the bad. Love exists outside of its circumstances.”

Edward sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

Carlisle clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. “Have a little faith, Edward.”

Edward kept his eyes on Bella across the room. Faith. He’d always found that hard to come by, but Bella… there was something he could finally believe in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Devil to Pay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I leave on vacation on Saturday and even though I’ll have internet access, I’ll also have a pesky family actually expecting me to participate and stuff. So I decided to update before I go.   
> Arfalcon is my amazing beta.

Her skin, her hands, her mouth…Edward was lost in a sea of her, wanting to touch her everywhere all at once. She was all around him, kissing, pressing, fingers dragging across him, until he thought he’d go crazy from it.

 They made it as far as the border of the Yukon Territory. Two hundred miles was all Edward could manage before he’d turned off the road and pulled Bella into his arms, needing to kiss her to reassure himself that she was here, she was his, this was real. In moments, a kiss across the gear shift hadn’t been enough and then Bella was in his lap, straddling him. And now they were locked in a tangle of limbs, struggling to get closer, kissing like they’d never stop. Her fingers were in his hair and her thighs were gripping his hips. She rocked against him and he groaned. She pressed harder and the metal struts of the seat under him began to whine.

“Mmmm, Bella, we have to stop,” he muttered against her mouth.

“No one is here. Just you and me.”

She shifted to get herself closer to him and her knee banged into the door panel, cracking it and leaving a fiberglass-shredded hole.

“If we do this here we’ll rip the Jeep apart and end up running all the way back to the lodge.”

Bella kissed the side of his neck and sighed. “I don’t think I’d mind so much right now.” She couldn’t get enough of him. He made her crazy and wanton. She was never like this before. She knew it might have been her crazy newborn emotions at work, but she was more inclined to think this was just the effect Edward had on her. She kind of liked the idea that this man had reached inside her and unlocked a part of her that no one knew existed, including herself. She liked that he turned her into an animal. She hoped he always would.

“Just the same, it’s Emmett’s Jeep.” Edward was trying to talk them back down, but his hands had other ideas, sliding over her hips and around to her ass.

“Oops,” she whispered in his ear. Her fingers trailed down his chest, aiming for the waistband of his jeans.

“Considering how it happened, he won’t mind. But we should—“

“Wait.”

“Yeah.”

“Ugh.”

“I know.”

Bella swung herself off him and back into her seat. They both stared sullenly through the windshield for a moment.

“Let’s talk about something else,” Edward grumbled.

“Good idea.”

“Gas.”

“What?”

“We need to stop for gas, at least a few times.”

“Are you going to drop me off first like we did on the way out?” She didn’t like that idea. She could see the logic in it, but still, she didn’t want to be away from Edward.

“I don’t want to. Not that you can’t take care of yourself,” he said with a smirk. “I just don’t want to.”

Bella smiled back at him. “I think I can do it. A gas station.”

“You’re sure?”

She thought about the human encounters on the trip out. None of them had been at all close, but by the end, she was able to tolerate a truck going by without doing damage to their vehicle. “Maybe? You won’t let me do anything bad, will you?”

“Of course not.”

“See? I trust you.”

“Just promise me you’ll tell me if you think you can’t handle it.”

“You have to trust me, too,” Bella said with a smile.

“I do trust you, Bella Swan,” he said, leaning across the console to kiss her again. “It’s that wild newborn in you I don’t trust.”

She reached up to run a hand over his cheek. “Trust me to tell you if I can’t control myself, too. I promise I won’t try to tough it out. Someone’s life is at stake. I wouldn’t play around with that.”

“You amaze me, Bella,” he said in wonder.

She laughed. “Why?”

Edward shook his head. “I was about to say ‘when I was your age’, but that’s wrong on so many levels. In one way, you’re older than me, but if we count all the actual years of existence—“

Bella gave a false gasp of horror. “You’re a cradle-robber! So creepy.”

“Very funny. No, I was just going to say that you’re doing so much better than I did. Better than most do. You didn’t lose yourself. You’re still that caring girl you were before.”

“Only now with 300 percent more indestructibility.”

“Thank God. I’d be afraid to touch you if you were still human.”

Bella closed her eyes and groaned. “Don’t talk about touching me.”

Edward laughed and re-started the engine. “Right.”

Something occurred to her as he pulled back on the empty ribbon of highway. “Edward, would you have?”

“Would I have what?”

“Touched me? If—well, if none of this had happened. If I was still—“

“Human?”

“Yes.”

Edward stared out the windshield for a moment, considering. “I’d like to think I wouldn’t have.”

“Oh.” She felt slightly deflated. What was between them felt so massive, so all-consuming, that she expected him to tell her that there was no way he could have denied it no matter what the obstacles.

“You were human,” he pointed out unnecessarily.

Bella nodded moodily.

“It was crazy for me to be anywhere near you. I could have killed you at any moment. I nearly did the first time I saw you. You have no idea how close it was.”

She sighed. “I get it. So—“

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Yes, I would have touched you. I mean, I like to think I would have done the right thing and left you alone. Maybe disappeared entirely and let you lead your normal human life. I like to think I would have been that noble. But that’s a lie. I wouldn’t have been able to stay away from you.”

Bella grinned at him. “Really?”

“You seem inordinately pleased that I was willing to risk your life because I had a crush on you.”

“It was more than a crush,” she said softly, not teasing anymore.

He reached for her hand. “Yes, it was. Too much for me to resist.”

“Me either.”

Edward exhaled long and slow. “I need to get you back to the lodge, so let’s gas up and get on with it.”

Bella sighed and nodded.

 

*0*0*

He parked the Jeep on the shoulder of the road a hundred yards from the gas station. Everything was quiet. The deserted highway stretched for miles in either direction. It was freezing cold outside, so no one lingered there. Edward could detect one human, the manager, inside. He was behind the counter, feet up, watching Wheel of Fortune, enjoying the comfort of the space heater beside him.

Edward looked at Bella. “What do you think?”

She had her eyes closed and her jaw locked. It was awful. She could hear his heartbeat even from that distance and the _smell_ ….

“I can’t,” she muttered, barely opening her mouth. “It’s so hard, even here. I’m afraid of what will happen when you open the door. I don’t want to risk it.”

“Okay, let’s get you out of here then.”

Edward had them turned around and flying back down the highway in seconds. When he found a break in the woods, he took the Jeep off-road as far as they could go. Once he was sure they were well away from any potential encounters with humans on the highway, he stopped to let Bella out. Even then he wasn’t satisfied, running with her another mile into the deep woods, far away from any hiking trails.

“I can get there and back in fifteen minutes. You’ll be okay?”

Bella smiled and leaned up on tiptoe to kiss him. “I’ll be fine. I’ll sit right there on that rock and I won’t move a muscle. I bet I’ll have snow on me when you get back.”

“It won’t even have time to land on you,” Edward said, kissing her cheek. “I love you.”

Bella’s smile lit him up inside as he backed away. She was still smiling when he turned and sprinted into the trees.

Bella missed him the second he disappeared. It made no sense, but she felt colder. It was crazy how much she craved his presence after only a few minutes without it.

She sat down on the rock, just as she promised. She half-hoped it would start snowing again, just so he’d come back to find her dusted with white. It would be funny.

It didn’t snow, but five minutes later, something did fall from the sky. Or rather, from a tree behind her.

Every fine hair on the back of her neck stood up. Bella knew without even turning around that she was no longer alone and the one nearby was another of her kind. Every muscle tensed to attack, but she fought down her raging fury so she could think.

“I thought I’d never get you alone.”

She knew that voice. Even through the haze of her transformation and the weak human memories, she knew.

When she stood and turned around, Victoria was twenty feet away, watching her. Without thinking, Bella raised her hand to her neck, her fingertips tracing over the map of raised silver lines there. They tingled. The one who’d left them on her was here.

Knowing that she was now the physical equal of Victoria didn’t entirely quell her human reaction. The last time she’d seen her—the only time—Victoria had literally brought her to her knees, torn her throat open and nearly killed her. A part of Bella reacted with pure terror.

The rest of her, the raging newborn with a short fuse, reacted with rage. Bella knew she had to find the middle ground between the two. If she gave into the urge to fly at her, ripping and tearing, she’d be taken apart in no time. At the same time, she remembered what Edward told her. She was the fastest and strongest she’d ever be at this moment. She needed to channel that and use it. She had to be strong _and_ smart.

Victoria took one step towards her, but instead of retreating, Bella stepped to the side. Her anxiety flared and she fought against the panic. She remembered her last clear vision of this woman, sinking her teeth into Riley’s neck.

Riley.

He was trapped in this life because of this woman and her reckless vengeance.

“What do you want?” Bella finally asked, satisfied that she sounded in control even if she didn’t feel it.

Victoria cocked her head to the side as if puzzled. “You, of course. I should have just killed you in the first place.”

Bella stepped to the side again. Victoria did, too, so that they were slowly circling each other.

“Why didn’t you?” She knew the answer, but she was playing for time, giving herself room to think and plan.

“When I saw that you weren’t in love with Edward, that there was someone else, it seemed like a better idea. It would hurt him more if you lived forever and he never had you.” Victoria paused and examined Bella curiously. “But you do love him, don’t you?”

Bella nodded slowly. “I do.”

Victoria smiled smugly. “Then back to the first plan. I should have kept it simple, right?”

“It’s not as easy to do now,” Bella pointed out. “You made sure of that.”

“Not as easy, but possible. You think you know how to fight me off, little one?”

“Don’t call me that,” Bella snapped, unable to tamp down her flare of temper.

“Why not? I made you.”

“You think that matters to me?”

“I don’t care,” she shrugged dismissively. “What did you do with the other one, anyway?”

“I didn’t do anything with him. We’re not together anymore. Not like that.”

Victoria smiled. “I saw how he was with you. And now you’ve left him for this one?” She shook her head, smirking. “He must hate you.”

Bella swallowed hard, hating that Victoria had struck anywhere close to the truth. She knew she had to stay calm, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Everything in her was aware of the threat and the danger and was urging her to fight. She _wanted_ to fight. She wanted to sink her teeth into skin and tear limbs as hard as she could. She wasn’t even sure where their kind were vulnerable, if they even were. Alice told her they could be killed but it was difficult. If it came down to it, she’d just have to trust her instincts. She seemed to have plenty of them these days.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Bella asked, still edging to the left, trying to prolong the confrontation until she could come up with a plan and see an opening.

Victoria blinked at her in confusion. “This has nothing to do with you. This is about him. Edward. He’ll come back here for you and find nothing but a pile of ashes. Then he really _will_ know how I feel.”

“Edward was just protecting Alice.”

At the mention of Alice’s name, Victoria’s face transformed and she snarled. Bella finally sensed a weakness and she pressed on.

“Why are you avenging him? He was just using you to get to Alice. She was the one he was after.”

“Shut up! You don’t know anything! He loved me!”

“Maybe you were just handy.”

Victoria snapped her teeth together and growled, looking more animal than human. Finally, Bella thought she might have a chance. If she could keep going and get her upset enough, then maybe she’d have an opening.

“Shut up!” she shouted.

“He never even told you about her, did he?”

Victoria’s face lost all of its loveliness. Her mouth twisted with rage, her hands curled into claws, she was hunched and savage. Almost there, Bella thought. She just needed an opening, an undefended spot to aim for.

And then she was out of time. Victoria snapped, covering the twenty feet still separating them with a single jump. The sound of her body slamming into Bella’s echoed through the woods and off the surrounding mountains.

*0*0*

Edward returned to the gas station and was filling the tank in six minutes. While he pumped the gas, he let his mind wander, back to the car on the side of the road and Bella straddling his lap. He rubbed his hand over his face and wondered if he’d have the endurance to hold out until they were back to the lodge.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. Alice. She did have a knack for calling at the most inappropriate times.

“Wow, Alice. A whole five hours. How did you restrain yourself?”

“She’s not with you!”

Alice’s frantic voice chased away every trace of humor. “We needed gas. I left her in the woods.”

“Go!”

“Is it a hiker?” he asked as he stowed the gas pump and recapped the tank at lightning speed, not caring if the manager saw him moving too fast.

“Victoria. She’s been following you.”

Edward swore under his breath as he swung back into the Jeep and floored it. “How? Where?”

“She knows how to stay undetected, Edward. It’s how she did it the first time. She must have been near here, watching for an opening.”

“And I just gave her one.” Edward gripped the steering wheel so hard that it began to crack under the pressure. “I never should have brought her back alone.”

“She’s not human anymore, Edward.”

“That doesn’t mean she can defend herself! What do you see, Alice?”

“Circling. Arguing. Oh—“

“What?”

“Hurry. Victoria attacked her.”

*0*0*

Bella landed with a violent, earth-shaking thud fifty feet away from where she’d just been standing. It didn’t hurt, exactly, but she was stunned by the suddenness and the power just the same.

There was no time to get her bearings though, because Victoria was on her, pinning her down, her hands scrambling over Bella’s shoulders and into her hair, trying to get a grip. Bella knew instinctively that she could not let Victoria get her hands on her that way, so she planted her feet and arched up sharply underneath her.

Victoria might have caught her by surprise, but Bella was right about being stronger. When she jack-knifed her body, it sent Victoria flying backwards off her. Bella bounded into a crouch, balanced on the balls of her feet. Victoria had barely hit the ground before she sprang at her.

She was growling when Bella fell on her. Victoria’s hands clawed at her face. Bella swatted them away with her own, her anger and instincts guiding her. She knew what she needed to do. Her head. She needed to take off her head. As ghastly as the thought was, she was sure she could do it if she had to. If she got the chance to.

But Victoria wasn’t going to make it easy. In a movement so fast Bella could hardly see it, her hand shot out towards Bella’s, closing around her left wrist. She twisted. Bella screamed and fell back as the sharp pain shot up her arm.

There was a sound, a low, grinding, cracking. Bella wrenched her arm to the side and managed to break Victoria’s grip on her wrist. She staggered back and glanced down to see the damage.

Her hand was only partially connected to her arm.

The still-human part of her was horrified, shocked into immobility by what had just happened. But the new vampire was mad. It _hurt_. She was also oddly fascinated by it. She could still move her fingers. When she wiggled them, they responded. And when she flexed her wrist, despite the pain radiating up her arm, it moved. In fact, when she flexed, her hand pressed back against the ragged edge of her wrist and stuck there, as if it were trying to knit itself back together.

Before she could marvel at the miraculous powers of her new body, Victoria was charging at her again, snarling with rage. Bella stumbled back, trying to keep her still-fragile hand out of danger. Now she was fighting one-handed.

Victoria lunged and Bella swiped with her good arm, swinging her body out to the left to dodge. Her fingers tangled in Victoria’s hair and she fisted. There was a bloodcurdling howl and Bella raised her hand, a hank of bright red curls still clutched tight in it.

There was no time to gloat; Victoria spun and charged at her again. Bella only had time to lift her arms in defense before she was hurtled backward. Her damaged wrist was weak. She didn’t know how long she could hold her off. Victoria leaned in on her good arm, her face just inches from Bella’s. Her teeth snapped and her hands grappled towards Bella’s face. She tried bucking her off again, but Victoria was ready this time, her knees planted firmly on the ground, caging her in.

Bella braced her good arm against Victoria’s shoulders, holding her back. Her weak left hand grasped out to her side, hoping to find something she could use as a weapon, but she came up empty, her fingers finding only snow and frozen soil.

She had a sinking realization that this was the end. She couldn’t see a way out of this. Her life was about to be snuffed out by this woman for the second time and there was nothing she could do about it.

Edward would find her destroyed and then what? A worse thought occurred to her. Maybe Victoria would wait for him, and end him, too. They’d both end up dead out here, just like Victoria’s James.

It wasn’t fair. She’d just found him. She’d just adjusted to the idea of a never-ending life and she’d done it by imagining it with Edward. He was her reason. That she should survive everything only to end here in a remote wilderness without him—it broke her heart.

Victoria’s fingers curled into her hair. Bella could feel the grip on her head tighten and she knew the moment was on her. She shoved up with her right arm, but only succeeded in holding Victoria another inch away. The outcome was still inevitable.

A deafening crack split the forest in two. Bella tensed at the sound, thinking that it must be coming from her, the sound of her own body being torn apart. But a split second later, she could sense every part of herself still intact, except that the weight of Victoria was gone.

She twisted off the ground and onto her feet. Twenty feet away, locked in a blur of motion, were Edward and Victoria. They were moving so fast, attacking and counter-attacking, that only her own super-human vision allowed her to see them at all. If she was still human, they’d be nothing but a blur.

He was a better fighter than Bella, and he was aggressive. Instead of just reacting and lashing out blindly, he attacked with focused precision. Victoria was the one on the defensive, dodging and twisting to escape him. It was the Edward she remembered from the night she was attacked on campus. Bigger, fiercer and deadly. He was enraged.

He was bent nearly double as he charged Victoria. She hadn’t even recovered from his last assault when his shoulder caught her square in the stomach. The force of his impact flung her down on her back. Edward drew up, preparing to descend on her, but at the last second, she recovered enough to twist away. Edward’s momentum carried him forward onto his hands and knees and from her crouch three feet away, Victoria pounced. In an instant, the tables had been turned. She was on his back, her hands were on his head.

Bella didn’t think. She didn’t plan. She just flew at her, all fury and fierce protectiveness. Victoria _would not_ take him from her. She barreled into Victoria and the three of them flew sideways, propelled by Bella’s fearsome strength.

For a terrifying moment, Bella lost her place in the battle. There were clawing hands and snapping teeth and kicking feet and she couldn’t tell one from another. Then Edward shoved his shoulder sharply into her chest, pushing her back out of the fray. Another blur of motion and everything suddenly stilled. Victoria was on her knees and Edward was crouched behind her. He had his arms banded around her torso. Victoria’s arms were pinned at her side. She twisted and growled, but Edward just gritted his teeth and held tight.

“Bella, finish her,” he hissed.

She froze. Victoria snapped her head back and Edward arched to avoid her. Her hands clawed at her own thighs, unable to reach anything else.

“Bella!”

Bella’s eyes met Edward’s over Victoria’s shoulder. “You have to, Bella,” he said, his voice once again the one she knew and loved.

She closed the ten feet to Victoria. The red-headed demon who’d haunted her, the terrifying creature who‘d burned her alive and thrust her into this new eternal life stilled, watching warily. Bella made herself look back. A thousand emotions flitted across Victoria’s face. Rage, confusion, frustration, and finally, despair. As Edward held her tight and Bella drew closer, she seemed to realize there was no escape. The girl she’d tried to use as her instrument of revenge was standing before her, stronger than any of them and set on her own revenge.

Bella leaned closer, still not looking away.

“I’m sorry you lost him. Eternity alone is unbearable.”

Bella’s empathy shocked Victoria. Her mouth fell open and her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at Bella.

“I understand and I’m sorry,” Bella continued, as she calmly reached out to settle her hands on either side of Victoria’s head. “But I don’t intend to face eternity without Edward for the same reason. And that’s why I have to do this. I understand your anger, and I’m not even mad that you did this to me. But even though you started me and I’m glad for that, I still have to end you.”

Victoria’s eyes went wide for just an instant and then Bella twisted and tore. She wrenched sideways and the eerie crack and tear filled the small, snowy clearing. It was horrifying and unreal. The surreal nature of it was all that allowed her to keep going, to keep twisting and tearing until it was done. Victoria’s head was clutched in her hands, and the body slumped in Edward’s unrelenting grip.

Bella staggered back, her gaze still locked with Victoria’s, vacant eyes in a homeless head.

Edward dropped her body and reached out to Bella, loosening her fingers from the tangled red hair.

“It’s okay, Bella. Just let her go. I have to finish it.”

She finally looked up at him. “Finish it?” She’d just beheaded the woman; she wasn’t sure how much more final it could be.

“She needs to be burned,” Edward said quietly, turning their terrorizer’s face away towards the woods. “It won’t be over until she is.”

“Oh.” Bella put her hand over her mouth, the horror of what she’d just done catching up to her. The crazed newborn rage ebbed away, leaving only her and the woman she’d ripped apart with her bare hands.

Edward could see the moment in her face. He reached out with one arm and pulled her into his chest, pressing his lips to her forehead. “It’s okay. You did so well.”

“But Edward, oh my God—“

“I know, but we had no choice.”

Bella nodded against his chest, understanding, but still in shock.

“Your wrist—“ Edward murmured.

Bella flexed it in front of them. There was a raised red line where it had torn away, but that was all. “It’s okay. It fixed itself. Isn’t that weird?”

Edward smiled and kissed her temple again. “That’s what we do. And that’s why I have to burn her.”

“Oh.” Bella finally understood what might happen if they didn’t. She inhaled sharply, smelling the air, heavy with the smell of their fight. Her hands were slick with whatever had come from Victoria’s head. It was on the ground, too, smelling heavy and sweet. She rubbed her palms down her thighs, knowing she’d feel that on her hands for a long time. Edward turned away, heading to the treeline to collect some small branches. Bella finally forced herself to move as well, going to the opposite side of the clearing to do the same.

In minutes, they’d built a small pile of branches over the headless body. The wood was damp, but it would burn well enough to get the job done.

“You don’t have to watch,” Edward said as he drew the lighter out of his pocket.

“I know. I want to,” Bella said, then swiftly corrected herself. “I need to.”

Edward nodded and turned to light the pyre. The wood smoked heavily, but once it shifted to purple and he knew the body had ignited, he tossed the head on top. The sweet smell turned acrid and sharp. Finally free of his grisly burden, he pulled Bella to him and wrapped both arms around her.

“It’s all over,” he whispered.

She nodded, holding onto his shirt and watching the flames lick the body, the smoke turning back to grey and then finally white. The one who made her, who‘d started this whole bitter journey, was gone. It was really just the two of them now. In spite of the grotesque scene she’d just been a part of, in spite of the horrible memories that she was sure would stay with her for a long time, Bella felt light. Hopeful. She was free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Indulge me in a tiny bit of self-pimpage. Recently I saw the musical Once on Broadway. It’s based on the movie of the same title and follows the same story. To say that I became obsessed would be an understatement. I wrote a little mini-fic about it called Once Again. If you’re interested, you can find it on my profile.


	22. Northern Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last full chapter. A short epilogue will follow soon. Thanks so much for reading!  
> The lovely Arfalcon betas.

“So off-roading really has no meaning to us, huh?” Bella asked as she threw a tree trunk as big as she was out of the path of the Jeep. “We make our own roads.”

She struck a pose, flexing her bicep and Edward laughed.

“A lot of things are much easier, yes. But things are harder, too. Like going to high school without killing your lab partner. Stuff like that.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Details, details. I’m feeling rather God-like at the moment. Quit killing my groove.”

He waved her back into the Jeep. “By all means, continue being drunk on your own power.”

“Alice is right. You’re such a grandpa.”

He pointed a finger at her. “That’s the last of the grandpa jokes, please. Since I’m old enough to be yours. Your great-grandpa, actually.”

Bella made a face and chuckled. “Don’t make it weird, Edward.”

“You started it.”

She leaned across the gear shift and kissed him right below the edge of his sideburn, a tiny patch of skin she’d recently become obsessed with. “You want me to finish it? I bet you’ll forget all about how old you are.”

Edward closed his eyes and groaned. She was impossible. Insanely desirable, irresistible and impossible. She’d been saying things like that, and doing things like that, and touching him, all the way across Canada. He was about to go out of his mind with wanting her. He turned his head and caught her mouth with his. She fell into him, pressing against his chest and throwing his lust back at him multiplied by ten.

“Bella,” he murmured against her lips.

She sighed and leaned back. “I know, I know. I promise I won’t break the Jeep again.”

Now it was his turn to laugh. “That’s what you said about the door, the gear shift, and the headrest. And let’s not forget the glove compartment. Emmett’s getting back an engine bolted to the chassis at this rate.”

She settled back in her seat and folded her arms tightly across her stomach, which Edward noticed only served to push her breasts further up. “Okay, fine. Hands to myself until we get back home.”

He smiled as she off-handedly called the lodge “home.” He suspected that in some ways, it would always be home for them. The first place they would be together as equals, unfettered. “It’s not much farther now,” he told her. And then to himself, “Thank God.”

*0*0*

 

Bella’s face lit up with a smile when she walked through the front door of the lodge just ahead of Edward.

“You like it here,” he said, not a question.

She nodded. “Lots of good memories.”

“Really?” His face creased in confusion. “But this is where you woke up. You had such a difficult time here.”

She reached out for his hand, pulling him closer to her side. “But there were good things, too. Like there.” She pointed to the open space in front of the fireplace. “That’s where you waltzed with me. And that’s where you read to me that night. Do you remember?”

“I remember every second I’ve spent with you since I met you.”

She smiled shyly, her eyes flicking away. “And the day you took me for the run, and then swimming. That was a great day.”

Edward’s eyes went dark, remembering other great things that happened that day. Bella wandered away to the record player on the side table.

She was such a curious juxtaposition at the moment. By nature, she was shy and reserved, and it showed every time he paid her a compliment or made a reference to the more intimate moments they’d shared. She’d all but stammer as she looked away. But her emotions were still so volatile that every time he so much as kissed her, she was climbing him, straddling him and grinding on him. For the first time since her change, he was actually grateful for her inflamed newborn emotions and ready to take full advantage of them.

“We should have brought back more records,” she mused. “I didn’t even think about it. At least we remembered to bring plenty of books.”

Edward stalked slowly towards her, eyes fixed on her back. If he had his way, books would be the last thing they’d need for quite a while. Emmett had teased him mercilessly for packing them in the first place. He knew that eventually they’d be glad for them, but not any time soon. Certainly not tonight.

He reached out and laid a hand on the small of her back, the narrow dip of her waist. He could remember eyeing that part of her a thousand times, imagining placing his hand there in just that way. For so long it had been forbidden. Now it was all his. _She_ was all his.

When his hand made contact with her, a tremor flickered through Bella’s entire body. It was so base and elemental. One touch and she was on fire for him, all sensation and need.

She twisted around to face him. Edward’s hand stayed on her, his arm wrapping around her as she turned. He raised his free hand, touching her jaw lightly. He was tied in knots with wanting her, but before he let go and the thing spiraled out of his control, he wanted to remind her of what had brought them here and what it meant to him.

“I love you.”

Her eyes were half-closed, watching his lips move. Her fingers came up to trace them, unable to resist touching him. “I love you, too, Edward. So much. More than I have words for.”

“So no more words, then,” he murmured, pushing her hand away and bending to press his mouth to hers. The control he’d carefully maintained the entire way across Canada—hell, since she’d first walked back into his life all those months ago—blew apart in an instant. He was a slave to his need for her. The kiss deepened immediately, open mouths, pressing tongues and teeth. His hands found her hips and pulled her in, fitting her against his body, letting every part of himself rub against her.

Bella groaned—almost growled—and wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers gripping tightly in his hair.

In seconds she was climbing him. He helped her up this time, encouraging her to wrap her thighs around his hips. She leveraged her body up against his, her breasts pressed against his chest. Edward kissed her chin, her jaw, her neck, anyplace he could reach, until she brought her mouth back to his and crushed him with her kiss.

He took a staggering step back, uncertain which way to go. He needed her horizontal, but there was nothing in the room that would suit—well, nothing that would survive the encounter. Instead, he turned to the side and planted her against the wall. Her back met the stone with a crack. In an instant, his hips found hers, grinding, thrusting. Bella moaned and then cried out, rocking against him.

The wall groaned and cracked under the pressure, stones sliding against each other with a low rasp. Stone dust floated to the ground around their feet. Edward let out a growl of frustration before lifting her away from the wall again and setting her feet on the floor.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” She was clutching at his arms, trying to keep him close to her.

Edward reached up to cradle her face in his hands, pressing his forehead to hers. “You know how I said I didn’t want it to be outside on the ground our first time?”

Bella nodded, eyes closed, too swamped with lust to be coherent. Her hands were still moving over his shoulders and down his sides, desperate to get hold of him and not let go.

“Sorry. I didn’t think it all the way through. If we stay in here we’re going to break the house.”

“Then take me outside. I don’t care. I just want you.”

He kissed her again, pulling her with him as he backed towards the door. It hardly mattered if they were inside or out, he realized, once they were there. Because when he was kissing her, when her fingers were ripping apart the front of his shirt and his hands were digging into her hips so hard that the seams of her jeans began to give way, nothing else existed in the world but the two of them.

He fell backwards with a crash, carrying her down with him, her body falling over his. Everything around them vibrated with the impact. Their mouths met again as their hands went wild. She tore at his shirt until it was gone, and then her fingers traced over every inch of his bare torso. Edward managed to be slightly gentler pulling Bella’s shirt from her body, but it still ended up a tattered rag.

Finally, blessedly, skin to skin, they rolled until she was on her back and he was hovering over her. Everything aligned so right and felt so good. Bella thought she’d lose her mind with the overwhelming sensation of it. His fingertips dancing over her ribcage were enough to reduce her to a writhing mess. She didn’t know how she’d bear his hands anywhere else. And the actual act might just set her on fire.

Then his hand slipped between them and he cupped her between her legs and she moaned, digging her fingers into his back. He moaned, too, as her fingers left indents there, but he tightened his hand on her anyway, until she was in a frenzy underneath him.

Her hands slid around his ribcage, gripping the front of his pants, dipping her fingers under the waistband. As the backs of her fingers brushed against his lower abdomen, he groaned, burying his face in her neck.

“Bella. I can’t—I want to—I’m trying—I promise I’ll spend forever going slow and doing it right, but I can’t—“

She arched up underneath him, grinding her heels into the back of his thighs. “I need you, Edward.”

He curled his fingers around the waistband of her jeans and with a tug, they were gone, shredding at the seams and falling away in pieces. He was usually so careful to hold his immense strength in check that a solitary glimpse of his power inflamed her. His hands raced over her body, pulling away what was left of her shirt and then her bra, while she pushed and kicked at his clothes.

In seconds, they were bare and pressed against each other. Their legs tangled as he found his place between her thighs. Her hands fisted in his hair, pulling him closer, willing him to become a part of her.

“I love you,” he murmured into her neck. “So much.”

Then he was pushing inside of her, rocking forward, as she let out a long, low moan.

The rightness…the feeling, the overwhelming ecstasy of their joining left him speechless and unable to move for a moment. She froze too, the intensity crushing even her frantic need.

“Edward—God.”

“I didn’t know—“

He moved inside her and her rampant desire flared up again. Every breath across skin, every nuance of touch, every whispered word and moan, impacted on her razor-sharp senses like tiny explosions. He felt every inch of her respond to him, and each brush of her skin on his was a revelation to him.

The build was urgent. Her hands groped at his back, his arms, his hair, and finally the ground when she needed something solid to hang onto. Their moans, hisses and growls filled the air, scaring away the birds in the trees. As she arched up underneath him, her hands beat on the ground, sending the small animals scurrying away in the underbrush. The violent storm of sensation began to peak, and Bella held on to Edward again, needing to feel him in her arms as she was shaken to pieces. When they both finally unraveled, their shouts echoed through the empty, snow-frosted valley.

Some endless time later, in the silent aftermath that followed, Edward raised a hand to touch her face, finally able to be tender now that the need had been momentarily met.

“I never knew. All these years, seeing everything in everyone’s heads around me and I had no idea what it could be like—what it could _feel_ like.”

Bella sighed, kissing his neck, his jaw, her favorite spot under his sideburn. “Me either. It’s so much _more_. I didn’t expect it to feel so different. So big.”

Edward braced her chin and held her face while he met her eyes. “It’s because it’s you. It was big for me, too.”

“But you’ve—“ She was about to say “you’ve done this before with another vampire,” but that would have brought up Tanya and she was the last thing Bella wanted him thinking about right then.

Edward shook his head. “At the risk of sounding ungentlemanly, it was never like this. Not even close.”

Bella smiled, small and smug. “This is officially my favorite part of being a vampire.”

Edward chuckled and kissed her hair. “Favorite, huh? You haven’t even fully experienced it yet.”

She laughed, running her fingertips up his spine and into his hair. It made him shiver. “I think I _experienced_ quite a bit, Edward.”

He shifted until his weight was over her again, his arms caging her face. “Remember how I told you we don’t get tired?”

She stilled as she felt him brush against her, hard and ready again. “Yeah?” Her voice was soft and breathy.

Edward’s eyes grew dark as he shifted, everything lining up. “I’m not tired, Bella.”

*0*0*

“Shoes feel funny,” Bella said, flexing her toes in the sneakers Alice had sent back with her.

“I know for a fact you wore shoes in Alaska,” Edward pointed out. “It hasn’t been _that_ long.”

She smiled wickedly at him from under the fall of her hair. “Yeah, but I’ve been pretty much clothing-free since we got back, and that includes shoes.”

Edward smiled and ducked his chin. It was true, they’d barely bothered dressing in the week they’d been back at the lodge. Even when he’d taken Bella hunting, she’d just thrown on his shirt and gone barefoot. Today they had plans to go for a longer run, so they’d unearthed jeans, shirts and even shoes.

“I know you wanted to go back to the lake, but maybe we should just stay here,” she said, sidling up to him and slipping her hands under his sweater and up his back.

“Stay in bed, you mean?”

Bella shrugged. “Seems like a perfectly reasonable idea to me.”

He chuckled and dipped his head to kiss the side of her neck. “If you come to the lake with me, we’ll find you a mountain lion. I know you must be tired of the deer.”

Bella closed her eyes and sighed. “That’s possibly the only thing appealing enough to get me out of a bed filled with you. All right, let’s go.”

The satellite phone in Edward’s pocket chose that moment to ring. Edward fished it out and checked the face. He smiled and turned it for Bella to see. “Carlisle”.

Bella kept smiling as she backed away, slowly unbuttoning her shirt as she went. Edward answered the phone stifling a laugh. “Hello, Carlisle.”

Bella crooked her finger in invitation, and Edward’s attention was only half on Carlisle as he pursued her towards the treeline.

“Edward, how are you two doing?” Bella’s soft chuckle carried faintly over the phone to Carlisle and he cleared his throat. “Ah. I see. Foolish question.”

Edward rolled his eyes and turned away from the alluring sight of Bella nearly removing her shirt. “Sorry. We got distracted.”

Carlisle laughed. “No apologies necessary. You sound happy.”

“I am. She is, too, I think.”

“I’m very glad for both of you.”

Edward cleared his throat. “And how is Riley?” He didn’t really want to know, but it seemed like the decent thing to do to ask after him.

“That’s what I was calling about, actually.”

Just the tone of Carlisle’s voice put Edward on alert. He turned instinctively towards Bella. She’d already buttoned back up and was watching him apprehensively.

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s gone,” Carlisle said after a pause.

“Gone? What do you mean, gone?” Edward closed the gap to Bella, reaching out for her with his free hand. She grabbed his arm, hanging on tight, her face filled with worry as she watched Edward talk to Carlisle.

“He left last night. He went out for a run and didn’t come back.”

“Do you think he’s on his way here? For Bella?” Edward honestly didn’t know what he’d do if that were the case. Everything in him bristled at the idea. Despite Riley’s prior claim on her, he was done with standing back and being fair. He’d fight Riley and anyone else who came along. His arm slid around her waist, pulling her tightly into his side.

“No, I don’t think so. He left a note. He said he just needed to try it on his own for a while.”

Edward exhaled, relieved, but still tense with adrenaline. “Do you think—“ Edward didn’t want to finish the sentence, because he didn’t want Bella to hear, but he should have known she’d be following his every thought. Her hands were fisting in his shirt hard enough to stress the seams.

Carlisle sighed. “I think he might. I know our choice was very difficult for him. And it’s been even harder since his slip a couple of weeks ago. He may want to try it.”

Bella could hear every word of Carlisle’s half of the conversation, and she clamped a hand over her mouth. Edward cursed softly under his breath. “Idiot,” he hissed.

“Edward, go easy on him. You know better than anyone how hard it is.”

 “I know. But he had all of you to help him.”

“And you had Esme and me. He may decide he can’t live with himself and come back to us. Either way, it’s not a choice we can force on him.”

“I know that. I just wish he’d been able to tough it out. For everyone’s sake.” Edward glanced down at Bella, but her eyes were on the ground.

“I do, too. And if he changes his mind, we’ll be here. We’re staying in Alaska for a while so he knows where to find us.”

“You’re staying there?”

“Everyone has been enjoying catching up now that things are less tense.”

“You mean since Bella and I left.”

“You know you both always have a place with this family.”

Edward smiled in spite of the grim news. “I know that. And thank you.”

They spent a few more minutes concluding the call and then Edward turned his full attention to Bella. She was still staring at the ground, saying nothing.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Edward prompted her quietly.

She shook her head. “It’s awful. I already felt so bad for him and now this.”

“Bella, I know you want to blame yourself entirely for what happened to him, but you didn’t do it. You didn’t even know what you were involved in until after the fact. And if anyone’s to blame for that, it’s me.”

“Don’t.”

“So _you_ don’t. Let’s agree that it all should have worked out differently for Riley and it hasn’t. Our family did everything they could to help him with this lifestyle and he still felt the need to try it another way. That’s his choice to make.”

“But all the people that he might kill. How will he live with himself?”

“Can I tell you a story about myself?”

Bella blinked at his sudden change of subject, but she nodded.

“When I was new to this life, I had a hard time, just like Riley. Carlisle showed me the right way. I _knew_ it was right. But I was…I don’t know… angry. At him. At fate. At God. At everything that led me to be what I am now. So I left. I wanted to do it my way.”

Bella’s eyes grew wide. “What did you do?” Her voice was edged with concern. Edward felt slightly sick at having to admit it to her, but she needed to hear it. It would help her understand Riley, but she also needed to know him. Fully.

Edward gave her a humorless little half-smile. “Exactly what you’re thinking. But see, I thought it was okay for me, because I had this.” He tapped his temple with his fingertips. “I’d only take the ones that deserved it. The real monsters of mankind.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad. I mean, if you were going to do it anyway. You probably saved some lives in the end.”

Edward shook his head. “Maybe. Who knows? _I_ didn’t. And that’s the point. I didn’t know. Yes, I could read someone’s mind, but I couldn’t know what that person would become in a year’s time, ten years’ time. Would they make different choices? Become a better person? There was no way to know and because of my actions, any chance for that was gone. So in the end, my gift was moot. I was still taking lives when it wasn’t my place to do so. And that was something I just couldn’t live with.”

“So you came home?”

“Yes. And Carlisle welcomed me back with open arms. Bella,” he paused and reached out for her, taking her by the shoulders and ducking down to look her in the eye. “He’s a decent person. He’s not entirely himself right now and you know that.”

She swallowed hard and nodded. “I know. I know how hard it is.”

“But it won’t always be that way. And once that part has passed, you have to have faith that he’ll do the right thing. He’s not a monster, is he?”

“No. We had our problems and he made his mistakes, but he’s not a bad person. He’s one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever known. Jesus, he’s a liberal!” She threw up her hands in frustration. “He gets outraged about capital punishment! How can he do this?”

“Because it’s not him. Not entirely. Believe in him. That good person will come back home one day.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”

He reached up to cup her face in his hands and she sighed.

“You still feel guilty, don’t you?” he pressed.

She nodded. “Do you remember the first time I smelled a human? The way you talked me through it? I was strong because I had you. He didn’t have me anymore.”

Edward closed his eyes and dropped his head. “I know. And I took you from him.”

Bella let out a huff of air. “Excuse me. You didn’t _take_ me. I came of my own free will.”

Edward smiled at her. “Of course you did.” Then his humor faded. “I won’t feel sorry about us, though, Bella. I can’t.”

“I won’t either. I just wish… I wish it didn’t turn out this way.”

“Me too,” he said, pulling her into his chest and tucking her head under his chin. “I wish that, too.”

 

*0*0*

“Please say we never have to leave here,” Bella murmured. They’d lost track of time again, but it hardly mattered. They were lying on the sofa, Bella’s head pillowed on Edward’s chest, her arm slung across his waist and her leg hooked over his. They’d lost their clothes at some point, either out in the woods or upstairs in the bedroom, but they didn’t notice or care. Edward had started a fire and wrapped a blanket around their tangled limbs, more in deference to Bella than out of need. He was nowhere near cold.

“We never have to leave here,” he said, pressing his lips against her hair. His low voice rumbled through his chest under her cheek, the timbre of it setting off a Pavlovian response in Bella. She arched like a cat, her arm pulling him closer and hiking herself half on top of him with her leg. “Although I promise you, eventually you’ll get bored.”

Bella shifted her hips until his thigh was pressing against her. She let out a little moan as Edward’s hands flexed, pulling her closer.

“I don’t think so,” she whispered. “I’ll never get bored of this.”

“Yeah, I won’t either. But we will have to leave at least once, just to get married. Although I suppose Carlisle could do it and he’d come here if we wanted.”

Bella stopped moving and raised her head to look at him. “What did you just say?”

“What, about getting married?”

“That was it.”

“What about it?”

“You want to?”

“Of course.” Edward finally looked slightly uncertain. “Don’t you?”

“Um…I guess I’ve just never thought about it. You surprised me.”

Edward winced. “I’ve handled this all wrong. I should have asked you properly, with a ring. We should have at least been wearing clothes. And I—”

Bella chuckled and put her fingertips on his lips to stop him. “No, Edward, stop. It’s not 1918. There’s no right way to do it. I just—no one’s ever wanted to marry me before.”

He smiled and reached up to cradle her head, brushing a strand of hair off her cheek. “Of course I want to marry you. Did you think that after three months of this, I’d tell you we should see other people or something? I love you and I want eternity with you, in every way. This is it for me, Bella.”

Her eyes softened and she smiled. He almost missed her humanity, since she looked like she’d be crying if she still could.  “For me, too,” she whispered. “This is it for me, too.”

He smiled back at her and for a moment, he just held her. “So we’ll get married, when you’re ready. But I promise, I’ll propose to you properly first.”

She shook her head. “You don’t have to. Now… this… was perfect. I don’t need all that stuff.”

He sighed. “But _I_ do. I’ve been waiting over a hundred years for this, and I’ll only propose once in my entire existence. I’d like to do it right.”

Then Bella could see how much it meant to him. With his beautiful, eternally youthful face it was easy to forget that he’d grown up in a time and place much different from hers. Fancy proposals, ceremonies and rings had never held much appeal for her, but they mattered to Edward, so she’d do it for him. “I’m honored to be your once.”

He chuckled. “Who else would it be?”

“You know what I mean. You’ve been alive a long time and you’ve known a lot of people. Sometimes I can’t believe that you picked me.”

Edward stared at her, stunned. “Picked you? Bella, I feel incredibly grateful to you for managing to overlook all the misery I’ve brought into your life and still give me this chance with you. You’re the one who picked. And most of the time I have no idea why.”

Bella scowled slightly, then pushed up on her elbows to look him more fully in the face. This conversation felt important. They’d slipped past teasing and romantic endearments and stumbled into Edward’s most deep-seated insecurities. When she spoke, she wanted to be sure he knew she meant every word. He stared into her face with his glowing gold eyes, looking even younger than his superficial seventeen years, so uncertain of himself, and of her.

“Edward, listen to me. Even if all of this hadn’t happened the way it did, I would have still chosen you.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head forcefully. “No, Bella, don’t say that. You don’t mean it.”

She grabbed his jaw to still him, to turn his face back to hers so she could look at him again. “I mean it. I love you. I loved you then. It wasn’t ideal and there were a lot of obstacles, but I would have chosen you.” She lifted his hand and pressed his palm to her chest, where her heartbeat used to live. “I would have chosen this, if it meant spending forever with you. That’s what I want.”

“No one would choose this,” he argued again, although with much less force. His fingers curled into her chest and his face was pained, as if he wanted to believe she loved him that much but was afraid to let himself.

“Maybe they would if they had you as an incentive.” She touched his lips, running two fingertips along the bottom one. “If they had this, no one would ever choose otherwise. _I_ wouldn’t. I couldn’t.”

“I wasn’t a good choice for you. I’m selfish and that hurt you.”

“None of that was your fault. You’re a good person. Why can’t you see that? Do you remember what you told me when Riley left? How can you see the goodness in him and not in yourself?”

“You lost your life because of me, Bella.”

She sighed in exasperation. “And then I found this new one. This new, amazing life with a man I love beyond all reason. You’re not a consolation prize for me, Edward. You’re all I ever wanted or ever could want. Yes, it was hard at first, but now I can’t imagine having lived my life as a human without ever knowing you. Never loving you. _That_ would have been the real tragedy.”

Edward looked up at her, every conflicted, tormented emotion etched on his face. Bella slid her hands up into his hair, holding his gaze, pressing her point home. “And now I have you, and not just for one life, for all of them.”

He gave her a small smile. “You’ve always seen the good in things.”

She smiled back. “Because it _is_ good. Still, I won’t lie. Even though I’m glad it happened, I wish it could have happened differently—that I had time to say goodbye to my parents, and to Angela. And I _really_ wish it hadn’t been Victoria.”

Edward scowled and his eyes shifted down. Victoria would forever be a reminder to him of the horror he’d brought into Bella’s life and she wished she knew how to exorcise it from his mind. But she couldn’t. All she could do was to tell him as often as it took that she loved him, and that he was her first and only choice, now and always.

She leaned forward to whisper in his ear. “I’m sorry it was her. I wish it had been you.”

Edward closed his eyes and groaned. Because as twisted as the desire was, as abominable as it made him for having it, he wanted that, too. The thought of being the one to have turned Bella, to have been the one to first sink his teeth into her, to steal away her life and send his own coursing through her body… he wanted it so badly that his body reacted to the want, which mortified him.

Bella wasn’t embarrassed by it, though. They’d been intimately involved enough at this point that she could recognize every tiny sign of his arousal… and the not-so-tiny one that was currently pressing into her thigh.

“It would have been an abomination to do that to you,” Edward protested weakly. Bella slid her hands down over his chest, feeling his body wake up and respond to hers.

“Not if I wanted it. And I did. Well, I would have if I’d known.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I knew you were different. I knew that choosing you would have been the end of the life I knew. And I still wanted you.”

He slid his palms up her arms until he was gripping her shoulders. Her hair fell around them, caging their faces in a tiny dark space.

“And now that I do know,” she went on, dipping her head so he could feel her words on his face. “I know I would have wanted you to do it. You wanted to be the one, too, didn’t you?”

His hands moved down her back, into the hollow of her waist, pulling her fully on top of him. “So wrong,” he murmured, still trying to convince himself of that.

Bella slid her leg over him, so that she straddled his hips and he was pressed against her center. “No, it’s not. Not if I wanted it, too. Tell me, Edward. Please.”

She rocked against him and the friction made him throw his head back. “Bella—“

“Tell me.”

She lifted up and let him slip into place. Slowly, she pushed down onto him. “I wanted to,” he gasped. “I wanted it to be me. My teeth, my venom. I wanted to make you mine.”

Bella felt triumphant, getting him to admit to a desire that he could barely stand to face. It felt important. She couldn’t bear it if he felt some lingering sense of guilt every time he looked at her for all of eternity. She was finally at peace with her fate. She _embraced_ it. Her life might be endless but it would be full of possibilities and soul-deep love. She felt nothing but joy at that prospect and she wanted the same for Edward. She wanted him to fully embrace their future together and every step that had brought them to this place. She was his and she wanted him to be fully hers—and, more importantly, she wanted him to be his own.

“I _am_ yours.” She curled her fingers into his chest and rocked against him. His hands dug into her hips, helping her move in just the right way.

“You’re mine,” he whispered in wonder.

“Yours.”

As Edward watched her move over him, her head thrown back and her dark hair swirling around her shoulders, he really felt it could be true. She might have wanted him, and chosen him and this life. For a hundred years, Edward had hated this life and what he was. But Bella had embraced both. Her happiness sent tiny fissures through his granite hatred. It wouldn’t shatter overnight, but for the first time in his long, immortal life, he felt hope that one day, it might.

Finally he could look at the limitless horizon of his future with something other than dread and loneliness. This woman had gifted him with her unconditional love and acceptance, the greatest gift he would ever know. For her sake, he’d strive to shed the guilt and self-loathing. She loved him and he loved her. What lived between them was bigger than any sad, withered little emotion he nurtured in his own lonely heart. He’d make their love the brightest star in his sky, and he’d navigate the rest of his endless life by its undying light.

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the epilogue. There’s a longer a/n at the end:

_While Ivankov insists the girls come to work for him willingly, the “handlers” he employs tell a very different story. The men would not go on record with their names or any other identifying information, but having spent three months undercover with them, I can confirm that the stories they shared are as true as they are terrifying. “Mikhail” tells of targeting teenage girls in Moscow nightclubs, drugging drinks, and packing the kidnapped girls in shipping containers with little food and water to be sent to “buyers” overseas…._

 

“Hey,” Edward said from the doorway. “What are you reading?”

Bella shifted her computer off her lap and turned the screen away, feeling mildly guilty that Edward had caught her reading Riley’s article. Then she told herself she had nothing to hide; she only wanted to see how he was doing.

“It’s Riley’s new piece for The ICIJ. It’s really good.”

“Is it?” Edward’s expression didn’t change, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes, an old uncertainty that still sprang up now and then. Bella smiled and reached out her hand, ready to banish it once again. If she did it enough times, eventually it would quit showing up. A trickle of water could shape the Grand Canyon, given enough time, and Bella had nothing but time to work on Edward.

“Yeah, come read. It’s the one about the Russian mafia and human trafficking. Do you remember me telling you about that one?”

“Oh, right,” Edward crossed the living room and settled next to her on the couch. Bella passed him the laptop. “He was going undercover, right?”

“It’s pretty brilliant, actually. He managed to get access to people that no one from the outside ever talks to. I swear, the places he goes are insane.”

Edward threw her a small smile. “You could stop sounding so impressed.”

Bella wrapped her hands around his arm and leaned into his side, kissing the edge of his jaw. “You know it’s not like that. Come on, this is good news. He’s doing great.  It’s weird, but I don’t think he’d have ever been able to do this kind of reporting as a human.”

Edward shrugged, still reading the article. “Makes it easier to face down blood-thirsty Russian thugs when you’re invincible. And perhaps more blood-thirsty than they are.”

“He hasn’t killed anybody in a long time,” Bella scolded gently.

Edward chuckled. “I know. It was a joke. One that I’m sure he wouldn’t find funny.”

“He’ll probably never laugh at your jokes, Edward, just on principal.”

Edward absently pressed a kiss to her forehead as he read. “No, I doubt he will. And that’s fine.”

Bella settled her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathing him in. No matter how much time she spent with him, his effect on her never diminished. Somehow she never felt quite whole unless he was at her side.

Not once had she doubted that she wanted to spend every moment of her eternity with Edward, but that didn’t mean she didn’t still think about Riley, and still feel guilty about his fate. The first year had been the hardest. When he left the Cullens, he vanished, and none of them heard a word from him. Alice got vague snatches of his future, just impressions of cities, faceless humans—dead bodies. Jasper worked from Alice’s wispy visions and narrowed down his whereabouts from newspaper reports. He’d become adept at noticing oddly-reported murders and could recognize them for what they were: vampire kills.

So while at times they’d had an idea of where he was, they let him be. Carlisle insisted that his choices were his own and tracking him down wouldn’t change his mind. For over a year they watched him from a distance and hoped for the best.

Knowing he was out there on his own, killing humans to survive, was especially hard for Bella to accept because his lost year was also the happiest she’d ever known. Riley’s fate was the only dark spot on a time that was otherwise pure bliss.

She and Edward spent almost six months at the lodge completely alone. They checked in with the family in Alaska once a week, but outside of that, no one bothered them and they shut themselves off from the world. Every day Bella found herself more in love with Edward than she had been the day before. Such happiness would have been inconceivable to her if she weren’t the one living it, loving him. The lodge and the woods and mountains surrounding it would forever remain her favorite place on the planet, and she and Edward now considered it “home.”

After six months, Alice decided they’d had enough alone time and she came to visit with Jasper. Once Alice realized that Bella and Edward had staked their claim on the lodge and would always keep a residence there, she began planning improvements. It took longer to accomplish because they were so far from civilization, but within a year, the lodge boasted internet access, an expanded master bath and a new library. The construction was accomplished in the same way the lodge had been originally built; they cut the rocks out of the surrounding mountains by hand.

That endeavor had actually ended up being fun for everyone. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rose all came to help. The project gave everyone something to focus on and the time together allowed the rest of the family to finally get to know Bella. By the end of that fall, Rosalie had stopped talking about Bella’s change as a terrible tragedy and Bella considered her almost—kind of—a friend. The Cullens and their love did a lot to make up for what Bella had lost in her human life. She’d always miss her parents and friends, but she was happy and loved in her new life, so she couldn’t feel all that sorry for herself. She kept tabs on her parents from a distance, reassured that they were moving on, despite losing her.

During their second year together, Edward and Bella began to work on her human tolerance, and by the end of it, she had no problems taking trips with Edward to the towns dotting the U.S. border. She and Alice even spent a weekend in Alberta without incident. There were plans to spend the upcoming summer at the family home in Rochester, and if that went well, then the Cullens would reunite in one house and Bella would finally go back to college with her new “family.” She knew she’d been more than ready for it for a long time, but she’d also been in no hurry to leave her secluded paradise with Edward.

A year after he’d left, Riley reached out to them. He called Bella first, from a hotel outside of Detroit. It had been a difficult conversation for both of them. He felt ashamed; she felt guilty. Riley confessed that he was sick of himself, sick of the animal without morals he’d become. Bella pleaded with him to go back to Alaska and try again. Riley couldn’t bear to face Carlisle, who’d been so kind and supportive, with so much literal blood on his hands.

In the end, it was Edward who convinced him. He took the phone from Bella and in one of the more uncomfortable conversations in history, he told Riley about his own early days and the way he’d been unconditionally welcomed back into the fold.

Riley went back to Alaska and re-committed to a vegetarian diet. It took time for the blood lust to leave him the second time, but it did. He began writing again. In a fit of boredom, he created a new online identity and started posting comments in all the old political and current event blogs he used to frequent. Soon his new internet pen name began to gain something of a reputation. He hopscotched across the internet from the safety of Alaska while he learned to control himself again. By the time he was offered his first freelance reporting gig, he was sufficiently strong enough to accept it. Six months ago he’d been hired on at The International Consortium of Investigative Journalists, an online network of reporters from all over the world. Immediately, Riley requested an overseas assignment and he’d been working steadily in the most dangerous parts of the Balkans and Eastern Europe ever since.

“This is really good,” Edward finally said.

“Mmm, I know, right?” Bella stirred on his shoulder, and then slipped her hands around his waist, snuggling in closer.

“Traditional journalists would never be able to do what he’s doing. Those smugglers he interviewed? He’s probably the only reporter to ever get that close to those guys. Well, to get close and live to tell about it anyway.”

“I know he’s got an unfair advantage, with the indestructability and the aura of terror he emits, but I’m glad to see him making something of this finally.”

Edward set the laptop on the table and shifted to put his arm around Bella. “I am, too.”

Bella chuckled.

“I am! I never wished him ill. I just wished him onto another planet once or twice. But you’re right; seeing him excelling in his career is good news.”

“And excelling at everything else, too, according to Alice,” Bella muttered.

Edward leaned back to look at her. “What do you mean?”

She rolled her eyes. “Seems she’s gotten glimpses of more than his business dealings.”

“Like what?”

“Edward! Don’t be dense. Sex. She’s seen him having sex. Lots of it, apparently.”

“With _who_?” Edward’s head swam with a mix of horror and prurient interest at the idea of Bella and Alice gossiping about other people’s sex lives.

“Every immortal female in Eastern Europe, says Alice.”

“ _What_?”

Bella laughed. “What’s so hard to get? He’s turned into some kind of a vampire lothario, or something. I guess he’s really _embracing_ his new reality.”

Edward paused for a moment, considering. “Does that bother you?”

“Me? No, of course not. It’s kind of funny, but it’s none of my business.”

“Wait,” Edward said after a moment. “Eastern Europe… has he—?” Tanya had been back in St. Petersburg for over a year now refurbishing an eighteenth- century villa she’d bought there.

“I have no idea,” Bella cut him off, holding up a hand. “I didn’t ask and I don’t want to know.”

Edward made a small grumble of distaste.

Bella shifted uncomfortably. “Would that bother _you_? If Tanya—?”

Edward’s eyes widened. “Not at all. Her life is her own. We’re friends. Like you and Riley.”

Bella scoffed. “I don’t know if he’d call us friends. But we’re friendly, and maybe that’s enough.”

Edward smiled at her. “I’m okay with that.”

“Hush,” Bella scolded him playfully, giving him a gentle shove. He laughed and sat back up, his hands seeking her out on instinct. She fit so perfectly in them, his fingers curled around her hips, his thumbs finding the little hollow behind her hipbones. Bella sighed and shifted closer. That was usually all it ever took—a look, a hand, a stray brush of a finger—and the connection between them sprang to life. Edward never could have imagined it, this vibrating intensity just from her presence at his side. Every hour, every day, for almost three years now and still growing stronger.

He dipped his head, kissing the side of her neck and lingering there to inhale the scent of her. It no longer brought him to his knees, but it still held him in its power nonetheless. She owned him, body and soul, and always would.

Bella moaned and her head fell forward. “Now?” she whispered.

Edward slid his hands down her thighs to her knees, pushing them apart to make room for himself.

“Mmm-hmm, now. Pretty soon we’ll be living with the family and the spontaneous sex in the living room is going to have to stop.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.” Edward began working her shirt up, exposing her stomach. She shivered when his knuckles brushed her cool, ivory skin.

“Yeah, that part isn’t so great. Neither is the noise thing.”

“I remember that part. Rose and Emmett stayed here, remember?”

“He’s an animal,” Edward groused. “He doesn’t even attempt to be subtle about it.”

Bella tipped her head back and laughed. Edward kissed her throat and nipped at the edge of her collarbone. “You think you’re going to do better, huh? You can get pretty loud, you know.”

Edward lifted his head from her chest and smiled at her, a crooked, joyful grin that always left her stunned. “Look who’s talking.” His hand slipped between her legs and she cried out.

“Guess we’ll have to practice this,” she said with a pant.

Edward pushed up until his face was over hers. “Let’s see how quiet we can be, shall we?” He silenced the next noise she made with his mouth.

*0*0*

Much later, they lay together on the couch, bare limbs tangled, Edward staring at the low-burning fire while Bella traced her fingertips over the planes and dips of his chest.

“Are you sure you want to go back to college?” he murmured with a teasing smile. “Staying here is sounding awfully good.”

“It’s not about college, Edward. That’s irrelevant.”

“So what’s it about?”

“Family. Your family.”

“Yours, too,” he corrected automatically.

“Yes, mine, too. But first they were yours. And you’ve been away a long time.”

“We’ve seen them several times,” he protested.

“I know, but it’s not the same.” She looked down, watching her hand settle low on his abdomen. “I love you so much and I know you so well. But they helped make you who you are. In a way, I don’t feel like I’ll really know all of you until we’re with them again.”

Edward ran his fingers up her arm and over her shoulder, marveling once again at this glorious girl who’d blasted into his existence like a meteor, blown it to bits and then put the pieces back together with sublime perfection. “You know me, Bella. You know every worthwhile part of me because you made them.”

She sighed and pressed a kiss to his chest. “So now I want to know the worthless parts of you. The part that cheats at Halo with Emmett—“

Edward made a choked sound of outrage.

“You know it’s true. Esme told me so.”

“Emmett just doesn’t play it right and blames that on me.”

Bella laughed. “Okay, okay. We’ll settle the Halo issue when we get to Rochester. The point is, it’s time to go home.”

Edward sobered and cupped her face—her precious, beautiful face—in his hand. “Yes, it is. But you know you will always be my home.”

She turned her face and kissed his palm. “I will. Always.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An explanation, because so many people asked: Dog Star is the common name for Sirius, the brightest star in the night sky. I just liked the imagery, no hidden meaning in it. 
> 
> Many, many thanks to Arfalcon for beta’ing this for me. I learn something from every story I write, but I learned so much from her. She’s an amazing editor, equal parts unforgiving critical eye and enthusiastic cheerleader. I owe her so much.
> 
> And my final thanks is to you readers. My life has been pretty busy this past year, so I couldn’t interact individually with all of you the way I could in the past. I’m still so grateful for every review and pm. There were times when a kind review was the only bright spot in my day. I’m so thankful to be a part of this lovely, supportive community. You all enrich my life.


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